For Firewhiskey Fics, no betas, autocorrect, or spell-checking are allowed!
Pairing(s)/Characters: Draco/Hermione; Harry/Ginny; Ron/Luna; Neville/OC
Challenge: June Bride
Summary: Post-War, four couples get hitched.
Rating/Warnings: NC-17, or near as damn it.
Word count: around 1500
A WINNER: Won the "FAVOURITE ENTRY" awards at the LJ June 2012 FirewhiskeyFic Fest.
Author's Notes: Um, this was really, very truly, the most ... freeform FWF I've ever done. Truly. Even more than... well. My first one.
I REPEAT: For Firewhiskey Fics, no betas, autocorrect, or spell-checking are allowed!
THE BRIDES OF JUNE ARE SMILING
It was threatening to be the biggest, most complex, chaotic June wedding o the wizarding world have had ever seen.
Ginny was marrying Harryt. (ho houm, said the Profit. we know all about his Oedipus Complex.)
Ron was marrying ... Luna Lovegood. (Oh ho, do tell! said the Profet - we thought it would be Ginger and Bushyhair to the end of time! Why Luna? inquiring minds want to know!)
Neville was marrying some Librarian chick no one had ever seen before, who seemed to worshipthe ground he waplekd walked on. She was short but cute, and had a huge brain, huge tits, and a huge arse. Neville seemed to love her deeply, and they were never not-touchiung each other. (Geez, gea t a room , you two, muttered the Prophet. No, wait! Don't do that, we wont be able to take pictures. Neville's turned out to be fucking hot, and who doesn't have Librarian fantasies? Creevey! more skin in the next batch of photos you take!)
AND the peace duh restistantce – Hermione Granger, Muggleborn witch (who is te smartest witch of her age as every fucking moronic horrible fanfiction writer tells us, over and over and over and fucking over again, and they dont even usually use the phrase correctly) is marrying DRACO MALFOY! Supier rich, super hot, has ghrown into his pointy features quite nicely, looks a lot like the Draco that Red Rahl draws in her Drarry art (example: Her comic piece called 'Pipe Dreams'; god damn it he's sexy, I woun dn'y t mind a pice of that arse myself.)
Ahem.
Thery are all marriying on the same day. Part of that s because they are all friends or at least friendly or at least tolerant of each other, and also because Narcissa Malfoy wants notbing but the best for her baby boy, and her boy being married at the same time as The Boy Who Fuckin g Lives Because of Narcissa's Willinginnes to Fiuck Over the Dark Loard will earn nothing but praise from her social serciles of vriends.
Friends as such as they may be.
Anywho, Malfoy Money is fundung the Quadroople Wedding, set for June 21, the beginning f Summer. Or perhaps June 20. hwatever. It is the first day of wummmer whenever it is. Fertlity Spells have been cast in abundance, seers have been comsulted, penises have been polished, vaginas have been inspected, all for health and baby-making reasons of course.
Interestingly, the only virgin in the grouop is Hermone. Hermione.
"Lawks, Herms," says Luna. "Havent had any luck getting your plump ripe cherry plucked from your tree?"
Hermione huffed, blushed, and set aside the stupid, insipid party favor she'd been making. (It consisted of tulle, candied almonds, and... shiny ribbon. For PEet's sake, she thouhtt, in the magical world I thought the favors might be differnet, but OH NO, they suck just as muich as they do in the Muiggle world. Why not make them magical little ponies that become your best friend? Or Lego figureines that dance and walk and talk for you? Nope – just shite-filled almonds. Whoppeidee doo.) ANyheway, she turned to Luina to make her reply.
"Look. I am a virgin. Luna, you and Ron may be having sex all over the place, every which wayt until Sunday, but Ron was never interested in fucking me. In fact, he admittted to me thaqt even kissing me was like kissing Ginny's reflection in the mirror and it made him want to hurl. Why the hgell would I want to lose my firbing virginlity to THAT sort of receptive audience, I aske you? Lunda,. you and your blonde puibes and your extgra=flexibl;e labia are exactly what Ron wants. That's good – it will help you overcome the shortfall of his lack of penis sicze. I am glad I'm still a virgin. When Draco and I findally consummate our love, oour marriage, it will be wondrful."
Hermione turned back to the godforsaken almonds and sent a little praiyer up to the heavens: "Please. please. PLEASE., let Draco care about female orgasms and virginity-despoiuling aldn all that shite. Please."
OPkay.
So.
Hermione, Luna. Ginny., and Librarian had a joint bridal shower. They were eack others maides and matrons of honro etc, and so forth, so of course they'd raided Fred and Georg'es shop – THE BACK ROOM, that is, - to see what sorts of toys were available to surprise and embarrass their female wedding mates. Sure enough, Luna was blushing over her give of a double-headed vibrating dildo, long enough to plug both her holes at once. Ginny was thrilled to receive a strap-on dildo, because she really couldnt' waqit to show Harry who was really the man of their relationship. Librarian recieved an enchanted deck of cards that miysteriaousl;y gave the players sexual games to play when a card was drawn, and the cards seemed to change over time. Super interseting for an intellectial, bodacious broad like Librarian.
AND, for Hermione, she recieved a huge bottle of Draco-scented lubricant. she doesn't know, to this day, how Fred and George were able to replicate the musky, husky, manly, masculine scent of her darling Ferret- er, Draco – but they had, and she wqas wetter than a towel hanging in the shower of hte Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders locker room. The wedding wasn't for two more weeks, so so masurbated nightly and fantasiced about Draco's dick. Which she hand't seen. she becamg began to worry that he might onot satisfuy her, and she expressed her worries to Librarian and GHinny and Luna,. all of whome laughted histerically and told her not to fret.
WEDDING DAY – JUNE 20 or 21
The weddings wen t off without miudh of a hitch. All of everoyne who mattered was there, so they held the wedding in the gardens of Malfoy Manor. Narcissa had filled Lucious up with drink just beforee, so he was nbice and mellow and content to grope the clarinet player, who claimed her name was River Tempestestours sometihnf or otrher. River, at any rate. Luc ious was just happy to know she was great with wind instruments, cuz he had a flute that needed a right good seeing to after this marraige thing was over.
Narcissa cracked her whip at the houseelves, making Hermion e cringe, (yet al;so making her wet with lust), and the wedfding prioceeded.
Neville and Librarian became husband and wife, and proceeded to snog each other senseless.
Ron and Luna exchanged vows, and then performed some elaborate kissing ritual that involved genetalia, for some reason.
Harry and Ginny kissed chastely, then Ginny guided Harry's hand to the front of her crotch (still robed) and his eyes popped. SHe'd apparently worn the strap-on for her wedding. How sweet. She and Harry beet a hasty retreat after thatm, and the last thing anyone eheard from them for a good while was "Mommy, please, I'll be good, give me hot plungies like you said you would!"
Hermione and Draco were the last to say their vows, and the heat between then was palpable as they exchanged the words of their undying love. Surprisingly, Hermione's vows were short and to the ppoint: "I promise to be the best companion I can be in life for you, Draco Malfoy." She smiled radiantlly. Draco, surpirsingly toungtuend right. start over.
Draco, surprisin gly tongutieed, wehtn on and on about how much he'd loved Hermione for years in secret, ever since he'd seen her petrifin ed by the Basilisk in second year and had copped a feel of her barely-there breasts of stone, how much he lpved her brains and her hair and her never-ceasing-to-move mouth. and how her boobs had grown and her arse had bloomed and how he coun'd wait to love her forever, just as he did now. It began to not make much sense,. so Hermione waved at the wizard in charge,. who proclaimed them man and wife, and she snogged Draco senseless right there on the red carpet.
She then dragged him out of the wedding tent up to the bedroom they would share, and she proceeded to strip them both out of their clothing. Regaining his senses, Draco took the lead, showing her how much her body could respond to his, and how big his dick was, and yet showed her how greatful she sould be because he made sure she orgasimed THREE TIMES before he popped her cherry with his big, curved dick.
Hermione really couldn't give a rat's arse about the finer details, because she was finally, FNALLY, getting what she'd dreamed of since she was thirteen years old: fucked good and proper by someone who knew what he was doing.
When that June night ended., there werwe four new married couples in the wizarding world, and as is the way in fanfiction, each ov those coup;les was now pregnant with at least one, if not two, perfect babies who wojuld be ha ndsome or beautufly and magically powerful. Ho hum, te end, la ti da.
Now, that July, when Fred and George did a handfasting with Angelina Johnson – THAT'S when the story really began ...