Searching For The Light
By ForlornLightDragon
Prologue
A/N~ Hello Everyone. I am a usual here on ; however, I have decided to change my account to distance myself from my past works a little bit. I believe that I have grown somewhat as a writer and I felt that this move was needed to solidify that for myself.
I had this idea pop into my head a while ago and I thought that I would see where it went. I have a map for it but I think I might disregard that a little and just see where the adventure takes me. I have recently been working on writing my own novel and that is taking up most of my time. However, I need a distraction from that sometimes so I will turn to this to get my variety. On that note, please don't expect a consistent update schedule. Between college, my book, life and this, my attention will be a little split. I will do what I can though. Also, I know the basics of this may not seem original but I promise that my own little twists will make it interesting.
Summary: Harry lost a lot when he fulfilled his destiny. While everyone is basking in the glow of the death of The Dark Lord, Harry is left as barely that of an empty shell, waiting for destiny to whisk him away. Through a series of completely unpredictable events, Harry is forced to leave behind the world that once held so much for him.
Chris doesn't really feel complete. He loves his family and actually rather enjoys life as a demon fighting witch. Despite having a slight inferiority complex when it came to his brother, everything was great in his life. It just didn't feel complete. When his fate collides with that of the broken hero, maybe he will find that thing that has been missing from his heart.
This fic will contain SLASH. That means relationships (sometimes of the sexual nature) between two men. Don't like it? Hit the back button of your browser then. The main pairing will be Harry/Chris with some mention of Harry/Cedric and Chris/OC. Also, there is going to be some angst here and there but I will try to go light on it. Oh, and the Ron and Ginny Bashing. Sorry, but I really can't stand those two.
Finally, I would like to mention something that is lending a lot of inspiration for this story. I am borrowing a lot of ideas and such from the Kingdom Hearts video game series. Nothing extensive, more like the overarching themes and such. If you've never heard of it, don't worry. You won't miss anything and some of this will be new to you. If you do, then you will probably be able to see these references right away. Just thought I would point it all out.
Legal: I do not own Harry Potter, Charmed or anything else that may be referenced in this story (except for a few original characters that I did create). I have never, nor will I ever, claim ownership of these things and I am not making a profit on this story.
Without any further ado, let the story begin!
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Anti-climactic was a good word for the moment. After years and years of fighting, everything had been brought to an end. After more suffering than any world should ever have to bear, it was over. Nobody came back to life. Nobody's wounds had healed. Nothing was really all that different. The only change was that the biggest threat was gone. They could now move on in a new direction. Justice had finally been served; to the fullest extent it could have been anyway. The dead would never have their justice though. Nor would all those who survived their friends and family. Yes, they had a peace of mind in one sense, and yet the woe would still continue through the years.
The final battle was actually very short. A burst of violence all at once that tore through the very plane in which they existed. Even those who had nothing to do with the fighting could feel the waves that spread throughout every inch of the world on a subconscious level at the very least. At that moment, each and every living thing was connected. For an instant, everyone stood as one; and in an instant, it was all over. The final blow had been dealt and the gears of war had stopped moving. The world was still for a moment. For that split moment between war and relief, the lines between good and evil were blurred. Nobody was fighting, nobody hated anyone, and nobody stood in the light or the darkness. The world was in a state of absolute nothing as everything was changed. For a moment, there was no pain, but only for a moment.
At the center of everything, was a boy, if he could really be called that. Here stood someone who experienced more than most grown adults did in their entire lifetime. The fate that befell him was one that shouldn't be wished upon anyone. This boy was certainly no boy anymore. The boy had grown, and become the man that everyone saw standing where a battlefield existed not moments ago. He was a hero now, just as he had been before. Only now, he was an empty hero. He had faced his fate and lived, something he had not anticipated. He was now standing before the world, with nothing to show them except the remains of the one who caused them so much pain. There was excitement in the air for them; there was nothing in the air for him.
Harry Potter had lived; once again surviving what should have been impossible to survive. The destiny of "The Chosen One" had been fulfilled and the world was saved…but where did that leave him? What becomes of a hero who has destroyed the threat he was sent to kill? Harry didn't really know what was going to happen next. What scared him the most however was that he didn't care. Nothing was significant. If this was the life that came with peace, maybe Harry didn't want it. Maybe war was better for him. He didn't know how to live any other way.
On that day, many people's lives became filled with more color and light than had ever been there before. For Harry, all color was drained, and there was no light, or darkness. He had nothing.
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Hermione Granger made her way through the streets of the small village, having to fight through a crowd that was out celebrating. It had been a week since the final battle, and barely a death eater was remaining outside bars. It was finally starting to sink in for people that the darkest times they had ever faced were starting to brighten. There were a lot of celebrations to be had. People who survived, people who were reunited, anything was worthy of celebrating. Underneath it all, many were still suffering, as they would for a great time to come. At least for now they could pretend and let things slide into a dark corner of the mind until the time was right.
As Hermione pushed forward, the crowds grew less and less as she moved further into the less inhabited part of the village. The land was splotched with a few houses here and there, giving each home a good sense of privacy. Many of them were old and held by very prominent families, passed down from generation to generation. The house that the young witch sought was the second furthest back, surrounded on all sides by trees. Truth be told, the house would probably be impossible to find if it weren't for the path that went right to it. However, that was probably the way that the current owner wanted it. It was easy to be forgotten if nobody if nobody could find you. It was just too much work for most people. Hermione was not one of those people.
"If he thinks he's going to keep me away by making this difficult he has another thing coming to him." She huffed as she trudged along. "It's fine if he wants to be a little far away from people, but does he need to make the walk so long? It would be nice to at least have been able to aparate a little closer to the house." She was annoyed but she knew that it didn't really matter. She would walk across rusty nails if she absolutely had to. She chuckled a little to herself at the thought.
When she finally made it to the house, she was a little taken aback. It was the second time that she had come to this place, and yet she still couldn't believe the sight that greeted the few visitors to this place. If you looked once, you might just notice the somewhat small cottage that sat in the center of the opening. However, this was very much a ruse; an attempt to make the place seem less magnificent. A longer gaze earned you a view of the ornate woodwork that framed the entire structure. There were sculptures in the wood that could rival that on the world's greatest cathedrals. There was an entire story built into the house, one that could hold all the secrets of the world.
The place was also bigger than one would originally notice. The rest of the house was connected to the cottage and blended in with its background. Given the trees, this space would be dark regardless of how hard the sun tried to peek in. The grander portion of the house would forever be camouflaged from those who weren't looking hard enough. It was truly a sight saved only for those who appreciated beauty enough to stop and look for it in anything they saw. A gift reserved only for the observant.
It was also an interesting match with the rest of the grand house looking very little like the beautiful cottage that stood at the forefront. It was made of a dark wood of an indeterminable color, as it always seemed to be shifting. There were many windows that sent a message of welcome but not really a warm welcome. It was more welcoming out of obligation than anything else. It was a start contrast, and yet, they went perfectly together. It was like a living representation of yin and yang.
Hermione made her way towards the home with confidence in the face of this intimidating place. If she didn't actually know the person who owned the place, she couldn't see herself able to make the trek to the front door. There was a knocker at the center of the door, but it was magically rigged to set off a series of chimes throughout the house. She heard these chimes, both beautiful and frightening, and waited for the door to be opened for her. The wait was actually somewhat long, but she never said anything. There wasn't much to say when the door opened to reveal the one she had come all this way to see. In a way, she almost didn't recognize him, even though she had been there days before. A lot had been changing quickly with him, and she was having trouble keeping up. Still, she looked at him with a strong smile as she always had before. There was a small period of silence before either of them was able to speak. Hermione was the first to penetrate the moment.
"Hey. How are you doing? I hope you remembered that I was coming over today." It was a pathetic excuse for small talk, but sometimes it was needed to get the juices of conversation going. It worked to at least brake her reluctant host's daze. He spoke with an empty voice that caused a small falter in Hermione's smile.
"I remembered. I was still sort of hoping that you would have changed your mind though to tell the truth." He pushed himself away from the door as if he would not have been able to move without the sudden burst of momentum. "I don't really have anything else to say on the matter. You should know how I feel. You can come in by the way." Hermione had yet to cross the threshold, and was only made aware of this fact when it had been mentioned. She quickly moved inside, closing the door behind her.
"That's not the only reason I'm here. Believe it or not I actually like spending time with you. Not to mention the fact that I miss you." She said as she made to follow the man into the den that sat adjacent to the entrance of the house. He was already seated in a large armchair by the unlit fireplace. She moved to take her seat at the opposite chair before a sound of discontent came from the direction of her friend. She was instantly repentant, remembering that this place was not meant for her. "I'm sorry Harry. I forgot for a second. I didn't mean to…"
"It's alright Hermione." Harry said, with the first hint of emotion that Hermione had heard since she had arrived. "But, please…if you don't mind?" He said as he motioned to a smaller, less luxurious seat that was closer to the fireplace, yet still in a good position for conversation. Hermione was glad to take any seat after avoiding what could have been a major meltdown on her best friends part.
"Of course. I really am sorry Harry." She instantly moved to the indicated seat that was obviously placed there just for her, letting Harry relax again into his mood of indifference. Hermione was already kicking herself and thinking that she really needed to work hard if she wanted to salvage this visit. "I'm really glad that you agreed to let me come back Harry. I meant what I said before; I do miss you. It's actually a little lonely without you around." She said this with great sincerity, something that was not lost on Harry.
"I know you meant it Hermione. I miss you too, but…" He had trouble finding the words to complete his statement, leaving him wondering if there really was a "but".
"Look Harry, when I suggested it before, I was only thinking of you. I really do believe that if you would…"
"No, I already told you that…"
"Would you shut up and let me finish?" Harry was taken aback a little by the snipe, but signaled her to go on nonetheless, barely showing how phased he was on the outside. "As I was saying, I do still believe that you would benefit a great deal if you would listen to me. However, I understand why you won't, so I'm not going to push it." She looked at him, determination in her eyes. She would make him understand regardless of what it took. Harry planned his next words carefully, wondering how their situation had flipped so swiftly. No matter how cold he was acting, he still didn't want to be cruel to his best friend.
"Hermione, if you know this, then I have to ask you: why are you here?" He spoke each word carefully, wanting to ensure he got across what he meant to the brunette. The look in her eyes told him that she knew this was coming, and didn't know how things were going to turn out.
"Harry, I want to stress something, because I don't think you know this. I am worried about you. I think you need help and I don't want you living here by yourself. That is how I feel…but those aren't my reasons for asking you to come move in with me." Harry was ready to interject until he had heard the last part. He gave her a look that told her that he was indeed listening. "Harry, it's only been a week since you defeated Voldemort, and already things are going down hill. People are celebrating and acting like they're happy, but we both know that they aren't. The Ministry has all these plans to better our world, and you and I both know that once all the hype calms down, they will all go back to their crooked, corrupt ways" She had gotten up and began pacing at that point, frustrated by her own words. Harry sat there, never saying a word, but silently agreeing with everything that she was saying.
"What I'm trying to say is, Voldemort wasn't the cause of all the problems in the wizarding world; he was just the result of those problems. People weren't made crazy because he was running around. The minister didn't just try and cover everything up because of the power Voldemort had, he would have done that anyway. This," She said as she grabbed Harry's hand, where the foul phrase "I will not tell lies" was still faintly visible on his hand. "Wasn't just because Voldemort was a madman. She was a complete loon in her own right." Hermione was very animated at this point, not able to keep her emotions under check any longer. Harry still sat there, unmoving, and expressionless. No one could tell the battle that was going on inside his mind
"Why are you telling me all of this? Why are you telling me all of the things I already know, and have known for quite some time now?" His voice was still the same tone it had been the entire time, yet Hermione could swear she heard a hint of concern in there somewhere.
"I'm telling you this because…I'm afraid. I am so afraid of where things are going. I don't know what's real anymore. I just…don't know. I think that's what scares me most of all." Harry truly did feel bad for her, knowing that for her, knowledge was source of her greatness and without it, she felt naked and exposed.
"Hermione, I want you to ask what it is you came here to ask. What do you want me to do?"
"Harry, I don't want anything from you. What I want is the same thing that I wanted this whole time. I want us to live together. Only, if you won't come to me, then I want to come to you." It was the calmest she had been all night. Now that she had said it, it seemed as though that really was least of her worries. Harry sat for a long moment without speaking.
"Why, out of all people, would you want to come here and live with crazy old me? You can't possibly think I'm very sane given that I chose to live here, of all places." The end of his statement was very weak, as if it was painful for him to think of what the house actually meant to him. "Hermione, I love you, I do. You're like the sister I never had. You're my family, my best friend, all of those things and more. Do you think I want someone that means so much to me, to see me like this?"
Hermione had felt a small feeling of pride when Harry said she was like his sister. It was truly an honor to be considered that. Her convictions were stronger now than ever. "Harry, I don't think I'm very sane at the moment either. The truth is, I don't know what I want to do with my life anymore. I don't like I'm very welcome in our world. I don't even know if I want anything to do with magic as it is. I just need to spend some time away from it all, but I don't want to do it alone. I think you and I are on the same page here, so why not stick together?" She was making a lot of sense to Harry, if he was being honest with himself. Hermione was sure he was going to crack any minute. She wasn't expecting it when he suddenly shot up and walked forward to the fireplace. He stood there, string into the nonexistent flame, thinking how best to word what he knew he couldn't keep from the young witch any longer.
"Hermione, I would love to welcome you here with open arms, but I can't. You don't understand what happened to me. I'm not the same Harry you knew Hermione. I'm broken; barely even a shell of who you knew." Hermione was standing behind him now, wishing he would turn around and face her. She refused to believe what he was saying.
"You are not broken! Harry, you went through a war. It changes people. I understand that and I wouldn't expect everything to be perfect and cheery, but…"
"You don't get it. I'm not just shell-shocked here. I actually am broken." He turned around to look at her. " I can't feel anything anymore Hermione. I can't feel happy, I can't feel sadness, and I can't even feel pain." Harry said this with his face just as set as ever. In a way, it was solidifying what he was telling her. "Hermione, the things I had to do to defeat Voldemort, they were hard. So hard, that "hard" doesn't even begin to describe it. No words could express what needed to be done. All I can tell you is that when the final blasts were fired, I lost something important. I can't get it back Hermione, and I don't know if I can function without it."
The air was thick with emotion, none of which could be felt by Harry. Not once during his speech did his voice change. There was no passion of any capacity in him at all. It was all he could do just to speak in a tone that didn't sound disinterested. Hermione was finding it hard to speak after hearing something so powerful.
"So, you can't feel anything? Nothing at all?" She asked warily, treading the waters at this point.
"Nothing." Harry shook his head. "I can remember what things feel like, and sometimes that ghosts itself into some messed up form of emotion, but that's all it is. Nothing more than a ghost of a memory." The silence that followed was deafening. Harry wished that he didn't have to cause his friend so much pain, but at least now she knew why he had chosen to seclude himself like this. The world was so full of all kinds of emotions. It's hard to be a part of it when you can't feel like everyone else.
Hermione got up and made to get her things. Harry wasn't surprised to see her leaving. What did surprise him was what she had said. "So when can I move in?"
"What? Hermione, were you even listening?"
"Save it Harry." Over her shock, she was back to her determined old self. "I am more sure now than I was before. You need me and I need you. I'm not taking no for an answer. So, when can I move in?" Harry thought about arguing, but knew he couldn't. How can you argue with someone when you can't even get mad at them?
"As soon as you're ready I suppose." He said with a sigh of defeat. Hermione did a little jump of triumph when he wasn't looking, then composed herself before he was seated in his chair again facing her.
"I'll be in by the end of the week. Thank you Harry." She went over to give him a hug before she left the room and made her way back to town, humming a cheery tune the entire way.
Harry was left alone again with nothing but his thoughts. He knew that he should be happy that Hermione would be joining him, so he wouldn't say anything about it. He just let himself drift back into his own empty world. Nothing really mattered anymore anyway. Before letting his mind wander completely, he looked over at the chair that had remained unoccupied. His mind told him that he was supposed to be sad at that moment, but he couldn't be. Just before he drifted off into another dreamless sleep, he looked in the direction of the chair and whispered to himself "I hope you don't mind."
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Thanks for reading! The Halliwels will be introduced in the next chapter. I'm going to try and move some things along but once I get to a certain point, I really want to take things slow. Please review.