Cuddy walked back from the emergency site to her car. She couldn't believe what happened today. She remembered the look on House's face as he got into the ambulance. That shattered look in his eyes, pain that she never got to see. She was so immersed in her thoughts; she walked right past her car. Turning to walk back she remembered the look of pain as she told him that there had never been an "us: and there never would be. That she didn't love him.

Cuddy shook her raven hair out of its elastic, feeling the little bits of gravel and concrete hit her arms and legs. She swept the hard little stones off herself, onto the gray floor mats. She could feel a bit of stone working its way down her back, leaving a long scratch. Reaching down her shirt she remembered the deep cut in House's shoulder, the crashing ceiling that had caused it. The fear she felt before she knew he was okay. That wasn't just friend fear, employee fear, or even oh-my-god-my-best-doctor fear. It was more. I can't think about this she thought as she forced the thoughts of House out of her head. I'm in a relationship, I'm engaged. I have Lucas. She had to keep reminding herself as she turned into the new street and the new driveway.

Thoughts of House still rushing through her head, she opened the new door, to the new house and saw her new fiancé her daughter on the couch, watching TV. She slid her coat off, trying not to disturb the scene in front of her. Shaking her scrubs off, she wove her way between the boxes and into the living room. A smile crept onto her lips, but morphed into a grimace this was her happy ending, she had this everything. Lucas was everything she wanted, everything she needed. But… it wasn't perfect. She couldn't get house out of her head. She was engaged, she was happy, she shouldn't be thinking of the jerk that she had told she didn't love.

I was lying.

The realization crept over her slowly, taking its time to get to her brain.

I was lying. I do love house. She didn't want to. She didn't mean to she just… did. She sat on the couch next to Rachel, trying to calm her thoughts. Rubbing the little girls toes, she smiled. I'm just freaked out, she told herself, emotional experience, House almost dying… that would mess with anyone.

"Mama, what wrong?" Rachel pulled her head up from the couch, looking into Cuddy's eyes with a confused expression.

"Nothing baby. Just a hard day at work." Cuddy felt bad lying to Rachel, but she didn't know what to say. I mean, you can't just tell a four year old "sorry hun, I don't love Lucas anymore I'm in love with house but I don't know what to do." With out consequences. Rachel dropped the subject, going back into what ever was on TV.

I can't love him. It would never work. Cuddy could almost see the future, the fights and the inevitable heartbreak. She would try to change him, and shed fail. He was House who he was worked for him. But, at the same time there was definitely something between them, and she couldn't ignore it.

She also couldn't ignore he voice in the back of her head, sounding too much like House.

" Sure you've got the life you've always wanted. Go live in your Mcmansion with your McHusband in your perfectly boring McLife. You aren't made for cookie cutter Cuddy!"

She couldn't help feeling, well, bored with this. Lucas was perfect, everything she'd dreamed of since she was a little girl. But she craved what she had with House. She needed that energy, that came from being with him.

Cuddy glanced away from the TV and looked at the clock. It was late and Rachel should be in bed. Standing up from the couch, she scooped her daughter up. " I'm gonna put Rachel to bed.' She smiled to her fiancé.

'Do you wan me to help?" Lucas asked in his, as always, polite way. Cuddy couldn't help feeling a wave of nausea. Her she was thinking about breaking off their engagement, and he had to be so nice.

'No it's alright, I've got her." Cuddy quipped, fighting the urge to scream.

She walked quietly toward the bathroom, little Rachel on her hip. Setting the little girl on the counter, she brushed her hair out of her face, she gently rubbed off a days worth of grime. Rachel smiled as Cuddy pinched her nose." Mommy!" she squealed, wriggling on the counter, Cuddy laughed as she brushed her daughters hair.

After getting Rachel ready for bed, she carried her into her room. Quietly shutting the door the thoughts of House rushed back in. This life was beginning to feel like a bad rerun, the same thing over and over. She wanted something with variety. Just when you have everything, you realize how little that really is. And then she knew. She just… KNEW.