WARNING: ANGST. TOTALLY ANGST. Pillows of angst.
Disclaimer: Adam Horowitz and Eddy Kitsis own OUAT. Zella Day owns the lyrics from Compass. Not making any profit from her song.
If we make it out alive, from the depths of the sea
Emma won't let him say I love you too often. He'd murmur it when they both lay in bed, sated. He'd whisper it when she managed to say it herself. But he's not allowed to say it to her as much as he'd like.
Sometimes Killian thinks they're too submerged in the heartache and anger of their past loves. Even him saying I love you reminds her too much. The ocean of grief is deep and wide, and sometimes when you're drowning in the sorrow it seems to stretch in all directions. He, (for the most part,) has found his lifeline.
(His Saviour.)
He's grasped on and pulled himself out of 'the Sea of Misery', and 'The Island of Revenge' is far behind him.
He's suffered heartbreak. He is over Milah, yet the loss of her hangs like a storm over his head.
But Killian knows she's been hurt in the past as well, and that her walls are still up.
(The foundation of them is still standing.)
The waves of love from Snow, Charming, Henry, and him have crashed against her stone walls, knocking down most it.
So when the two of them manage to make it out from the depths of the sea, he'll make sure to say I love you every chance he gets.
Compass points you home. Compass points you anywhere, closer to me
He's a pirate captain. A compass is one of the many tools he has had to use. Whether navigating the seas, of wandering through Neverland, it's been helpful.
(Though now that he thinks about it, it was pretty useless in Neverland.)
It points him North, and he always manages to make it home, wherever home was at the time.
Home. It basically pointed him home.
And right now his compass needle is fixated on Emma Swan.
Where you are, I will be
Miles high, in the deep.
Where you are, I will be
Anywhere, in between.
Emma can barely remember when and why she had wanted to get away from Killian. Because her feelings for him were too strong or she was getting a weird feeling low in her belly from being around him too long? She doesn't remember.
So when she can't find him one day, she panics a bit. But she shakes off the feeling. She's managed 28 years, (twice?) without him, and he's gone 300 without her. She goes through her day normally, her thoughts only going to him once or twice.
Come nighttime though, he hasn't found his way into their bed. Emma lays awake at night worrying. Her eyes drift to the calendar and she sees the date.
She finds him at Granny's, drinking a hot chocolate, (He's admitted to liking it ever since he kissed her after she drank hers, and the taste of chocolate had lingered.)
"Why didn't you tell me it was today?" Emma asked quietly.
"I didn't want to bother you." He looked into the mug as if it held the answers to life. "I didn't know if you'd want to be with me today, seeing as I'm mourning over the death of another woman."
"I wouldn't care if you were mourning over the death of a goldfish. Wherever you are, I'll be."
Take me to the garden of your ecstasy.
Make myself a heaven from your falling leaves.
Loving in the fabric of your tapestry.
Cover me in honeysuckle memories.
She moans softly as his teeth nips at a pulse point. He smirks, she can feel it against her skin. His fingers dance, she feels as if sparks fly wherever they touch.
Emma puts her arms around his neck, fingers tousling his hair and tugging lightly. Killian brings his lips back to hers and pulls at her lower lip with his teeth. His hands support her thighs as she wraps her legs around his waist, and he pushes her up against the wall.
They fall over the edge together.
I will take the pieces, put them back together even when the grass isn't green enough.
Taking all the badges, build ourselves a mansion.
Killian can barely remember when he had first wanted to be with Emma. His feelings for her were strong and being around her for long periods of time tended to strengthen them.
So when he can't find her one day, he traipses off to look for her. To bug her, or snog her he doesn't know anymore.
Come nighttime though he hasn't found her yet, until he happens to look into the windows of The Rabbit Hole.
Her shimmery hair catches his eye first, then the glasses lined up next to her do.
He's in the bar and by her side before the door closes behind him.
"Emma? Emma, lass." He shakes her shoulder slightly when she barely turns to him.
"Oh, hey." She hiccups. "Sorry you had to find me in my drunken state." She giggles slightly, but he can see her eyes shine with unshed tears.
"Love, you're not drunk."
"Just tipsy then." She sways slightly.
"This is about Neal, isn't it." It isn't even a question, he knows her.
"Yeah. Today last year." She throws some money on the counter and lets Killian lead her back home.
"I'm completely over Neal and what he did. I just feel..." She trails off.
"The loss."
"I just needed closure. I've gotten it." He can see her resolve, she's dragged herself up from the ocean of grief. Finally.
They'll pick up the pieces and build something permanent tomorrow.
Love you in the way that you need the love.
They've both made it out from the depths of the sea. So Killian makes a point of saying I love you as much as he can.
As of right now, he's saying it.
"I love you."
But this time, Emma can hear something...different in his tone.
"I know." She continues typing on her computer; as Sheriff she has a ton of paperwork to do.
"Swan, love." She turns to him, questioningly.
Then two minutes later she's crying and laughing, wrapped in Killian's embrace.
"Yes, of course."
Compass points you home.
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