Priceless
Story Title: Priceless
Story Summary: House makes his own MasterCard commercial. Established Camteen/Cadley.
Genre: Humor/Parody
Chapter Focus: #647 of 1000 Theme Challenge, "Priceless"
Chapter Rating: T
Word Count: 440+
Spoilers: just who one of the ducklings is
Author's Starting Notes: I saw this theme and thought of MasterCard instantly. It seemed like House was made for this one, so, I knew he played a major role. The Cameron/Thirteen angle came a bit later. So, enjoy this dialogue oneshot starring House and Thirteen.
And, check out my other themed work.
Time Stamp: Posted 26th of January 2009
(#647)
"House, what the hell was that?"
"Ahh, Thirteen, how has your day been?"
"You mean before or after you ruined my alone time?"
"It's not alone time if someone else is there."
"It is when it's supposed to be private!"
"There's no such thing as privacy in Jersey, Thirteen. I thought you had figured that out by now."
"Why would you do that?"
"Allow me to share my secret to pranking goodness."
"I don't want you to share anything! I just want you to stay the hell away from my apartment and my girl-um…."
"Your girlfriend? So you gals are exclusive?"
"No."
"That was too quick of an answer. You are, aren't you? I figured as much. You had the lights on."
"I've had the lights on with every person I've slept with."
"Not the one I caught you with last month."
"Do you want me or something?"
"What is it with you brunettes and thinking I want you if I ruin your sex lives?"
"Cameron?"
"Cuddy."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Wow."
"I know. I thought the same thing."
"No, I meant 'wow, you're really stupid'."
"How so?"
"Cuddy is dying for you."
"I know that."
"Then why aren't you after her?"
"I gots my brain. I don't need anything else."
"Not human contact?"
"I've got Vicodin-induced hallucinations for that."
"And your hookers."
"Nope, Bambi and Shelby retired."
"They were old enough to retire?"
"No. They had to go to graduation though, so..."
"Very funny, House."
"Who said I was joking?"
"…"
"…"
"Awkward. Look, House, do you think you could just forget what you saw?"
"No. Never. It was awesome."
"Do you think you could not mention what you saw in front of Cuddy?"
"I wouldn't bet on it, but maybe, for the right leverage."
"I'm not sleeping with you."
"-"
"Neither is she."
"-"
"No three-way."
"-"
"And, no, you can't watch."
"…"
"Are you seriously sulking?"
"I don't know why, I have the footage."
"You were recording!"
"Sort of. I was more documenting for the perfect moment to surprise you."
"Perv!"
"I admit to that."
"You're a sleazy, old pervert."
"And you're a sexy, young doctor, who enjoys having sex with other sexy, young doctors."
"…"
"Hey, if you're going to walk away, at least let me take the elevator."
"Fine."
"Private investigator to copy your keys, $587. Buying off the doorman, $200. Finding web-cameras that you wouldn't notice sitting in your place, $624. Monitor cords to connect the cams to your TV, $986 and forty-two cents. The look on Cameron's face when my face popped up in the middle of sex? Priceless!"
"House."
"And for everything else there's Cuddy's ass."
© Everything written above belongs to me (FF user, Paint Me a Symphony). If somebody is out there pushing this as their own, they are lying. I may not own House M.D, or its characters, but I do own this.