Excerpt from the Superhero Handbook...

To join the Guild of Superheroes is the crowning achievement of every superhero's life, and the driving ambition of every junior hero, justice seeking civilian, and masked vigilante. But before being accepted into the Guild of Superheroes, every aspiring hero must pass the following requirements, so as to ensure that only the best and strongest heroes are the ones out there facing the threats too big for a single hero. They must...

1. -have a back-story.

2. -have a costume with special properties.

3. –Pick a name for themselves.

4. -have a comic book dedicated to you.

5. -acquire an arch nemesis.

6. -get a movie deal (bonus props for an origin movie).

7. -get a videogame deal.

8. -defeat a super villain.

9. And -pass the written test.

These requirements were set in place by the founders of the Guild, and are there to ensure the continued purity and strength of the Guild. Any hero who fails on any of these statutes will not be allowed to enter the Guild and stripped of their hero status, for both the Guild's continued integrity and the failing hero's safety. Only the best can be heroes, after all.

And from here we'd begin the harrowing tale of two intrepid heroes and their many battles against the forces of evil; unfortunately those particular intrepid heroes were busy. So we'll just tell you the story of these losers instead.

"SELLOUT!"

Leo flinched and wriggled a finger in his ringing grey ear as Aeris screamed at the storefront about a hundred feet ahead of them. Between the two cats and the store was a barely defined line of eager gamers waiting for the store to open so they could be the first to buy the newly released "Pantsman" game. The gamers were so excited and milling about so impatiently in fact that it would probably be better to call them a mob; Leo wrinkled his nose reflexively at the smell of the horde; a smelly mob.

Dragged unwillingly from the blissful trance-like state of playing on his DS, Leo sighed and flipped it shut. Stuffing it into the pocket of his blue jeans, alongside a PSP, a Gameboy, and about a dozen game , he turned to regard Aeris wryly. They were here to buy "Pantsman: Rise of the Zombie Briefs" just like everyone else. The pink feline harrumphed agitatedly and crossed her arms over her chest when no one responded to her shout, "Stupid Pantsman. God-damned superheroes." She grumbled angrily, "In my day superheroes had dignity... most of them."

"In your day?" Leo repeated incredulously, "Aeris, we're barely old enough to drink. You're not allowed to say in my day for at least twenty years yet."

Aeris glared at the smiling tabby, "When I was a kid then..." she amended.

"You are acting kind of childishly." Leo mused with a smile.

Aeris snarled, balling her fists, "Whatever! It's just disgusting. Look at that!" She waved a paw vaguely at a twenty foot tall billboard depicting Pantsman advertising some brand of toothpaste or other, "What self respecting superhero advertises! The movies and games I get, but TOOTHPASTE!"

"Uh, Aeris?" Leo slid up next to his friend, putting his head beside hers, and swept a paw across their field of vision, encompassing the whole skyline, "They all do that." Dozens of billboards almost exactly like the one depicting Pantsman were scattered across the city, on the tops of buildings and suspended above intersections, in the middle of parks and on the sides of skyscrapers. Here Ironman was endorsing a new lunchbox from Stark Technologies with a built in reactor, there the Green Lantern was advertising his new line of cheap, plastic masks mimicking his, even Spiderman was about, supporting different pizzerias. "All of them superheroes, all of them sellouts. Well, maybe not Ironman, since he owns the company technically."

Shockingly, Leo's demonstration did not make Aeris feel better. In an even worse mood than before, she hunched her shoulders and lashed her tail irately, glaring dangerously at anyone who met her gaze and gaining her and Leo a sudden bubble of space around them as other people waiting in the mob/line backed away cautiously.

Half an hour later the store opened, and three minutes after that every last copy of "Pantsman: RotZB" had been sold, stolen, or otherwise removed from the premises. Leo and Aeris, being cats and naturally nimble, had been in and out with their copy before the first punches flew (Excluding the punches always delivered by Aeris when she had to interact with people), receiving minimal injury. Leo had been trampled at least twice in the frenzy and Aeris had bruised her knuckles when she missed some guy's face and hit the wall instead, giving the wall a nasty crack, but other than that, they arrived back at Leo's house unscathed.

Planting themselves on the couch, Leo put in the game while Aeris brushed potato chip crumbs off her side of the couch. They started the game and soon Aeris' mood had improved, somewhat. What had once been directionless anger at all Superheroes, was now focused anger at the bosses and minions in the game. And even that cooled as they got further through the game. She even laughed at a few of Pantsman's cheesy one-liners.

"It's just like the real Pantsman," Leo commented and Aeris chuckled her agreement. They were in the Pantscave at the moment, where Pantsman and Briefboy went between missions in the game, and they were playing a minigame involving shots of vodka. Leo and Aeris snickered at the cutscene at the end of the minigame, with Pantsman falling asleep in the bathtub, but Aeris' laugh suddenly cut off. She stared critically at the screen, now showing a view of the city near the Pantscave, studying it. Then she jumped to her feet and shouted, "God-damn it! I knew it! How the Hell didn't I see this coming!"

Leo almost asked what she was talking about, then he saw it. Most of the city on the screen was black, except for a few lit windows, and the billboards advertising products. "Damn," Leo breathed in surprise, staring at the screen as Aeris ranted and stalked around the room, flinging her arms around. When he was finished staring in disappointment Leo turned to talk to Aeris but he had to quickly duck his head to avoid a flailing appendage. "Hey! Calm Down Aeris." He got to his feet and tried to calm Aeris down, but he wasn't doing so well trying to dodge at the same time. "Aeris... I... Hey... Aeris I... STOP THAT!" Leo lurched forward and grabbed his pink friend's arms, keeping a firm grip on them as she tried to wrestle away from him. "What the Hell Aeris! Why are you so upset about this? It's not the first time you've seen a superhero get sucked headlong into the Guild and its laws." Aeris continued to struggle for almost a whole minute, but she eventually stopped and looked at Leo levelly, face still twisted slightly in anger. Leo got a good look at her face and loosened his paws in shock, "Aeris... are, are you crying?"

Thump!

Leo fell to his knees with a wheeze, clutching his stomach and slowly falling onto his side. Aeris flexed her fist, glaring down at Leo, then looked away and muttered, "Yes."

"Mind if I ask why?" Leo gasped breathlessly; his lungs had been rearranged slightly.

"It's just," Aeris sat on the floor with her back to the wall, ignoring Leo's slow, painful death, "All the heroes I grew up with, Superman, Spiderman, Batman, I looked up to them. They were supposed to be pillars of justice and the right, then they all sold themselves to the highest bidder. I hated them for that, but I held on wherever I could. When one sold out, I grabbed onto another, and when they sold out, well, you get it. Leo nodded as thoughtfully as he could; the edges of his vision were going dark. "I guess Pantsman was just the last straw."

"Yeah," Leo wheezed, going purple in the face, "That's gotta be tough."

Aeris nodded, "Mm-hmm. It hurt losing that last hero, but I guess that means there aren't any more to lose then." She gave a half hearted chuckle.

"Pain, yeah, I know how that feels," Leo twitched slightly, losing motor function.

"Yep... Oh, sorry." Aeris shuffled over to Leo so she was over top of him and socked him hard in the chest. The momentarily dead grey tabby gasped loudly and started gulping in air as Aeris giggled.

When he was reasonably sure he wouldn't drop dead if he stood up, Leo got to his feet, using the back of the couch for support. *cough, cough* "Oh, that hurt. Thanks Aeris."

"No problem. You know I got your back... unless of course anyone ever hears that I was, crying." She brandished a fist quite seriously beneath Leo's nose.

Leo backed up a few paces, "Hey, Don't worry. I'll keep quiet. Besides," He adjusted his collar, "I agree with you."

"You do?"

"Yup. This whole Superhero's Guild has been nothing but a bad idea since it began. We used to have real heroes that saved the day because it was the right thing to do, but now all we've got are a bunch of guys getting fat and minty off gift baskets full of toothpaste. Mark my words, someday the world's gonna need its heroes to save it again, and on that day, we are all going to be royally screwed."