A Quite Chaos
By: GoonieLove
Have you ever noticed that humans are obsessed with what the last few seconds of life is like? We even go as far as to create all these theories about what happens in those last seconds. For example you see a white light or a theoretical PowerPoint of your life flashes through your mind right before the big sleep. But the truth of the matter is it is impossible to understand those seconds until you are actually living them. In my experience as a med-nin the last few seconds always seemed like a mixture of chaos and quite. A moment in time where every signal line in the universe seems to blur, colors' constantly changing, shapes moving, sounds sporadically popping out of no where and then disappearing back into the infinite void. Then all of the sudden it all fades away into absolute nothingness, and all your left with is one thought glimmering above all else, like a spot light on a stage, before the curtain finally falls.
I have to say, it seems almost ironic that was the exact feeling I felt in those last few heart beats before the boy have I loved for what seems an eternity, plunged his katana through my chest and ending this pathetic thing I call my life.
Let me set the scene, its sprinkling -like any good battle scene should-the clouds are gray, and the ground is more mud then grass. My back is pinned between point of a razor sharp blade and the knurled bark of willow. I am soaked; shaking from lack of chakra and bloodier then the local butcher my mother would often chat with during my hazy, dazey childhood. I am quite proud to say Sasuke-kun isn't looking much better. But my end is near and we both know it. It is the love struck fool in me that wishes he would throw the katana aside and kiss me breathless. But it is the realist in me that knows he is too far gone in a world of vengeance and teenage-angst to even realize who I am any more. However in the moment between him pining me to the tree and him staking me through the chest and at the same moment as the world around me fades to absolute nothingness, I see flash of regret in those once onyx eyes and I think just maybe, my death will bring change, just like I wanted.
You see, I lead myself to deaths door because I need Naruto to understand that the boy we befriended as children and have chased as young adults is nothing more than a ghost of the past. A distant shadow, whose eyes have now turned bloody and smirk turned to wicked grin. For Naruto to get it through bright blonde head of his, that he can not keep defending Sasuke-kun, and that he has to stop deluding himself into thinking that through the power of "brotherhood" he can bring Sasuke-kun back to the idyllic days of Team Seven.
It is my selfish hope that these last seconds of my life cause the future to change. That all of these bruises and blood stains and my pathetic pin cushion of a broken heart will show Sasuke-kun that he has become a monster as he pulls that blood-soaked blade from the heart that has only ever fluttered for him. That these last seconds of blurred quite chaos will show Naruto that the boy we loved is gone, as is my life. And to show the world that sometimes, you have to be a little bit selfish to save it.
I sure as hell hope I didn't endure these seconds for nothing.