He regrets. He regrets the day he had been sick. He regrets the day when he made his twin take the trip, all in the name of not missing a case. He regrets that he agreed to take the case in his stead. He regrets. Because his twin is now gone, tossed at the bottom of a lake in a country that he was supposed to be only visiting; in a country where he should have been.
It started when they were children in the orphanage. They would always interchange their personalities to pass time. The children would constantly be entertained with guessing which was who; the adults would get a headache every time the twins pulled the stunt. But in reality, they don't see it fit to reveal who they really are to people who they can't trust; to people who will only forget.
When they were adopted, their little game turned into a way for them to test their new 'caretakers'. The first few months after their adoption had been rocky at first, but Luella and Martin persevered to get to know their twins and never gave up on them and showed them their sincerity. They know how hard it must be for them to be tossed into one home, only to be tossed back into the orphanage because people 'had made a mistake in adopting them'. So they showered them with all the love and care they could manage, hoping, praying, that the twins would one day come to accept them as their parents, that they don't regret adopting them and that they love them for who they are. The twins, in turn, recognized that they weren't going to be sent back to the orphanage and that their caretakers are actually sincere and that they're actually wanted. So they dropped their act and let their new parents (a term they reserved for those who are worthy, and the couple earned it) give them new names in commemoration of their new life; Eugene for the older twin, Oliver for the younger. The day Luella and Martin became 'mom' and 'dad' was the happiest day of the couple's lives. The day A. J. And E. C. Became Eugene and Oliver was the day the twins decided to be who they really are, and not just acting each other out.
When they started going to school, they used their switch (as their parents had dubbed) to get away from classes they have little interest in. Eugene favored arts, Oliver favored physics. So they would switch classes with nobody suspecting a thing. Eugene has test he has no confidence in taking? Oliver would take it. Oliver getting jitters for the play they're required to perform for their English class? Eugene would take over the role. But at the end of each day, the twins would be cooped up in their room, trading information on their lessons and swapping stories of how their day went.
When they started working for SPR, they would sometimes change places, not to play pranks or to escape their tasks, but to learn more about the world they are a part of. Both the twins have the same power. Both can see spirits. Both can communicate and exorcise spirits. Both can perform psychometry. There's nothing the other can do that the other can't; both of them have the same skill set, the same spiritual energy. Both have the same knowledge of the paranormal. It's just that one focused more on being a medium, and the other focused more on being a researcher of the paranormal. So it really wasn't that surprising when one became a celebrated genius for his books and breakthroughs while the other became a genius medium. They were renowned for each of their own specialties, but they never outshone each other. But what they know is never enough to appease their curiosity. And so they switch places every now and then to learn more and to experience more. Whoever said that once you become a researcher, you can't be a medium? Whoever said that once you're a medium, you can't be a scientist? There are some things that must be experienced, and some things to be researched.
The last time they had played switch was for a business. Eugene had a flu a night just before he was supposed to leave and was therefore sentenced to a week of bed rest. He tried his best to valiantly put up a front that he was fine and that he could take the case. His mother gave him a look that firmly said he's not to leave and if she found her son out of the bed, she would drug him. Eugene hung his head in defeat as he watched his mother exit the room.
He woke up after a few hours to find his younger twin sitting beside his bed, a book on his hands.
"How are you feeling, idiot medium," Oliver asked, his eyes still glued to his book.
"Fine, but could be better, idiot scientist," the raspy voice of Eugene sounded in reply. They were silent for a few minutes before the younger of the two sighed and closed his book.
"What's bothering you, Gene?"
The addressed was silent for a few seconds before he heaved a deep sigh. Noll had always been able to tell when something's bothering him.
"Nothing. It's just that… I've been really looking forward to the case. And Japan's a place I always wanted to visit. They have an interesting method for exorcising spirits, and I finally got to book an appointment with someone from that department and I don't know when I'll get another opportunity again. And…" At this, Eugene casted his gaze on the floor as he bit his lower lip.
"And you want to find out more about our supposed ancestral land, and about our real parents," Oliver finished for his twin¸ opening his book once again. Eugene, on the other hand, remained silent as he continued to gaze at the floor.
"Hey, Noll," Eugene spoke up after a few beats of silence.
"Yeah,"
"Could you do me a favor?"
"You want me to go to Japan as you and perform the exorcism? And you also want me to go and take as much information as I can about Japan's exorcism methods. And while at it, look for clues about our real parents," Oliver said, his eyes still glued to his book. Eugene just sighed at his brother.
"You could have at least pretended you didn't know and that you were genuinely curious,"
"It can't be helped that your intentions are too easy to find out, idiot medium,"
"You could have at least humored your sick, older brother, you idiot scientist,"
A few moments of comfortable silence passed between the twins before the younger one sighed and closed his book.
"Fine. I'll take your place, on one condition" Eugene looked quizzically at his younger brother, who just smirked at him.
"You're banned from sweets for a whole month. And you have to do my paper for psychology,"
Needless to say, they had worked on convincing their mother that it was Oliver who had gotten sick and that he was just playing a small prank since Gene will be away for some time, while the real Oliver was going through his itinerary for his trip to Japan. Their mother seemed to buy the tale and consented without much protest.
"Are you sure you have everything packed? Do you have enough shirts? What about underwear? You didn't forget to pack your underwear, right? What about your passport? Your ticket? Your visa? Are they secure? What about your pocket money? You do know you can always withdraw, right? And your phone. Don't forget to put it on-"
"MOM!" Oliver, or rather, Oliver-playing-Eugene, shouted over his Mother's frantic mother-Henning.
"I'm 17 now, mom. I can take care of myself. And I'll only be in Japan for a few weeks then I'll be back home, here into your loving arms," Oliver said, spouting lines he knew that Gene would say were he in his situation. Speaking of Gene, he was currently leaning on the doorframe of their house and was silently snorting at the display in front of him.
"Oh, I know that, darling. But a Mother's allowed to worry for her son," Luella said, pinching Oliver's cheeks.
"Don't worry, Mom. I'll call every day and I'll make sure to inform you of everything that happens during my stay, yeah? And please give my regards to Dad. I'm afraid I can't wait for him any longer,"
"Of course, dear. You better going now, young man. And you better keep your promise that you'll stay in touch," Luella said, hugging her son and kissing his cheeks.
"Yes, mother. And I'm only going to be gone for a few weeks. It's not that I'm going to get married, or something,"
"You'll never know, dear boy. You might find the woman for you while you're there," the older woman said, chuckling at the face her son is making.
"I won't. I'll be off now. Noll, take care of mother. And please, do not cause trouble for father," Oliver felt weird saying words that were supposed to be addressed to him, but if he were to maintain the act, then he has no choice.
"Don't worry about us, you idiot medium. Make sure you do your job properly," Eugene said, slightly raising his voice for his twin to hear him.
"Well, I'm off. Goodbye, Mom. See you in three weeks," And then Oliver climbed the car that will take him to the airport. The mother and son duo continued watching the car until it was out of their sight.
"So, Eugene. Care to explain what kind of bargain you struck with Oliver to make him take your place, hmm," the matriarch said, not turning around to look at her oldest son. Eugene, in the meantime, just laughed nervously at being found out.
It had been a week since Oliver had landed in Japan, and three days since he cleared the case. And it's been a day since he last called, so maybe he's resting or something. Eugene shrugged off the feeling of unease and proceeded with his day.
Three more days passed and still no call from Oliver. He tried calling him to check up on him but it was always not available. But when he went to borrow clothes from his twin, he saw it. He saw how his younger brother was walking on the side of the road, when suddenly, he was thrown by a strong force. A car. A car had just ran over him. And if being ran over once was not enough, the woman ran over his precious, precious, brother again until he saw green flooding his vision: his brother was dead. His only blood relative was dead, in a country hundreds and hundreds of miles away from him, from his family. He could only watch as the woman wrapped him—his brother, and saw how the woman tossed his brother's body into a lake, with nobody but him as a witness and the woman walking freely but forever haunted by her act of murder.
Eugene did not know how many minutes, how many hours had passed since he saw the vision, but he didn't care. His mind is haunted by a single thought and nothing else; his brother is dead. His precious younger brother is dead. All because of his selfish request. Granted, it had been an accident, but if he did not insist on Oliver taking his place, then his brother would still be alive. Still… be… alive… Dead… never… coming… back…
He did not know how long he remained on the floor. He did not know when he had moved, or who had moved him. He did not know if he had told their parents. All he knew was that he was never getting his brother back…
He wore the clothes Oliver would wear. He ate the food Oliver would eat. He did the work Oliver normally does. His smiles became rare, and soon, everybody around him seemed to have forgotten that it was Oliver who had died, and not Eugene. But he doesn't mind. Because he thinks this is his brother's retribution, and he thinks he deserves it. So he ceased being Gene, and became Noll. If he can't die for his brother, then he will live for him.
"I will not allow you to go to Japan!" Luella said, angry tears flowing down her eyes. Behind her, Martin was leaning on the doorframe, his arms crossed across his chest.
"I have already taken care of the necessary things needed for my travel," Oliver—no, Eugene, said, his arms crossed across his chest.
"You are NOT going, and this is not up for discussion!" the matriarch said, looking at her son.
"But, mother-"
"Why do you want to go to Japan in the first place?" his father said from the doorway, his gaze intense as he looked at his son.
"Because Eugene is there! Because Eugene's body is rotting away in the bottom of some unknown lake in a country that are miles and miles away. Because I'm the only one who knows and even if we tell authorities, they won't be able to do much. Because… Because it's my fault that he's dead,"
There was silence as the three stared at each other. A moment of passed and, wordlessly, Martin pushed himself from his position and enveloped his son in a hug.
"It's not your fault. It was an accident." He whispered over and over. Luella approached the duo and wrapped her arms around them. The three stood in the middle of the room, crying, hugging, mourning.
A moment later, the patriarch of the house released his son, and gripped his shoulders.
"It's not your fault, okay? It never was. What would he say if he found you acting like this, hmm?"
"He'd… He'd say that I'm being stupid, and that I'm being too emotional, and would call me and idiot medium. Then he'd whack my head and we'd eat ice cream together,"
"See? He wouldn't like you crying over his death now, would he? You know that Oliver wouldn't like you blaming yourself. So please, snap out of it, Eugene."
So he'd went to Japan, with the condition that Lin was to accompany him. He sets up office in Tokyo and takes cases, while looking for the lake his brother's body is. He continues to wear the clothes Noll would wear, continues to eat the food he would eat, uses words he would normally say, uses expressions he would normally do. He takes his personality and his identity, but he knows deep down, he cannot be him. He cannot be Oliver, for Oliver lies dead in the bottom of a lake he has yet to find.
When the girl, Taniyama Mai he recalls, called him, it was to a name he was not accustomed to being called. 'Noll', in Japanese, sounded like 'Naru'. So he quickly turned around, demanded where she had heard that name. Maybe she had contact with her brother before… But he was disappointed that it was a nickname for Naru the Narcissist, and not a Japanese-accented 'Noll'. But it's alright, because Noll had been rather narcissistic when he was still alive. So he let his assistant call him such, if only to remind himself that his brother had been alive and that he's not him, and the fact that he has a mission to accomplish; retrieving the narcissist that had finally fallen down the lake.
When they had finally, finally found the lake where Oliver was, he could only feel relief. But when they got stuck inside the abandoned school building, he only had one thought: I can't die yet. It's not because he was afraid of dying, no, not that. But because he's so close. So close to seeing his brother again, even if it's just his corpse he'll be seeing. When he became trapped and isolated, he had given up and slumped in defeat. But an overwhelming feeling of hope pushed him to pray for the best outcome and get out of the school. His parents already lost a son. They can't afford to lose another. So hope he did, and get out of the school he did. All thanks to the assistant that reminds him of how he used to be before his brother died.
When Takigawa and the rest of the team cornered him for answers, he just shrugged. Clearly, if they know this much, there wasn't really a need to answer. There was no need to give a confirmation. Because that is something he can never give, because he's also just an imposter. He wanted to say yes, he's Oliver Davis, renowned researcher of the paranormal, but at the same time, he wants to deny everything, because the facts they might have pointed out may be true, but it was never true to him. It never was the truth for him and he had been deceiving himself and everyone around him that the game of switch never happened, and that he was Oliver and it was Eugene who died. So he shrugged and left, because the answer to the questions are both yes and no.
When Mai told him of her dreams, he was slightly shocked.
"The Naru of my dreams is kind, and always smiles at me, and is gentle," Mai had said.
He paused upon hearing those words. Had he been astral projecting unknowingly while he was asleep, as Mai had claimed it to be? No, that can't be right. He would certainly know if he was out of his body. Then that only means…
'So Noll has been continuing our game even in death…' That's what he thought. Or maybe it was because of the fact that his assistant resembled him so much that his twin would let his guard down to openly show the emotions he usually reserved for family.
"It's not me. It's Gene. Eugene. My older brother,"
And despite this, he can never find it in himself to bring the real truth to light. So he lied, and kept the façade that is Oliver Davis.
He went back to England, his brother's corpse in tow. They had mourned, they had cried, and they had buried. That it's now okay to let go of his brother and start being real. But he's a coward so he kept on being Oliver when he went back to Japan. Because how can one suddenly say that he's actually Eugene and the one they buried was the real Oliver? So he played the part, mastering it by now. Until they accepted the case regarding a haunted house…
"So it's really you… Eugene…" Mai said as the figure of Eugene-no, Oliver, surfaced from the void. He frowned but did not refute the brunette's statement.
"Honestly. You and Naru look so alike that I mistake you for him," Mai continued.
"But, I am Noll..." Noll said, a small frown marring his face.
"Eh? You're Naru? But I thought you said you can't leave your body…" Mai trailed off, and Oliver realized something: Eugene still hasn't ended their game. Eugene has been continuing of carrying the burden of his identity. That Gene still clung to him by being Noll.
He sighed. Looks like even after in his death, he would still be the one cleaning his brother's mess.
"No, Mai. I'm the real Oliver. The one you're with is an imposter," Oliver said.
"Eh? An imposter? Then who is the one we're with?"
"That's Eugene, my older brother. I'm Oliver. The one who has been with you from the very beginning is Gene."
When Mai woke up, the first thing she did was to find Naru-no, Eugene, with the intention to confirm everything Eugene-no, Oliver, told her. But one look on his face stopped her and she looked at his eyes. Sorrow. No matter how well-concealed it is, it was there, along with guilt. 'So he still carries the blame of losing his brother.'
"Naru, I saw Gene again," Mai began. The ebony-haired man slightly tensed up, and looked at her with slight interest.
"Did you now? Did he tell you anything about the case?"
So Mai told him of the things that are related to the case, with Naru – Eugene, nodding and taking notes.
"And? Is there anything else he told you?" he asked. At this, the brunette fidgeted. But Gene – Noll, had asked her a favor. Asked her to deliver his twin a message.
"He told me everything. He told me who you really are. That you and Oliver switched places. That he took your place when you were supposed to go to Japan, but was unable to go because you were sick. That you had been living for his sake because you weren't the one to die for him…" Mai said.
Eugene stiffened and looked at his hands, but did not say anything. If Noll had told her, then there really is no way he could refute the statement. He was startled when a hand suddenly held his, and looked to see Mai smiling slightly at him.
"He also told me that you've been holding everything in since he died, and that you're a really an idiot medium who can't get over the death of his brother. And… He told me it's okay to let go because he'll always be with you no matter what… Eugene."