The sun was shining one Saturday afternoon when Muffy invited her friends over to her house. Her father had recently had a personal miniature golf course installed on their property, and Muffy and her friends were testing it out, putting their balls into the various different structures such as windmills, giant shoes, and fairy tale castles.
Unfortunately, dark clouds blew into the area and the sounds of thunder began to echo in the distance as a summer thunderstorm was approaching.
Disappointed at calling off their game early, Muffy invited her friends inside for some refreshments. As the children relaxed in the living room with their glasses of lemonade, they tossed around ideas of what they could do to amuse themselves as it stormed outside.
"Suppose in addition to exercise for our bodies, we could exercise our minds with a few math equations?" Brain suggested, while the others groaned. "Why would we want to do math while on summer vacation?" Binky asked.
"I brought a deck of cards, would anybody like for me to see what the future holds for them in the cards?" Prunella asked. "Will I ever get to meet alien creatures from another galaxy in my lifetime?" Buster asked. George took the opportunity to bring out his wooden giraffe dummy, Wally, "I wouldn't trust Prunella's predictions if I were you. She could very well be a card shark!" Brain then added to the conversation, "Did you know that the actual phrase is supposed to be card sharp, and not card shark?"
"I have an idea. Why don't we see who can come up with the most exciting short story in the next few minutes?" Fern said, but the others weren't interested. "Boring!" Buster had another idea. "I know! Why don't we read some fanfiction?" "I'm not so sure about that, Buster. Most fanfiction authors have very little understanding of actual writing as far as spelling, grammar, punctuation, and syntax are concerned," Brain argued. "Yeah, but there sure are some crazy stories out there! Let's go!" Buster said.
The children gathered around the computer in Muffy's bedroom, browsing . "I wonder if there are any good Bionic Bunny stories." Arthur said. "There are a few really cool Dark Bunny stories I found a long time ago." Buster said. "I usually try to avoid any of the Henry Screever fanfiction stories, most of those authors tend to write mostly fanservice fluff." Prunella said. "I'm telling you guys, fanfiction is a good thing to avoid altogether. You're going to be sorry." Brain said. "Don't be such a party pooper, Brain." Francine said. "Yeah, you never know what's on here unless you look!" Muffy said.
The children browsed through out and found themselves taken by surprise when they came upon a certain section of stories in the cartoon category. "Arthur fanfiction? There are fanfiction stories about me?" Arthur asked. "Hey, that's so cool! We ought to check them out!" Buster suggested. "Why would anybody want to write about Arthur? He's so dull." Binky said. "Well, it looks like a lot of people would. Look at this, this one guy called Travis seems to enjoy writing about Arthur. Who is he, Arthur?" Muffy asked. "I don't know anybody named Travis." Arthur said. "Well, he seems to know a lot about you! Look at all of these stories he's written."
The children saw the endless list of fanfiction stories that were written by an author named Travis, however, the more they browsed, the more uncomfortable they felt. "This is, perhaps, the most awful examples of writing I have ever seen in my life!" Fern critiqued as she read. "I don't even understand any of the fanfiction stories this Travis guy has written." Arthur said. "Yeah, what's with all this circumfrerence stuff?" Binky asked. "It says circumcision, Binky." Fern corrected him. "What is that, anyway?" Arthur asked. "Circumcision is the long-standing religious and medical tradition that dates back to the days of the Old Testament, usually observed by those of the Jewish faith, but there are some exceptions to that rule as well. It is essentially the act of slicing off the excess foreskin off of infant boys, which is usually beneficial to the health conditions of their genitals in the long run." The others stared at Brain with quizzical looks on their faces, prompting him to sigh and simplify his explanation, "It's when baby boys get the tips of their pee-pees cut off." The boys immediately grabbed their crotched, wincing and moaning in pain, while the girls proceeded to laugh at their reactions. "What's so funny, Francine?" Buster asked. "It's the way you boys always act at the idea of anything happening to your pee-pees! It's hilarious!" Francine said. "It is not! I'm hurting just thinking about it!" Binky said. Muffy laughed too as she continued to browse, "let's see what else we have here."
The children browsed some more, and very increasingly disturbed by the number of fanfiction stories they were finding by the author known as Travis, not to mention the subject matter he writes about. "Why is this guy so obsessed with having our pee-pees cut off?" Binky asked in disgust. "I'm afraid it is something of a fetish, Binky. Some people have un-natural obsessions with things that are of a sexual nature, it's almost like how some people become addicted to such things as cigarettes, or alcohol, or unlawful substances." Brain explained. "This person is absolutely terrible. His writing style is incredibly juvenile and amateurish, and this subject matter of which he writes about is atrocious!" Fern said. "More like vomitrocious if you ask me!" Muffy said. "What's with all this stuff about gay bath houses? What are gay bath houses?" Buster asked. "A bath house is typically similar to a sauna or a spa, where people go to swim or otherwise bathe with other people publically. In this context, gay describes people who are homosexual, meaning they are attracted to people of their same sex, or gender. Basically, what this Travis fellow is writing are stories involving us going to these bath houses to have sex with each other," Brain explained, though once again, he was met with a number of quizzical stares. "I think it is best that you guys don't even know." Brain said. "This is really starting to make me feel uncomfortable, let's try to find something else to read." Arthur asked.
Browsing resumed, though unfortunately, the more the children browsed, the more disturbing fanfiction stories they found, and not just those written by Travis, but others similar authors who engaged in writing similar stories, such as Arthur Fan 2016, Libby Putney, micwan, and others, further confusing them. "You know, the more we browse through these stories, the more disturbed I feel." Francine said. "And you guys always thought I was dark and disturbed." Fern said. "Look at these stories... here are stories about some of our friends like Marina and Lydia being... molested?" Arthur said. "What's being molested?" Prunella asked. All eyes turned to Brain as he began explaining again. "Molestation is the criminal act of someone violating another person without their consent, or to put it into terms you fellows will understand, it's when somebody touches somebody else inappropriately." "I can't believe somebody would write about other people touching Marina inappropriately!" Prunella said. "I'm not particularly thrilled about the idea of a fanfiction story about the same thing happening to Lydia, either." Brain admitted. "Well, what about all of these stories about having the tips of our pee-pees cut off?" Arthur asked. "Here's a whole story about D.W. used to be a boy until Pal completely bites her pee-pee off and turns her into a girl. And another one about her getting kidnapped and turned into a stripper." Muffy pointed out. Arthur recoiled in disgust at the ideas, "I can't read this stuff anymore!" "Look at all of these... here are stories about Maria and Alex getting drunk and peeing on people's beds... here are stories about Arthur getting grounded for millions of years..." Muffy said as she continued to browse. "Wow, look at all these stories about Arthur and me getting married!" Francine said. "What?! Wha-wha-why would anybody write stories like that?" Arthur nervously asked. "Well, isn't it obvious?" Francine asked, winking at Arthur. "Hey, check it out, here's a story about me eating a roast beef sandwich! That makes me hungry! Anybody want to take a lunch break?" Binky asked. "No!" The others yelled, having no appetite from reading the stories, so Binky ran off to the kitchen to raid the refrigerator.
"Some people apparently are so uneducated that they do not recognize intelligent writing. Why does this guy named IshmaelandLuigi keep praising these awful stories when they're absolutely horrible?" Fern asked.
"This is all too weird! Some people are absolutely creepy!" Muffy said as she slammed the lid of laptop closed. "You know, I always thought Fern wrote weird stories, but these fanfiction stories make the stories she writes seem normal!" Buster said. "Thanks, I guess..." Fern said, while rolling her eyes. "And I always thought Ladonna told weird stories, but these fanfiction stories make the stories she tells sound normal!" Francine. "Why would people write stuff like this and put it on the internet?" George asked. "Because people on the internet have the freedom to write what they want to write, however, the internet is open to anybody, such as the trolls on this site who are writing these questionable subject matters." Brain said.
The others turned and looked at Brain once more with quizzical looks on their faces. "Say, Brain, how is it you happen to know so much about all of these disturbing things?" Arthur asked. Brain simply said and offered up his final words of wisdom, "this is why the internet ruins everything."
Remember that. This is why the internet ruins everything.