Hmm.. What should I say? Another sudden idea that didn't leave me in peace :) Ideas are indeed dangerous. This is only a little one-shot to have some funny moment. Quite my first attempt for something funny, so let me know how you like it!
Big thanks to Najel for the idea and the test-read!
There was a deep frown on Lara Croft's face when she walked down the stairs of Croft Manor. She was all alone and something troubled her. Heading right to the kitchen, she kicked in the door and stepped in. Not a room where she had spent a lot of time so far. She was happy if she found the fridge when it was needed. What the hell had she been thinking?
Walking over to the counter on the opposite side, her hand reached out and pulled out a big knife from the holder. The blade glinted in the late afternoon sun when she turned it around in her hand and her eyes reflected on the metal surface. Again, what had she been thinking? It could not be that hard, she reassured herself, moving along the counter with the knife in her hand. She held it in front of her, a finger gliding on its sharp end to check if it was good enough for the purpose. Her eyes narrowed as she approached her enemy. Very slowly, without making any noise. She measured every possibility, but it just looked too dangerous from every perspective. What had she been thinking? The question kept popping up in her mind, telling her this adventure was far more hazardous than anything she had done so far.
She raised the knife and took one more step. It would not hurt, she kept telling herself. You can do it… suddenly she felt as ridiculous as never before. What did she want to prove?
Lara stopped in front of the counter, propped both her arms on it and let out a deep sigh. Her so far most terrifying enemy was lying in front of her…. a chicken. A piece of dead, naked meat ready to be prepared and it frightened her more than any creature she had met throughout the years.
No, this was a very bad idea, she thought when she found the piece of paper on the table. She should not have let Winston leave her alone with this beast.
It's very easy, Lady Croft, she heard Winston's voice in her head. You only need to fill it, season it and put it in the oven for an hour.
"Yes, sure… very easy," Lara grunted. "Fill it…on which end?" She was eying the headless monster with wary eyes, not being able to decide whether to touch it or not.
God, she would make a fool out of herself. That was sure now. Half an hour passed by, and Lara was still unsure where to start.
"Why can't you be a mummy or a resurrected goddess? Then I'd know what to do with you," she cursed the poor animal. Taking both of its legs in her hands, she pulled them a bit apart to look into the hole between them. Damn it, she shivered. It felt like… like… damn, like raw meat.
Her fingers let go of it, wiping the funny feeling into her trousers.
"Let's see…," she decided after a few seconds again. "Damn filling…. What do we need… meat… meat?" she frowned again. What a pervert idea to fill a chicken with meat. "Spices, egg, bread crumbs…..that's it," she said suddenly. "I'm giving up."
You can't give up, a voice told her… he would be here any time. Any time, she looked around nervously. Taking an apron, she dedicated all her attention to cooking. If anyone could have called it that way.
...
"Hey," the voice scared her to death. The knife stopped in her hand and when she looked up, Lara glimpsed Kurtis standing in the kitchen door. This could not be, she cursed silently.
"How… when… Hey," she said finally, feeling embarrassed as never before. Kurtis was standing there, leaning casually against the frame, watching her intently with a cocky smile in the corner of his mouth.
"I would have never thought to see you in the kitchen…. And what a dangerous creature you're fighting with," he joked seeing the half torn-apart chicken in front of Lara. The mess in the kitchen was indescribable, dramatic actually.
"I…you're too early," she retorted, cleaning her hands in the apron.
"And I'm glad I am," he said in an amused voice. "You invited me to dinner, but this is…. this is something that exceeds all my imagination." Broken eggs were lying around, bread crumbs covered everything, dirty dishes were piling in the sink that all fell prey to this attack against the nouvelle cuisine. Taking care, not to step on anything, Kurtis ventured closer, keeping an eye on Lara's face. It was funny to see how she squeezed her lips together and how she was trying to hide that slight blush that was colouring her face so nicely.
"God," she let out a sigh.
"Let me help you. We'll be ready faster and I can't wait to taste your cooking," he smiled, his blue eyes not moving away from hers. Kurtis' fingers moved over Lara's hand, taking the knife from her, but resting on hers long enough so she could feel his hot touch. "What's the next step, chief?"
"I have no idea," she blew out an impatient breath, turning to him when he stood in front of her. "You tell me if you're so smart."
"You don't know what you're doing?" he kept teasing her, pulling the sheet of paper out of the mess on the counter. "Stuffed chicken," he said approvingly after looking at it. "Nice."
"I don't think though this has anything to do with that recipe." The room filled with such a strange energy since he had appeared that Lara forgot about asking him how he had got in.
"You look great," he said, looking down at her. "This thing suits you well." He touched the apron at her waist. "You should wear it more often."
Lara narrowed her eyes at him. "What if you rather peeled some potatoes?" she pulled her hand away, leaving the handle of the knife in his. Lara refilled the wine-glass that was standing at the edge of the counter, looking at Kurtis over the rim of the glass.
"Do I get some, too?" he put the knife down, stepping over to her. A playful smile appeared on his face, placing his hands to the counter on the two sides of her hips. "I'm sure my abilities will flourish if you give me a little taste of that." Kurtis leaned in, closing her into a kind of embrace she could not move away from. Not that Lara wanted to. Cooking was probably not a good idea, but doing it with him together might be one. She dragged her teeth along her lower lips, enjoying that his look wandered there immediately.
"I think we could arrange that," she said provokingly and sipped the wine, intentionally leaving a drop on her lip. His cocky grin widened, coming closer to kiss it off her, but Lara held the glass in front of him before he could do so. "There's still enough left in here," she said teasingly and moved away, licking the drop off her lip herself. Kurtis hissed mockingly.
"I've always known you're far not as innocent as you look like." He turned after he managed to dismiss his very male-ish thoughts.
Lara laughed out. "Have I ever looked innocent?" She took the knife in her hand again, flipping it around skilfully. Damn chicken, she thought irritably, though her mood lightened a lot in his company. A stupid dead animal would not mess with her. She had promised dinner, so there would be dinner. "Make yourself useful and give me that bowl."
Kurtis followed her stare and found the piece she had meant. Watching her pile all the ingredients into it, he leaned against the counter, drinking the last sip of wine before putting the glass down. Lara frowned, looking the mess in the bowl, then her eyes wandered to the recipe again. Mix everything together into a soft mass, she read the next line. Mix?, she wondered. Oh, damn, she thought when she understood the meaning. They could not seriously mean she would have to dig in there with her bare hands, could they? Blaah.. how could Winston do that? Finally she decided to go for it. It had to be. And the chicken could not defeat her.
Her slightly disgusted expression started to change when she heard Kurtis moving behind her. Close, closer, very close. His chest touched her back, and she felt his hot breath on her neck.
"That's awesome how you're doing that," he muttered against her skin, his lips gently teasing her neck. Lara bit into her lips, her breath caught when he moved a bit higher. Her hands clenched, pressing the strange mass out between her fingers when Kurtis' hands slowly ran down along her arms. Lara could almost see his amused face in front of her, but did not turn to see it. Her lips curved into a frisky smile when his hands joined hers in the bowl.
"You're one dirty mind," she chuckled, feeling his fingers linking with hers in that bizarre mixture of raw meat, eggs and spices.
"And that's why you like me," he answered, nibbling at her neck, pushing her against the counter.
"How do you know I like you?" she teased him, enjoying those little things he did to her.
"Would you bother with this otherwise? Inviting me, cooking for me?" He surely knew what he was doing, Lara thought. This was a bad idea… she tilted her head to the side. A terrible idea…. she let out a sigh. An amazingly exciting idea… "Where is that chicken?" his question dragged her back to reality.
Damn it, damn him, she thought angrily. She deserved that for sure for the earlier tease. When she turned around there was a more than irritatingly self-confident smirk on his face. And those damn blue eyes. That was a challenge and Lara Croft would not run from a challenge. She cleaned her hand in the apron that slowly started to look like the menu of a restaurant with all the food rests on it.
"There," she pointed at the beast that was still lying there as before. Only looked a bit more used.
"Then do what you have to do," he stepped back, washing his hand at the sink. Lara took the bowl and read the recipe again. Fill the chicken with the filling. Right… very useful instruction. How the hell was she supposed to do that? She hesitated, eying the monster with wary eyes. Chicken… they better stayed out of her path in the future. "What's the problem, honey?" Kurtis stepped to her, seeing her indecision. "Don't tell me you're afraid of a chicken," he teased her again.
Lara took a handful of the filling and resolutely pushed it into the hole between the chicken's legs. It felt strange, but she would not let him make fun of her. A shiver ran down her spine, but there was a second reason for that. This time his lips caressed her firmer, more intensely. His hand pushed her ponytail out of the way and he kissed her there. He pecked, nibbled, bit, sucked. Lara tremble at his touch, her hand stuck inside the chicken when her fist clenched. That god damned chicken. Why did he have to choose the time when she was unable to answer? Though she knew the answer. She continued with the filling, willing to show him she did not care. Oh, how much she cared. She squeezed her lips together not to let out a delightful sigh.
"I can hardly wait to taste this," he said before pulling away again. "Go on."
Oh, how much she wished he would not have that cocky grin on his face. That irritating, so damn sexy grin.
She forced her mind back to the recipe, pleased to see there was only one last step left. Put it in the oven for an hour. Okay, she looked around. Oven, oven… where the hell did Winston keep the oven?
"Looking for this?" Kurtis pulled the door of the oven down, standing next to it, leaning one foot against the side of the counter, his hands folded on his chest.
"You're such a know-all, you know that?" Lara sent him an annoyed look, but there was a suggestive smile playing in the corner of those full lips. She pushed the pan in there, and closed the door, feeling his look watching her every move. Temperature…. damn it, she cursed. How the hell was she supposed to know that? Just take something, the little voice told her. And the timer… but she had no chance to set that as Kurtis' hands grabbed her waist and pulled her to him.
"And now that this is done, what about jumping right to the dessert?" he smiled at her, and his lips crushed down on hers. This time Lara had no difficulties to answer.
...
"This is really great," Kurtis enthused as they were lying in front of the fireplace, only a thick blanket covering their naked bodies. "I never knew you were so skilful in the kitchen." His lips ran down her neck, tasting her skin again, not getting enough of her.
"Stop mocking me," Lara retorted, the smell of burnt food still lingering in the air. "It really wasn't my fault this time. You distracted me." She swallowed hard when his lips found hers again.
"I'd never do that." Kurtis pushed the empty pizza box out of the way to get better access. "I enjoyed every minute of it. And we'll try that chicken again next time," he said laughing before rising over her for yet another tasteful adventure.