Title: And I Wonder.
Author: Maea MacDermod
Email: maeve_aislinn@yahoo.com; feedback is like a drug to me! Please, feed the monkey!
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: no spoilers… not even really sure if it's an actual Roswell fic, or just some flowy personal
angst I had to release from my soul.
Summary: too short for any summary, just read it.
Category: not written with any character in mind, but as I was writing this from my heart, I saw
many a Roswell tone, so I thought I'd send it on.
Author's Notes: I would love to hear what characters this piece reminds you of. I felt a few
different ones as I was typing, but I'd love some outside thoughts. ~maea
****
I'm sitting here trying to figure out what it is that I feel when I'm with you… or thinking about you—or
anything else that happens when I hear your name, your voice. Why is it—why can you—why do you
make me feel the way you do? And I wonder, do I make you feel the same when you're with me? Do you
think about me when I'm not around… do you wonder where I am, or what I'm doing at those moments?
Why do I know when you're going to enter the room before you actually do? How can I sense when
you're looking at me from across the way? Why must I wonder about the reasons you don't come to see
me when you know I'm there, waiting for you?
And again, I'm left to wonder. I wonder if I would still fell this way about you if you really, truly reciprocated
these feelings. Who knows? Maybe you do now and I just can't see it in the same way I feel it in my own
body. Am I just in this for the chase? The thought in my own mind that the hunt is better than the prize.
When I have you the way I want you, will I know—what to do with you, how to please you—or will I just run
away in fear like I've done so many times before? Will you be able to tame the beasts of fear, uncertainty,
and regret that hide in me waiting for something good to eat—something that makes me feel good,
special, human? These things all nourish the wild beasts in my mind. Will I find happiness in your arms…
your eyes… your soul? Or will I just find a new reason to move on, alone?
More than anything, I want to find a home with you—in you. A place to always feel safe and loved. Can
you offer that? Are you offering me that with your silent glances, the brush of your fingertips on my
cheek?
And I wonder—will I ever know?