Disclaimer: Not mine, Bellisario's
Breaking up for Christmas
Thursday, 19.00 hours
Mall in Washington
Mac walked through the mall, aimlessly looking at the shop windows. Even if she had gone shopping for some more tinsel, her tree being a bit too large for the decoration she had, her mind went over and over the row she and Mic had the night before. A row which had ended with him shouting to her it was over and slamming the door behind him. "Just as good", Mac admitted to herself. "It was not going to work." To be honest, the only thing she felt was a huge sense of relief and freedom. She shook herself out of her reverie: tinsel it was. There was a Christmas shop just a fifty yards away …
When she turned the corner, she heard angry voices, well actually one angry and familiar voice: Renée, Harm's girlfriend, aka the blond video-princess. Needless to say Mac did not like her.
It didn't take her long to discover the source of the noise. In a circle of bystanders Renée gave Harm a piece of her mind. "We went over this before, Harmon Rabb jr. We are going to buy decorations for your place, we are going to make it look like Christmas and we are going to spend time with my family. Get over it! You spend a lot of Christmases with the…. the gang of JAG, now you are spending Christmas with me in Phoenix. And that nonsense of going to the Wall…. Your dad won't notice it. He is dead, remember!"
Mac stiffened at those last words. The bimbo should know by now how much JAG and the remembrance of his father meant to Harm. And she was about to find out. With his voice fully in control but his eyes glistening with anger, Harm addressed her "I won't make my home a freaking Christmas show, I'm not going with you to Phoenix and I will visit my dad on Christmas Eve. Period."
"These are your final words?" Renée hissed.
" Yes," Harm nodded firmly.
" Right, if that's what you want, it's over!" the blonde spit out. She turned on her heels and a moment later she disappeared in the crowd, leaving Harm speechless.
Mac let go of the breath she didn't realize she was holding. Wow. One part of her wished she had not been there, another part wouldn't have missed it for the world. The only remaining thought was that she hoped they would not reconcile. Till now she hadn't realized how much she despised the other woman.
When Harm looked around him, embarrassed at the sight of the circle of onlookers, he spotted Mac's face in the crowd. She gave him a shy smile, not knowing how he would feel, since she saw his fight with Renée. To her relief he smiled back and walked over to her.
"Hi," he said, then sighed "I guess you saw the show?"
Mac had to nod. "I'm sorry," she said, knowing she was not all sincere. She reached out to slip her hand in his and squeezed it lightly.
When he gave her hand a grateful squeeze back he noticed something missing. The ring he hated so much to see on her hand, was gone. Stunned he held her hand out in front of him and let his eyes confirm what his hand discovered. Mac followed his gaze and blushed.
"I guess my evening yesterday was as interesting as yours today," she made an attempt to joke but Harm did not buy it. "Let's have a cup of tea," he suggested, gesturing with his head to the nearby café. Mac nodded, tea was fine. They went in, managed to find an empty table and Harm ordered their drinks.
Mac decided to take the first step.
"How do you feel?" she asked tentatively after the first sips.
Harm slowly shook his head. "I don't know. Relieved, I think. I knew for some time it was not going to work."
"Why didn't you break up earlier, then?" Mac could kick herself for that question, after all it was not her business and sure as hell he would shut down again. But to her surprise he answered "Lots of reasons, I guess. It's nice to come home to someone, convenience, feeling guilty because I couldn't feel enough for her, not as much she deserved to be loved…" his voice trailed away, "She filled the void. I missed you, our times together," he added almost inaudibly.
Mac had to swallow, this was hearing more then she bargained for. They sat in silence, drinking their tea. When they finished, Harm raised his eyebrows asking "Why don't we take another one and you spill?"
Mac thought for a second and nodded. "Ok, and I like a cinnamon roll with it."
When tea and rolls were on the table, she took some moments to collect her thoughts. "We had a row yesterday. You know, Harriet asked me to baby sit little AJ and I told Mic and he said it was OK, since he did have other plans. But then something turned up, Mic was home after all and he wanted me to stay home as well. I went anyway and after I came home Mic was …"
"Furious?" Harm offered.
"No, he … he never was …. But he made me feel like a little girl again, like with my dad," Mac struggled to explain.
Harm's head yanked up, alarmed.
"Like with your dad? You mean…" He hesitated, then placed his hand on her arm. "Mac, did he hit you?'
"No," Mac shook her head. "He never raised his hand against me." She took another sip from her tea and inhaled deeply before she started to explain "Some months ago he asked me to come with him, to a brunch at Larry Kaliski's, that is the senior partner in the firm he just started to work at. He wanted to show me off, I guess. I refused, I knew nobody there. When we finally were at the party I acted like a brat and…and then he ordered me to shut up and go back into the car. And I did, Harm, I did. Over ten years of Marine training and I obeyed him.
Harm was about to say something but she shut him up by raising her hand.
"In hindsight he was right that time. Well, not by ordering me but I was acting selfish and immature. When you have a relationship with something there are certain things you just do for each other and going to that brunch should have been one of them. Even if I didn't feel like it, his new job was important to Mic and I should have supported him." She sighed.
"But after a couple of weeks it became a pattern. Every time I did not want to do something he wanted me to do he started pouting, pulling the "you're selfish and immature and I gave up so much for you" card and he made me feel guilty. After a while I got afraid to disappoint him, afraid of his disapproval. He never said it, but I could feel it. I started to count with it, anticipate his reactions, cater to his wishes to the point I didn't do anything without first thinking how he would react." She shook her head angrily, in disgust with herself. "I can't believe how stupid … I've been there and I swore to myself I would never be in the same situation again."
Harm knew better than to contradict her at this moment but made a mental note to come back to it later on.
The second cup of tea gone, they decided to leave. When they walked in the festively decorated mall again, Mac heaved a sigh. Harm looked at her "What?"
"Well, at least it was nice to have someone to celebrate Christmas with. Now it's only me and myself again," Mac shrugged.
"You can celebrate it with me," Harm blurted out.
Mac blushed. "Do you mean it?"
Harm nodded "Yes. As you said, it's nice to have someone to celebrate Christmas with. And I'm certainly not going to celebrate with Renée." He looked at her with puppy-eyes. "And I like you hanging out with me…"
Mac smiled shyly and nodded. "I'll be there." A seemingly dull Christmas suddenly became a lot brighter. Harm beamed at her approval. "Well, if we are to celebrate Christmas together, I certainly need decoration," he said with a grin. "And I was at the mall to buy tinsel," Mac remembered. " But are you ok with it, decorate for Christmas, I mean. I don't want you to do …" He shushed her with a finger on her lips and she had to suppress the sudden urge to kiss it.
"I'm ok with it. Renée wanted to decorate the whole house, large tree, wreaths, garlands, holly, mistletoe, stockings, you name it, she wanted it. I'm ok with a smaller tree and maybe some candles," he winked, knowing how much Mac loved to burn a candle.
"Right, let's go then," Mac laughed, leading him to the Christmas shop she already had in mind.
After entering they started to linger among the various shelves and commented on the contents.
All of a sudden Mac started to chuckle, than laughed out loud "that will be the perfect Christmas decoration for you." She pointed at a couple of trays with small Stearman airplanes, just like Harm's, in yellow, red and white. Harm joined her laughter, than nodded and put them in his basket. He added some thick dark blue tinsel, soft white lamps, and ended with a large star to top the tree. "It will be like flying in the evening," he defended his choice while Mac all but collapsed with giggles. On their way to the counter candles were put into the basket too, as well as the tinsel Mac had came for. At the counter she protested when he paid for all of it "You don't have to do that." Harm didn't pay attention, accepted the receipt and bag from the clerk and walked out, leaving Mac no choice but to follow.
Outside he said "I know but I wanted it" and then surprised them both by bending over and giving her a quick kiss on the lips.
Mac grew silent, which made Harm getting more nervous by the second.
After what seemed eternity she asked "Why did you do that?"
Harm let out a nervous little laugh. "Because I'm relieved after breaking up with Renée and we have our friendship back and there are no prying eyes from Mic when we share a laugh and we are going to celebrate Christmas together and it, … it just felt good," he tried to explain apprehensively, afraid how Mac would react.
Mac tried to stay firm. "You can't do something just because it "feels good", "she told him in a stern voice. "You could end up being sued for improper behaviour, let alone get yourself in all kinds of trouble." Harm nodded ruefully. "I'm sorry."
When Mac thought he looked suitably chastised, she let her severe attitude slip and added with a coy smile "by the way, you kissing me did feel good" Harm looked relieved and even a bit smug, so Mac decided to set him straight right away and smacked his upper arm. "Don't you gloat, Flyboy, next time you're not of the hook as easily," but then ruined all by the smile she gave him.
On their way out of the mall, Mac spotted something in a window. A secret smile graced her lips, it was perfect. She made Harm stand still and told him to wait, when she rushed inside the shop. Harm could see her pick up an item, stay in line to pay for it and then exiting, whatever it was she bought safely tucked away in a small bag.
Once she was next to him again he asked curiously "What did you buy?"
"Need to know, Flyboy," Mac answered him with a mischievous smile. When he pouted, she playfully nudged him and added "You will know, in due time."
While they walked to the parking lot, it now was Harm who grew silent. After they reached Mac's car he spoke though "Let me escort you home."
"Why?" Mac asked surprised. "I can find the way back home, you know. Marines do have some navigation skills as well," she winked.
Harm grinned. "I know, but …"
Mac raised a brow when he did not finished his sentence. "What?"
When he did not answer, she prodded "What is it, Harm?"
At first he hesitated but than he seemed to made up his mind. "Call me foolish or over protective," Mac pulled a face here "or gut feelings or whatever you want but…" his voice trailed again "but I like to come with you and stay the night."
The only thing Mac could do was stand and stare at him in shock.
When Harm realised what she must been thinking, he exclaimed "O no, it's not what you're thinking, it's Mic."
Now Mac's face was screaming confusion al over.
"I mean," Harm tried to explain, "I don't trust him. His reaction, what he will do."
Mac still shook her head in incomprehension.
Harm took a deep breath. "You told me how controlling he acted. I too know he does not like to lose. I'm afraid about how he will handle the two of you breaking up when he realizes it is over. Controlling men often turn into stalkers, you know that as well as I do. We both persecuted stalkers often enough to know. You haven't been home alone yet after … you know. I just want to be sure you're safe."
Mac nodded thoughtfully. She hadn't thought of that. Besides that, she wasn't ready to get rid of Harm's presence, not now they reconnected again.
"Ok, you can use the spare room."
Relieved Harm headed to his own car, and followed hers to her apartment.
Thursday night, 00.07 hour
Mac's apartment
It was a little over 12:00, Mac and Harm were already both asleep when a key was slowly and carefully put into lock of the door and turned. A man tried to make his way in but was stopped by the chain on the door. He pulled back for a moment, to figure out his next move. He made an effort to wriggle his hand in and unlock the chain but in vain. That upset him even more. All cautiousness thrown in the wind, he started pounding the door, yelling and cursing.
Harm and Mac were jolted from their sleep. It only took them seconds to locate the source of the noise. Harm jumped out of bed, grabbed his sidearm from the nightstand and headed to the living room, finding Mac already there. The banging didn't cease for a moment, nor did Mic's angry shouting "Danm'it, let me in, you bitch! I know you're there. Open the door, slut!"
"No Mic, I'm not opening the door. We broke it off, remember. I don't want to talk to you nor have you in my home anymore. Besides, you have been drinking. Go home, sleep it off," Mac told him.
"No way! Let me in, you little whore! I know he is there, that bastard! I kill him!" sounded the furious voice from her former boyfriend, followed by another loud bang, when he tried to force his way in. His foot now hit the door again, and again and again.
Harm now was standing next to Mac, his service gun in his hand. "You better get yours too," he whispered but Mac already had it with her.
At that very moment the door gave way and in a shower of splinters Mic almost fell into the house. He couldn't keep his balance and tumbled face down on the floor, still cursing. As he looked up, he looked right into the barrels of two guns, held by two determined officers.
"You should not have come here, Mic," Mac told him in an icy voice. She cocked the trigger, and ordered Mic to lay on his stomach, keeping his hands where she could see them. Harm in the meantime walked around him slowly, till he could grab Mic from behind. Despite the weapons pointed at him, it looked like the Australian was ready to fight but then thought better of it. Harm made his move and "Call 911, Mac, I have him," he said between his teeth, kneeling on Mic's back, keeping his sidearm pointed at the prone man's head. "Don't you dare to move," he addressed him again when Mic again seemed to make an attempt to stand up. "Or do, for I would love to have a reason to shoot."
After what seemed eternity but according to Mac's internal clock was only 4 minutes and 34 seconds they heard the sound of sirens approaching fast. Moments later four cops appeared in what was left of the door…
Friday, 10.15 hours
JAG Headquarters
After only a couple of hours sleep both were at the office just in time for staff meeting. They had to force themselves to focus on the meeting, stifling a yawn now and then, something which not went unnoticed by the Admiral. "Rabb and MacKenzie, my office," he barked when the others went to concentrate on their cases. Harm and Mac shared a look, they knew they were in for a chew out.
When they stood in attention before the Admiral's desk, Harm decided to get the bull at the horns. "Permission to speak freely, Sir?" he asked.
"The two of you better have good reason for your sloppy behaviour this morning," Chegwidden grumbled.
Quickly Harm started to explain the events of the night before and while he did, the Admiral's face became less grim. When Harm had finished, he ordered them to take a seat, indicating they were off the hook. After asking Mac a couple of questions to clarify some points he nodded.
"Well, I can see you're not to blame. Any pressing cases today?"
Harm shook his head. "I have an interview in 10 minutes, Sir, after that it's paperwork."
"For me too, Sir, paperwork it is," Mace joined in.
"Alright, just as well. You finish as much as possible this morning, I'm giving you the afternoon off. I guess you have to report to the police station as well."
When they both nodded, the admiral added "Be sure to brief your assistants, then you can leave at 12:30. Dismissed."
Harm and Mac came to attention "Aye, aye Sir," turned and left the admiral's room. Only after they had left the admiral allowed himself a smile. He himself had not been too big a fan of the Aussie.
They left headquarters at 12.30, went for a quick lunch and then drove to the police station to give their witness statements. It took quite a while but finally the officer was satisfied and they were dismissed. When leaving the building, Mac suggested she followed Harm to his apartment. Harm shook his head.
"I have to be sure Renée really left, Mac. If she's still there and you turn up with me, she might act it out on you," he explained.
Even as Mac felt she was a Marine and didn't need any protection and as she had one or two things she would like to say to the blonde video-princes as well, she knew an altercation between her and Renée would be very embarrassing and painful for Harm, so she decided not to object.
She was rewarded with a flash of relief on Harm' face. He gave her a quick smile "I call you," before both headed to their cars and drove of.
When Mac came home she discovered the landlord had been true to his word and her door was replaced. A note taped on it informed her that she could retrieve her new keys at her neighbour's, the same elderly lady who had kindly offered to sit and wait for the handymen. She was offered a cup of tea and the lady filled her in about the repair of her door. Mac noticed no Christmas decoration was present yet and when she asked why, it turned out the lady had to get rid of all her decorations when she moved and that didn't have a car so was not in the opportunity to go out and shop. Mac was quick to offer her a ride, chuckling inside for that would mean Christmas shopping again for Harm. They made an appointment for the next Saturday.
When she arrived at Harm's, he filled her in about his afternoon. When he had arrived home, true to her word all of Renée's stuff was gone and the key was on the table accompanied by a note wishing him the best.
Harm had gone grocery shopping and the heavenly odours of chicken from the oven were all over the place. Both had changed into jeans and a sweater and after a comfortable meal they sat at the table and discussed the case on hand. When they were satisfied about the strategy they plotted out, a cup of coffee was next on the programme, followed by decorating.
Harm had already set the tree so they could start right away. First came the lights, then Harm carefully hung the airplanes, causing Mac to bite her lip in order not to burst into giggles again. Finally they took turns applying the tinsel and Mac got the honour to place the star on top.
At the end of the evening the two crashed on the couch and admired their handiwork.
Mac scooted over to Harm and laid her head on his shoulder. He shifted his arm and she pulled back, trying to hide the hurt she felt. Harm looked sideways and immediately read her thoughts. "Hey," he said softly "I only wanted to wrap my arm around your shoulder."
Happily Mac snuggled back in and heaved a content sigh when she felt herself surrounded by his strong arm. It didn't take long before her exhaustion got the better of her and she dozed off.
Harm realized he himself was threatening to fall asleep and they would wake up stiff and sore if they stayed like that. Softly he shook Mac awake.
"Sweetie, you're almost sleeping and I don't think the couch is a proper resting place. Do you want to drive home?" He frowned since he didn't know whether it was save for her to drive in her drowsy condition. "Or I can bring you home, or you can stay here. You can take the bed," he offered, hoping she chose to stay. Little did he know Mac thoughts were running the same path, if not further. She smiled at him "I'd like to stay."
Harm could keep the grin from his face. "I'll get you a t-shirt and …"
"Actually, I have my sea bag in my car," she cut him short.
"I'll get it," Harm said but Mac was already on her way out. It occurred to her her "sea bag" might reveal more than she was ready for. Her mind went back to the afternoon. After finishing her chat with her neighbour lady she had done some chores, all the time debating with herself whether to pack a bag or not. Just in case. Finally she ended up packing enough clothes for the weekend, including a clean uniform. She was ready but was he? All at once uncertain she decided to leave the garment bag with the uniform in the car and quickly removed some items from her bag. She always could get them later, couldn't she? She added a small bag though, one she knew Harm would recognize.
"What took you so long?" Harm asked when she re-entered the house. "Had to grab another package," Mac explained, slightly blushing since although it was the truth, it was not the whole truth. Luckily for her Harm was too busy loading the dishwasher to notice. He did react though when she added "I have something for you." She handed him the small bag and when Harm opened it, it revealed a beautiful ornament, a small Santa in his sleight, pulled by seven reindeers. It took Harm a few second to find his voice, then he pulled her in a quick hug, whispering "Thank you, it's beautiful" in her ear. Mac shrugged "well, with your tree having the theme of flying in the night, I thought Santa should not to be absent."
"Guess you're right," Harm told her, a big smile on his face while he carefully relocated some planes in the tree to give Santa a place of honour. When he turned he saw Mac rooted to the spot, staring at him.
Flashback
The police had gone. Harm and Mac looked at each other, feeling equally exhausted. It was almost 4 and they had little over 2 hours of sleep ahead of them. Harm yawned and stretched. "I guess we better make the best of the time left," he said. Mac nodded but did not move. Only when he turned to disappear to his room she moved, grabbing him at the arm. He looked at her and she blushed and swallowed. "Stay with me," she whispered. "I don't want to be alone now." Her voice sounded so small and all of Harm could do was nod and follow her to her bedroom."
End of flashback
Mac took a deep breath. Harm looked at her questioning. "Can… can you hold me tonight?" she whispered. "Like you did yesterday?"
Speechless Harm nodded. After seconds he found his voice back and hoarsely asked "You're sure?" When Mac nodded, he suggested "You can take the bathroom first."
Mac turned and disappeared into the second room, knowing it would be easier to be in bed and watch him walking towards the bed than him watching her.
Ten minutes later they lay in the bed, Mac with her head on Harm's chest, her arm around his waist and his around her shoulder. Harm aimlessly draw figures on the skin of her arm.
"This change things, you know that."
Mac nodded, her hair tickling his chest, but did not respond.
Not knowing to take her silence as bad or good sign Harm decided to push a bit further "I like to make these changes permanent." He heard her slight gasp and waited with apprehension for her reaction.
Mac felt tears well up in her eyes. "You're ready?" she whispered.
"To let go? Yes, I am. I realise you might need some time to come to terms with what your relation with Mic had become, but after that…" he lifted her face just enough to be able to look into her eyes "would you go out with me, on a real date?"
She could just smile and nod.
"And in the meantime we could just hang out, like old times," he added hopefully "and of course spend Christmas together."
Mac snuggled in and nodded. "Yeah, let's." She laid her head back on his chest and dozed off, the last thing she felt being his kiss on the crown of her head.
The end