Chapter 1: Once In a Lifetime Opportunity...This Is It

I never cared for large crowds of people, especially strangers. I am a rather quiet person who likes to keep to myself and who feels that personal space is something that more people should be mindful of. Too many people, it seems, have no concept of personal space and I've never been able to understand why. For example, you are in the checkout line at a store and the person behind you feels the need to stand so close to you that you can feel their breath on the back of your neck. What is the need for that? Are they that afraid that someone may cut them in line if they are standing farther than an arms length behind you? Due to the lack of respect that people have for those around them I try to avoid situations where there are clusters of strangers. I don't go to many parties either because, though I may know many people there, I know that I won't know everyone and I will undoubtedly feel uncomfortable with too many strangers near me. Of course, being shy doesn't help. I tend to be more of an observer in life. When I have been dragged to a party or an event one can usually find me in a quiet corner just watching people and taking everything in. I analyze people's actions and though I have never formally studied psychology, I feel that I have gathered a significant amount of knowledge in the area just from really studying people.

Given my...fear of crowds, I guess you could say, it is strange that today I find myself in a crowd of 18,000 screaming people. Today, January 17, 1989, is my 21st birthday. My best friends Jessica and Karina have spent months planning a birthday that they hoped I would never forget. I knew they were planning something huge, but I had no idea it would be something like this.

Both Jessica and Karina are singers. Although neither of them have their own record deals, their voices along with their beauty have landed them many gigs as backup singers with some of the top people in the business. When the three of us were growing up we used to have our own little girls group. I would write the songs and choreograph the dance steps that we would perform at various talent shows. People really seemed to enjoy our performances and would tell us that we had a great shot at making it one day. Though my girls reveled in the thought of that, I did not. Though I enjoyed writing, singing and dancing I was too afraid of fame. With fame comes crowds of people, fans and paparazzi. It's just not something that was for me. I eventually stopped performing with my best friends, much to their dismay. They still have not given up on it either. Always, they are telling me that I should pursue a career as a performer.

"Alissa, you have the gift girl. You could really make it." Jess always says. Karina would then chime in with, "God has blessed you with talent, that we, along with so many others, could only dream of. I am sure that He would not want that talent to lie dormant, hiding from the world." They made valid points, but the idea of fame is just not something I can wrap my head around. I just don't have the personality to deal with it all. I am very supportive of the two of them pursuing their dreams, however, and I am amazed at how far they both have come.

Given who they have come to know since their careers began they were able to plan for me this amazing birthday celebration. But getting to the place that I now stand was not very easy for me to do.

Last night, I was relaxing on the sofa in my Encino apartment after a very long day at work. I was watching Sleeping Beauty. I know it's silly for a woman to spend the eve of her 21st birthday watching cartoons but I love them. I love to just leave my troubles behind and get lost in a fantasy world for awhile. I was singing along to my favorite part of the movie, where Aurora (Briar Rose) first meets her prince, "I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream. I know you, the gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam..." when there was a knock at my door. I turned off the TV and waltzed over to the door singing where the movie left off, "And I know it's true that visions are seldom all they seem, but if I know you, I know what you'll do. You'll love me at once the way you did once upon a dream." I opened the door to find two very excited faces looking back at me.

"Girrrrl," Jess dragged out, "you are going to love us so much!" Karina chuckled, "Yeah, umm, maybe you should sit down."

"Alright" I smiled brightly as I walked back over to the sofa. I had a hunch that this was going to be about my birthday and I couldn't wait to hear what they had planned.

The two girls sat on the love seat adjacent to the sofa looking at each other trying to decide who should be the one to tell me. I was reeling with anticipation and they were taking way too long for me. "Come on girls, out with it, tell me what it is that I am going to love you so much for."

"OK, OK." Karina began, "Well, as you know, you only turn the big 21 once, and we really wanted to make this birthday special for you. We wanted to make this birthday a celebration that you would never forget. So we both sat down to think about what we could do to achieve that. I mean yeah, we could have planned a weekend getaway to Las Vegas, like so many do when they reach this age, but that just wasn't special enough. Then a few months ago, we learned that a certain someone, that you love, was going to be in L.A. on your birthday. So we started to put a plan into motion." Right then I had a very good idea of who they were talking about but didn't let on that I did. Music was always such a big part of my life and I enjoyed listening to it as much as I enjoyed creating it. Though I truly had an appreciation for all music, there was always one person who stood out to me more than any other artist or band. There was something about the way his music moved me. Each time I listened to him I could feel the electricity pulsating through me. No other artist's work has ever had the effect on me that his music does. Watching him dance was an experience in itself as well. When he sings, it is with the voice of angels. When his feet move, you can see God dancing.

I looked over at Jess who was practically bouncing up and down in her seat with excitement. She looked like she was going to explode. "We're going to see Michael Jackson!" Jess bursted out. "You are going to meet him! We got backstage passes to meet him before we sit, or really stand, front row center to watch him perform!" Karina beamed. Their excitement soon faded when they noticed that I wasn't saying or doing anything. "Are you OK?" Karina asked. I was frozen. I was in shock. I was also horrified.

I didn't want to upset Jess and Karina, I could only imagine what it took them to get tickets to the sold out show let alone front row center and backstage passes, but I didn't know how in the world I was going to be able to handle it. All those people crowded around me, pushing into me, jumping on me. The air would be a concoction of the hot breath and the aroma that emits off of thousands of people. I can hardly handle a group of 20 strangers in a room, how was I ever going to be able to deal with this? As if that wasn't enough to worry about I was going to meet him. Would I get a chance to talk to him? What would I say if I did? The man is a genius, the greatest entertainer of all time.

"Hello, earth to Alissa." The sound of Jess's voice broke my thoughts. "Ali, what's wrong? Why do you not seem excited?" Karina asked.

I didn't know if I would be able to do this, to put aside all of the fears running through my mind but I knew I couldn't let Jess and Karina down. After what they did for me, I could never tell them how I felt. Well, at least not completely. "I am...I'm...um...I'm excited. Very much so actually. I"m just in shock. I can't believe that you guys did this. Wow. You guys are just so amazing." I said sincerely.

"See Karina, I told you that she would love it." Jess stated pleased that she was right. Karina had a concerned look in her eyes. I knew what she was thinking. She was always very sensitive to my feelings, sometimes I wondered if she could read my mind. I knew she would want answers but I didn't want to tell her everything. Though I knew she would be understanding, it would also hurt her and Jess if they knew how I felt about going. I decided to only tell half the truth.

"I'm just so nervous." I chuckled. "I cannot believe I'm going to meet him. What am I going to wear? What am I going to say? Oh God, please don't let me make and idiot out of myself." They both laughed at this. "Ali, there is no reason for you to be so nervous. I mean, yeah he's like your idol and everything but come on, he's only human, like the rest of us. He still puts his pants on one leg at a time, ya know?" Jess said very matter of factly. Jess was always the crass one of the group. She was the tough girl. In all the years I've known her I never once saw her cry. She has always been the loud, fun-loving, tell you like it is kind of girl. Karina, however, was the emotional one. She had a huge heart and wore it on her sleave. She was always concerned with the feelings of those around her. She was affectionate, warm, and sensitive. I would say that my personality resembles Karina more so than Jess. I am similar to her but I am an analytical person. I pay attention to detail, I'm a perfectionist and tend to think and re-think everything way too much. I tend to keep to myself, aside from my two best friends of course, I'm very shy when meeting new people. I am very sensitive too and ultimately I seek acceptance from people. I want to be loved and give my love in return.

"Ali, we know that you are nervous about this whole thing but we will be right there with you every step of the way. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and we are happy that we will be there to share it with you. You know that everything that happens in life is for a reason. For whatever reason, you are meant to meet Michael Jackson and who knows the event could even change your life." Karina said in a sincere, soft spoken voice.

I knew that they both were right. As always, they made valid points. We continued to talk about what tomorrow would bring for a while longer before deciding to call it a night. When I went to walk them out Karina stopped me, "Are you sure that you are OK? I mean, I know how you feel about crowds of strangers and I know you are shy when meeting new people. Jess thought that this would be an exception and that you would be OK, but I had my doubts." Boy did she hit the nail on the head. She was the only person who could read me like a book. It was kind of scary actually. I decided to not confide in her about my feelings even though she seemed so concerned and understanding. I really did not want to hurt her feelings. "No, I'm fine, really. I was just shocked is all. I still kinda am. Thank you both so much for this. I'm sure I will never forget it." Karina gave me a thoughtful look, searching for answers in my eyes. I don't know what she saw there but she let it go.

After they left I laid in bed going over the things that they said. I am a firm believer that there are no accidents in life, that everything happens for a reason. So, there must be a reason for me having this opportunity. The opportunity to meet the man that I most admired. Then I thought that perhaps Jess and Karina were hoping that he would change my mind about becoming a performer myself. From the interviews I've seen and things I've read about Michael Jackson I would say that quite the contrary would happen. I'm sure that he loves his work, and enjoys the creation process just as I do but, from what I've seen fame is something that he's just as afraid of as I am. I know that he loves his fans but he's afraid of them as well. Being surrounded by a mob of hormone crazed teenage girls can be very dangerous to one's health. Then, of course, there's the paparazzi stalking him and watching every move that he makes. Then to sell their papers they embellish everything that he does and turn it into something negative. I've heard a lot of the rumors that have been spread about him but I refuse to believe any of it. I mean these stories of him are sharing cover space with the alien from mars with 6 heads that married a human and had 10 funny looking babies. I mean good Lord, it's ridiculous that anyone falls for any of that crap. All it shows me is that the media will go to great lengths to destroy a person. I believe that it most likely stems from jealousy. Whoever is at the top they want to bring down and there is no question that right now, Michael Jackson is at the top. It is for reasons like this that I do not wish to pursue a career in that business. It would crush me, as I am sure it does the same to him.

Then it dawned on me, him and I seemed to have a lot in common. We were both shy, sensitive people, looking for love and acceptance from the world. Jessica was right, he is only human. He has a heart and things hurt him just as they do anyone else. He has dreams and fears just like I do. Despite how untouchable and god-like he may seem to so many suddenly I realized that he is just a man named Michael. A man who excels at what he does, a man devoted to his craft, but also a man who has been hurt by so many. Although I was still a bit nervous about meeting him I did feel a little bit better. As for the crowd of people I would be dealing with tomorrow, well I guess it's a small price to pay to see him perform live just a few feet away from me. The energy I feel just from a recording, I thought, was amazing in itself. I laid there thinking about what I would feel to be there, in person, as I drifted off to sleep and into pleasant dreams.

...

Michael's POV

It's about four hours until show time and I am sitting backstage, in a dressing room, at the Memorial Sports Arena. Normally, I would arrive about an hour before as it's the second performance in L.A. so everything is set up and ready to go. In the past when we would do multiple shows in one location I get into costume, hair, and make-up at the hotel so when I arrive to whichever arena we are performing at I need only meet with the crew briefly to make sure we are all set, have the entire group meeting and prayer, and then do a final touch up on my hair and make-up, if necessary. Today though, is special. My manager, Frank, has set up a meeting with three fans prior to tonight's show. He told me that two of the women are singers who have performed with some well-known artists and that they are surprising their best friend for her 21st birthday with the show and this meeting with me. I was reluctant, very reluctant, to do this. I adore my fans, really I do. The fans are what give me energy, I need them like I need oxygen to breath. They are a source of great strength for me. So why would I be leery of meeting fans face to face and sitting down for a conversation? Well, to be honest, I am very shy. I don't like to talk very much, especially to people I don't know. I get embarrassed very easily and I'm always worried that I will say something wrong, or do something that makes me look stupid. I don't like to make mistakes, anything less than perfection is not acceptable. So when something goes wrong I really am hard on myself. I try, when meeting people, to come across as confident as I can. I suppose it's a defense mechanism, I really don't want people to see how terrified I am. People make me nervous yet it seems that when I am in a room I am the center of attention though I would much rather be the guy in the corner looking on.

Frank was able to talk me into doing this meeting though. He explained that the best way to fight back against the medias outrageous lies about me was to show as many people as I can just how normal of a guy I really am. I agreed that he was right and so agreed to go through with what he set up. Of course, I can't let my guard down though. I've learned that I really cannot trust anyone because people will sell you out in a minute if it will gain them something. So I will put on an act, show them that although I am quiet and polite I am confident and strong. It is important to make a good impression and I hope I can do it. The meeting is to only be for one hour. I can handle one hour.

...

Alissa's POV

I woke up feeling refreshed as the morning sun shown through the French doors of my bedroom. Today is my birthday, I am now 21. As I walked to the bathroom to take a shower I had a strange feeling about today. Today was the day that I was going to meet Michael Jackson and somehow I knew that the events of today were going to change my life. For better or for worse I knew things were going to be different, I just wasn't sure how.

Shortly after getting dressed there was a knock at my door. I flung open the door to hear, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" from two very excited and very beautiful women. "Aww, thanks you guys" I replied, trying my best to match their excitement. "Wow, you look amazing Ali" Karina said. "Yeah you really do" Jess added as she motioned for me to do the spin around. I blushed and thanked them and returned the compliment to them both. They took me out for a late breakfast at our favorite little bistro and then we did a little shopping before our very big plans.

It was 3:30 p.m. when we arrived at the Memorial Sports Arena. We were early but we wanted to make sure that we had enough time to get here in case of traffic. The three of us sat in the car waiting until it was time to go in. As the minutes ticked by my nervousness began to grow. Despite my realizations the night before, the man I was about to meet was still Michael Jackson. The man who dazzled the entire world with his music, his dancing, his sheer presence. I had no idea what to expect in this meet and greet. I've always wondered what he is really like behind closed doors. I've learned from Jess and Karina that many celebrities are really quite different from how they seem to the public. Jess told me one time about a certain singer, who I will not name, that everyone adored but when she worked with her she found her to be arrogant, bossy, and just outright rude. I then wondered if Michael would be different than how his fans perceive him. He always seemed to me to be a kind, generous, loving person, but what if he wasn't really? What if he was quite the opposite? What if he was arrogant or rude?

As I've said before, I have a vast knowledge in psychology. If I just spend some time with people I can usually read them fairly well. I can see through people too. I can see past whatever mask they may wear and see who they are deep down in their soul. I find that some people are easier to read than others but if I spend enough time with anyone I can figure them out. I was only going to have an hour with Michael. I hoped that an hour would be enough to see the man that very few ever get to see.

"Ali," the sound of Jess calling my name interrupted my thoughts, "are you ready?" I looked at the clock it was almost 4:00 p.m. "I...I...uh yeah. I'm ready."

"Don't be nervous, OK? Everything is going to be great. I promise" Karina said to me with a smile. Her voice was soothing and seemed to ease my mind, if only for a few moments.

We walked to the backstage door and we were greeted by Michael's manager Frank DiLeo. He was a very large, very intimidating man but when he spoke he seemed to be very kind.

"Good afternoon ladies." Frank said with a slight smile. "You must be the birthday girl. Happy birthday."

"Yes I am, thank you. I'm Alissa, it's nice to meet you." I said as I reached my hand out to shake his. "Pleasure's all mine" Frank replied as he shook my hand firmly. A handshake could say a lot about a person. A strong-hold and firm shake meant that the person was confident, strong-willed, and a leader. Someone with a soft, gentle hold was more sensitive, gentle, and quiet.

"Right this way ladies. You will be meeting with Mike in one of the back-up singers dressing rooms." He let out a slight chuckle and quickly covered his mouth to try to hide his amusement. I wondered what was humorous about that. He cleared his throat and continued, "You will have one hour with him uninterrupted. You can ask him anything that you want, he has agreed that he will answer all questions that you have. However, if they are too personal then he has the right to decline, got it?" Frank had a slight hint of warning in his voice during the last part. This may have scared some people a little but I saw through him already. He was just being protective of Michael.

We finally reached the door to the dressing room and Frank gave a hard knock at the door. I faintly heard a quiet voice respond, "Come in." Frank turned the door knob and my heart nearly stopped. This is it...