To summarize: Link is the First-Person Narrator, adventurer-turned-private-eye. Hilarity will ensue. Funny nicknames will not be ignored, and the word "dame" will be in abundance.

Which leaves the question: "Why? Why did you have to go and write this drivel?"

Because I wanted to kill Navi. Badly. So badly it hurt at night.

LOL I'm trying to pick up the "Detective" diction, can you tell?

Please enjoy this! I'll mostly be using the Ocarina plotline, but I'll throw in some other references as well, maybe some of the characters if they work. Try and figure out who dunnit, but FOR THE LOVE OFCAKE don't expect me to answer you when you say in your review "It's Ganondorf in the Kitchen with the Candlestick, right?! AM I RIGHT? I KNOW I'M RIGHT! AM I?!"

Don't work like that, you hear?

Happy Reading!

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10:00, Kokiri Woods. Link's House.

I had a good sleep last night, strangely enough. No dreams, no waking up from Navi's constant tingling, no nothing. It was a weird feeling…

Something was wrong. Something was terribly, horribly wrong.

I sat up from my bed, waiting for the usual "Hey Link, listen," to assault my eardrums. Not a word. The Kokiri outside were going about their daily non-activity, ol' Bessie in the corner was munching on hay, but no flutter of wings, no "Hey!", no sign of my partner anywhere...

Oh, Farore. She's gone.

I walked over to the desk, scanning its surface for a note, a grocery list, anything that would tell me where my fairy was. My trusty Lens of Truth, Ganondorf's mug shot, a dungeon map (I had long since forgotten which one) and other junk cluttered my desk, but no sign as to Navi's whereabouts.

But I mustn't get my hopes up.

From the desk, I looked up to the mirror. A whole month and I still give myself a heart-attack when I see a 10-year-old face staring back at me. It's unnerving. Those of you who've traveled through time know what I mean. I have to wait a full seven years before I can use my Mirror Shield again. And don't even get me started on my tunics: they're hanging up on the wall, all cleaned up and no where to go. I can almost hear them mocking me. "OOH, Link! Wanna go swim underwater? Hope you have a snorkel!" "OOH! Watch out, Link! Don't be getting too close to that fire! You might burn yourself!" Call me crazy, if you want; you've never had a talking bird for a hat before.

I emerged from my house, into the sunlight of the late morning. Kokiri Forest hadn't changed at all since my previous endeavour. I suppose that would make sense; a Kokiri isn't one to enjoy change. Not like me. A day without change is like getting the Hover Boots; sure, the IDEA sounds wicked awesome, but after you try it for five minutes, it's just a huge, boring pain.

"LINK! LINK!" A high-pitched voice broke me from my reflection. I looked down to see the worried face of one of the Kokiri twins. "Link! Come quick!" She paused before managing to choke out, "It's Navi!"

I groaned. I should've known she wouldn't have just up and gone away. She was far too persistent for that. I descended the ladder and moved into a light jog to keep up with the girl. Running without my gear proved extremely easy (and not to mention much quieter); I made a mental note to reduce my carry-on luggage for any future quests.

I was lead into the Lost Woods. As the usual catchy tune echoed into my ears, the temptation to break out into dance was almost overwhelming. But now was not the time to embrace my inner Goron; the dame in front of me seemed too worried for this to be any ordinary fairy problem.

We followed the sound of the music, reaching at last one of the many intersections that made up the woods. This particular one was neighbouring the shortcut to the Zora River, and was just beyond the gate that lead to Goron Village. I paused, wondering why we had stopped in an obviously empty square. It was then I heard the sob of the girl beside me. Following her gaze, my eyes widened.

There, on the ground, lay a small sphere of blue light, the once lively glow now diminished. While the wings were missing, I knew it was her. Having travelled so long with her, I would recognise that face (or lack thereof) in any Fairy Fountain.

As I gazed onto the dead body of Navi, I was of two distinct minds, yet my goal was but one. I swore to find the perpetrator who committed this unforgivable act and bring him to justice...

...and to find what bastard had denied me the pleasure of doing it myself.