-Sake is a very strange thing. While you say you only want one cup, in reality, you want five bottles.

Matsumoto Rangiku, lazy person supreme, proud owner of a pair of G cups, alcoholic, shopalholic, and Vice President of Squad Ten, was not in a good mood. Rangiku's moods were basically good equals bad, moderate equals good, and bad equals nightmare. Her hand was squishing Haineko's hilt as if she was ready to murder them just for looking at her. Somehow, Kyoraku had convinced her to look at her fan fiction. Normally, when some rabid (and highly contagious) writers shipped it to her, she burned it, cackling manically (as a result, Hitsuguya is now avoiding her nervously). The one she had read was one of the more angsty ones. Matsumoto=angsty? Never. Seriously, what had gotten into the authors? There was a reason that she didn't read fan fiction, you know. Back to the subject of the angsty fan fiction. It was a one shot. You know, the over-abused theme of Gin & Rangiku, the ones where she pines after him like a five year old after forbidden candy that was hid on the highest shelf. Kyoraku now turns green like he had had a healthy dose of Orihime's best cooking whenever someone mentions ashes. At least that gave her some comfort.

When Rangiku was pissed, which was usually never, she goes to a sake bar. When she was happy, she goes to a sake bar. When her mood was moderate, she goes to a sake bar. So basically, she has a huge hangover every single day. Poor Toshirou. But now, she was extremely pissed off. So guess what she did? She went to a sake bar. Kira, Hisagi, Renji, and Ikkaku were already there. Kyoraku had decided that it was too dangerous to come that particular day (best wait until Rangiku had drunk herself silly) and was currently hiding out at Ukitake's place. Then due to some ruckus that had woken them up in the middle of the night (*cough*argumentative third seats*cough*), they had snuck out to sleep on the roof, safely (or so they thought until Kiyone and Sentaro decided to have a contest of who took care of Ukitake better) away from the squabbling little children.

So, Rangiku sat in the sake bar with Kira, Hisagi, Renji, and Ikkaku, watching Ikkaku attacking random people who looked at his blinding cue ball of a head, all the while drinking herself silly. Renji had somehow managed to burn a good part of the bar down. Seriously, you should feel bad for the poor barkeeper, he always dreads the nightly visits of the crew which half of whom had all been in Squad 11 (which was fondly referred to as the Insanity Assylum) at some point. That should explain it. Which hardly helped the increasingly enormous lies of the fan fiction society but Rangiku was too drunk to care. So of course, she went along with the idiotic flow and drank until they were all passed out on the floor.

So when her midgety little Captain, Hitsuguya Toshirou finally decided to come looking for her, she was passed out on the floor. Everyone in Soul Society, Hueco Mundo, and the Living World looked up from what they were doing due to an extrememly loud yell of 'MATSUMOTO'. A strawberry looked up from wacking a Hollow wildly with his kitchen knife of a sword and said,

"Matsumoto must have gone to a bar again." It was a common occurrence; every night, you could hear a loud yell of 'MATSUMOTO'. The strawberry shook his head disapprovingly and somewhere, an icon on the computer of a rabid fangirl popped up, saying, 'Ichigo Kurosaki disapproves'. Then, on another computer, a cooking recipe was received:

1. A bit of Toshirou

2. A passed out Matsumoto

3. A tiny dash of Strawberry

4. Enjoy watching it explode

It was then forwarded to a million people.

The next morning, Rangiku had no clue where she was-which wasn't very unusual. After her eyes adjusted to the blinding light, she found herself in the office. With a huge amount of paperwork. Deciding that drinking was better, she headed to her super secret stash of sake. Toshirou came in to find her drunk. He carries her heavy-ass body out of a bar and this is his payment? Wow. Rangiku by now, was drunk.

"Hiya Cap'n Shorty! Want any sake?" she slurred. It didn't help her unfortunate situation whatsoever when she spilled a jug of sake on her short captain. Toshirou, of course lost his temper.

"If you don't get back to work now I will freeze your idiotic ass off," he growled. Rangiku, who was very drunk didn't understand the words. Instead, she threw up on him. As you may know, Toshirou hated being thrown up on. He especially detested a very drunk Rangiku throwing up on him. Didn't she know how long it would take for the sake smell to come off?

"Sit upon the frozen heavens, Hyourinmaru!" A sign was put up in front of the Tenth Division Office:

Caution: slippery. You may bring ice skates. Do not worry. This is completely normal because our Captain has temper issues.

Somewhere in Hueco Mundo, Starrk snored. Lillinette whacked him. He kept snoring. Aizen sighed (because his Escapada were either always sleepy, idiots, mutants with two heads, too slutty, emo, or maniacs) and abused his forehead with a wall and Ulquiorra stared at him because he never knew Aizen-sama was emo like him.

A/N: Like I said, reviews are appreciated so don't be shy peeps! I've tried to write a lot of stories before but I couldn't really think of how to finish them. I really hope I can finish this one. Suggestions will be appreciated and baked in chocolate and fed to a Chappy.

Parody Thingy:

Rukia: Why aren't I in the story?

Me: Patience. I plan to put you in…sometime (cackle)

Rukia: But that could be the last chapter!

Me: Exactly. It leaves many loopholes for me to slip through.

Kon: What about me?

Me: You will be tortured by Yuzu in the next chapter if you still want to be in it.

Kon: …no thanks

Ichigo: STOP CALLING ME STRAWBERRY!

Me: You are a strawberry. Don't speak in Caps Lock, it wastes space.

Ichigo: I DON'T FREAKING CARE!

Me: Of course, you conveniently forgot the fact that I control you in this story, so I can make you do whatever I want like…put you in a ballerina suit and make you confess your love to Byakuya.

Ichigo:…

Rukia:…

Kon: Ha!

Ichigo: (now glaring at Kon)

Byakuya: Did you say my name you worthless human?

Me: Deep breaths, in out, in out. Just leave before I decide to bite you.

Byakuya: …(leaves)

Ichigo: (still glaring)

Me: Lets end it for today before it gets too creepy 'K? 'Cause if Toshirou shows up, I'm dead for saying he has temper issues. Bye!