So this is what happened... I was in a bar drinking several bottles of sake in some place I've never heard of when all of a sudden a giant... weasel comes crashing down mere feet in front of me. I know what you are thinking... RUN AWAY! IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!

Well, you aren't me, Sakura Haruno, a 20 year old former medic of Konoha, and experienced Jounin. You haven't seen the things I've seen. Former medic? Yes, the story goes something like this...

A pink haired girl, that's me, was eating ramen with my best friend in the whole wide world, Naruto Uzumaki. He might be a pain, extreme pervert, and just plain stupid sometimes, but there's nothing more fun than getting drunk on ramen.

That's what I thought until Oro-bitch and his little man whore came and paid Konoha a little visit.

My day didn't start so well today. I woke up at 6:37. That's seven minutes late and I got severely punished at the hospital for it. On the way there, I tripped on a squirrel trying to gather some unknown substance, getting the unknown substance on my neck and shirt.

Then it started stinging like crazy. Running and diving into the next public bathroom, I looked in a mirror and screamed, literally. I got many strange looks, but I didn't really mind at the moment. My neck and shirt was stained blue.

From there, I ran into the clothes store next door and bought a pink hoodie, high enough to cover my strangely colored neck and my shirt that would be burned the minute I get home. My day at the hospital was long and tiring. Finally released, I found Naruto on the side of the street picking a fight with the effeminate Neji Hyuuga.

After healing a black eye and fractured rib, we wet to eat lunch at Ichiraka's. Honestly, we were just happy to get away from a Hyuuga when it is his time of the month.

So here we are in present time. Right now, Oro-bitch and that other guy are eyeing me very strangely. Oh, did that guy (Kabotu, no, Kabuto. Yup, that's it) just wink at me. Oh no he didn't! This means war! Apparently, the two reptile rapists came to create havoc on my Konoha, which, by the way, I am very loyal to.

The next thing I know, a large snake thing appeared behind me and two large fangs bear themselves right at me. I feel a sudden fear for my purity when the pale Snake Man/Lady (I don't know what he/she is?) appears behind me. Dun dun dun dun...

"Tsunade has arrived! Don't you touch her, you slimy little," this is censored due to graphic expletives.

"What'ssss the matter Tssssunade? That hurtssss to hear from a former teammate," Orochimaru said, grinning and licking his lips. With that, he took a step forward and put a hand on my shoulder. I couldn't help it, I screamed.

"No! You monster!" Tsunade bellowed, obviously enraged. Gathering chakra to her hands, she ran forward toward me and Oro-bitch. I jumped backwards, so. not to be flattened or in the middle of Tsunade in one of her pissed moods. Just when I thought that she was going to hit him, he, too, jumped away.

Expecting this, she just turned the slightest bit to be aimed at the large reptile. Being an armless animal, the snake didn't have a very good reaction to move so it ended with a large crater in it's side.

"No! He wasss my only friend! You will pay for thisss, Tsunade! You will pay!" and then he left. Just poof, gone, same for his man whore too.

"Wow, shishou! That was awesome!" I cheered gleefully. She turned to me. "He touched you! You're infected now!" "With what," I asked timidly.

"Get out! Get out of Leaf! You are hereby banished! Just... get out of my sight!" she ran away. I just noticed Naruto is gone too. Oh well, got to get packing.

Packing was pretty easy. All I really needed was clothes, weapons, and toiletries. I already had most of it packed beforehand since I was about to go on a mission.

Hours passes as I ran and ran through trees and more trees. I ended up in a random village. That's what happened. Back to the weasel. A giant weasel comes crashing down a mere few feet in front of me.

Being a medic, my instinct to heal overcame my fear. I knelt down and a green glow showed my chakra healing the massive rodent. But something wasn't right. The weasel's forehead began to detach from it's body. It looked like a robot machine thing from the movies. As the hinges of the "door" opened, none other than the main weasel himself jumps out.

There Itachi Uchiha stood, sexy glory and all. His fish friend guy was with him. I guess you could blame it on the alcohol because I felt no sudden fear or really anything. Since when do the Akatsuki travel in a pack? Four other men all dressed in the all-too-familiar black cloak with red clouds come in the door of the now-destroyed bar.

One had slick silver hair and pink eyes. Another had an orange swirly mask. Another looked just like Ino in girl form, I think that it was a girl, I'm not really sure. The last one was really tall and had stitches everywhere and bright green pupils.

So there I was with six Akatsuki men closing in on me with no where to go. This calls for one thing! More sake! I gulped down the rest of the bottle I was currently drinking.

Red eyes looked into my half drunk ones and I just stared at him. Damn, he's hot! Then the realization dawned upon me.

"Was that your weasel?" I asked, attempting, but failing, at hiding my giggles.

"Hn."

"It was Tobi's ideas!"

"Shut up you damn bitch!"

"Someone's gonna have to pay for the damages."

"Don't fix it! Art doesn't last, un!"

"You like weasels, pinky?"

By then I was bursting out laughing. A few strange looks and laughter filled minutes, I calmed my mind down.

"Soooo, do ya come hear often?" I asked when the awkward silence dug at my nerves and pounding head.

"Actually we were going to ask you a question, un," the Ino-lookalike said.

"Ooooh! I know the answer! Pick me! Pick me!," my arms we waving around in the air.

"Uh, yes, Sakura?" the scarecrow stitch guy said.

"Is is pink? Or seven? Tuesday? R-"

"Hn. We have come to ask you if you will join Akatsuki." Weasel-kun interrupted.

"Really, I feel honored! Sure, I've got no village so why not?" I know what you're thinking. How could you say yes to an evil organization so quickly? Well, like I said, blame it on the alcohol. This sake is really getting to my head.

"Great, pinky! Saves us the trouble of fighting," Fish-guy said. I think his name was Kasame... Kisame. Yup, that's it.

"Let me finish my drinks first," I finished chugging my high quality sake. Hidan reached over to grab the last of my bottles, but failed, as a small chakra-infused hand punched the unsuspecting man in the stomach.

"Hands off, Hidan." As he doubled over in pain, I couldn't help but giggle along with Kisame, who was now drinking the bottle that Hidan attempted to steal. The last drop disappeared and I looked up expectantly at the Akatsuki guys.

My hoodie had been discarded earlier, since I forgot what I needed for and boy, it was hot in here.

"Trying to be like me, Pinky?" Kisame said, looking at my neck. I giggled and muttered something about Smurfs.

"Let's go, un!" I giggled and went out of the bar, escorted by the guys. By escorted, I mean that my wrists were tied together and I was draped over the shoulder of a very sexy Itachi.

I can tell you that the ride wasn't that bad... well, for me. Everyone else got to witness my singing. Which is beautiful, if I do say so myself. "Kiss me, k-k-kiss me, infect me with your love and fill me with your poison. Take me, t-t-take me, wanna be your victim, ready for abduction." I was silenced from a very furious Kakuzu. Humming a song isn't as bad as singing, but it still irritates the hell out of anyone.

A sudden stop made my head ram into Itachi's lower back and butt area. The sound that came out of my mouth was a little bit less than classy. Kind of like a moan and a dying cat mixed together.

"We're here," Itachi stated matter-of-factly.

'Arrogant much.' I thought.

'But very sexy.'

'Inner, go away!'

'But I just got here.'

'Go, now!'

'Hn, fine, but I'll be back.'

A man who's shaggy hair was the same shade of a pumpkin, walked out and peered down at me. By the way, Itachi put me down very gentlemanly while Inner and I were having that spat. The pumpkin man's eyes were a light purple and were ringed.

"Welcome to Akatsuki, Sakura. I am Pein," he said in that deep sexy voice that you only hear in movies.

'Oh man, what did I get myself into?'

There ya go! I hope ya liked it! I just HAD to write a humor fanfic. Please read and REVIEW!
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