Owen stormed out of the house. He just heard the words that he had feared the most. "Owen, I'm gay." Owen didn't want to hear another word from him. He felt himself getting sick to his stomach. Unsure of what to do, he decided to call his trusty friend, Julian.
"Hello?" Julian said.
"Julian, we need to talk." Owen spat into the phone.
"Um… ok. Where?"
"The place. This is serious."
"Ahh, gotcha. Should I just… bring it?"
"Yes."
As Owen sat on the building rooftop with a lighter in his hand, he could only think of how he was gonna live at home with… one of those, as he liked to call them. He didn't even think he could. While his mind was racing as if he were bipolar, Julian showed up behind him, joint in hand.
"Ok bud, what's the problem" he asked his friend, handing him the joint.
"I'd rather not talk about it." He sighed.
"Owen, you got me to come out here, at least tell me what's wrong."
"I said I don't wanna talk about it!" Owen snapped, then lightened up a little. "Can we just smoke this? Please?"
Julian put his hands up in surrender, "Okay, okay. Fine. But you're telling me soon."
Owen rolled his eyes and lit his joint up. About 10 minutes later, he and his friend were both on Cloud 9. Julian was his usual giggling, joke-cracking self, but Owen had a different type of high this time. One that was depressing, melancholy, upset. It also induced verbal diarrhea.
"He's a fag!" He randomly shouted.
Julian looked at him and automatically sobered up a little. Julian, believe it or not, wasn't homophobic at all. Yes, he was friends with Owen, but Owen's homophobia was just one of those things he had to deal with. "Who's a fag?" he asked him.
"Fucking Tristan." He said.
"Ah, I see. So he finally came out to you, eh?"
"Yeah I guess… Wait, you knew?" Owen snapped.
Julian only lightly chuckled. "Uh… Wasn't it obvious? I mean, the way he walks, talks, what he watches? Are you sure you weren't just in the big river?"
"The big river?"
"The Nile?"
Owen was confused.
"Denial, Owen!"
"Ohhhhh… Well SORRY for being high." He said, sighing. "What should I do Ju? I mean, he knows how I feel about people who are… like that. Why would he even want to be that way anyway?"
Julian shook his head. "Owen, has it ever occurred to you that he might NOT want to be that way?"
"What the hell would make you say that?" Owen asked.
Julian sighed. "Think about it O. People in that community get a lot of shit for simply being who they are. You should know from experience." Julian told him. "You just threw that Asian kid, Zane I think, into a dumpster. There's people out there that get murdered."
Though the weed made it look as though he wasn't paying attention, Owen was actually listening. He started to feel a bit of remorse about harassing Riley and Zane and Adam. And regret wasn't ever really in Owen's vocabulary.
"Oh… wow." Owen said, looking down at his sandaled feet (he wanted out of the house as quick as possible).
"I mean, you don't need to baby him, but people are gonna be out there that could really hurt him… or worse." Julian told him.
Owen unexpectedly felt a sharp pain in his stomach. After hearing that statement, Owen couldn't bear the thought of Tristan being hurt in any way, shape, or form. He didn't give a damn when he came home in tears when other kids teased him. Mostly because he never knew why. "Oh, man up", he would tell him. "Quit being a wuss" he would say. And for some reason, Tristan would cry harder. Until now, he realized what he's been doing.
Julian spoke up after a moment of silence. "Look Owen. You love Tristan don't you?" he asked.
Owen sighed. "Yeah, I love him. Of course I do… More than anything."
"And you wouldn't throw him in a dumpster would you?"
"I'd never!"
"And you wouldn't let anyone hurt him, would you?"
"NO!"
And that's when Owen realized it.
'Holy crap, I must have really hurt him back there' he thought to himself. Owen rested his head in his head in his hands.
"Owen, you ok?" Julian asked with a hand on his shoulder.
"Yeah.. Yeah I'm fine I just… Ugh, I'm such an idiot!"
"Owen… this only happened an hour ago, you know. You can fix this."
"You're right… you're right. I'm gonna go fix it. Thanks for the weed bro, I'm out."
Owen walked off as Julian pulled out another joint, laughed and said, "I should be a therapist."
Owen walked back to his house. He stopped in front of the front door and took a deep breath. Even though it was only Tristan he was talking to, he was actually nervous. As he finally worked up enough courage walked in the house. He slipped off his sandals and called for his brother.
"Tristan?" he called out. There was no answer.
"Tristan?" he called again. Once again, no answer. This made Owen worry. The house was dead silent and Tristan wasn't coming downstairs. It was then when Owen put the pieces together. But just to make sure, he called out for him once more.
"Tris!" he yelled. And there was no answer. Owen felt his stomach drop, his throat choke, and his eyes sting with tears.
"Oh my god." He whispered to himself as he darted up the stairs and charged into his baby brother's room. Inside, he saw Tristan in a corner, curled into a ball, shaking. Owen quickly blinked away his tears.
"Tristan, what the hell? Didn't you hear me calling you?" he yelled. Owen seemed pissed, but he was actually relieved.
There was a long pause. Tristan wasn't talking and neither was Owen. Tristan was looking away from him, straight into a wall. Owen could tell he was afraid, but he didn't seem to care.
"TRIS! Answer me!" Owen yelled.
"Please… don't hurt me." Tristan mumbled.
Owen was taken back a little. "… What?"
"I'm sorry ok? Just don't hurt me."
Owen sighed. "Tristan, you know I cant do that."
Out of nowhere, Tristan was doing the yelling. "Really? Why?"
"Because-"
"Because Mom and Dad wouldn't like it right?" he yelled. "Because they would be SO disappointed in their PERFECT son! The one that's a complete Neanderthal at school right? The one that outs people for dumbass reasons! The one that beats people and tosses them in the trashcan!"
Owen looked down in shame, but Tristan wasn't finished just yet.
"Well guess what Owen? They're DEAD! And they aren't coming back. They wont be able to see ANY of it!" Tristan said, standing up and looking his older brother straight in the eye. "Do it. Just do it. I don't even care anymore."
"Tristan…"
"DO IT!"
That was far too much for Owen. He backed away from his brother and exited the room. He slid down the door and hugged his knees. It was then when he allowed the tears to flow. Here he was. Owen Milligan. Straight A student, jock, and quite possibly the scariest bully in the Degrassi hallways, crying over his baby brother. But he didn't care. His brother told him to hit him, to beat him. Why? Because he expected it to happen. He expected Owen to physically harm him. Owen didn't WANT to meet the guy who felt fine after that. He felt sick, twisted, like the biggest jackass on the planet. As he let out one soft sob, he heard through the door that his brother was doing no better than he was. His conscience was being two-sided. Either 'Talk to him' or 'Don't, he already hates you'. He decided to go with choice #1. As he picked himself back up and wiped his eyes, he took a deep breath and opened the door. Tristan was sitting at the end of his bed, crying. He knew Owen was there, but he didn't make an effort to acknowledge him. After about 3 minutes of closed mouths, Owen spoke up.
"Tris-"
Owen was once again cut off. "Here to do the honors?" he snapped.
Owen sadly sighed, feeling the tears coming back already. "I could never hurt you, Tristan." He told him, taking a seat next to him. "You know, what you said back there… It really hurt Tris. It REALLY hurt."
"I figured it would." Tristan said, feeling a bit of remorse.
"But it was true. It was all true. You literally told me to hurt you, Tris, because you felt like it was going to happen." He said, his eyes welling up with tears. "I felt like… like a monster. Like I was the sickest person alive."
"Owen, when you left the house, I thought you weren't coming back. I thought you were leaving me alone in this two-story house. Then you came back and called me and… I thought that was it. I thought it was over." Tristan told him.
"Tristan, you scared the fuck out of me." He said. "When you didn't come down I thought… I thought you had…" his voice cracked. He couldn't finish the sentence.
"Owen you know I'm above that."
"But I treated you so horribly. I was yelling because I was relieved. Relieved that I didn't lose the last piece of family I have left." He said, tears streaming down his face. "You're making your big jock brother cry right now but I don't care. I just didn't want to lose you. Tee… I don't care anymore. Be you. Be who you are."
Tristan was shocked. Not only is he seeing his older brother cry for the first time in, well, ever, but he's accepting him for who he really is. "You really mean that, Owen?"
Owen wrapped his arms around him. "Of course I do, Tristan. I love you, more than anything. You mean the world to me. You're all I have."
Tristan couldn't help but cry with him. He also hugged his brother. "I love you too bro."
"Tris, I might not always be there when you need me, but I'm damn sure gonna try."
"That's all I need Owen. That's all I need."
They both stayed in their embrace for about 5 minutes before finally letting go of each other. Owen stood up.
"Well, I'm gonna go in my room now." He said, lightly waving.
"Owen wait." He said. Owen stopped. "I already know the 'no telling anyone about this' rule. So you don't have to tell me later."
Owen smiled at his baby brother and said, "I honestly couldn't care less."
