Mitsuko walked up to the unfamiliar door, pausing. She didn't really want to be here, but she needed volunteer hours for a scholarship. How much trouble could a few old people be, anyways? She sighed and went to ring the doorbell, but before her hand even reached it, the door burst open.
"Hehehe, just try to catch me, you old hag," an elderly man shouted gleefully, hobbling out the door in what he obviously considered to be a run.
"Ranma! How dare you insult my cooking again!" a furious white haired woman wheezed as she tried to pursue the man, hampered by the large wooden hammer she struggled to drag behind her. A male nurse ran up and tried to gently take the mallet away, which caused the old woman to scream and claw at him. Another nurse ran up to assist in holding back the banshee of an old lady.
A chinese woman of about the same age made her way towards the door with the assistance of a walker.
"Airen! Will go out on date with Shampoo?" she shouted, desperately trying to catch up with the man who was now in the yard, still hobbling away, giggling with a gap-toothed smile.
"Ran-chan's MINE, you Chinese hussy!" An aged woman began poking her cane wildly at the feet of the one with a walker, causing the other to grab hold of the cane, and the two struggled over it.
A man sitting in front of the television in a recliner, wrapped in blankets, staring blankly at the screen in front of him suddenly raised his voice, without a change in his dull glaze or sedentary state, and slurred "Pigtailed goddess.... I would date thee..." and slumped over. He appeared dead for a moment, until he snorted and snored quietly.
By now, a pair of female nurses had chased the old man into a corner of the fenced yard. He was still laughing. "You'll never catch me! I'm Ranma Saotome, the best! All these years, and I still have beautiful women chasing me!" He laughed again, and then broke out into wheezing coughs.
A man in an electric wheelchair rolled from around the side of the building, looking around aimlessly. He spotted the wheezing old man, and began rolling towards him.
"Ranma! Prepare to die!" he yelled as he made his way towards the other old man. Suddenly he veered off towards the side, and ran into a nearby bush. He blinked and looked around. "Where am I?" He backed out of one bush, into another. He freed himself of that bush, and then whirred off back towards the side of the building. "Ranma, you coward, come back!" He shouted, failing to notice the man standing almost directly behind him.
Mitsuko stared at the old man as he then attempted to climb a tree to escape the women, when a nurse suddenly appeared in the doorway. She straightened her back, making her as tall as possible, and yelled.
"Mr. Saotome! You get down from there right now!"
The old man stopped, and glanced back at her. He sighed and slipped off the branch he had somehow managed to get on, and allowed himself to be taken by the arms by the two women nurses and escorted back into the building.
The nurse then turned to the first old woman, still screaming at the nurses that tried to restrain her, and produced a small stuffed pig. The woman stopped abruptly, and snatched it away, cooing at the stuffed animal.
The woman with the walker and the one with the cane had evidently worn themselves out, and collapsed against their respective walking aids, muttering insults at each other as they glared.
The nurse turned back to Mitsuko, and smiled tiredly. She straightened her hat, tucking a few wisps of hair behind one ear. "Now, you must be the student who wanted to help?"
Mitsuko looked at her, and peered back into the building, then glanced back at her.
"Umm, I think I'm in the wrong place. Bye!" She ran away.
The head nurse sighed. "There goes another one." An explosion sounded from somewhere within the building, followed by the sound of an old woman cackling. The nurse turned around and shouted.
"Kodachi, get out of the kitchen!" She groaned in frustration, and then shut the door to Nerima's Home for the Aged.
A/N:
I don't know. Pointless one-shot written because I started to think- what if things never really concluded in Ranma-world? What if everyone stayed exactly the same? The image of Ranma as an old man hobbling around being chased by Shampoo in a walker and Ukyo on a cane just struck me as really really funny. I don't think this story cam out as funny as I hoped it would, but whatever. It was just something to help me get back into a writing mood.
And for those who have been watching me to see if I update my old stories, and got an author alert and were all excited and it turned out to be this, I'm sorry, but I promise I have taken up writing again, but I want to finish my stories in writing before I post the new chapters I've written to them. I don't want to be in a situation again where I write myself into a corner, but can't get out of it because I've already posted it.
Naoko Cat Girl