Comments - This... is a trifle odd. I originally started writing it yesterday as a sort of post-regeneration new-look thing, trying to bring out the fact that everything was new. It ended up sounding like he's off his rocker. But I can cope with that - I hope someone likes it, but it is unbeta'ed (just can't find the staff :D), so apologies.
Summary - Was he running on instinct or just making it up as he went along? He was going numb, everything was screaming, everything was wrong. Doctor POV during the regeneration scene in the CI.
Burning
He felt himself want to fall forward as the light faded from outside his eyelids, but he just managed to stop himself, holding onto his inner sense of balance tightly. His mind felt like it had been scrubbed raw and clean with the force of the energy and the change and every new thought seemed to spark little jolts of electricity.
Rose.
Nothing else was important. He forced his eyes open, forced a grin though his skin felt stretched and loose and everything all at once. Forced himself to talk though his throat felt soft with new skin, vocal chords used for the first time. But for Rose, he would do anything, and she needed him right now to be strong while she floundered.
His jumper – once fitting so well – hung on him strangely. It seemed to fit his rough size, but his stature was all wrong, and the soft wool and material of his clothes felt like sandpaper. Every time he moved it was like fire -
- was that vortex energy creeping through his mind like the fires of a timestorm? -
- against him, being burned alive. Regeneration – ha. His body ached for cool water -
- light like water underneath his skin -
- and sleep, but he had to keep talking, playing the fool for her so that she might understand, so that he might understand this regeneration all the sooner.
She was worried, nervous, yelling at him now, and he felt the stab of new-old sorrow clench his old-new hearts. Of course, she didn't understand -
- did he understand, really? It was all so fast, lights flickering on the edge of his vision, sparks on the edge of his mind -
- so he had to make her understand. Forcing down a tight grimace, he took her hand, ignoring the physical pain it brought with it, the very touch sending icy shudders down his spine
– icy tendrils at his mouth where he'd kissed her, but how could something be so hot and yet so cold? -
He brought back the image in his mind of another place, another time, knowing she'd understand what he was saying.
"Doctor?"
And then he had to get away – run back away from this young girl whose touch was burning and scorching his fingers, her eyes burning and scorching his soul, her tears so salty -
- like the taste of salt on her lips from her sweat and her tears as he saved her -
- as they streamed down her cheeks. He was babbling some nonsense from the top of his head -
- was he going into shock, or was this some strange twist of the new body? His mouth kept on talking though he knew from his own ears and her face that he wasn't making any sense -
- and hopping around the control room like a bunny on steroids.
He would take her home, if she wanted. He could see the indecision in her eyes so he jumped to the controls, his mind still racing in it's hyperactive state, ignoring the flashes of agony as newborn skin moved and touched for the first time. A button here, a switch there -
- was he running on instinct or just making it up as he went along? -
- he turned the wheel and pulled a lever. Rose was still standing there, watching him and he knew that he must look insane -
- was he insane? Was this what it was like to be insane, or was it just the regenerative process? -
- but he couldn't stop himself. He couldn't even try.
- Why did everything hurt? Why was his mind full of lights and pain and madness? -
"My he- something's gone wrong…"Something was wrong – everything was wrong. He felt giddy and lethargic and sad and happy and angry and painful and too many things to describe, too many to be possible. He felt like falling and running and screaming and crying. But he couldn't do that – Rose was here.
A bell sounded.
- Music in his ears as the light left him. -
He knew that sound. That meant… that meant something. They were going to crash! Was that a bad thing? Rose's panicked eyes turned on his and he knew he was grinning from the reflection he caught in hers, but he couldn't stop himself. Everything was so funny and if he didn't grin or laugh he'd cry and if he cried he'd fall and if he fell, then Rose would be worried.
He was doing it for Rose. All for Rose. He was taking Rose home.
He laughed as they fell to the floor, but he was up just as quickly -
- the pain he'd felt before, the lightest brush of skin was like a papercut compared to the agony of falling -
- and flinging open the doors. Familiar figures – he burst forwards, feeling ecstatic. He'd done it – he'd brought Rose home. Rose would be pleased.
"Mickey! Jackie!" He flung his arms round their shoulders, slightly surprised that he couldn't feel the pain -
- he was going numb, everything was screaming, everything was wrong -
- and he huddled them close, thinking. He had to say something, something important, something so important that it was inscribed across his mind in blazing fire -
- the fire, it burned, his mind was burning... -
"Merry Christmas!"Was that it? He was sure that wasn't what he'd meant to say, but everything hurt and everything burned and he knew he had to get a grip on himself but he couldn't and he was falling…
Darkness was like a cooling balm, taking away the pain as he slid to the floor, the burning pain dampening as he hit the floor.
"Who's he?""That's the Doctor."