Author's Note: HAPPY AKUROKU DAY EVERYONE! Here's my AkuRoku fic to contribute to the many being published today. I hope you enjoy it, cause I enjoyed writing it. I worked uberly hard on it too (so many tries so few successes XD).
Reviews filled with your thoughts would be wonderful. Any flames will be handed to Axel and Roy Mustang to be delt with.
Key: Italics: The voice Roxas hears. "Plain text in quotations" People talking. 'Plain text in apostrophes'Thoughts.
Disclaimer: I don't own these Kingdom Hearts characters. Only the plotish thing..XD
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Always and Forever, My Love
Roxas rolled over in bed the morning of his 3rd wedding anniversary, dreading it with his whole being before even waking up. His mind just knew it was the day and it wasn't looking forward to it.
It was August 13th. The day he and his beloved Axel had officially vowed to love each other forever. For any normal human being who was going to celebrate the day, it would be a happy day. One to celebrate with friends and family, but for this young blond, it was one day he wanted to avoid. Why? Only a few weeks earlier did his lover die of cancer. It was a prolonged death that had not only been killing the redhead, but at the same time killing the blond too.
Roxas sighed as he stared up at the plain ceiling as he thought about what had gone on in the past few weeks before this dreaded day. First, his number one love died of cancer, and then the voice that sounded an awful like Axel's haunted him constantly, saying things the redhead would say and reminding Roxas of the one he missed. Of course what made things worse is that he was the only one who could hear him speak. Roxas thought that if someone else heard Axel, the name he's decided to call the voice by, that he would be able to cope better, but of course that wasn't the case.
The blond debated on whether or not he should get up and spend the day like any other, or stay in bed and sleep it away. He opted for the latter, figuring that it would be less painful for him to just ignore the date and the seemingly important event that it signified and sleep through it.
Of course though, Axel's voice had different plans.
Roxy, get up. It's a beautiful day out, plus it's our anniversary. I want you to celebrate it with your brother and our friends. You can't coup yourself up in here and pretend that it's not the 13th. It's unhealthy.
Roxas groaned. "Why are you still here?! Haven't you grown tired of haunting me?" A soft sounding chuckle filled the air around him.
I'm not haunting you, silly. I'm just lonely without you. I want to be around you, that's all.
"Yeah well you're annoying me." Roxas told him tiredly.
Wow Rox. Your words hurt me.
Roxas rolled his eyes. He rolled over again in bed and blocked out the voice in his head. He closed the lids of his azure eyes and yawned.
Roxy…come on! Get up!
Roxas grumbled an incoherent response to the voice and pulled his covers over his head. He was about to fall back to sleep when the phone started ringing. Roxas' eyes snapped open and threw back the covers angrily.
He faintly heard a snicker come from somewhere near him, knowing all too well that it was 'Axel' who was laughing at him. He always enjoyed seeing him suffer. Roxas stomped childishly to the phone and picked it up with one angry movement.
"What?!" The blond barked.
"Oh, geez Rox. Did I wake you up?" It was his and Axel's blond friend, Demyx. Roxas rubbed his eyes and grunted. "Sorry Rox if I did. I thought that since it was 12:30 in the afternoon that you'd be up and moving around."
"No, its okay Dem. What do you need?" Roxas asked as he fixed himself a cup of strong, black coffee.
"Just wondering if you'd be up to going out with us today?" He offered. Roxas hesitated. He had planned on not leaving his house, especially today.
Roxas, you should go. It'll do you some good.
Roxas scratched his head in thought.
"Are you still there Rox?" Demyx asked after listening to silence for a few minutes.
"Yeah, yeah. Sorry. Sure I guess I'll go with you guys. For a little bit okay?" He compromised.
"Yay! We'll pick you up in an hour."
"Who exactly is 'we'?" Roxas asked.
"Well the usual gang: Me, Sora, Riku, Naminé, Kairi, Zexion…" Demyx responded.
"Okay. Well see you later." Roxas said, hanging up after saying goodbye. Roxas sighed and took his coffee into the living room where he sat in his and Axel's favorite "cuddling" chair. He took a deep breath of Axel's still lingering smell. He always had this smoky smell, like burning leaves. It was a soothing scent to Roxas' senses. It calmed him down. Oh, how he wish he could be with Axel now, taking in the smell right from him instead of a chair.
Roxy, what are you thinking about?
"How much I miss you." Roxas replied softly. The voice didn't saying anything else, letting him be in his thoughts. Roxas absently took another sip of his coffee as he spaced off.
A few minutes later Roxas was finished with his coffee he got up and walked to the kitchen. He placed the mug in the sink and walked into the bathroom next.
He stepped in the shower and positioned himself under the warm, soothing water. He let it run over his body as he sighed, feeling the build up of tension release and melt off his shoulders immediately.
Roxas hadn't realized how long he had been in the shower until he faintly heard the doorbell ring. His eyes, which had been closed one second, snapped open.
"Shit." He cursed as the blond turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. Roxas hastily dried himself off and wrapped a deep red towel around his waist. Holding up his towel, Roxas ran to the door and flung it open with his free hand. Demyx came into view with his index finger poised on the doorbell, ready to press it again.
"Hey, Demyx." He greeted the older blond. Demyx looked at him and smiled.
"Roxas! Hey! How are you?" He asked.
"I'm fine, thanks." Roxas replied with his own smile.
"You ready to go?" Demyx asked, oblivious to Roxas' current appearance. Roxas gave him a "you're kidding, right?" look. He was standing in a towel, dripping wet.
"Do I look ready to you?" Roxas asked, gesturing to himself. Demyx looked at him before widening his eyes and smacking his forehead.
"Woow. How did I not notice that?" He questioned himself, chuckling. Demyx took hold of the shorter blond's wet shoulders and spun him around so he was facing the inside of his house. He nudged him in saying, "Hurry up and get dressed. We'll wait in the car, okay?" Roxas nodded, his back still to Demyx and walked to his room.
Roxas quickly got dressed and ran back to his kitchen. He grabbed his house keys and wallet before leaving the comfort of his home, locking the door behind him. Roxas made his way to Demyx small car and opened the passenger seat. He peered in to see all of his friends and his brother squished together. Zexion, Riku, Kairi, and Naminé were uncomfortably squeezed in the back while Sora and Demyx sat comfortably in the front, grinning up at Roxas.
"Happy Anniversary Rox!" They all shouted in unison. 'So that's why they wanted me to come. They are celebrating Axel's and my anniversary even though Axel's not here anymore.' Roxas shook his head, finding it hard to resist smiling at his amazing friends. Sora reached up and pulled Roxas into the car. Roxas fell in and was immediately captured in a huge hug – courtesy of Sora. The blond gagged as his brother's arms tightened around him. Sora, realizing he was cutting off his brother's oxygen, let go of him. Roxas, panting, closed the door to the car and buckled up. Demyx started the car up and drove off.
A few minutes into the ride, Roxas looked over at Sora.
"Hey, Sor? Where are we going exactly?" He asked curiously. Sora grinned slyly at his blond brother.
"It's a surprise." Sora and his surprises. He couldn't resist them. Roxas shook his head and leaned his forehead against the car's passenger side window. The blond's lids drifted closed, hiding his deep blue eyes as he allowed the sound of the car's engine and the soft chatter of his friends lull him into a light slumber.
--
Ten minutes later, the car rolled to a stop, jerking slightly forward when Demyx put his foot on the brake.
"Rox, wake up." Sora gently shook him. Roxas blinked his eyes open and looked around, slightly disoriented before he remembered where he was. Roxas yawned and stretched, his outstretched arms shoving Sora into Demyx. Sora pushed back on him. "Stop it Roxas. You always do that." Roxas shrugged and glanced out the window, doing a double-take.
"Why are we at the cemetery?" Roxas asked as they all exited Demyx's car.
"Well…" Sora started off. "We can't celebrate a wedding anniversary for two people with only one of the two guests of honor. So we thought it would be good if we came here and had a celebration at Axel's grave."
"Wow, that sounds even more morbid out loud." Riku mumbled. Sora shot him a glare, silencing him. Kairi and Naminé couldn't help but nod in agreement.
"You guys!" Sora hissed. Roxas turned on them.
"Do you guys seriously think this is a good idea? Not only is it very morbid, but did you even think about how I'd feel about this?!" Roxas shouted. "Did you even consider that I may not be ready for this? I can't believe I came! I should have known you'd do something ridiculous like this. And painful! I wasn't even going to come today, but this voice…this voice in my head talked me into it! It said it would be good for me to get out. Good for me? Bull. If you think for even a second I am even going to stay, then you're wrong. I'm going home immediately!"
Roxas turned on his heel and started back in the way the car had come. He heard footsteps coming quickly from behind him and then a dainty hand wrapped lightly around his wrist.
"Roxas…" A soft voice whispered to him. He stopped abruptly and turned his head slightly. Roxas' blue eyes landed on a petite, bleach-blonde female. She stared up at him with big blue eyes and an upset look on her face. "Roxas, please don't go. Listen to me. You're right, Rox. We didn't consider if you were ready for this. But we did not mean to hurt you. We were trying to help you. Trying to get you through this. We thought it'd somewhat help if we celebrated your anniversary. But we were trying to include Axel, so you'd know we haven't forgotten him. Roxas, all of us love you and don't want to see you sad anymore. We thought this would help start the process of accepting Axel's death and continuing life. We are all so awfully sorry if we've caused you pain and we understand if you still decide to go home. I just wanted to let you know that we didn't mean to hurt you in any way."
Naminé's eyes over flowed with tears while Roxas' own began to water themselves. He stared silently at the blonde over his shoulder for a couple minutes.
"Nam…" Roxas whispered, finally turning fully to his best friend and using his thumbs to wipe away the fallen tears. He pulled her into a hug, letting her know, along with everyone back near the car, that they were forgiven. Roxas pulled away from her and gave her a sad smile.
"Roxas, I am so so sorry." Naminé told him again.
"Nam, I realize that. I'm sorry for snapping." Roxas apologized.
"You had every right to. We were so insensitive…" She looked downward. Roxas shook his head.
"You all were just trying to help. All is forgiven."
"You always let us off the hook, especially when we don't deserve forgiveness right away." Naminé said.
"Nam, you guys are my friends. If I held grudges against everything you have done then I have a feeling you'd all be gone from my life. Besides, I did kind of overreact a bit. It wasn't entirely your fault." He told her hugging her again. Naminé returned the hug, before they both released each other.
"So are you still going home?" She asked.
"I guess I could stay for a bit. Besides I've wanted to visit Axel's grave, I just couldn't bring myself to do it." He told her with a small smile. Naminé grabbed his hand gently with hers and they walked back to the others, who had been watching them the whole time.
Rox, you are so lucky you have Naminé. I have this feeling that anyone else would just let you go.
Axel was right. Roxas was very lucky to have Naminé in his life. He knew, too, that if she hadn't been there, the others, including his own brother, would have let him walk off.
When they reached the others, Sora walked over and hugged his brother.
"I'm glad you decided to stay. Axel will be happy." He whispered in the blond's ear. Roxas squeezed him tightly before letting go. Sora linked arms with him on his right, just like he always did when they were younger, and Naminé linked her arm with Roxas' free one. The three of them walked around the graveyard, Riku, Kairi, Zexion, and Demyx trailed behind them in silence, looking for Axel's tombstone.
When they found it, Kairi crouched beside it and laid down flowers, which Roxas hadn't even noticed she had been carrying, her fingers lingering on the letters engraved in the stone. He knew she too was having a hard time getting through this because after all, she was his little sister and they were very close. Kairi straightened up to her full height, wiping away something from her eyes, tears being the most logical guess Roxas had.
Oh, Kairi…
The voice sounded distant and awfully sad in Roxas' ears. The blond bit his lip. 'Poor Axel.' Roxas sighed and he turned his attention away from the saddened auburn haired woman and directed it to Demyx, Naminé, Sora, Riku, and Zexion who were setting up some sort of picnic. How come he hadn't noticed all this before?
Sora took out a little bag of balloons and started blowing up the red and yellow and blue ones. They were really going all out. Roxas shook his head. He sort of wished they had celebrated somewhere else and then come to Axel's grave after. This really did look weird. But he decided to ignore that fact and gave them a hand in setting up. Roxas took over blowing up the balloons since Sora looked like he was about to pass out and sent his brother to help Demyx set up the picnic blanket.
This is really exciting. I can't believe they are doing this! And it's all for us. We have the best friends ever Roxy.
Roxas couldn't help but agree. They really did. They all watched out for each other and when one was down, they all came together and picked the person back up. It was his turn to be picked up this time.
By the time he was finished blowing up all the balloons, Sora was gathering them all up to eat. The food was wonderful too and when Roxas said that out loud, Sora gladly took the credit until Riku smacked him upside the head, having the brunet admit that Kairi and Naminé had done all the cooking.
The rest of their celebration went by smoothly. They talked about Axel most of the time, even if it was supposed to be a wedding anniversary celebration. Roxas didn't care. He gladly shared his own stories with his friends about the quirky things his husband had done. They ended up laughing a lot, but when they weren't laughing, they were crying.
It was so cathartic that Roxas' being slowly began to feel as light as a feather. It was such a relief to finally see everyone he cared deeply for to be feeling the same way as he did. Not that he thought that they weren't grieving like he was; he just never saw their sad sides so he sort of had to put up a front to show them that he, too, could be strong. But God, was it a relief to cry out in the open, instead of in his lonely home, and not be judged by it because everyone around him was feeling the same way.
Unfortunately though, it began to get dark all too soon. They picked up their items, said a final goodbye to Axel and piled back into the car. Their ride home was silent as they drove around Destiny Islands, dropping everyone off at their houses. Finally it was just Demyx and Roxas in the car as they rode to Roxas' house.
Breaking the silence Roxas said earnestly, "Demyx, thanks for today. It really helped."
And it was fun too.
"You're very welcome. It helped us too. And Roxas, I'm sorry about earlier. We didn't think you'd react like that." Demyx said staring at the road in front of him. Roxas sighed.
"Dem, it's okay. I already forgave you guys. Besides, I just said 'It really helped'. I'm glad you guys did that for me. I really needed to get out of the house." Roxas told him staring out the window. Demyx nodded and focused his attention on driving.
When they reached Roxas' home, both blonds got out of the car and walked up to the front door.
"Again, thank you Demyx. You are an amazing friend." Roxas smiled. Demyx returned it and gave Roxas a manly hug, which he returned. Demyx pulled back and stepped down the stairs.
"Bye Rox." He said with a wave and started to turn.
"Seeya." Roxas responded and turned to unlock his door. Demyx began walking away when he suddenly remembered something and ran back to Roxas.
"Roxas!" He shouted, catching the shorter blond just before he closed his door. Roxas looked at him with a raised eyebrow, opening the door fully again.
"What is it Dem?" He questioned. Demyx shoved his hand in his pocket and came up with an envelope. He handed the envelope to Roxas with a smile.
"I almost forgot to give you this." Demyx said as Roxas took the paper from the taller blond. Roxas stared at the envelope for a second before looking back up at Demyx.
"Okay. Well thanks, Dem. I'll see you tomorrow or something." Demyx nodded and walked back to the car. Roxas turned back into his house, kicking the door shut with his foot as he stared at the envelope.
The front of the it had 'Roxas' written in a familiar script. It was Axel's handwriting; Roxas immediately recognized it. It was messy but still readable. Roxas flipped the envelope over and slid his finger under the flap, opening it. The blond walked through his house to his living room as he slid out the piece of paper hidden within its cover. He unfolded it as he sat down in the "cuddling chair". His blue eyes moved over the paper as he read:
Dear my beloved Roxas,
I'm writing you this letter now, knowing that I may not be able to tell you what I want to on our anniversary in person.
Roxy, I want you to know I love you deeply and if I could prevent what is happening to me in order for me to stay by your side forever, you know I would. I never want to leave your side, but knowing that I can't do much to stop my premature death, I need you to know that my love for you is never ending. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I'm ecstatic that I could spend my first few married years with you.
I couldn't be any happier with any one else. I swear on that. (A smile appeared on Roxas' suddenly solemn face.)
When I am gone I don't want you to be upset. I want you to stay happy. I hate it when you're upset, you know that. I want you to continue being the same sarcastically funny Roxas that I fell in love with, not letting my death bring you down. The last thing I want to cause is depression in your life. Keep that beautiful smile on your face at all times. Okay? ("I'll try." Roxas whispered.)
God Rox, you have no clue how much I am going to miss you. Hell, I miss you already. Just thinking about life after this one without you saddens me. And just thinking about how one day I won't wake up and see your beautiful face and kiss your soft lips ever again makes my heart ache.
Damn it, I'm crying now. (Roxas was too.)
I can't let my tears stop me from writing this. There are more things I want to tell you…
I hope for you to continue on with your life, remembering me and loving me always, but not allowing that to get in the way of the new relationships you will form later on. I don't want you to be hung up on me after I'm gone when you could be out in the world, finding a new love. (Though I do hope that you will still cherish me in your heart.) ("Always Axel." Roxas said to this, fresh tears dropping down his cheeks like rain.)
Roxas, I wish I wasn't leaving you. It's so unfair, but who said life was fair? It's just upsetting knowing that I'm leaving after only a few (amazing) years of married life. I wish I could have spent more time with you. But the time we did spend together was wonderful, no doubt. I hope you can forgive me for suddenly leaving. I'm sorry.
But just know, my heart will be forever yours, even after I am gone, and even if you give yours to someone new. I ask you to cherish it always, Rox.
One more thing before I sign this letter off:
Happy 3rd Anniversary, Sweetheart. I hope you will still celebrate with everyone on August 13th!
Until we meet again, in the next life.
Faithfully yours always and forever, my love.
-Axel
"I'll be waiting for you Axel." Roxas promised, clutching the letter close to his heart, not even realizing the voice that had been haunting him constantly since Axel died had finally left him after that left his mouth, holding Roxas to his promise.
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Author's Note #2: So did you like it? Sorry if the ending seems a bit...forced. Didn't mean for it to come out like that.
-sighs- OH WELLS! XD
Reviews are wonderful, as I previously stated. Flames will..well you know how I'll deal with those.