FROM LUNCH TIL THE DANCE...

How do you communicate the action of dropping your head against your hand? I asked a kid in the library and she said it is called a facepalm. Well, whatever. In that case, I have been walking around in a constant state of facepalm for the past...I don't even remember.

How long ago since that first night at The Paper Lantern? I don't know.

Since my existence was invaded by Layla and her friends, I've not had a moment's peace.

After school the other day, I was sitting and reading, which is pretty much what I do, when all of a sudden the hippie rushes over and takes my hand, blathering on about how excited she is about homecoming. I stared at her, disgusted.
She called me cutie. What am I, 4 years old? I don't think so. I at least let Stronghold pass before I flamed up, but I singed her fingers a bit and informed her to NEVER call me that.

She just won't quit.
They all sit wherever I sit at lunch. And the really bad part is that their touchy-feely friendship crap is infecting me. I even nodded at Ethan--the melty kid--in the hall yesterday.

Then Layla called last night when I was at work. She was crying. I don't know how she got my number, but I answered my phone and it was like Niagra Falls. That Grayson girl was mean to her and apparently Will did something. I dunno. It was hard to make out between the sniffing. It just so happened that I saw Stronghold come in the door, so I told Layla I'd call her back after work and I went over to him.

I wasn't hostile, so points to me. See, the thing is, my problem with Stronghold stems from the deal between our fathers, but more than anything it is the way he tossed his friends aside like trash the minute everyone started ooing and aahing over him. Call me sentimental, but whatever. That is just not cool. They bug the crap out of me and I still wouldn't dump on them like he did.

Anyway, I wasked him what he was doing and he said he was looking for Layla. I was tempted to tell him that she didn't live at the Lantern, but I didn't. He asked if I knew where she was. Why would I know? I asked him how I should have known and he was like, "YOU'RE taking her to homecoming."

First of all, don't sound annoyed at me for agreeing to a ridiculous idea like this. It was not MY idea. I was not the a-hole who drove my friends away. But whatever...

I was like, "Oh, yeah. Right."

Then Stronghold said, "Well, you don't have to worry about me ruining your night." (As if that was a concern. I'm not vain, but I'm pretty sure if I was going to the dance with Layla of my own free will, I wouldn't give Will a 2nd thought and neither would she.)

But, since I'm a curious soul, I asked why not. I wasn't expecting his answer. He wasn't going to the dance!

Dammit!

"Well that sucks," I said, whipping my towel off my shoulder and slouching into the booth. I was totally put out. All I could think was that I was going to have to go to that dance for no reason. It just couldn't happen.

Selfishly, I did a new friend no-no. I told Will that Layla and I were only going to the dance together to make him jealous. Maybe you think it's wrong to break Layla's trust like that, but honestly, the odds of them getting their acts together enough to actually come out with the fact that they like each other were slim to none. I had to take action if I ever wanted to get a minute of me-time again.

Unfortunately, Stronghold isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, so he didn't understand. I was like, "Dude, you're so stupid."

Understatement much?

I told him that Layla was totally into him, but he was sure that she wouldn't be after everything that had happened that night. I didn't know what it was--didn't really care that much, exactly--but surely it couldn't be that bad. The poor kid looked like someone had just ran over his puppy right in front of him. It made me uncomfortable. He said he wouldn't have been surprised if none of his friends ever talked to him again.

That was the line. I can't handle when people go all 'therapy session' on me. So I said, "Yeah, you must have been a real jerk, because no matter what I do I can't get 'em to STOP talking to me." Ok, so maybe it wasn't the most inspirational or helpful thing to say, but I had to get back to work anyway.

I called Layla back when my shift was over; I supose I was a glutton for punishment. Either that or I'm really getting into this whole friendship thing.

I told her I talked to Will and he wasn't planning on going to the dance tomorrow, but that he was miserable and pathetic. She was glum, but I said we could still go, if she wanted, since she'd already gotten a dress.

I was just being nice. Don't read too much into it.

Anyway, she still wanted to go (of course) so I dragged out my dad's old tux, which I later explained to her that he had no use for, and went. I saw her talking to the sidekick teacher. He's a nice guy, if a little nerdy. Layla was telling him that the guys in the school were jerks.

"Thanks," I said, tucking my hands in my pockets. She looked great--speaking as a completely non-biased party with no real interest in her looks. She blushed again as she turned around to face me, but she smiled. I told her where I got my tux. It made her uncomfortable, so she did what any quirky girl would do. She offered me a cheese cube.

I smiled. I couldn't help it. There were several places I would have rather been, I'm sure, but the kid made me smile my happy smile. I took the cheese and popped it into my mouth, nodding toward the dance floor. I figured if we were going to be there we might as well try to have fun. She took my hand and tugged me to the floor.

Much like the drama club, if Sky High had a dance team, Layla would not be on it. She gets an A for effort, but she doesn't have any rhythm at all. Regardless, we laughed a lot.

The music stopped and someone got up to make announcements, but I was too stuck on Layla to pay attention. She whispered a joke about a priest and a rabbi, and I had to hold my breath to keep from bursting out laughing. Her smile faded when Grayson got up to speak and I stood beside her--a show of solidarity.

It's what friends do, right? Lay off me.

Anyway, Gwen introduced the Commander (yay.) and Jetstream and in they came, larger than life. Layla surprised me by taking my hand and wrapping her other arm around mine. I guess it was her own display of friendship.

That little Kodak moment was the last to come for a while. Things got crazy fast. Grayson went nuts and turned into this old school villain called Royal Pain (ironic, I thought). Then she started shooting people with some kind of manky ray gun. I don't know the specs but it turned people into babies.

Turns out Lash and his fat friend were in on it (big surprise). The two of them and that bitchy schizo cheerleader, Penny, blocked all the exits. Coach Boomer yelled at me to get the kids out so a group of us ran for the air system. We crawled for what seemed like forever, in the dark, and Ethan asked if I could give a light. Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that. If I had fired up it would have just incinerated all of us.

Lo and behold, though, Zack crawled ahead of Layla and Magenta. He actually glows pretty bright. I'll admit, it was handy. He kicked the panel off the opening of one of the vents in the hallway and we all piled out. Will was there. He still looked like crap, all slouchy and downtrodden. Layla put on a cold front, but it lasted all of six seconds, which was good because we were almost immediately swarmed by villians-in-training.

Lash's cohort--what is that guy's name? I never paid him much attention, so I don't remember. But anyway...
I ended up taking him on. He ran around me kind of like he did in gym that day--SPEED! That's his name. I knew it was something to do with running. Anyway, I couldn't get a shot off because he just kept buzzing me. So Ethan comes out and in a moment of pure genius, melts. Speed goes sliding, I take my shot, and Ethan gets a well deserved high-five. It was brilliant. And again, quite handy.

So far, the so-called sidekicks have been more helpful than a gym full of heroes.

With Lash and Speed taken care of, I went off in search of Layla to see how she was faring with Penny. I stepped around the corner just in time to see some big vine sweep through an opening ahead of me. I heard Penny 'fess to Layla that Grayson had sabotaged the antigravity device. We pulled the blueprints of the school--how Ethan knew where they were, I have no idea--and Layla pointed out the antigravity chamber. Turns out, the fate of all of us rested in the hands (or paws, rather) of Magenta.

She, Ethan, and Zack went in search of the antigravity chamber. Layla and I went to help Will. We got back to the gym about the time Will went flying out the window. I hated to see it. Familial issues aside, he had the potential to be a good hero. And poor Layla...

I grabbed her or she would have clawed Royal Pain's eyes out. Before either of us could get too upset over anything, Stronghold floated back into our line of vision. Lucky bastard has super strength AND the ability to fly. I hauled Layla to me and rolled us out of the way when Will charged Grayson.

I actually hooted for him. I guess I got caught up in the action or something, but I did. I hooted.

Layla and Will ran at each other like a couple in a chick flick, and I--again, displaying solidarity--slapped Stronghold on the shoulder. Unfortunately, we were all caught up in our newfangled feelings to notice when Gwen, or Sue, or whatever, hit the manual control on her antigravity destroyer.

For the record, falling through the air with enough force to crush you to the floor is NOT a good time. Stronghold flew out and tried to stop the school from falling, but even if he had been Mr. Awesome it wouldn't have helped. There was too much mass. Luckily, Magenta's little rat teeth cut through the right wire at the last possible second and all was saved. We helped unload the adults, who were babies, and Mr. Medulla formulated a way to reverse the baby beam. Maxville was safe once again, thanks to a handful of high school kids.

Yep, that's me. Saving the world one school function at a time.

And bonus, Crystal Hayden, a cryokenetic hottie, was totally into me. So yeah.

My archenemy turned out to be a good friend, his girlfriend is now my best friend, and my polar opposite is now my girlfriend.

High school is so effed up.