The Amityville Toaster
(Staring the Blitzkrieg boys)
Author: The original of this is called Fluffy & the Amityville Toaster, but I found a video on youtube that was the same basic idea. Except it was Bryan who was the squirrel & Tala was the person. I crack up everytime I watch it, so I decided to take it & make my own version. So here's the Amityville Toaster staring the Blitzkrieg boys. Sorry for the yaoi. TalaxBryan & IanxSpencer. Characters belong to Takio Aoki & the Amityville Toaster skit & Ebay belong to whoever made them.
The doorbell rang annoyingly early one morning, that being because only half of the Blitzkrieg household was awake. "I've got it." Bryan muttered. Spencer raised his eyelids only a fraction of an inch before going back to sleep on the couch. The silver haired blader answered the door. "Can I help you?" he asked.
"I have a package for Ian Papov." the woman in the brown uniform said.
"Ian, come here!" he called. The runty blader popped into view, signed the slip of paper and then disappeared with his package. "Sorry about that, he's had more coffee than we normally allow him to have." Bryan muttered. The woman nodded and walked off. As soon as he shut the door, he went over to where Spencer was and poked him in the shoulder. "Get up." he ordered him.
"Why?" the blonde growled.
"So that your runty boyfriend doesn't wake up my red haired boyfriend. And I don't have to remind you how he is in the mornings." he said. Spencer unwillingly got up and followed him into the kitchen, where Ian set up his prize on the counter.
"Hey look at what I bought off Ebay. It's a toaster from that house in Amityville." Ian told them. Spencer went to grab him and carry him off, but he squirmed away.
"You bought a haunted toaster." Bryan said.
"Yeap. Watch what happens when I put a piece of white bread in." he said, taking it out of the package. Spencer poured himself a cup of coffee while they waited. Finally it popped back up and Bryan pulled it out.
"Wheat toast? How the hell'd you get wheat toast?" he asked, biting into it.
"No one knows! But if you put in wheat bread, you get pumpernickel. If you put in pumpernickel, you get a blueberry muffin." Ian giggled.
"Bullshit." they both said, Bryan slightly muffled.
"Oh yeah. I got a piece of pumpernickel right here." he told them. Many seconds later a blueberry muffin popped out the toaster, cut in half. Spencer almost spat out his coffee in shock.
"What happens if you put a bagel in this thing?" Bry asked, sticking it in a slot.
"Good question!" the runt shouted. And odd amount of time later and after Spencer finally dragged Ian into the kitchen and had him pinned on the couch, it dinged again.
"Porkchops! It gave us porkchops!" the silver haired blader shouted, running in with them on a plate. Ian giggled while trying to squirm away from Spencer.
"Go try a waffle." the blonde said.
"I think the auction description said not to use waffles." he told them.
"Why not?" they both asked.
"Something about getting a human hand back." he admited. Bryan put the porkchops in the freezer and grabbed the blueberry muffin halves. He sat on the couch next to Spencer.
"Blueberry muffin? Or would you rather go put in a piece of white bread for some wheat toast?" he joked.
"I'll take the muffin." he said.
Tala came out of the room he shared with Bryan, hair down and eyes glazed. "Hey Tala." Bryan said, glancing back. Dressed in just a pair of jeans he was undeniably hot, even if he was half asleep.
"You got the red head and I got the runt." Spencer said.
"Tough luck. Where'd he go anyways?" he asked.
"Bathroom I think." the blonde muttered. He continued to regard them for a moment before he went to the kitchen. He poured himself a cup of coffee and pulled a box out of the freezer, disregarding the pork chops. A couple of minutes later what popped out the toaster that wasn'tt his breakfast.
He stared at it before concluding, "It's a toasted human hand."
"WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT USING WAFFLES!" Ian shouted, popping up beside him. Tala poked him in the nose with the human hand, then pointed at the toaster with it.
"Where'd you get that thing?" he asked. Ian gave him a summary of the morning's events. "I see." he said, before leaving with his coffee in one hand and the toasted human hand in the other. "Amityville toaster, making breakfast spooky. Spooky haunted toaster. Yum yum yum, human hand." he sang softly as he began to chew on the hand.
Bryan and Spencer stared at him as he walked by. "Was that..?" Spencer began.
"Uh hu." Bryan said.
"So he..?" he asked.
"Uh hu." he muttered.
"And he was...?" he whispered.
"Yeah." the other said.
"What did you do to him last night?" the taller blader asked.
"That's personal. I don't go asking you what you do to Ian." he reminded him.
Author: ROTFL! I crack myself up! Reading back over it I've concluded that this is even funnier than my What is Allister? fanfic. I honestly thought I couldn't do any better than Valon talking to a rubber ducky. I guess I was wrong, please R&R.
Ian: Amityville toaster, making breakfast spooky. Spooky haunted toaster.
Tala: gnawing on human hand
Author: Oh yeah & I'm sorry but the dialogue wasn't quite right because I couldn't under-stand the squirrel's high pitched voice. Anyways you get the general idea. No flames.