"Huh huh. Hey, Beavis. Check this out." Butt-head pressed a mechanical pencil into his arm, pretending it was a syringe.
Beavis snickered. "I heard you can get lead poisoning like that."
"Uh huh huh. That would be cool!"
"Excuse me, Beavis and Butt-head," Mr. Van Driessen interrupted. "Um, I couldn't help but notice you boys haven't come up to my desk to turn in your book reports."
"Uh...you, like, said to do it today," Butt-head replied.
"No, Butt-head," the hippie teacher sighed. "I said it's DUE today, which means you should've done it yesterday and had it finished by today. We've been through this before, remember?"
"Uh, no," Butt-head said bluntly.
"Yeah!" added Beavis. "This school stuff is too constipated for me."
Mr. Van Driessen sighed again as the two began laughing. "That's complicated, Beavis. And we've been through THAT before, too. Listen, I'm going to level with you both, m'kay? I think you might have serious learning disabilities."
"Uh...is that like when kids get retarred and have to go to the 'special room'?" asked Butt-head.
"Butt-head, the word is 'retarded'," Mr. Van Driessen corrected him before covering his mouth. "Oh, dear."
"Hm-hm-hm-heh! You just said a word you told us not to say!" giggled Beavis.
"Yeah. That makes you, like, a...hippo-cricket. Or something. Uh huh huh huh."
Beavis went on to make a few deep chirping noises, perhaps what a hippo-cricket hybrid would sound like.
"That's 'hypocrite', boys, something that I am not!" the teacher corrected once more. "See, this is what I mean. You didn't do the book report, and now this! Your vocabulary needs some serious retooling."
"Uh huh huh. You said 'tool'." said Butt-head. Beavis laughed with him. "Uh huh huh huh. But seriously, you're starting to piss me off. You think you're so much better at talking than us just 'cause you're old."
"Yeah, if you wanna retool us, we should have a more entertaining old person to listen to!" snapped Beavis. "Like Principal McVicker!"
"IT'S MCDICKER!" blurted the teacher.
Beavis and Butt-head stared at him blankly. They stifled a couple laughs.
"HAUHHHH!" Mr. Van Driessen let out a scream of frustration and slammed his head down on his desk.
"...hey, Beavis. If I do this with my fingers, it looks like I'm squishing Van Driessen's head." Butt-head had only one eye open; his hand held up near his eye doing a pinching motion. "Uh huh huh."
"Heh-heh-heh!" Beavis did it too. "Yeah, look! We're killing him! Die! DIE! Hm-hm-heh!"
(A/N: Well, I feel like this was dumber than the LAST one-shot I wrote. Yet I like it more than the last one. Is this a sign? Anywho, please review and fave, and I shall see you next time!
CIAO BELLA)