They were all dead.
Her final scream was an exclamation mark behind everything that led to this point.
I released my hands from her neck, and it was over.

Open your eyes

I felt a soft coldness strike my legs. There was a darkness around me. I was in a peaceful, delirious state. My calm mind was slowly beginning to work - I was beginning to regain my consciousness. I now knew I was waking up. It felt like eternity since I felt so well rested, yet something strange bothered me. This cold feeling... It must have been ages since the last time... The most beautiful way to wake up.

But how...

Eyes still closed, I smelled my pillow. Strange scent... yet not unfamiliar. The pillow was unusually soft.

This was just like when...

Then, the horrible shock seized me. Oxygenated blood rushed through my neck. Unbearable pain seized my head. The next millisecond my mind was fully awake. My heart was pounding like mad. My body felt so weak, like after an exhausting run.

Then, I dared to open my eyes...

The horror that surrounded me cannot be expressed. I swear that was the last second of my life, I felt like I would have to die any moment because the unbearable truth would stress my body to its critical point. In a split second I quickly shook my head while closing my eyes and gasped for breath.

This always woke me up from a dream I did not want. But now - nothing.

Everything was clear. My head hurt so much, I was afraid I might die any second.

I knew what was happening, but still my greatest concern was my head.

There was no way to run from it.

I tried to calm down, ease my brain off the information clash a little, if that was even possible.

I was alive. I was here. Now. Somehow it came to me that everything was going to be all right.

"What's going... on."

I never was that good at acting and managing not to show my emotions - this could be catastrophic. But I had to be alright, I had to convince. My brain was doing millions of calculations right now. I breathed heavily and tried not to panic. The best choice was to call in sick at least for today. That was the best I could come up with right now. I had to convince. Strange. I was in this situation and the first thing that should have come into my mind and that actually was on my mind, was pushed back by the need to survive.

"...well, regular angel fights will house train you a little."

Joking around didn't make the situation better not one bit.

I had to survive.

When sensei I was living with at that time came to my room to check on me, I made the most convincing of fake stomachaches and strange feelings. Even using the shock I still was in to support my fake sickness. Sensei was concerned.

I got out of the bed, "There's something wrong."

Now that I spoke out loud my own voice surprised me a little, not that much - still sounded like a little girl.

"My... stomach hurts."

"Well, that's-" before he could finish I got up and walked to the toilet, I greeted his wife on my way.

"I'll be okay, this is nothing, I'm so ready for school..." I told them through the closed toilet door, yet I tried to do so in a very concern-arousing voice.

I almost didn't need to fake the sounds of throwing up. I guess I just reacted to the situation. I flushed the toilet and went to wash my hands and cleaned my face.

I didn't dare to look at my face.

All it happened almost automatically.

"I just threw up a little..." I explained. "Could I have some herbal tea?"

"Of course..." Sensei's wife told me.

I tried to look sick, but not faking. In any case, not a big need to act much, I was surely white as paper.

"You should stay home for the day, there aren't important tests anyway, I'd know that," sensei suggested I should stay home.

His wife took some dietary bread from the cupboard and gave it to me.

I realized that I forgot her name, and sensei was... I realized that I forgot both their names. I had to dodge naming them before they say something to each other, or find their names around.

"It's fine really," I wanted it to look only like minor stomach problems.

Sensei gave me the day off, because I was not one of those who would fake sickness and he knew that Shinji Ikari would never do such a thing. They believed me.

They left regularly earlier than me and were already set to go.

It was such a shame that I never really felt anything for these people. I bet they didn't either, I was forced on them and they took it as a responsibility. Until now I never really felt that it was weird that they didn't have any kids of their own.

But those thoughts were swept away the second they shut the door.

I felt my weakness come back. I've done it, I've survived, now all the horror came back. I couldn't really think about my situation when I had to survive before.

Now I was alone - it all came back.

I thought now I would break down, and I wanted to avoid it to happen before sensei and his wife. But nothing much happened after that. That was good.

"What... is..."

The day, the day, I went to the kitchen, noticing my legs were incredibly weak, and looked at the calendar sensei shifted every morning.

Now the full extent of the horror around me came back on again.

The 7th of September.

Monday.

Year 2011.

Nearly four years before the angels attacked again, nearly four years before my father calls for me.

I started to realize my situation more and more clearly. With every new confirmation of things the reality hurt me more and more.

I rushed to the bathroom, eager to see it. I was not afraid anymore, I wanted to see... myself. I stormed into the bathroom and looked into the mirror. A familiar face. Yeah, that was me. I couldn't believe my eyes. I didn't feel that young, but the mirror proved everything. I was back some four to five years, still in middle school. I was probably nine or ten. But still, inside that kid staring back at me, was me a personality almost five years older than that.

I was put back all that time to wake up in the body of my younger self.

I was back on the same path, and I knew where it led.