A/N: Hey dudettes and dudes. I'm Mikey. Ok so I like totally hijacked the lovely Danni's Fanfic log in code, cause seriously dudes, we do read the stuff you write about us. And seriously some of it is like totally not cool. But these five authors, seriously, have you even read their stuff? It's so wrong, really, so like I totally thought it was time I got even with them and to do this I needed one of their Fanfic sites, so Danni, take a bow babe, cause I'm using yours and you're like totally honored. Oh wait, you can't, you're like tied up and stuff aren't you. Heh, anyway, ignore her grumbling and growling, shell she sounds like Raph. Here's my revenge fic.
Once upon a time in a far off kingdom, there lived a great and powerful queen, Queen Jackie, with her two beautiful daughters, Princess Mary and Princess Mel. They lived in comfort, wanting for little. Until the day, Queen Jackie received a visit from her Royal Advisor, Andrea.
The day had started out just like any other. It was a hot summer's day; Princess Mary and Princess Mel had gone down to the stables to get their horses ready for their daily training run. Queen Jackie was feeling slightly bored and so had summoned her Court Jester to entertain her.
The Court Jester, who for author insert purposes shall from here on in be known as X, glided into the room, looking ecstatically happy to be wearing a funny hat with bells that jingled whenever she wiggled her head. On her dainty feet she sported elf like shoes, also with bells, which jingled merrily with every step she took. Despite her rather amusing attire, she was still as cute as a button, a possible reason why the queen chose to make this fair maiden a "Fool". Although the queen herself was a totally, wickedly awesome babe.
"Ah, here comes my fool." The queen remarked. "Prithy amuse me."
The Court Jester, who again for author insert purposes shall from here on in never speak a word, bobbed her head, jingling.
Before X could begin her routine, yet another fair maiden pushed past her and so the day took a turn for the worse as Royal Advisor Andrea entered the room, knocking X over in the process.
"I bring sad tidings my Queen." Andrea informed her royal majesty, bowing low.
"Oh?" Queen Jackie asked, examining a nail she appeared to have broken, although she had no recollection of how she managed to do this.
"We have been informed by yonder people, who live beyond that big, rock shaped mountain thingie, that the dragon that has rested there for millions of years has finally awoken."
Queen Jackie gasped, rising instantly from her throne. "The Dragon has awoken?"
"And is on its way over the mountains heading straight for our kingdom."
There was a jingle from behind as X rose from the floor and ran out the room. Andrea watched her leave before turning back to the queen.
"What should we do your Majesty?"
"We do the only thing we can. We call…Sir Mikey. He will protect this kingdom. He is after all the Battle Nexus Champion as well as being totally swoon-worthy, amazing and awesome."
Andrea bowed low and followed X from the room. Queen Jackie stayed behind, heading over to the window. Far away in the distance she could see a dark shape loom toward them. The impending doom seemed imminent and she was clutched suddenly with fear. Her daughters, Princess Mary and Princess Mel, they were still outside the castle. Riding their horses across the heath, completely unaware of the danger that approached.
"Save us Sir Mikey." Queen Jackie whispered, pressing a hand against her forehead. "Save my daughters from this dreadful beast."
Meanwhile quite a way from the Castle, Princess Mary and Princess Mel were riding their horses, laughing gaily as their hair swept out behind them. The called to each other as they rode over the heath.
"Mel, come, let us try those jumps that we failed to complete yesterday."
"What a wonderful idea, Sister. Today we shall conquer them and show our worth as true Princesses."
Further and further away from the Castle they rode, never noticing the dark shape that landed on the ground in front of them, its back toward them until Mary collided with the enormous beast.
"Hey! What's the big idea?" The Dragon growled turning to face her. Mel pulled up short, nearly toppling off her horse.
She gasped. "Sister, it is the mythological Dragon that has spent millions of years resting."
"Yeah yeah yeah! You'd be grumpy too if you'd overslept."
Mary looked at the beast in front of them. It was a large two-headed Dragon. One head sported a bright red mask, representing the fire and passionate side of the beast. The other head, sported a blue mask, representing the cool, calm and collected side of the Dragon, but this head appeared to be sleeping.
"Quickly, we must adjourn back to the Castle." Mary whispered fearfully to her sister.
"You ain't goin' nowhere." The Dragon roared. "Ya don' go chargin' into people an' then runnin' for cover."
"But…you are not people." Princess Mel commented gently, trying to soothe the savage beast.
"Sister, do not antagonize the beast."
At this moment, the Royal Advisor Andrea came running up. "Your highnesses, thank goodness I have found you. We have received word from yonder people that the dragon has awoken and is on its way over to the kingdom."
Silence greeted this statement as the Princesses looked at each other and then at the dragon.
"We know." Mary said simply.
"We…bumped into it." Mel said, falling over giggling at her own witty remark.
Andrea looked at the dragon. "Foresooth, we must begone from this place now before the second head awakens."
"What the shell are ya babblin' about?" The dragon grumbled crossly, clearly not yet fully awake and he was rather dumb anyway.
"Hold!" Came a voice from beyond as Queen Jackie finally approached the small gathering.
"How did you get here?" Mel asked, looking puzzled.
Queen Jackie shrugged, pointing at X who stood jingling merrily from foot to foot.
"It is I, Sir Mikey, come to save the day."
The five women gasped, or rather, four women gasped and X jingled happily.
Sir Mikey, gallant and charming, handsome and suave road up on his trusty steed Donatello; a marvelous beast that currently stood pawing the ground impatiently.
"Yes, Donatello, you may have your hay." Sir Mikey proclaimed, leaping down from his steed and hanging a wicker basket over its head. He turned, flashing his white teeth and adjusting his orange mask against his brilliant green skin.
"Sir Mikey." Queen Jackie exclaimed, placing a hand across her breast and wiggling her eyebrows seductively. "You have come to save the day."
"Fair Maiden, I have come to slay the beast." Sir Mikey announced.
"The shell you will." The Dragon grumbled, waking its second head.
"What's happening?" The second head yawned, looking rather astonished to see the small gathering below. "Where did they come from?"
"Beats me. Though that one rode straight into me." The first head remarked, knocking Princess Mary off her feet.
"Begone foul creature." Sir Mikey exclaimed waving his sword at the beast.
The blue masked head looked at the red masked head. "What did he say?"
"Don' ask me, I still can't believe I have to spend eternity with you."
"Well you're not exactly who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with hothead!"
"Oh sure, you should feel lucky, I gotta spend it with yer stick up yer shell, meditation nonsense."
As the two heads continued arguing over which head was luckier, Sir Mikey managed to banish the creature back to its Lair high up on the mountains, never again to bother the people of the Kingdom again.
"Oh Sir Mikey, you were amazing." Princess Mary exclaimed, allowing herself to fall gracefully into his arms.
"Yes Sir Mikey, I shall marry you." Princess Mel put in, swatting her sister away from the handsome knight.
"Forsooth, I am the Queen. I shall marry him." Queen Jackie proclaimed, clicking her fingers in order to summon the guardsmen.
"My Queen, as Royal Advisor, I believe it should be I that marries Sir Mikey." Andrea exclaimed, wiggling her hips and sashaying close to him, pressing herself tightly to his broad plastron.
X hopped from one foot to the next, clearly outraged as she flung herself on Andrea.
"Ladies, ladies, ladies. There's enough of me to go round, you can all have me." Sir Mikey generously stated, gathering all five women up close to him.
"Wait, I must leave a note for the Castle guards so they don't come looking for us." Queen Jackie hastily reached into her corset and pulled out a pen and paper. On the note she scribbled simply: "The Dragon has taken us hostage, do NOT, I repeat, do NOT send for help. By order of Queen Jackie!"
"Ahem!"
Mikey stopped typing instantly, his shoulders tensing as he turned round. "Uh, hi guys," he said nervously looking at the small gathering behind him. Raphael, Leonardo and Donatello stood behind him, glaring at their baby brother. Behind them stood Andrea, Mary, Jackie, Mel and X, also glaring.
"Step aside boys." Andrea said, sweeping past the three turtle brothers.
"We'll take care of him." Mary chipped in, a wicked grin crossing her face.
"He's in safe hands with us." Mel laughed.
Jackie stretched her arms out in front of her. "We're going to enjoy this."
X grinned. The girls took hold of Mikey and led him away.
"Wait, no, guys, dudes, bros, help me, seriously guys. I didn't mean it, I swear I didn't. It was just a stupid fic, you know, like they write about us all the time."
Mikey's brothers pretended they couldn't even hear him. The girls continued to drag Mikey away despite his pleas for mercy.
"Wait, I've changed my mind! Send help, for the love of shell send help!"