So this is kinda like a one shot SH fanfic. I wanted to get inside the thoughts of Abbie while she is in purgatory. The last episode of the season truly hurt me, however, I do not believe that Ichabod left Abbie there with the intentions that he would never return. Secretly I do believe that they are recognizing their deep feelings for each other. However, there is more to their story than their feelings. Please let me know what you think of this. I was hesitant writing for SH because I have such a great respect for the show and their characters. If you all like it, maybe I will write more longer ones :] Enjoy!

It began like most of her feelings did. Like a hole had been dug with a deep needle into the pit of Abbie's stomach, and she keeps oozing sensations, loosing bits and pieces of herself in the process. There use to be a warm feeling but now there's some unknown ice that has attached itself, like a leech, to her warmth, sucking away her mundane life. She is an empty vessel now, surely filled with blood, a pulse, and everything that's supposed to be there. But, what use are these daily effects when she doesn't even feel alive? She's a walking zombie consumed with the recollections of what used to be. Stuck inside the one place she once found shelter. Now, this place brings her nightmares of the prophecies to come. Time, oh how she misses the idea of time. Her pendulum has slowly grazed to a halt and time is no more. There are only monotonous seconds which she wishes to remove every strand of coarse hair from her head. Maybe she could count the days, hours, minutes… that way by each fiber of her hair? What she wouldn't give to feel again, because without feeling, without the idea of being whole it's like she really is dead. Death would be easier. At least in death she wouldn't have to think…think about him.

Him, he, the man of the past, the man that was supposed to be her future, the one person she believed she could trust. She had been hurt so many times by people who claimed that they cared about her. However, she let down her walls. Her heart a secret garden with walls as high as the sky above. They had slowly toppled down leaving a small trail of dust in its stead. She had begun to trust him to believe that he would prove her wrong: that not every person was the same.

Ichabod Crane.

She never would say his first name out loud because he believed it to be improper. She would only reiterate his name inside her mind like a prayer. It was so pure to her, like a child's first breath, and yet now the name brought an aching writhing sensation where her heart used to be.

Just like all the others Ichabod Crane had abandoned her.

She had read once that a body would wander for so long, aimlessly looking for the one person that would give their life meaning. It was as if Ichabod was predestined for her, as if their meeting, their entwined destinies, were written in the stars. They were meant to find each other. The two witnesses of the apocalypse meant to save the world from damnation.

Now the world had a chance to be saved, while Abbie sat alone, slowly falling into her own damnation. But, this is the price to pay, isn't it? Not everyone could be happy. Someone had to pay the price for someone else's happiness. If Ichabod could have a chance, as small as it was, at happiness then she should feel some sense of comfort. Right?

At one point Abbie thought that her life would change for the better. That her story would be altered, that some greater being wasn't sitting down at a book, which was her life, and writing long pathetic lines that created her destiny. She had believed that Ichabod, rising from the cold dark earth, was her silver lining shining a bright light to her dark desolate world.

He had made her laugh, something that seemed so very foreign to her. To laugh, gut bursting laughter that had her topple over and clench her knees so that she wouldn't choke on happiness. That is what he had done for her. What she wouldn't give to laugh again, to feel that type of emotion.

He had taught her to feel once again even when the feelings were wrong. At first she had considered him a nuisance a parasite that followed her around causing her life to crumble in shambles. Yet, soon she realized he was the thread that sowed everything together. He was the pastor which brought back her faith, her living, her smile, her feelings. He was the breath which she took in everyday because he looked at her as if she was meant for something greater. He believed in her more than she could have ever believed in herself.

She loved that, having someone play her own personal cheerleader. He had been there for her when everyone else seemed to have abandoned her. He looked at her different, as if he were staring at the goddess Aphrodite herself. The way he smiled at her, with lips crinkling like lines drawn in sand at the sides of his mouth, made her want to melt like puddy in his arms. The way he looked at the world like a newborn child made everything that much more interesting. The way his eyes would dance around hers, combining like hands stitched together. He had only held her hands a small amount of times, but, his eyes held her eyes constantly. Of course he would never stare at her inappropriately and she thanked him for that. He would only linger on her momentarily because she knew he respected her more than anyone else ever had.

She replays the way he said her name

Abbie….

Abbi…

Ab…

Until she cannot hear it any longer inside her thoughts. His voice fades away with the memories she has of him. Her body hunches over in chaos because she knows something is changing. Her biggest fear is forgetting not only herself but everyone that is important to her. Yet, still, there is a far worse fear the fear of being forgotten. She is stuck here in Katrina's place and she cannot help but feel remorse. Yes, Ichabod had tried to stop her, and deep down she knows he would have given his own life in her stead. However, she cannot help but wonder:

Will He Ever Return?

He had told her to remember their bond, one which she thought would never be broken, but what if Katrina was the golden scissors that would clip their string away?

She wouldn't have ever admitted before. But, there is something about eternity that lets her truly think about her life. She promised herself that if she ever saw him again. She would tell him, she would tell him everything.

Life truly was too short. She understood that now. Hell was everlasting.

She had read that in French you don't really say, "I miss you." You say "tu me manques," which comes closer to "you are missing from me." As if that person is truly being separated from your soul. A part of Abbie was indeed missing and she couldn't help but wonder if Ichabod felt like a piece of him was missing as well.