MegaloMart sales associate Ray Furtino sighed deeply. Only seven hours and thirty-five minutes until the end of his shift! The future had looked so bright when he had graduated from Warren G. Harding High School, but now he was just another assistant department manager in electronics in a major retailer.-'Was that all there was to life?,' he wondered.
At least his three year old laptop awaited him at his dismal apartment, ready to transport him to a world of internet fantasies and vicarious gratification. In that alternative reality he was known as "Rascal Flatts," a raccoon of considerable appetites who moved smoothly through a rich life, finding friends and lovers almost daily.- How different from his all too real life where he contended with rude geriatric customers and vicious bosses ten hours daily!
Minutes passed like hours, but Ray made it to the end of his workday. He rubbed his lower back, which ached from a nasty spill he had taken off a stepladder the previous day in pursuit of an item desired by a sour-smelling old lady. He'd be hitting the Advil tonight for sure! Ray cut his internet time a bit short back at the apartment and hit the hay early, the pain in his lower back at the base of his spine a throbbing reminder of that incident.
The next day the pain was even worse and there appeared to be a swelling just above his butt. "Peachy!," thought Ray, "I'd better see a freakin' doctor!" He hesitated to do so as on his salary he couldn't really afford the co-pay, plus he had to grovel before his skeptical supervisor to get off work half an hour early. But he humiliated himself, and soon was fighting the traffic wars in his ten-year-old car.
After waiting for 45 minutes beyond his appointed time at his physician's office, Ray was ushered into the presence of Dr. Vindaloo, the wise Indian physician further distinguished by an enormous moustache and bushy eyebrows. Dr. Vindaloo examined Ray, and then licked a large, multi-colored lollipop as he rendered his diagnosis.
"This is most remarkable, my boy!," elaborated Dr. Vindaloo in accented English. "You appear to be growing a tail!"
"A tail?," marveled Ray, "But how is that possible?"
"Actually, all humans have a vestigial tail called the coccyx at the caudal end of the spine," continued Dr. Vidaloo between licks of his lollipop. "It is an internal, useless extension of the spine, triangular bone that is a throw-back to our evolutionary primate past when we sported tails. Yours, for reasons that cannot be ascertained, seems to have been stimulated into growth!"
"Well, what can I do about it?," asked Ray.
"You may have it surgically removed, or you may simply leave it alone, and see how big it gets," suggested Dr. Vindaloo, his sucker growing smaller. "Some traditional Indian deities enjoy extra appendages.- -Perhaps you might also do so! Let us know should you choose to have your tail removed, and I will give you an attractive rate!" Dr. Vindaloo patted Ray on the back and showed him out, where a receptionist cheerfully informed him that they would accept major credit cards.
While initially stunned by the revelation, Ray decided to keep his tail, as well as other raccoon features that he developed in the days ahead. One day he simply failed to appear at his MegaloMart job altogether, where the growing dark circles around his eyes had initially been seen as signs of insufficient sleep. He eventually left his apartment and human life altogether, and came to enjoy overturning garbage cans and washing his food in the streams of a wooded area.
"Strong indeed is the call of the wild," mused Dr. Vindaloo, philosophically accepting the loss of another patient to the strangeness of the universe.