A/N: This is a fic I've been working on for a while now... Let me know what you think, please!
Rated: T for some language and just to be on the safe side...
Breathe Me Till Your Last Breath...
Jude opened her eyes and brought her hand up to her forehead, blocking out the rays of sun that shined in her eyes. Glancing at the clock, she closed her eyes in defeat, not believing how late she had slept in. She turned on her left side and looked at the sleeping figure that had occupied the other side of her bed the past few nights.
"Tommy, time to wake up," she whispered, gently shaking his bare shoulder. His eyes still closed, he moved his arm and wrapped it around her waist, pulling her closer to him. She giggled as he grinned sleepily.
"Good morning, beautiful," he greeted, opening his eyes and looking up into hers.
She smiled down at him and kissed his lips lightly. She started to get up from the bed, pulling the sheet close to her chest with one hand, and supporting her weight with the other.
"What are you doing?" he asked, moving his hand to slowly run down her arm, causing goose bumps to erupt on her porcelain skin.
"D needs me to record a couple things this morning so he can have them tomorrow," she explained, sitting on the edge of the bed and letting her feet hang over the side.
One hand held the sheet to cover the front of her body, as the other went up to her hair, brushing it back and out of her vision. She felt the bed shift, and soon felt herself being lifted.
"Tommy!" Jude squealed, and heard him chuckle.
He placed her sideways on his legs, and leaned his back against the headboard. "We have all day to record," he told her as she adjusted the sheet so it fully covered her body. She rested her head on his chest and in return felt his arms wrap around her.
"Fine, just don't blame me when D calls us later today and asks how it's going," she said, mindlessly drawing shapes on his chest with her index finger.
"I won't; I'll lie," Jude nodded and kissed his jaw. "Anything else we need to do today?"
"I need to call Sadie and talk to her about Leslie…" she replied quietly as she gazed at a picture on the nightstand next to the bed. It was of a little girl, no older than seven years, who was sitting on a swing in the park, her brown hair flying in the breeze as she giggled happily.
"Has Sadie heard from her lately?" Tommy questioned, bringing his left hand to her head and gently stroking her hair.
"That's what I wanted to talk to her about," Jude told him, kissing his lips lightly before getting off his lap. "I gotta get up so I can eat something and start recording."
Tommy nodded and watched as she picked up his dress shirt from last night and put it on. He turned to the nightstand and saw it was seven past ten. He sighed and got out of bed, slipped on a pair of boxers from the floor, and followed her downstairs to the kitchen.
That I would be good even if I did nothing
That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
That I would be good if I got and stayed sick
That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds
That I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
That I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
That I would be great if I was no longer queen
That I would be grand if I was not all knowing
That I would be loved even when I numb myself
That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
That I would be loved even when I was fuming
That I would be good even if I was clingy
That I would be good even if I lost sanity
That I would be good
Whether with or without you
Jude looked up from her microphone to see Tommy looking at her with a slightly puzzled expression on his face. "What?" she asked, taking off her headphones.
"When did you write that?" he asked, clearly upset.
She sighed softly and ignored his question. "Was the song okay or do I have to sing it again?" she asked, inspecting the microphone in front of her with fake interest, trying to avoid his piercing gaze.
Instead of answering, he got up, grabbed his cell phone from the sound board and walked upstairs.
"At times like these, I wish we were recording at the studio instead of in my basement. At least he couldn't just leave," she thought aloud upon hearing the front door slam shut.
She sighed and walked out of the sound booth. Pulling her cell phone out of her pocket, she started climbing the stairs, flipping off the light switch as she passed by it.
She flipped open her cell phone and pressed a button. Instantly, a list of names came up. She went down the list, and pressed the Send button upon reaching Sadie's name.
"I'll give Tommy some time…" she thought aloud as she brought her cell phone up to her ear. She heard it ring several times before hearing a soft, kind voice.
"Shh Honey, it's Auntie Jude. Why don't you go play with Daddy?" Sadie asked a young blonde-haired girl, no more than five, pointing to a man that was obviously the girl's father. His blonde hair was the same shade as the child's, and their wide smiles were equally radiant. He held his arms out wide for the little girl to run into, and smiled when she did.
Despite her anger with Tommy, Jude smiled lightly upon hearing her sister's sweet tone with her daughter.
"Sorry Jude," she apologized to her baby sister, dropping the sugarcoated voice she had previously used with her child. She started to slowly climb the steps as her younger sister spoke.
"No problem, Sades. How's the pregnancy going?" she questioned, lying back on the black leather couch in front of the TV.
"It's a nightmare. I cannot wait until this little baby inside of me finally finds his or her way out," Sadie told Jude, causing her to giggle lightly.
Sadie finally reached the top of the steps, moving her hand from the support of the side railing to her protruding stomach as she walked into her bedroom.
"I know how that is," Jude reminded her, sighing deeply.
"I guess, but you never reached the size of a whale! You were small- barely showed, you stick!" Sadie teased with fake resentment, causing her younger sister to giggle. "I didn't even loose the weight I gained from Sammy before getting pregnant again… Oh boy, it's going to be a nightmare," Sadie groaned, plopping down on the neatly made bed.
"You'll loose it, don't worry. But at least you didn't get all of those cravings I got. I drove both Tommy and Kwest crazy with them. Poor guys," she reminisced, laughing softly.
"I still say gaining a ton is worse than some cravings," Sadie defended, rubbing her large stomach lightly.
"So do I, but I was trying to make you feel better," Jude teased, biting her bottom lip to keep from laughing out loud.
Sadie rolled her eyes. "Only two more months of this torture," she muttered, ignoring what Jude had said. Jude nodded in agreement, even though her sister couldn't see her. "So I know you didn't call just to hear me go on about my pregnancy. What did you call for?"
"One, to check in, and two to ask if you had heard from Leslie lately. I mean, I know she keeps in contact with you more than she does with me. Which isn't exactly saying something, but…" she trailed off, hoping her sister would have some news.
"Sorry," Sadie apologized softly. Jude bit her lip for a moment, realizing her sister had taken what she said the wrong way.
"No, it's ok. I just meant Leslie doesn't exactly talk to me- for obvious reasons- but I know she keeps in touch with you sometimes," Jude tried, sighing.
"Nothing lately, but I haven't checked my emails recently, so…" she paused and sighed. "I'm not sure," she finished softly.
Jude was silent for a while, looking at a small clay heart on the coffee table that had a tiny crack running down the middle. The crack wasn't deep enough for the heart to split in two, but if a little more pressure had been added in its fall all those years ago, Jude felt that it may have smashed into pieces rather than just crack down the center of its red body.
She remembered the young six year old bringing it along with her on her weekend visits to her mother's house. Sadie would drop her off along with some clothing and other items that the youngster needed to stay for the night. The heart had been presented to her with a small letter in a neat- for a child- scroll. She had thanked her daughter and said she was going to place it on her coffee table, where she would be able to see it every day. The girl had beamed with pride as she watched her mother gently take the letter off the neatly painted clay heart.
From my heart
to yours,
Love Leslie
She remembered crying lightly, tears of joy, not of sadness or pain, slipping down her cheek in a smooth line. She had hugged her daughter as she quietly explained how Sadie helped her with what to write. After their tearful hug, Leslie helped Jude place the letter under the weight of the large heart, but only a small corner so it could still be read without moving a thing.
In addition to remembering receiving the clay heart, she also remembered how it got the single shallow crack down the center. It was years later- Leslie was almost fourteen. She had learned to love her mother still, no matter how much less time she had to spend with her daughter. Work had become Jude's main priority, which was hard for Leslie to accept, but she had learned to deal with it, since she had already gotten past the bigger obstacle in her life- having to live with her aunt because her mother couldn't care for her. She had been used to it, so it seemed, as she had been living with her aunt for the past ten years.
One day she was dropped off at her mom's- the first time in weeks- to find that she was drunk. She had trashed the place- a dining room chair or two tipped over; plates and cups smashed on the floor; books thrown carelessly to the side as if someone was searching for something and the books were in the way of it. Leslie tried to help clean up, but ended up in a fight with Jude. In anger, she picked up the clay heart and tossed it at the ground, lucky for the heart, landing on a plush carpet. Angered, she had left Jude with her own mess and walked back to her home with her aunt Sadie- ten blocks away. Jude lost control of her emotions and started crying hard, stumbling over to where the heart laid, cracked. She sat down in front of it, cradling the hard-shelled object in her hands as if her heart had been the one cracked instead.
Jude remembered how Leslie's visits had gotten less frequent to the point where after a few years she stopped coming, and looked away from the cracked piece of clay with tears in her eyes as Sadie's voice finally pushed her thoughts away for the moment.
"You alright?" Sadie asked softly. "I heard you sniffle."
Silently, Jude cursed herself for making a noise that gave her emotions away. Then she sighed heavily realizing the silence had already said everything. "Yeah, just thinking. Sorry Sades."
"I'll let you know if I hear anything from her. Like I said, I haven't checked my email in a while, so there may be some news in there," Sadie told her sister.
She put her index finger up to her lip as she saw Sammy enter the room, followed closely by her father, who seemed to be trying to catch up to her.
"Thanks," Jude said, sniffling lightly.
"No problem," she said softly. "Look Jude, I gotta go. Sammy needs a bath," Sadie apologized, giving the man a look when she saw Samantha's hands that seemed to be colored with different markers in the shapes of stars, hearts and flowers.
"Ok Sadie. I'll talk to you later," Jude said, sighing when she saw the front door open and Tommy come into view. She stood up and walked upstairs, away from the man she didn't feel like talking to at the moment.
"Bye," she heard Sadie say before she hung up. Jude followed suit, hearing Tommy on the stairs behind her. When he saw her hang up the phone, he spoke.
"I'm sorry I left," he apologized softly, following her into the bathroom.
"Whatever," she said, biting her lip when she heard her own weak voice.
"What's wrong?" Tommy asked, concerned. He grabbed her arm and turned her around gently.
"Someone won't leave me alone and I'm getting angry- that's what's wrong!" she yelled, turning around and speed-walking to the bathroom.
Feedback is love! Sort of a slow start, but in the next few chapters it picks up a bit...
Song is That I Would Be Good by Alanis Morissette.