This fic is also not my fault. It's also totally crack. I hang in good, crack-producing, bunny-breeding company.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
0000TMNT0000
Raph slammed his fist on the table but didn't stand up just yet. He'd save that for a slightly more dramatic statement. "Well, we gotta do something, oh Fearless Leader!"
Leo sighed and rubbed his temples. "Yeah, Raph, like plan. You know, that thing you always like to skip doing."
"Because you plans involve us sitting around on our butts for days on end."
Leo looked vaguely offended. "But your extremely predictable, unchanging plan of always rushing in works out so well, huh? That's not a surefire way to get hurt."
Raph rolled his eyes. "Better than sittin' around, doing nothing," he quipped.
"Raph, this is the Shredder we're talking about-"
"Yeah, and our plans never work with him anyway, since he refuses to die. Which is why-"
"We should really sit here and-"
"Sharpen our weapons so we can find him-"
"Once we're good and ready-"
"Oh, we're always ready to kick his butt!" Raph smacked the table and stood up, throwing his chair back, ignoring it as it clattered on the ground.
Leo pounded the table, leaning forward to get in Raph's face. "Right, once we have a good plan!"
Raph growled.
Leo growled.
"You know," Raph ground out. "You sit here and plan, but I'm going out." And with that, he turned around to leave, only to smack his thigh hard. "Ow!" he muttered and jumped back, going from angry to perplexed quicker than the pain had even registered. "Are you seein'-"
"A second kitchen table?" Leo said incredulously.
"Yeah." Raph glanced around. Even living in a house of ninjas, they should have heard or seen the table being brought in.
Leo stepped toward the table, hesitantly touching it. Raph just stood glaring. "Huh," Leo finally managed, looking as bemused as Raph felt.
"Genius," Raph muttered. Leo ignored him.
"I wonder-" Leo turned to face Raph and his eyes bugged out for a moment.
"What?" Raph said quickly, looking over his shoulder to see if a bug was crawling up one. There wasn't. There was, however, another table just behind him. "What the-" he jumped back, hitting the back of his leg on that darn kitchen table again.
"Good one, guys," Leo said faintly. "Very impressive."
"And weird. Even for you," Raph added, not to be outdone. "I'm still outta here," he announced.
"No, you're not!" Leo tried to order, moving to cut Raph off when a table suddenly blocked his way. Leo and Raph both flipped back, eyes narrowing, weapons drawn.
"Alright, who's there?" Raph snarled.
Nobody answered. Raph heard a faint clattering behind him and whipped around, stabbing a sai out at yet another table. He heard Leo's blades whistle through the air and assumed Leo had just experienced the same.
~TMNT~
"So then Silver Sentry totally swoops in and is all 'Halt! You are outnumbered by the Justice Force' and then-" Mikey rambled on about the newest Justice Force comic, but Don was barely listening.
"Fascinating," he interjected absent-mindedly. He was thinking about this newest computer code him and April had been working on. Her job was giving her awesome opportunities and she was doing him a favor letting him play around with some of the stuff. If he could just figure out this one last bug, he might have something to present to April to thank her for her kindness.
"-and Nobody suddenly appears, cutting off their escape path-"
"Sure, sure," Don mumbled as he punched in the keypad password, opening the lair.
"-the villains are just like 'what, this can't be-"
"Stupid tables! I hate tables!" Thudding noises.
"Ugh, I think I'm stuck. What the heck is this? It just doesn't make any sense!"
Mikey's stream of consciousness abruptly cut off at the yells in the lair, seemingly coming from Raph and Leo in the kitchen. Don and Mike exchanged a glance as the door closed behind them.
"I hate tables?" Mikey queried. "That's new, even for Raph."
Don sighed. "We should probably check it out." Don looked towards the kitchen, slightly blocked off by their view by the hall into the lair.
"I think another one just appeared!" More thudding noises accompanied by some grunting and shifting wood.
"They keep it appearing like this and we're gonna be buried," Raph growled.
Mikey nodded his assent. "But if I don't like what we see, it's your fault, dude."
"My fault? Can't we blame Leo and Raph?"
"I'll let you know when we see it."
Don and Mikey peeked out from behind the corner and stared. "What the…" Don was so stunned wasn't sure if that had slipped from his mouth or Mikey's.
Raph spotted them and tried to wiggle towards them. "Uh, a little help here," he shouted, glaring at them like they were stupid. Leo might have noticed him if he weren't pinned under a bunch of tables, facing in a different direction than Raph, who was also pinned, one hand free with his sai, stabbing at the hoard of tables.
"Uh, what the heck are you guys doing?" Mike asked, scratching his head as he and Don walked towards the kitchen. Don was pretty good at estimating and he'd say there were about forty or so kitchen tables haphazardly stuck in the kitchen. All were the same size and color as their original, but legs were sticking everywhere, tabletops pinning his two brothers in awkward positions, their shells too big to let them get free of the mess.
"We didn't do anything!" Leo petulantly replied, his usually calm demeanor shaken by whatever had happened. "Can you just go get some blades and help hack us out of here?"
"And hurry!" At the urgency in Raph's voice, Don and Mikey darted away from the kitchen to the dojo to grab some sharper tools than their own bo and nunchucks.
Four hours and an impressive pile of firewood later, Don and Mikey were still puzzled.
"So, what happened, now?" Mikey asked again.
Leo and Raph shrugged. Both had looked vaguely distressed and very paranoid ever since getting free. Leo's eyes kept darting around to different corners of the room and Raph's hands kept twitching, reaching for his sai.
"I really don't know," Leo said. "We were just having a discussion and then tables just kept appearing." He sounded detached from his voice, never once looking his brothers in the eyes as he surveyed his surroundings.
"Um, okay," Don said. "But that just doesn't make sense."
"You're tellin' me, brainiac," Raph muttered. "Tell you what. When you figure it out, you can explain it to me." Then he patted Don on the shoulder and headed towards the shower. Don thought he looked jumpy.
Leo gave a nervous laugh, shivering as his gaze finally settling on the kitchen. "Hey, Raph," he called out. Raph turned, hanging onto the bathroom's doorframe, looking at Leo. "Let's talk in the dojo next time, okay?" Both he and Raph nodded shakily as Don and Mikey stared helplessly around them. They were so confused.