A Day In The Life Of Naraku

1

A Very Short Chapter

Rating: PG13, just cuz you never know.

Disclaimer: I don't own (in order of appearance, almost) InuYasha, Kikyo, young Kaede, Kagome, Souta, Buyo, Mom, Grandpa, old Kaede, The Shikon No Tama, Sesshomaru, Jaken, Myoga, Izaio, InuYasha's Mom (fake), Tessaiga, Shippo, Miroku, Onigumo, Naraku, Sango, Kirara, Kohaku, Tensiega, Rin, Koga, Totosai, Kagura, Kanna, Tokijin, Sesshomaru's victims, InuYasha's enemies, Miroku's lovers, or random assorted villagers (dead or alive). In other words, nothing but the plot, unless you count chapters 3 and 4 (which belong to Xena), Isabel Loud, Helen Back, and the Not-So-Dark-Priestess Sita.

Important Note: SESSHOMARU DOES NOT HAVE A TAIL! The fluffy thing is a Japanese war medal thing/sign of lordship thingy. Trust me. I looked it up. Do you see it connected back there? No! His Dad had two- and they we definitely some sort of cape.

This story is posted under two names. FreeAsTheWind and Callisto Endymion (formerly Sita the Marshmellow Lord).

I would like… if I may… to take you on a rather strange journey.

In it Naraku will battle a lawyer, Kagome will go on a rather ridiculous adventure where her school paper enchanted by a petty goddess and InuYasha goes fishing for days, Naraku and InuYasha switch bodies, a few new people are introduced and promptly killed, Naraku meets a not-so-dark priestess, and Kagome is yet again manipulated.

It is true that it's pretty silly, but it does get a little dark in the later chapters (although I'm trying to be funny again). Someone named Xena inspired the 3rd and 4th chapters, and the fifth chapter is COMPLETELY POINTLESS.

If the story forgets Naraku for a while, don't despair. He'll come back. It's just what he's expecting you to do… WAH HA HA HA HA!

We begin this tale after a rather wearing battle between InuYasha and Naraku.

"KAGURA!" Naraku banged his head against the wall. Maybe if he did that long enough, he would think of a plan to kill the DAMN HANYOU!

"Yeah?" she said, raising her eyebrows at him, thwacking his head against the wall. Kanna was there too, looking as "excited" as ever.

"How come I can never kill that bastard? I want the Tessaiga, I want the Jewel, and I want his head on my wall!" He banged his head more.

Kagura was shocked; he had never done this before. Uncertain what to do, she handed him a roll of bread for no reason other then a plot device for later.

"I can't believe I failed killing InuYasha AGAIN! Kagura, do you ever feel that your not meant to kill this guy? Like you're invented by some woman, and you don't exist, and you're only some stupid bad guy put in to make it more interesting, and you will never kill the hanyo, and you will eventually be killed?" he sighed and stood up, all the fight gone out of him.

"Well, enough babbling about nonsense. I'm going to… think up more ways to kill InuYasha."

He walked back to his window that he always sat in front of and - well- sat in front of it.

Kagura and Kanna just watched.

Naraku, after doing every single trick in the book, had not yet killed the stupid, smelly, sniveling, sneaky, slow, sly, shifty, and very alliterative half-breed!

Suddenly, he leapt up with a great "ah ha!" and Kagura and Kanna jumped.

A slow smile crept across Naraku's face (a sure sign that another couple of episodes were going to be about him).

"I have it… a plan to destroy InuYasha and get the jewel shards!"

He gave a typical evil laugh (complete with hands rubbing together), interrupted by a hacking cough because of the hunk of bread he had just bitten off.

Kagura handed him a conveniently placed glass of water.

After a few gasps and gulps, Naraku started to tell them his plan. Just then… THE CHAPTER ENDED.

Well, I fixed it up a little. Smoothed out the edges, I hope. Next chapter: Naraku gets a visit from a lawyer.

With all due respect,

Callisto Endymion (aka Sita the Marshmellow Lord)

"Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered,

I have fought my way here to the castle

Beyond the goblin city

To take back the child you hath stolen

For my will is as strong as yours,

And my kingdom as great.

You have no power over me."

-Labyrinth