Here With You
A slither of light breaks through the darkness, seeping in through a crack in the stage. I feel the tension, the closeness of the heavy platform to my face, the distant tinkling of overly optimistic music. Beside me I can feel the warmth of a body, a hand clutched in mine. We don't speak, not yet, we don't need to. In the crushed darkness I can almost imagine I am somewhere else, maybe outside with a world of stars at my fingertips or in a cave that holds the secret wonders of the world. I like the darkness, it masks the horrible reality. In the darkness I can imagine it is just me and him in all of the world. I like that world more than this one.
The muted sound of prom goes on just a few metres away and I feel the tie, just slightly too close to my neck. I hate proms. The organised fun, the conforming nature, the pressure wrapping tight around your throat just like the tie around my neck. I came because Phil wanted to and he promised we wouldn't have to do anything too cheesy. I had tried to resist but his big blue eyes had gotten me hook line and sinker. It had been worse than I had imagined; the frills, the meals, just kids playing an adults game. And that is how we ended up here, curled up under the stage.
Phil moves his head to nuzzle it into my chest and I can't help but smile despite my bitter soul. Yet another cheesy song comes over the sound of the loudspeakers. Phil groans and sits up, tucking his knees into his chest.
"Do you think we could hack the music?" he says
"Hey" I say "You're the one who wanted to come."
"I can't remember why now." he says with a slight laugh.
"Maybe you just wanted to see me in a suit."
"Maybe, it is a constant struggle to keep my hands off of you."
"Then why bother?"
"Dan!" Phil says, his voice shocked with just an edge of amusement.
"What?" I say
"I am not doing it under this stage in the middle of our fucking prom!"
"Fine," I say, faking exasperation "have it your way." he smiles and leans up to kiss me, the shaft of light making his eyes sparkle like oceans as I circle my hands round his back.
"But that," he says as he leans back "Is all you are getting."
"Tease." I say.
"I cannot listen to this any longer!" Phil says as he pulls an old battered Ipod and a set of headphones from his pocket. He shuffles closer to me, handing me an earphone as he places the other one into his own ear. The familiar sounds of my chemical romance begin to trickle into my ear canal and I smile, I had almost forgotten what good music sounded like.
"Not very traditional prom-like music is it, Phil?" I say with a smile and he tilts his head,
"Dan," he says sincerely "Look at us, we don't exactly scream tradition do we?" and I laugh as I lean in to kiss him, this time pushing him to the floor as our lips lock, my heart beating along with the song as I feel emotion stir in my stomach. I smile into the kiss. Phil breaks away and whispers "I love you." before planting one last kiss onto my lips. "I love you too" I say and it's true, in this moment I don't think I have ever loved anything more in my life.
Soon enough the music dies down and the usual announcements are made, the boring droaning of adults trying to make this even more condescending than it already is. Me and Phil stay deadly silent. There is no room for words now, no music to hide our declarations of love and happiness.
"What the fuck are we going to do if one of us wins something?" Phil whispers into my ear and I chuckle,
"Have you met us, Phil? I doubt a single one of them even knows our names."
"I guess you're right." We continue to lie there as the winners clamber onto the stage, the clip-clop of their shoes a deafening thunder in the underworld. Each step they take, dislodging slightly more dust and making it fall like tiny little fairies in the light. I can't help but smile at the sheer oddity of it all, of our separation from the rest of them, how we managed to find our own little world even amongst the social conformers. And sure, our world may be darker and it may be colder but it sure is filled with far more love than will ever be found within any of their tiny hearts.
The music stops once and for all and the last round of clapping goes on as relief floods my chest.
"Dan?"
"Yeah."
"How are we going to get out of here?"
"The same way we came in."
"They're gonna see us."
"We'll wait to they're gone."
Slowly, the sound of footsteps disappears and the scraping of chairs being stacked begins. We hear the faint noise of adults, their proud voices booming, their tones so arrogant that it makes me want to throw up.
"Now?" I hear phil say as he turns to look at me.
"Yeah, now." I say and I grab his hand, tangling our fingers together. We crawl on our hands and knees, led only by the faint distant light, as the clatter of cleaning up continues. We break out of the world of darkness and out into their world, the world of bright lights and smiling facades, just for a little while. Heads turn to look at us and I whisper 'run'. I sprint carefree through the halls, my heart feeling as light as it was when I was five, my arms feeling like they might fly. I can't help the laughter from escaping my lips. We slow when we reach the fifth corridor and we turn to look at each other, unable to stop laughing. And it is impulse as I grab Phil's face, pulling it towards mine in a long and passionate kiss. I run my hands through his hair as energy consumes me and the surroundings blur. My heart beats and my palms sweat and suddenly here doesn't seem to be the worst place to be. Being with Phil can make even school seem less soul-destroying. We break apart and join hands, stepping into the night.
"I'm glad you made me come." I say
"Me too." he replies.
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