Rakuda

Akira Tosiyama

This is a Twilight/New Moon fanfic. It takes place in the time period that would be New Moon after the birthday party incident, so you could think of it as an alternate New Moon. The title has meaning to me, but few other people would get it. I do not own any of the characters within this story. From Bella's POV.

Chapter 1

Something was horribly wrong with Edward. I realized that as soon as I woke up and found that he wasn't there. I found a note, "Something came up. I'll see you at school. Edward"

Was he still thinking of the birthday party? Didn't he realize I completely forgave him and all his family? I rushed through my before school activities, eating so fast I slopped milk all over the table. Climbing into my truck, I wished it could go faster.

I pulled into the school parking lot, expecting him to be leaning against his Volvo, as usual. He wasn't there. I hurried to my first class, praying he would be lounging in his seat, waiting for me.

He was there, but he seemed to barely notice when I walked in. He ignored me. All day. He didn't say a word to me. After school, he finally came up to me. "Will you be at home tonight?"

"Of course I will be. Are you going to come over?"

"I was thinking maybe we could go for a walk." Edward's eyes were strangely avoiding mine, looking anywhere but at me.

"Sure."

Sitting at home, waiting for him to come over, was possibly the longest hour of my life. I spent it imagining what he wanted. Maybe we would have to move now, just he and I, away from Jasper, at least for a while.

Finally, a knock at the door. I jumped up eagerly.

"Bella." He said cordially, still avoiding my eyes.

"Edward, what's the matter?"

"Let's walk." He walked away.

Confused, I followed him. Why didn't he want to look at me? Why did he seem to be avoiding touching me? What was wrong?

He walked on, always a few steps in front of me, carefully maintaining his distance. We walked out of town, into the woods. After I had gotten thoroughly lost, he stopped, turning to face me, but still not looking at me.

"Bella. Sit down."

I slowly sunk down to the moss covered ground.

"Bella, this is hard. Our… relationship is too awkward for me, or you, to maintain. I hate putting you in danger. I think it would be better if we stopped this."

What? My head started spiraling out of control. "Wha…What?"

"Bella, let me put in terms you might understand. I'm breaking up with you."

Those words made no sense. What had brought around this sudden change? "If this is about what Jasper did, Edward, it's fine! I'm fine, I'm alive, aren't I?"

"And if it happens again?"

"You'll be there, just like you were this time." I said, not following his logic.

"Bella, I feel guilty for leading you on."

Leading me on? Does… does he not love me? "Leading me… on?"

Edward sighed, turning those gorgeous golden eyes toward the heavens. "Bella, I don't love you."

I felt like a bomb had gone off in my very soul, tearing me to shreds. He… didn't love me?

"Bella, I'm sorry. You are a smart, funny young woman, but I don't love you." He finally looked at me, and his eyes made me believe. They looked frozen over. They held no love for me. "Go home, Bella."

"You're… leaving?" This fact seemed to make it that much worse.

"We aren't leaving town. We still have high school to finish." He scoffed.

That gave me hope. I could still look at him. But was that a good thing, if I couldn't be with him?

"Go home, Bella." He repeated before disappearing into the trees.

But I didn't. I curled into a small ball, to shocked to even cry. I didn't even notice when it started to rain.

Later, I heard voices calling me. And suddenly, he was there.

"Edward?" I said weakly, hoping he had come to his senses.

"I told you to go home." He lifted me up.

"Where…?"

"I'm taking you to Charlie." His eyes were still frozen.

I don't remember even getting home that night. I woke the next morning, hoping it had been a nightmare, realizing it hadn't been when Charlie asked if I had gotten lost.

"Lost… yeah." I whispered.

"Bells, you okay?" Charlie asked, concerned.

"Yes. I have to go to school." I said robotically. I gathered my things and drove to school.

He was in class, staring straight ahead at the teacher. The sight of his ice-cold eyes made the gaping hole inside me rupture open with intensity. I sat in my desk, put my head down, and cried silently. He patted my shoulder once, fleetingly.

"I'm sorry, Bella. But it's for the best."

Best for who? Him? But I couldn't be mad at him. Despite what he'd done to me, I loved him dearly. I couldn't blame him, couldn't be angry, I couldn't even think one angry word about him.

Lunch was horrible. Sitting at the table, trying not to think about how he used to sit with his arm around me, when he was right across the room. Looking at him hurt even worse. Alice wasn't there. He was alone, with his nose buried in a book. He didn't look up once.

Mike, Angela, and Jess tried to get me to tell me what was wrong, to figure out why we weren't sitting together. Mike and Angela gave me some space after they realized it was hurting me, but they had to drag Jess away.

The rest of my classes with him were the same. He looked away from me the whole time. He didn't say a word to me.

That night, I really sobbed for the first time in my life.