AOU: Hiya! I'm hoping this will turn out to be a good fic and that it'll attract a lot of ppl and get tons of reviews but it might not go out that way because i don't have a good review streak. Damn it. (Inner AOU: Jyanarou!)

Shino:...

Aou: So I'm REALLY REALLY hoping it'll get a good streak and be the best story the Alchemist of Uchiha has ever written!

Neji: hn...kudaran...(boring)

AOU: don't copy Gaara. Anyway, Kankurou, do the honors...

Kankurou: The Alchemist of Uchiha doesn't own Naruto jyan

AOU: Why do you have to add a 'jyan'. You look like a cat already. You don't have to sound like one...

Kankurou: Why you...Karasu!

AOU: eep! Well, enjoy and for the love of Tsunade review!

Chapter 1

"Oh, Shikamaaarrruuuuu!" Oh crap. Mom. "What is it?" The lazy shinobi looked up from where he was lying on the grass, looking at clouds. His mother smiled as if Shikamaru had just won twelve grammies for best Kagemane no Jutsu, bought her a mansion and was currenly working on a way to make world peace. Hah. As if Shika would ever do that...Anyway, on the da fic...
"Shikamaru, Godaime wants to see you, now."
Shika looked up. "Godaime?" His mom seemed to grit her teeth and she forced the words out. Shika's dullness was getting on her nerves. "Yes, Shikamaru. Godaime Hokage. She wants to see you."
"Oh, better not keep her waiting then." He grimaced, stood up and walked out away from the Nara property. "Ja!" He called over his shoulder.

Godaime Hokage a.k.a. Tsunade's office

"yo." Shikamaru opened the door and greeted the pretty blonde 50 year old Hokage. Once again he noticed how odd it was to know that Tsunade was a fifty year old granny and look like a 20 year old thanks to a jutsu. I wish I could learn that when I turn 50. Shika mused. He snapped quickly back to attention as Tsunade spoke in her normal blunt way.
"Nara Shikamaru, I have a mission for you."
"Please don't tell me that bastard Sasuke ran off again."
"No. It's different. It's more...um...interesting than finding a lost Uchiha."
"oh?"
"How should I say this...the people of Konoha are bored. It isn't time for another Chuunin Exam because I can't go to the four other Kages and say, 'we're going to have another Chuunin exam to make the people of my Sato happy.' No. I'm not doing that. So, what I want you to do it get some assistants or something and make a TV show. I gave you a one hour slot everyday from 6:00 pm to 7:00."
Shikamaru choked slightly. "A WHAT?"
"A tv show. Something people can watch on TV. Premiering tomorrow. So be quick. Dismissed."
"But...I can't do that!"
Tsunade smiled happily. "The people of Konoha already know that there's going to be a show. I call it 'Shinobi Specialties'. Not only Konoha ninjas are doing this. I invited the Sand-nins and two Sound-nins are participating."
"Sound-nin?"
"Hai. I made a quick peace treaty with Orochimaru about it. He revived two of the Sound Five for me, Sakon and Tayuya, and they'll be joining us. So all together, unless you choose some of those to be assistants, are: Gaara, Temari, Kankurou, Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, Ino, Chouji, you, Neji, Tenten, Lee, Hinata, Kiba, Shino, Tayuya and Sakon. If you want some of the Jounins like Kakashi or Kurenai, be my guest. All the ninjas from all the villages are your pick. 'Shinobi Specialties' will be airing not only in Konoha but in all other villages that agreed to participate in this. Hidden Sound, Hidden Waterfall, Hidden Rain, Hidden Grass, Hidden Cloud, Hidden Stone, Hidden Mist..."
"Okay, okay, I get the point." Shikamaru waved his hands. The situation was just getting a titch troublesome for him but he didn't want to say anything unless Tsunade explodes at him.
"good. Start now. dismissed."

In Konoha

Shika had called a meeting with all the Leaf genins. The Sand genins were there as well. Only Sakon and Tayuya were away because they were still a little tired after the revival kinjutsu Orochimaru used. Shikamaru had given them all the information and they were completly shocked. "I-I-I'm...going on T-T-T-TV?" Hinata stammered, turning beet red. "Of course you are, Hinata-sama." snarled Neji. He was not in a good mood, he never really is anyway. But hearing the news of 'Shinobi Specialties' made him feel so much worse.
"Who wants to help. Whoever helps will still go on TV, just to tell you." Shika looked at them. They were still stupefied. Gaara raised his hand and his sibs turned to stare at him. "I wish to help."
"NANI!" Naruto was surprised and Gaara shot him a 'look'. "In the manga, I am already promoted to the rank of Kazekage. For the Hokage, I will help Konohagakure no Sato found more peace in shinobi."
"What a lovely speech. Careful you don't kill any other helpers in your Konoha peace." Sasuke said sarcastically. Gaara glared daggers at him and Sasuke glared back.
"Any others?" Shika asked, hoping to make the two calm down.
Dead silence.
"Okay... I guess we're short of helpers then..."
"I'll h-h-help..." Hinata shyly raised her hand. "Hinata..." Kiba said...surprised. "K-K-Kiba-kun...I want to help...like Gaara-kun."
Another silence.
"Okay, three helpers including me. We're ready for this stupid show. We need a director though. This is too troublesome for me, Gaara might kill someone and Hinata stutters way too much. Too annoying. Any volunteers? The director doesn't need to go onstage but it's a lot more troublesome than displaying a few talents." Naruto raised his hand but Shika shook his head. "We can't have an idiot and we can't have someone who kills people when they're angry. That cuts out a lot of the people. The only people i know who won't is either Neji, Sasuke or um..." Pause. "I guess Shino."
"I cannot be director. The smallest of bugs cannot become a giant butterfly within a day through a word. I will reach the top through hard work." Shino, obviously.
"Why should I be director? I have to kill my brother." Sasuke.
"I have Byakugan." Not good enough.
"Neji's director." Shikamaru nodded. "Speaking of which, Neji's pretty popular around Konoha. He'll have to go onstage too. 'Damn." muttered the Hyuuga.

Production Site

"Okay, people!" Neji yelled as loud as he could. "Get into your positions or I'll use Kaiten!" The 'actors' immediately moved to their designated spots, which is simply a line in the middle of the stage in the order of their teams. "Trust me, it hurts." Tenten added helpfully from her spot in the line. "Thank you, Tenten." muttered Neji.
"Today's the first episode of 'Shinobi Specialties'." Shika yelled unnessecarily. "According to the script Godaime gave me, Sasuke's first to perform his Chidori."
"Everybody knows about it already," snapped the unhappy Uchiha. He was already using his Sharingan and that made him look a lot scarier.
Shika ignored him. "Neji, as director, you'll have to choose the order for the next episode. Film, start!" Kakashi gave the thumbs-up sign from where he stood behind a massive camera. Kurenai and Asuma worked the lights.
Neji stepped up with a mic. Nobody needed a cermoninal dress-up since they were shinobi, so they were all dressed in their normal clothes. If Neji was popular around Konoha because of his eyes and everybody watching was staring at the white orbs, they would probably see the very VERY heavy sakki (killing intent) in them. But oh well. Hyuuga Neji is Hyuuga Neji. And as Maechan from Final Fantasy X said, 'And that, as they say, is that." Getting off the video game sponge now, and going back to the show, let's continue.
"This is Hyuuga Neji here," (Random fangirl scream) "First talent player on today's premier of Shinobi Specialties, sponsored by Godaime Hokage Tsunade-sama's specialty gambling place 'Glomping Rendan', is Uchiha Sasuke. As you know, he is the survivor of the Uchiha clan and destined to kill his brother, Uchiha Itachi." (random Itachi fangirl hisses) "If you had watched the Chuunin Exam Preliminaries, which I doubt, you would know he is the maker of Shishi Rendan AND I think Orochimaru likes him. (Orochimaru: Damn right)"
"That was too long, Neji!" Shikamaru yelled from the sidelines. "Shorter, goddamn make it shorter!"
"Shut up. Anyway, Uchiha...I mean, Sasuke, come up please."
Shoved forward by a grinning Naruto was Sasuke. "Sasuke, please perform your Chidori. Don't kill anyone or destroy anything." Neji stepped off the site. In an uber loud stage whisper by Tenten, he was pushed back up. 'You're the director! stay up!"
Light and crackling noises buzzed from Sasuke's left hand. Two seconds later, he stopped channeling his Chakra and walked offstage. "SASUKE-KUN!" Sakura and Ino squealed.
"Shut up." snarled Temari.
"Next we have Temari, performing Ninpou: Kamaitachi no Jutsu. This jutsu defeated Tenten during the preliminaries, and it also caused Shikamaru to go into hiding during the real matches. Dai Kamaitachi no Jutsu is used against Tayuya, who is unfortunately not with us today. Oh well."
The blond stepped up. "Ninpou." She got ready to swing her fan. "Kamaitachi no Jutsu!" The wind buzzed everywhere and...
BZZZ!"
"Iyaa...The camera broke."
"Look what you did," snapped Ino.
"Mission accomplished jyan." laughed Kankurou.
"Ninpou: Healing no Jutsu." The camera flashed back on and Kakashi's grinning face, hidden by his mask, appeared. "Iyaa...Fixed it!"
"Mission un-accomplished jyan." muttered Kankurou.
"Okay..." Neji sighed and looked at his list, rubbing his temples. "Next is Tenten, performing Soushoryu. Performed against Temari during the preliminaries and nullified with either Ni no Hoshi or San no Hoshi."
Tenten stepped up and got into the center.
THINK BACK ON THE EPISODE OR WATCH THAT PART BECAUSE I CAN'T DESCRIBE IT IN WORDS.
"Thank you!" Tenten smiled happily. Neji, thanks to Kaiten, had not one single scratch on him and Sasuke, with Sharingan, had detected all the weapons and dodged before it it. Temari used her fan, Gaara used her shield, Kankurou used Karasu and Hinata used Jyuuken to knock the shurikens, senbons and other weapons away. Others weren't so lucky and Shizune had to appear onscene to help heal the wounded.
"Gee, thanks for literally killing everybody offstage, Tenten." Neji sneered sarcastically. Tenten shrugged and was guided offstage by a bandaged Shikamaru. "Next is Naruto performing Oiroke no Jutsu. Why is this one on, I have no idea. But whatever."
"YOSHI!" The hyperactive blonde jumped up and waved, "Hiya, Iruka-sensei! Ero-sennin! Tsunade no bachan! I'm on TV!"
"Naruto, stop wasting our film and use the Jutsu!" Kakashi yelled. "We're almost out of film. I'll change as soon as Naruto's finished the jutsu."
"Kuraie!"Naruto performed seals rapidly and clicked the Tora no In. "OIROKE NO JUTSU!"
Bam.
Cute naked girl right there on live television. "Fuu-uu!"
Bam. All the boys except Neji and Sasuke, who seemed to be either immune to the stuff or not even looking anymore, were knocked out. "Naruto, you perv!" Sakura screeched. Kakashi recovered and pulled out his Icha Icha Paradise book. "It's the same...It's the same!"

BUZZ

Hi, this is Shikamaru here. Turns out we have to stop this production right here. Kakashi-sensei's knocked out thanks to Naruto so we have to continue the production tomorrow. Good bye and please review.