Title: Memories
Full Summary: I'm fine! I have everyone with me, even though half of them are jerks. ...I still hope to see you someday. I... I still love you... I really, really do. Spoilers if you haven't heightened Airi's Fate level and proceeded too far into the game.
Rating: T
Pairings: None.
Genre: Family/Hurt/Comfort
Disclaimer: I do not own DeSu2! It belongs to its awesome respective owners.
Image: Found on Tumblr. Do not claim ownership over it and will be taken down by respective owner's request.
My dream... so close, yet so far, far away...
Airi isn't really my favourite character (Anguished One, Yamato, Fumi and Otome ftw!) but I like her. I tend to take a liking to characters like her, I guess. So, last time I checked, nothing like this is up, so I decided to type this. Took me a while, though.
I mostly relied on memory and Megami Tensei Wikia for this, so if there are any discrepancies, any at all, I apologise. *bows*
Comments and critisms would be gladly appreciated.
WARNING: This contains spoilers if you have yet to heighten Airi's Fate level or haven't gone too far into the game. Proceed with caution.
Main character's name is Hibiki Kuze, following Devil Survivor 2: The Animation. Yes, an animation's coming! In April if I'm not wrong... :D
"And now, please welcome our last contestant for the day, junior high student Airi Ban, who will be performing Moonlight Sonata's First Movement*, composed by Ludwig van Beethoven."
A polite applause came from below the stage, and the girl, in front of the stairs leading to the large stage, gulped nervously, her hands clenching the front of the ivory-white dress she had put on for this special occasion. She was nervous, she realised. Far more nervous than she expected she would have been. It didn't help that the previous contestant, a girl with her auburn hair tied into a bun in an ebony dress, had sneered at her earlier before performing a spectacular Piano Sonata by Mozart* that might as well have brought tears to the crowd. All the confidence the cherry red-haired girl had just mere moments ago had all went down the drain. She tried her best to recall her parents' and teacher's encouraging comments. "Just keep calm and do your best, Ai." Her father had said with his signature smile. "If you're nervous, take deep breaths. Don't think about the audience. It's just you, you alone, on that stage, no-one else around. Remember that, Ai."
Right then. She took a deep breath. Let's do this. Keep calm, and, and...
Damn. She finally understood what it meant by things being easier said than done, or easier than one thinks.
With quick, petite steps, she stepped onto the stage, trying to calm her nervous self. When Airi Ban decided to take a shot at the piano competition* held in Osiris 41, she did not expect this. Her heart was ready to burst out of her chest as she stood on the stage, having a sweeping view of the hall. It wasn't considered as many people, not as many as in those humongous concerts, but as many as... well, many. She wouldn't fuss so much about that. Her eyes quickly swept through the audience, trying to find her parents and piano tutor, but all she saw was other hopeful parents, more hopeful parents, local piano buffs, more hopeful parents -
There! She saw her mother, waving cheerily at her, eyes likely brimming with hope - she couldn't really tell, but heck - her tutor, waving serenely. Airi's spirits lifted slightly, but not until she saw the empty seat beside her mother's. Her spirits fell immediately. Her father wasn't there to cheer for her.
Right, she thought, anger boiling up inside her. Because dad's work is so much more important than her daughter's competition. Could she blame him, though? A full-time detective, busy protecting the streets of Osaka and civilians. He was busy all the time. Sometimes he didn't come home for a while. Sometimes he came home with injuries. He had yet to not come home at all.
She'd rather that not happen anyway.
Suddenly remembering what was she supposed to do, and wondering how long had she been standing there like an idiot, her face reddened and she bowed politely. Another polite applause kicked in, somewhat encouraging her to do her best. Gulping once more, she stepped towards the piano.
The piano was a beauty; grand piano, a beautiful shade of ebony, tuned masterfully. It took all her self-control not to just bow down to its sheer majesticness - was that a word? - or at least have her mouth hanging open. She adjusted the seat to her convenience and seated herself.
Her fingers hovered over the ivory keys for a moment; she calmed herself. Remember dad's words, Airi, remember...
"Just keep calm and do your best, Ai. If you're nervous, take deep breaths. Don't think about the audience. It's just you, you alone, on that stage, no-one else around. Remember that, Ai."
Right then. Her face squared with determination. Let's do this.
Besides, she really wanted to kick that auburn-haired girl's ass.
...
A loud applause rolled in as her fingers disconnected with the ivory keys. She panted, not realising until now that she was nervous as hell, her heart hammering so loud it roared over the audience's applause, throbbing in her ears. She felt exhausted; she had given that performance her all. Her hands were sticky and damp with sweat. She was shaky as she stood from her seat, might as well have collapsed as she bowed - her knees was too damn shaky! - and almost fell down the stairs as she stepped down them.
She briefly wondered to herself if she had performed well enough. She was partly fueled by rage, she realised: rage at her father, who never had enough time to spend with his family; rage at that stupid girl, who sneered at her, thinking she was oh-so almighty; rage at herself, for being such a letdown, such a disappointment for getting mad so easily, for... for the sake of being angry.
But she also realised, the other part was fueled by the support her parents, her teacher gave her. Her strong will and determination to prove those that berated her wrong, to not let those that had high hopes for her down, to prove to herself she wasn't a short, petite girl who would cry at any discouragement spat at her - okay, maybe she is short, but still, even if she was short, it didn't mean she still couldn't jump upwards and reach for the sky, reach for her dreams.
As she took her seat, she let out a tiny huff, and gave herself a little smile of comfort. She could do this.
Of course, she also made it a point to sneer at the girl who was pouting at her with hateful eyes.
...
"And now, it's time for us to announce the results of this year's Osiris 41 Piano Competition!"
A loud roar of applause followed, and Airi gulped nervously. This is it. Time to see whether she had achieved what she hoped to, whether she had successfully achieved what her parents and teacher hoped her to, whether she had managed to reach the goal she herself wished to grab.
Everything boiled down to this.
One by one, eager boys and girls' names were announced, with said eager boy or girl leaping up onto the stage with joy, retrieving their award, snapping pictures, leaving with a smile imprinted onto their faces. Of course, not all left that way - some were dissapointed. Some masked theirs with a forced smile that may or may not have been seen through, and some downright bawled on their knees, as if their whole life depended on that one piano competition.
Of course, Airi wasn't the one to think so. She might do the same thing if that person was her.
Anticipation snaked up on her. As names were called, she grew more and more flustered. Drumming her fingers against her knee. Gripping her dress so harshly she might as werr have torn it. The ocassional gulp. She was literally at the edge of her sheet. The auburn-haired girl, who was seated beside her, was no different. She was very obviously nervous, but she was also very confident. At some point of waiting impatiently, the girl whispered to her, her voice high-pitched like an anime character, the mocking, berating tone very, very easily perceptible: "You've got no chance, girly. I'm gonna win this for sure."
She would've drove a solid punch straight into that half-assed face of hers had it not been at that time, at that place. So she bit the insides of her cheek to calm herself and contain the anger, the metallic taste of blood prominent on her tongue mere seconds later.
"And the second runner-up in this contest is..."
The announcer announced the lucky boy's name with a permanent smile on her face and blinding white teeth, and said boy, with dishelved hazel hair in a black suit practically flew onto the stage to recieve her award. So the third wasn't her, Airi thought solemnly.
Well then. I guess I don't make it.
Apparently the girl beside her thought the same thing too, because she sneered and sneered that stupid sneer at her. She banished the thought of strangling the girl with the microphone wire the announcer had to hell. Suppress those beastly urges, Airi. No mauling her to death either.
"And the runner-up of the competition is..."
The announcer purposefully left the sentence hanging, allowing the audience to be left hanging in suspense themselves. Airi sighed to herself. Just get on with it, she thought somewhat morbidly. Look at that. She was berating herself.
She shook her head, her red hair flying around in a sweeping mess. C'mon Airi, you still have a chance! Believe in yourself and all that... uggh. Chummy. Just don't lose hope yet.
"Rina Ueno*!"
The girl beside Airi let out what must've been a cross of a sharp squeal and an uncontented gasp of utter shock and surprise (heh, Airi thought to herself). Almost instantly she shot Airi a distasteful look radiating pure hatred for not managing to retrieve the grand prize. Then why shoot me that idiotic look, dumbass, Airi thought smugly. You think I'm getting first? Just to irk the girl - Reno, was it? - more, she stuck out her tongue, putting up the best douchebag-ish look she could manage. Sure enough, the effect was satisfying. The girl practically stomped onto the stage, not before replacing her scrunched-up expression with a ten thousand-watt smile. She could feel Reno's eyes on her every intimidating second. Airi sincerely hoped she could be granted the permission to poke the girl's eyes out with a rusted fork.
Okay, maybe that was too much of an extaggeration. But hell, if she could, she would. At least wipe that smug look off her face.
"And now, the moment we've all been waiting for. It's time to announce the winner of the competition!"
Almost spontaneously the rowdy atmosphere within the hall dropped dead. The air within the hall could have been cut cleanly with a knife; the silence was just that stifling. Airi gulped nervously. Who would it be, the winner? Which lucky boy or girl was it? Not that she cared, really; but all the trepidation and such was catching up to her and threatening to choke her madly.
'After gruelling tasks and effort sourcing from deep down within her heart, this girl put in all her best to strike down all her towering obstacles - and succeeded. The winner of the annual Osiris 41 Piano Competition is..."
Cue drumroll, Airi thought jokingly to herself. Sadly the thick trepidation around her did not lighten even a fraction.
"...Airi Ban!"
Just as I thought. She thought smugly. The winner isn't... me... wait.
...What?
Airi could not believe her ears. Did she really hear that? No, she couldn't have... could she? Did the announcer read wrongly? She felt her whole being tremble. The applause was deafening. That round of applause was for her. Was it really?
"I repeat, the winner of the annual Osiris 41 Piano Competition is Airi Ban! Will Airi Ban please step up onto the stage and recieve the award awaiting her!"
With a shaky, trembling "oh, snap" she came to a conclusion with the mush that was her brain and mind. The announcer had announced her name. She was the winner of the competition. She was the freaking winner of the competition. As hard as it was to believe in, she was the winner of the piano competition.
She had never felt that much joy, that much sense of accomplishment, happiness, victory in her entire life.
With a yell of joy, she leapt onto the air, not caring that she nearly scared the living daylights out of whoever was near her, or the occasion she was currently in. She ran up onto the stage brashly - to hell with ettique - her jelly-resembling legs tripping over each other in almost every step. As she shook the main judge's hand and recieved her award - a little trophy made of glass, with a grand piano and the treble clef on the five music staffs. She fumbled with the award, still in doubt if all of it was real. The doubt dissipated upon staring at the elderly bearded judge's genuine, kind, congratulating smile. Sure enough. All of this. All of this is exceptionally good.
She stared at the audience, cheering for her despite her being a total stranger that beat their own children in the competition. Pride swelled up deep within her.
Oh, hell yes, this is very, very real. Why doubt it?
Her eyes met those of her mother and her teacher, proud at the bundle of joy atop the stage. Her mother was hollering and waving at her, madly proud - was that an accurate expression? Well, she might be considered mad with joy. It didn't matter much. Her teacher's joy and pride wasn't overflowing like her mother's, but she was still clapping, grinning the lucent grin she always gave Airi when she said, "You did well". And Airi was very convinced that was exactly what her teacher was trying to say.
Airi's eyes swept across the hall once more as she basked at the flashes news reporters were giving her. The thought of being on the newspaper - gosh, maybe even the local news! - it made her giddy with joy. Every single bit of her was shrieking like a fangirl having met their sexy anime character-slash-cosplayer, or like a girl tremendously happy she might just blow up thanks to it, heh. Her thoughts were mush, incoherent as they replayed one and only one thing: I won the competition, I won, freaking won -
That was when she saw him, by one of the side exits of the hall - leaning casually, hat pressed down in a way it shrouded his eyes, a trademark trait of his; his light trenchcoat, the glint in his eyes that shone from beneath his hat...
It was her father.
Her eyes teared up in joy. He came. He actually came.
Without another thought, she ran down the stage, and into her surprised father, hugging him tightly like a lifeline, radiating genuine joy.
"Dad, I won! I won the competition!" she yelled at the top of her voice, squealing in delight, as if a child having recieved her favourite toy and was leaping joyously. "And you came! Thanks, dad! I'm so happy!" Tears of joy streamed down her face. She felt her father's rough yet gentle arms wrap around her in reply, embracing her.
"Knew you could do it, Ai," he said, his voice itself making her assured, for the last time, this was all, all real. "Knew you could do it."
...
"I want to be a pianist."
Yuudai Ban* nearly choked on his black coffee. He set the newspaper that he might as well have crumpled into a measly ball onto his lap, set down his coffee mug - "#1 Dad!" - by the coffee table, and stared at his daugther, her eyes blazing with pure determination - and an ounce of stubborness.
"Ex - " he cleared his throat - gahh, coffee. He needed to make sure he heard her right. "Excuse me - sorry, what was that, Ai? I didn't quite - "
"You heard me. I said I want to be a pianist."
That was what he feared. Oh, oh dear.
He cleared his throat once more. "Uhm." He was a little lost for words. "Now then, Ai, why don't we - "
"No. I wanna talk about this now."
That's my daugther for you, he thought to himself. He gave her a little smile. "Ai... it's good that you finally have a dream, Ai." He sighed, running a hand through his bushy red hair. How would he tell her this... "But... well, how do I tell you this, Ai..." He gave her a smile. "I'll see what I can do."
His daugther's eyes lit up in excitement. "Thanks, dad!" She embraced the man tightly, then skipped off to breakfast. "You're the best!" she yelled somewhere else in the house.
He sighed, smiling lightly. He noted a figure approaching him, and turned, only to face his wife.
" - you know, it's easier to tell her now than let her hopes high, then make her drop it all like a brick," she said in a half-scoff. He shrugged at her, his eyebrows furrowing. He sighed once more, this time the sigh more of an exasperated sigh.
"...Misao*, what do you want me to do," he took a sip of his coffee, savouring its bitter taste, "I really do have to see what we can do. No point letting it go first so easily without making sure. Like fishing. You have to make sure you really do not have enough bait before heading home like a bump."
His wife merely gave him a blank stare, and trotted back to the kitchen, where she originally was. "You're going to regret this, Yuu."
All Yuudai did was smile. "Well, what can you do, really?"
...
Airi glared at her father with a dejected expression, eyes welling up with tears. Her fists were clenched tightly behind her back, and she trembled in pure anger.
"Why?" she demanded as needily as she could in her miserable state. Her day didn't start off well. She was teased at school for having such a "lame aspiration", and she sort of broke into a fist fight, boiling with anger. The anger had yet to subside when she returned home, visibly pissed, having a shit time trying to keep her cool and immediately demanded from her father if her dream really was lame. He had said no. It would have been better if he dropped the conversation there. But no.
He said she wouldn't be able to achieve her dream.
"Why, dad?" she repeated, and her father, ready to leave for a round of police work, shoved his hat over his eyes, smiling apologetically.
That smile pissed her off. "Stop smiling!" she yelled at him. "I'm being serious!"
"Airi!" her mother shouted at her from the kitchen, giving her a scolding look while she prepared dinner. "Don't shout at your father - "
"S-Shut up!" she yelled, sealing her eyes shut, the tears finally falling.
"Airi!" Now it was her father. "Don't talk to your mother like that - "
She interrupted him. "Why! Why can't I be a pianist!" she demanded once more.
Her father retained that sickening look on his face. She almost wished - screw that, if she could, she would tear that look off his face.
"We... we can't afford it, Ai." he explained slowly, his voice almost a monotone. "We can't afford the lessons you have to take to achieve your dream. Those earlier lessons, they weren't much. Now that you're striving towards the cream of the crop, well, that's a whole different level. We can't - we can't afford those. And - and our finances are getting low. I'm - we're sorry, Ai - "
"You're sorry?" she mimicked him. "You're sorry? Hah! Are you trying to make me laugh? I - I - A-And to think you're p-proud of me finally having a dream - "
"Ai, I am - "
"You are." Airi repeated, the word rolling off her tongue with a bitter aftertaste. "More like you were. This dream - it's not coming true, is it?" It's a was now. No longer an is. "I can't - I can't believe this."
Her father approached her. "Ai - "
"Stay away from me!" she screamed at him, any thoughts of retaining her composture lost. "I - I hate you! I hate all of this!" She ran to her room, shutting the door and locking it, before sitting on her bed, pressing her pillow against her face and screaming into it, "I hate all of this!"
She could hear yelling from outside her room, presumably between her parents, but she could've cared less at this point. She didn't care. She couldn't accept this. No.
Why? She wanted to scream. Why does this happen to me? I don't deserve this!
She buried her face into her pillow and screamed at the top of her voice, not caring even if her neighbours heard her.
"I hate this! I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I..."
...
Airi awoke to the sounds of knocking upon her room door.
Wha... She stared holes into her bedside clock - it indicated fifteen minutes past dinner time. Oh. She must've fell asleep after ranting out her anger on her poor, poor pillow, which was sprawled some corner of her room. Well, at least she felt better than earlier during the day. But she did feel a little guilty, at lashing out at her father and mother. Perhaps she ought to apologise when he returned home.
"Airi?" She heard her mother call out, but... her voice had a certain edge towards it. She couldn't make out what, though. After choking out a "coming" - her voice was somewhat hoarse from yelling into her pillow earlier - she unlocked her rooom door.
She did not expect to see what she was seeing.
Her mother had an odd, somber expression to her face - others would have thought that was it, but Airi could tell that expression screamed of agony and sadness. Her eyes and nose were red, presumably from crying. There was more than that - two strangers she recognised as her father's colleagues.
"W-What happened?" she managed to croak as she gave her mother a well-needed hug, to which she returned, breaking into a waterfall of tears. Airi glared daggers at the two strangers. "What happened?" she repeated, her voice clearer. "Where's dad?"
One of the two, with his hands shoved into his beige jeans, approached her. He had a head of messy mahogany hair and wore a denim jacket. She remembered her father introducing him to her - Rola... Ronna... Roni... what? - and he looked as if he knew her, nodding at her. Almost immediately he averted his gaze from hers. She would have spat at him, Look at me, but he didn't beat around the bush. He spoke, sealing his eyes shut in what seemed like pain.
"Y-You... Your father..." He bit his lip seemingly involuntarily. She stared at him. What he was about to say couldn't have been good. She braced herself.
No matter how much she did, it wouldn't have helped her as she heard what the man had to say.
"Your father... he... he died."
...
What transpired next was quite a blur. She didn't, couldn't remember much. What she knew was that she collapsed onto her knees. Refusing to accept the truth that was just thrusted at her. Her mother and her, hugging whilst crying. The two men trying to comfort them. The man who dropped the bombshell giving her a book, saying "your father wants - w-wanted you to hold onto this".
Sometime later in the night, she was huddled on her bed, basking in the darkness of her cold room, not bothering to cover herself with her blanket while she shivered. She didn't care to switch off or adjust the temperature of the air conditioner. She turned on the small pocket flashlight and flipped through the book her father had entrusted to her. She couldn't understand anything on the book. Just codes, codes, and -
A... journal entry? That caught her interest, and she began reading it.
\\ Ai didn't take the news too well, apparently. She was crying. Didn't help that I broke out in an argument with Misao.
I'd love to tell them sorry, but I can't, can I? What a way to end the last day with your family.
Airi, if you're reading this now, I'm sorry. I really am. But I need to do this. Please help me apologise to your mother for me.
I hope we'll be seeing each other again someday. /
Tears immediately welled up in her eyes. So... he knew? He knew he was going to die? And... and... she yelled at him... she told him, she hated him...
Oh, dad... Dad, I...
She clutched book tightly in her hands, desperate, desperate to somehow reach out to her father.
And cried.
...
Dad.
Dad, I...
Dad, I... How do I say this, now...
I'm sorry, I guess.
And...
And I...
I love you.
Please come back, dad.
You can't die now, dad!
Don't you...
Don't you want to see me achieve my dream?
Don't you?
Dad...
D... Daddy...
I'm really, really sorry. Please forgive me, daddy. You don't need to be sorry. It's me who should be...
I love you, daddy...
I... I really do.
Daddy...
Please come back.
Please...
I love you...
...
"Oh, Ai..."
"Ai..."
"Oh, well. You leave me no choice then. Get ready - !"
Airi Ban let out a squeal as all the air in her lungs escaped, and she let out a fit of struggled giggles as she tried to shove whichever-idiot away from her. She struggled for air as well. "G-G-G-G-Get the h-h-hell off m-me!"
"Ah-ha! Knew this'd work." Hinako Kujou was leaning over her, grinning thoughtfully as a gloved finger pressed against her chin, glasses threatening to fall onto Airi. "You wouldn't wake up, so I forced ya. Other than Hibiki, who's still in his room - think Makoto's gonna get him up in a bit? - you're the only one whose butt hasn't woken up."
"W...What...?" Airi jolted upwards, shocking Hinako. She looked around, left, right, left again, right again... her red hair flying around in a mess. She was... in her JPs room.
So that was all... a dream. A mere dream.
"W...What's wrong, Ai?" Hina asked, staring at her suspiciously. Airi winced upon hearing the boisterous woman call her Ai.
"N..." she rubbed her eyes in an attempt to hide the tears starting to form. "No. It's nothing. It's nothing, Hina."
She wished she hadn't dreamed that. Why now, of all times? In such a horrible crisis... She did not need to remember something that would make her weaker. She needed to be in tip-top condition. She needed to shove all those memories deep away into her mind...
Then a thought involuntarily bobbed into her mind.
"...what're you doing in my room, Hina...?" the younger girl growled, omnious aura wafting around her. Hinako was oblivious to this, babbling away like the Hina she is.
"Gee, well you were taking a long, long time, and, you know, seeing you're my little brat to bully, I, as my dutiful, lovable self, came to call you! Do you know how cute you look when you're sleeping? I even snapped a few pictures for blackmail and you didn't notice, heh!" For emphasis the woman took out her phone, loaded a picture of a sleeping Airi and hollered it in front of the girl, winking playfully. "Wait still I show this to everyone, huh - "
Airi chucked a pillow at Hinako's face.
...
Dad...
How are you, dad?
You fine, wherever you are?
Guess I haven't been thinking about you in a while, huh...
I still miss you, y'know, dad?
I'm sure mom does, too.
Wherever she is...
I'm fine, though. You don't need to worry about me! I have everyone with me. Stupid Hina, Hibiki, Io, Daichi, Jungo, Fumi... the lot of them, even though half of them are jerks.
...I still hope to see you someday, dad.
...
...I...
...I still love you...
...Daddy...
*Moonlight Sonata, First Movement by Ludwig Van Beethoven: No paticular reason for choosing this song, except that it's a fave of mine. ^^ Listen to it on YouTube - /watch?v=nT7_IZPHHb0
*Piano Sonata by Mozart: I am referring to Mozart's Piano Sonata in C Major, First Movement. Watch Horowitz play it on YouTube - /watch?v=dd7Q7vhNB-I
*Piano competition: For the life of me I have not joined/attended/watched a piano competition. Well, I watched Nodame, but anyways. This piano competition is weaved out of my imagination. Discrepancies, I apologise. Really. D:
*Rina Ueno: Created by random japanese name generator Behind The Name, which I do not own.
*Yuudai Ban: This is not Airi's father (Dera-Deka)'s real name. I doubt his name is Dera-Deka, so I created his name using random japanese name generator Behind The Name, which I do not own.
*Misao: Not Airi's mother's real name. No-one knows what it is, I think. Random name I thought of.
Well, that was it. I gave it my best. Teehee, isn't Airi's and Hina's relationship cute? x3
Once again comments and critisms would be gladly appreciated. Thank you for taking your time and reading my story.
Bye! :D