Chapter 1- Something's Gotta Give

Merry Christmas and happy holidays everyone! I'm still on a writing break, but I wanted to share this one with you now. I wrote this story while ago and have been sitting on it. I'm really nervous because it is a difficult topic. I've gone back and forth questioning if this should ever see the light of day. I know I'm stepping out on a limb here and am willing to remove it should it cause trouble in any way. Nervously, I reached the conclusion that difficult topics need their moment. Because through difficult topics we can see the beauty in family, love, life. Imagine the world if we only talked about happy, positive, sunny things. Bad things happen in this world. People make mistakes. This story is not intended to glorify the act nor is this an outlet of judgement. The story you are about to read is from the view of loved ones helping their friend, family member go from victim to survivor. This is dedicated to those who have conquered and those the world has tragically lost.

It began simple. As most things do. The DEA needed someone to go undercover and Jay willingly volunteered. It was his specialty, amongst other things, and could be a career milestone. A major drug dealer was running amok in the streets of Chicago and the DEA joined forces with Intelligence. They wanted someone local, someone who knew the city and could work their way into the organization. It took several nights of studying information and a makeover, but it worked. Jay stumbled into a bar with short, tousled hair and black painted, roughed up nails and struck up a conversation with a member of the street crew. He painted this incredibly detailed life story of coming off a rehab stint and wanting to forego all he learned. He was in need of cash and a fix. The poor shmuck ate it up. In a few months, Jay Halstead went from detective out of the twenty-first district to trusted and respected member of the largest drug organization in Chicago. He said what needed to be said and did whatever had to be done. It was a beautiful thing to watch. Jay had them wrapped around his fingers and they were completely unaware.

He went totally method and his efforts paid off. He barely spoke to the team during the months he was undercover. When he would show up to the district to debrief, he was zoned out, mind wandering to anything but the reason he was there. The unit shrugged it off, assuming it was all part of the gig. Jay's acting could've won him an academy award. Eight months after Jay went under, they finally got what they needed: evidence to end the organization. The arrest was swift and the trial period was virtually non-existent. The drug lord and his minions were guilty, no lawyer could talk a sane person out of that.

Jay was given a month off to re-acclimate. He returned to work relatively normal. He ditched the baggy clothes and put the hair back in place, but the dark nails stayed. When he'd be at work or out with the unit, he was distant. His body was present, but his mind was somewhere else. Again, people noticed but shrugged it off. The signs were there and no one said anything. This wasn't the first time he behaved this way and it probably wouldn't be the last. Knowing how things played out, they wished, kicked themselves for not intervening sooner. They never learned about the fateful night because Jay never told them. It was a do-or-die situation. If he didn't oblige to their request, he'd never gain their trust and the case would've been ruined. Jay knew it went against every undercover rule in the book, but desperate times called for rebelling. He promised himself it would be just that one time. He do it to get through the case and then go cold turkey. However, as these kind of stories sadly go, that was not the case. A year after his diving in, life decided it was time. If Jay Halstead wasn't going find his rock bottom, then the world would do it for him.

…

When you step out onto the Skydeck Chicago on the 103rd floor of Willis Tower, the city looks soundless and peaceful. The buildings are varying shades of brown or black Lego statues. The river and lake are seamless ribbons outlining the shape of the city. Car horns and sirens cannot be heard nor can you see the hundred of thousands of people scurrying about, trying to survive another frigid, windy day in the city. From this position, the city and the world are silent works of art. You forget the evil and darkness of it all because you're too enamored by the beauty of your view. As tourists bravely took the leap of faith onto that terrifying ledge, far below them, the Intelligence unit was in a ferocious car chase. Jay Halstead and Hailey Upton were right behind the suspect with the others somewhere in the close vicinity. Hailey would update the team and dispatch of their every street and intersection change.

"Dispatch, suspect has turned right onto W Monroe Street and has just crossed over S Clark Street." Hailey was yelling over the sirens and honking. The static from dispatch acknowledged the change of direction but neither person in the car was really listening.

"Jay, don't be reckless. We need to actually catch the guy, not get killed." She noticed him twitching and zoned out, which was very uncharacteristic of him. He pushed the gas down harder, ignoring her advice.

"JAY!"

"Oh my word chill. I've got this. Do you want to get this guy? Just keep updating everyone." If she could, she'd have forced the car to a halt. Jay was out of control today and in no shape to drive. He was agitated all day but blamed a headache for his behavior. She should've pushed harder to drive. The perp made a left hand turn onto Michigan Avenue followed by a left on W Madison Street. Hailey radioed in the change and noticed Jay rubbing his chest, wincing as he did so. He felt her stare and immediately stopped.

"I'm fine," he reassured but she wasn't buying it. The chase made it the corner of Madison and Wabash when Jay cried in pain before passing out. Hailey got that sickening, rollercoaster stomach feeling as the truck was on a collision course for the iron pillar in the road. She felt the impact of the hit before everything went dark.

…

The perp was very much gone by the time Intelligence rolled up to the scene. It was clear the truck's momentum was stopped by the subway pillar before it rolled several times down the road. The truck came to rest a block from the impact point and was on its' side, passenger side lying on the ground. They all stopped their cars around the damaged truck to create a barrier around the scene. Smoke and fluids were draining from the vehicle and no one was moving inside. Adam and Atwater raced for the truck while Voight called on the radio for ambulances. Kim stood next to the scene speechless, taking things in before offering a helping hand. Antonio got back in his car and drove off, hoping to catch up with the person they were chasing. Both Jay and Hailey were unconscious but breathing steadily. Both had deep cuts and gashes on them and Hailey appeared to have suffered a broken arm. Adam and Atwater ignored the threat of spinal injuries and pulled the two detectives out of the car. They worked their way through the shattered windshield and pushed the airbags out of the way. By now, fire was brewing under the hood and time was of the essence. The passengers were slumped to the right and being held in place by their seatbelts. The rescue party carefully released the belt while the other held their injured teammate still. Atwater took Hailey out to safety while Adam worked on freeing Jay. You could pick up sirens in the background as he dragged Jay to the sidewalk, yelling for people to move. Hailey blinked a few times before stirring, being met with great pain and confusion.

"What…where's…"

"Hailey, don't move. Help is on the way. Just stay still," Atwater spoke. Hailey fearfully looked around her, searching for Jay.

"Jay, where is he?" She tried to sit up, but the pain spiked significantly.

"He's alive. He's over there," Atwater pointed towards the lifeless body on the sidewalk. Adam looked up at him with a worried expression. The fact that Jay hadn't woken up wasn't good. Furthermore, his pulse went from steady to fast and irregular. The ambulances arrived and Jay was assessed first. They attached him to a heart monitor before raising the situation's intensity.

"Pulse is racing, he's sweating, and his breathing is shallow. Get him on fluids and an external pace maker." One of the paramedics started an IV while the other inserted a breathing tube. Adam at this point was praying, looking over at Hailey further down, trying to understand all that was unfolding. Voight was resting against his car's hood, gazing at both his injured detectives with a concerned face. He and Adam made eye contact for a moment, acknowledging the gravity of everything. The high pitch whine from the defibrillator brought Adam's attention back to the person in front of him.

"Round of epi is in. Charge to 300. Clear!" The paramedic pressed the button and Jay's body violently jolted from the electric shock. The beeps from the monitor told everyone that the heart was still unstable. Two more rounds of epi and shocks were administered. During this time, Hailey was loaded into an ambulance and on her way to Med. Atwater wore a worried face as he climbed into the rig. He was fearful for Jay's unresponsiveness and Hailey's confusion. His ride to the hospital was agonizing. Hailey was tearful on the way, fighting to get out of the collar and buckles of the gurney. The last vision of her partner was him lying dead on a sidewalk. She no longer cared what happened to her. In a way, she felt responsible for what transpired and whatever happened afterwards. She was sedated before her arrival to Med.

Back at the scene, Jay finally allowed the life saving measures to kick in after five rounds. It was a speedy load and Adam was pretty much thrown into the back of the ambulance. Most rides to a hospital were fast, but this one felt to be especially quick. Voight took the lead and guided the ambulance through the city, lights and sirens all the way. Adam took in the prone body on the gurney. Jay was still unconscious and lifeless looking. Ignoring the several, bloody, glass coated spots on his body, something was off on him. Like the person calling themselves Jay Halstead wasn't really there. This other version of him was distant, very much detached from the real world. It was like a robot took over Jay's body. Adam couldn't ignore the feeling that Jay was hiding something. He felt it for awhile, but never really knew how to bring it up. The paramedic interrupted his thoughts with a startling discovery.

"Tell Med they're going to need to run a drug screen when we get there." The paramedic who was driving relayed the information to the hospital while Adam's head snapped up.

"What?! No, no way."

"He's got injection marks on his arm and his pupils are huge."

"That could be from the accident." The paramedic remained silent, recording Jay's vitals as they pulled into the ER bay.

Someone was reading off numbers and stats as the group rolled into the ER. Adam's hearing was fuzzy and he began to feel lightheaded. He watched as Dr. Choi and the nurses transferred Jay from the gurney to the bed before removing Jay's clothing and draping a gown over his body. Choi called out tests while examining his patient. Adam didn't hear or follow anything going on around him. Life grew to a slow motion pace. He made the connection. Everything made sense. The reason behind Jay's distancing, behavior, recklessness, was made perfectly clear. Adam tried to blink away the tears. Emotions were flooding all at once and he didn't know what to do or say. Someone's warm, gentle hands guided him out of the room and down the hall to a waiting room. Atwater and Voight were already there and stood when he entered the room. April offered the men water before settling them into chairs.

"This isn't happening. Please tell me this is some horrible dream," Adam finally confessed. April took a seat next to Adam and rubbed his back, offering comfort and support. She looked over to a zoned out Atwater. Voight only grunted in response.

"They're both under the best care possible. This is not how they're going to go out." Adam sniffed before looking over at Kevin, both nodding in acceptance.

"Where's Will? Has anyone contacted him?"

"Maggie is getting a hold of him now. It was his day off so he'll probably be here soon." The next several minutes were quiet. People were moving outside the door but those in the room didn't notice or care. Their world just came to a crashing halt. (Pun not intended.) Adam was the only one aware of Jay's underlying problem and kept it to himself. No need to spread information that was both personal and unconfirmed. Instead, he attempted to push things away, desperately trying to focus on something positive. Voight felt guilty and stupid for selfishly focusing on the two people currently residing in this hospital. The floors of this place were filled with people and families going through far worse things. He was reminded of something Camille often said: "there's always someone in a worse situation than yours. Be thankful for where you are." A quiet knock came some time later and Choi took a seat.

"Hey guys. So, Hailey suffered a shattered wrist and fractured forearm and she's going into surgery now to repair the damage. She also has a grade two concussion so she'll be kept at least overnight for observation." The group nodded, waiting for the verdict on Jay.

"Jay had a pretty significant heart attack and is on his way to the cath lab to undergo a coronary angioplasty and stenting. His arteries were compromised and the heart muscle itself was injured. The procedure will hopefully reverse the damage." Kevin's eyes grew wide while Adam rubbed the back of his neck, looking up towards the ceiling to hide the tears.

"He's too young to have a heart attack," Voight blurted out. Choi nodded before speaking.

"It's rare, but it does happen. Especially when…certain things are abused." Adam stared at the doctor with blurry, helpless eyes. They both knew what caused the heart attack but refused to put the words into the air. Choi only nodded, confirming Adam's fear.

…

You know when your alarm clock blends into a dream? Like someone is trying to speak but their mouth only talks in loud beeps? This sums up Will's current dream. Days off for ER doctors ought to be renamed to sleep breaks. While most use their day off to catch up on errands or responsibilities, doctors who pull twelve to eighteen hour shifts use their free time to sleep. Will was sprawled out on his couch, fully passed out. The perpetual vibrating under his pillow went off and perfectly fit in with his dream. It was around the fourth set of rings that he forced himself out of the deep slumber. He fiddled under him to secure the phone in his hand. The stiff, sore body worked its' way into a slumped sitting position. His clothes were very much disheveled, hair a wild mess. He yawned before contemplating if ever he brushed his teeth. The phone went off for a fifth time. His blurry vision told him Maggie was on the other end. He hit the green button, yawning as he answered.

"Someone better be dying." It was silent on the other end.

"Will, Jay was in an accident and was brought in a few minutes ago. He's stable but is in the cath lab right now getting treated." Will wanted to punch himself in the face. A total jerk comment he just made. Both people were quiet, allowing the reality of everything to sink in. Will was trying to connect the dots between a car accident and a cardiac stenting procedure. It wasn't entirely out of the question, but Jay was a bit young to be having that. Unless, the impact was that severe.

"Why's he up there? What all happened," he finally questioned.

"I'll let Choi and Rhodes fill you in when you get here. Just hurry." Maggie hung up after that, leaving Will's exhausted head scared and confused. He robotically freshened himself up and packed a bag. He knew Jay would at least be staying overnight and he'd rather be over prepared than under. He took one last look around his apartment before closing the door shut. It was a mess but he suddenly didn't care. He didn't know when he'd see it again and wanted a final snapshot of this life before walking into a new one. He locked the door and headed for the L. He was too tired and distracted to be guiding a two ton piece of metal down the street.

…

The air in the ER felt different. It was thick almost, dripping in something dark, depressing. Maggie met him at the ER doors and hugged him, her over-compassionate mood only raised Will's dread. She escorted Will to the waiting room where the members of Intelligence were camping out. They all rose as Will entered, scaring him with their glum, somber faces. Will wanted more than anything to turn around. He couldn't stand this part of a situation: waiting. Waiting for news; waiting for fate; not knowing what was happening with a loved one. He bravely nodded at everyone, trying his best to inject positivity into the room. By now Antonio and Kim were present and had been filled in. Adam was still the only one who knew the entire story. Will directed his attention to Voight, asking the obvious.

"So, what happened?" Voight told everything he knew and did so with a lack of emotion. Will was thankful for that. He didn't need sobbing or anger right now, just truth. Choi and Rhodes came in an hour after Will arrived. They began by sharing their apologies with neutral faces. It was when they sat that the occupants in the room relaxed a little.

"Hailey is still in surgery but the doctor informed me that things are going well. She'll be in there for another half hour and then they'll move her recovery. He'll update you when she's out." They waited for everyone to nod, acknowledging their understanding. Rhodes looked directly at Will, telepathically communicating with him. Will got the message.

"They can stay." Rhodes look down at Jay's chart before continuing.

"Ok, as you know, Jay underwent angioplasty to correct the damage from a heart attack. We did everything we could, but the damage was beyond repair.."

"-No. Don't…no." Rhodes paused, waiting for Will to settle down.

"His heart cannot beat regularly on its' own. We had to put in pacing wires to help the arrhythmias but he's in heart failure. We've got him on medication to help correct the problem, but he'll likely need a LVAD in the next week or so. His arteries are shot and the muscle itself is about fifty percent functional." Obviously, the room was shocked. Will couldn't muster the ability to look at the people in the room, but they all were crying. Ranging from sniffs to sobs, Jay's nucleus was heartbroken and mourning. Even Voight was fighting back tears. Rhodes was saying something about being sorry, but Will didn't register the words. He was trying to keep himself conscious at this point. He'd rested his hands on his face, letting the tears seep through his hands and down his fingers. He felt bile coming up but fought it off. He kept going back to where he was a few hours ago. He'd do anything at this point to get back on that couch and fall back to sleep. He wondered if he'd never answered the phone if things would've played out this way.

He hated knowing what all was going to unfold next. In that moment, he wished he was clueless. He'd be happy, hopeful because he wouldn't know the very likely outcome was going to transpire. His brother would struggle for air, would suffer painfully, draining procedures and devices before eventually dying. Watching someone die from heart failure ranks in the top five for worst experiences. The horror factor is knowing there's nothing to reverse the deterioration. Once the damage was done, there wasn't a way to turn things around. Common sense stepped in, filling his mind with questions rather than scenarios.

"He's only thirty-four, how did this happen? He doesn't have any heart conditions and there isn't history in our family at that age." Adam closed his eyes, wanting so much to blurt out what he knew. Strangely, Will looked at him, almost expecting him to answer the question. Choi spoke up.

"Will, I think it's best if we talk in private." He stood and headed for the door, Rhodes behind him.

"Why? It's ok to talk in front of them." The doctors gave Will a stern look.

"Will, we're not asking." It instantly clicked. Will look around the room before rising, walking past the doctors at the door and heading for the doctor's lounge. They locked the door behind them, increasing Will's anxiety that much more.

"He used something," Will said. Choi opened Jay's file and handed Will a paper. He scanned the document before slumping on the couch, totally silent and numb. His only response was breathing through his mouth. A new round of tears filled his eyes as he read the paper for the third time.

"Will, I'm so sorry. Did he ever say anything, was he showing signs?"

"Did I know my brother was on cocaine and heroine and using pretty regularly? No I didn't," Will snapped back. He crumbled the paper in his hand, flinging it hard across the room. Choi gave Will a hug as he sobbed into the doctor's shoulder, not believing the unfolding of events. Rhodes pulled up a chair and placed a hand on Will's knee, forming a cupped hand under his own chin with his free hand. They all treated patients with drug abuse but this took things to a whole other level. It wasn't a stranger they were treating, it was personal. Jay, a fortress of control and strength somehow found his way into a dark, dangerous, difficult situation. Whatever reservations they had about drugs and its' users went on the back burner. Something was wrong in Jay's life and he turned to desperate measures for treatment. At the time, they didn't know the whole story, but the fact he chose to keep up the habit drove home the unrest in Jay's life. The three men were quiet for awhile, listening to the calamity on the other side of the door but not worrying. Nothing felt worse than the sorrow residing in this room. The quiet was comforting almost. It encouraged each person to really ponder; figure out where to go from here. The next few hours were going to be critical. They all needed to push feelings aside in an effort to help Jay as best they could. Will coughed after a bit and sat up, revealing his red, puffy face. He'd had his moment of emotion, now it was time to keep Jay alive.

"So, what's the treatment? He can't get a transplant because of this." Will's voice was shaky. Rhodes inhaled before answering.

"I wouldn't say he can't, but it's going to be hard. Any history of drug abuse sends up a big red flag. But, there was a case in New York of a cop who did receive a heart transplant after using drugs. The whole point of determining who's approved for a new organ is if the recipient will take the necessary steps to care for the new organ. If we can get Jay detoxed quickly, I'd say we can build a good case for him. We're going to do everything in our power to get him what he needs. But, he has to show he wants this." Will nodded, still relatively numb.

"Will, Jay needs you right now. Not as a judge or doctor but you, his brother. He needs someone who's going to overlook what has already happened and encourage and support his recovery from here on out. He's clearly hurting and he needs to know someone is out there rooting for him." Surprisingly, Will wasn't mad or upset. He was a vision of sorrow. He wanted to find Jay and hug him, let him know that he didn't hate him or view him differently. This was a misjudgment on Jay's part but it wasn't going to define him. How he responded from here would. Will stood on wobbly legs, ignoring the lightheadedness. The future scared him right now, but he clung to the belief that hope and patience would somehow win.

"Where is he?" Rhodes noticed that Will didn't if ask he could Jay. He wasn't going to be the one to stand in the way.

"Recovery room four. He's probably waking up soon." Rhodes took Will upstairs while Choi led Intelligence to an area to wait for Hailey. Will was appreciative of the quiet ride to the recovery floor. He wasn't sure what to say or do next. He just wished Jay was ready for the fight of his life.

Am I the only one that has a liking for guys wearing nail polish? Why can't guys do it? Also, we may be definitely stretching medicine and its' capabilities here and this case is probably rare and extreme. But that's the beauty of fictional writing. To those that are still with me, thank you. Let's all see how Jay and Will's reunion goes.