The Following Trailer Is Rated NM For No Mercy!
From the channel that can produce anything from absolute gold to absolute dogshit, comes yet another remake of a beloved classic, that relates to the latter far more than the former.
Magnum P.I!
After the smashing success of the Hawaii Five-0 remake, watch CBS attempt to replicate that success, minus any sort of effort, imagination, originality, or respect for the original, following the beloved Hollywood tradition of shiting all over the fans.
Meet ex-Navy Seal Thomas Sullivan Magnum, because these days every television action hero has to be a Navy Seal, ex-Navy Seal, or Navy Seal wannabe. Sorry Green Berets, Delta Force, Army Rangers, and U.S Marines, I guess your decades of service aren't enough to land you a gig on a crappy remake from CBS.
See Magnum, one of television's most famous Private Investigators, once played by 6' 4" National Guard veteran and college basketball athlete Tom Selleck, now played by 5' 9" Hollywood Latino fashion model Jay Hernandez.
But Magnum isn't the only one getting the proverbial axe. Weep as Magnum P.I icon Johnathan Higgins, distinguished war hero and scholar, is gender swapped into Juliet Higgins, a pasty, 90 pound British chick who looks more like an anorexic vegan than a veteran badass.
Join Magnum and his politically correct crew as they face the same evil threats that you have already seen in every action show for the last thirty years.. But you shouldn't care, because by the time you reach episode two, you'll have flushed this crap down the toilet and gone back to watching the classic Magnum P.I show that we all know and love.
So buckle up for the latest, but certainly not the last, in a long line of soulless remakes that theoretically exist to make money, even though they do absolutely everything in their power to scare away the fans. Although, when you think about it, is this remake really a remake if the only elements retained from the original are the Ferrari and the f##king dobermans?
Starring:
Friday Night Loser- Magnum
Perdita Punk- Higgins
Fatso- Nuzo
Desperate attempt to relate to a much better show- Hawaii Five-0 Cameos
Lopez P.I!
So, what's next Hollywood? A remake of Columbo starring Michael Pena?