The Game Grumps in:

JON'S TRYST

The shocking truth behind JonTron breaking up with Egoraptor.

A Narrative Exposé by Smash the Ecchidna

I

Not So Grump

Aaron "Egoraptor" Handsome drunkenly lifted himself up from bed and rubbed his tired, bloodshot eyes. His hair, unkempt and greasy, flowed messily as he stretched and yawned. Tears wept during his sleep stained his pillowcase, and his bedsheets were wet with sweat and mucus. Around him, game cartridges, thrown controllers, and used underpants were strewn about and left to gather dust; moonlight only barely crept through the windows to illuminate the disarray. Egoraptor turned to look at the empty side of his bed, the one he used to share with his true love, Jon "JonTron" Tron, and sighed a deep, melancholic sigh.

It had been several months since Jon had left, stating, in these exact words: "Eggo, listen, I can't stay here forever, stewin' in this Game Grumps gumbo. I got my own fish to fry: the JonTron Show, ya know! I'll ketchup with you on the flip-side." With that said, he packed his things, booked a flight to New York, and never looked back.

Egoraptor was heartbroken, but he tried to be strong, supporting the wishes of his closest companion. "He'll return someday..." he thought optimistically. "I just have to keep on grumping on until then...!"

But ever since that day, the Game Grumps channel stagnated. Nobody liked Egoraptor's new boyfriend, Dan the "Sex Pirate," nor did anyone like the new show, "Steamy Train" with "Rub Off" Ross. Indeed, as soon as the changes were announced, subscribers were in an uproar.

"I'm scared, where is Jon and Erin? I NEED AN ADULT," cried one commenter.

"YOU ARE NOT THE GAMEGRUMPS. YOU ARE NOT NOT SO GRUMP," heckled another toward Dan.

"I cant watch this. The first turn off was the intro. In my mind it said "Hey Im Grump! Im the New Jon! Annnnnnnnd were the Game Grumps!" The second was the fact that Danny doesnt connect with Arin the way Jon did. How often would Jon talk about Arins videos? A SHIT LOAD. JON WAS A FAN of Arin before Game Grumps. You cant imitate that kind of bond," criticized a third.

"R.I.P. GameGrumps."

…

As the nights grew darker and harsher, so too did Egoraptor's condition. Behind the scenes, he became more irritable, regularly lashing out at his partners for not being "Jon-ty" enough during videos. He would also start to experience random, violent panic attacks, often during recording; retakes were frequent, much to the chagrin of everyone else. Drinking problems consumed him too, and though his friends tried to take him off the bottle, Egoraptor would never agree to let go of his "little Jonny."

His depression was outwardly visible as well. Whenever he didn't show up for recording, he would always be found in bed, either asleep or sobbing heavily. He hadn't bathed in weeks, as the only thing that made bath time fun for him was the company of Jon. His teeth yellowed from lack of brushing, and his breath stunk more than the first episode of Naughty Bear. A lock of his hair even spontaneously started to grey. But most noticeably of all, his chin had shrunk to a fraction of its former size, and many of his fans became unable to recognize him as a result. Suffice to say, Aaron Handsome was definitely not as 'Handsome' as he used to be.

Egoraptor checked the time. It was 4 o'clock in the morning. At this time, he and Jon would usually be gaming in bed, or having a pillow fight, or playing cuddle crab, or...

The memories were all too much for Egoraptor. He lost control of himself again, flailing his fists against the walls, kicking his feet at his furniture, throwing his belongings angrily into already large piles, and howling lamentable howls which echoed through the emptiness of his house. Eventually, he would fall to the ground, whimpering quietly in a fetal position. The spot he would collapse in never changed: it was the same spot where he and Jon would "put the bun in the oven," as the latter used to say.

Nothing of this sordid scene was out of the ordinary for Egoraptor these days; such outbursts had essentially become routine for him. However, tonight was not like other nights. Egoraptor could not stand seeing Jon only in his restless dreams any longer. This night, Egoraptor finally decided to make a move to get his dear Jonny back in his life. He stumbled toward the phone, steadied his breathing, and lifted the device to his ear.

"H-Hello, operator...? Get me Flannie-san."

To Be Continued