40 Ways to Annoy Edward

Take away the Volvo

Take away Bella

Destroy ALL of his CDs and Records

Paint his room pink

Take away his piano

Let Rose and Emmett have sex on the piano

Record over some of his CDs with Emmett making up stories

Make him drive under the speed limit

Let Jasper make him horny as hell

Destroy all of his clothes

Let Alice replace them with women's clothes—in his size

Make him wear stilettos

Buy him all of the Country CDs ever made

Make him watch Romeo + Juliet

Make Bella say all of the lines

Don't let him watch her sleep

Don't let him feed on Mountain Lions for a year

Make him talk like he's from Detroit for a month

Let Mike Newton hit on Bella as much as he wants

Don't let Edward get mad enough to react

Let Jasper make Bella extremely horny—then make Edward susceptible to her charm

Let Jacob have sex with Bella—no consequences to the actions

Let Emmett and Rose defile his Volvo

Let Emmett and Rose have sex in his bed

Have Carlisle think of Esme in VERY compromising positions on his study desk

Make sure that Edward sees these images

Make Mike Newton his new lab partner in Biology

Let Lauren be his partner when the class has to do a project involving the partners being parents to either an egg, a doll, or a flour sack.

Let Charlie sit in the room while Bella and Edward are together

Tell Charlie that Edward got Bella pregnant

Then tell him that their getting married

Have Emmett buy all of the condoms within a five state radius

Have Edward go try to buy the condoms and finding out that there's not a single one

Make him go shopping with Jasper and Emmett

Have Jasper and Emmett pretend that the three of them are gay partners

Have Edward buy lingerie for Bella

Replace all of the jewelry with fake replicas

Have him buy an "expensive" necklace for Bella

Make him go shopping with Alice and Rosalie in Paris during Fashion Week

Have Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, and Jasper give him "the talk" by demonstrating how to have sex...in the same room