I didn't quite run screaming out of HQ but it was close. I walked quickly out the front doors, jogged down the steps and then sprinted so fast I don't think a cheetah could have kept up. What was he thinking? What? What was going through his tiny mind when he …? ARGHHH!
I made this bed
And choose to lie in it
And live with my regrets
And sleep with what I've said.
Somehow, I'm still not sure how, I ended up at home and wearily crawled into bed. I heard Al race up after me and shout through the door but the memories of today were already blotting out his calls.
A short while ago+++++++++++++
I was sitting at my desk doing Mustang's work (the bastard had somehow managed to blissfully ignore his deadlines and make paper airplanes all day instead) when the bastard in question walked up to me.
"You doing anything tomorrow Fullmetal?" he said in his oh so smarmy tone.
"Other than finishing more of your work? That generally takes up most of my day so I think, no." I replied, wondering what he was getting at, also quite confused as to why he stopped in the first place. Everyone knows if you haven't done your work and are attempting to leave the office, it's best to do it at a run (its easier to dodge bullets that way).
"Well would you go out with me once you're done?"
I think I froze at that point. Six million different thoughts flying six million different ways around my brain. Was he asking me out asking me out, or was he just doing the old need-company-so-I-don't-seem-like-such-a-perve-in-a-bar thing? Was that the newest uniform that made his black eyes shine the shiniest? Was I just going to sit here drooling over him all day? Wait, are these new questions less important than the first one?
I think I would have sat gubbing fish like if I hadn't noticed that the entire office was also staring at me. Deciding to avoid asking any of the questions I had thought off I went straight into avoidance mode.
"With the amount of paper work I normally have to do on top of the stuff you never do I will be sitting here until sunrise the next day … if I'm lucky." I inwardly grinned. That would be the end of that.
"I can wait." He said quietly.
I actually think I heard my jaw break when it hit the floor. Unable to formulate a reply to that one I didn't notice the random noises that were coming from my mouth … or the fact that the lieutenant had herded everyone else out the doors.
The silence went on and was only broking by the insane blinking of my eyes and the quiet clacking of the monkey in my head at its keyboard trying to get my body to do something … anything. Ah success! My mouth was opening. Come on. Say something
"…urggel". Not that. Oh god not that! ABORT! ABORT!
I noticed Mustang was still staring at me. Hoping that I didn't speak that last part out loud I decided to pretend I hadn't made that noise either and go back to the aforementioned avoidance.
"As I said before," score the voice was working, "I have a lot of work to do and it would be done better if I didn't have any distractions." I regretted that almost as soon as I said it.
"Ah, so I would be a distraction to you Ed." he said with a suitably leering grin.
"Well those paper airplanes were very irritating, especially the one you set on fire. The gunshots distracted me something awful." He winced. "And the high pitched screams were even worse." He winced again. I was on a roll. "Well anyway I need to get home before Al starts to worry … more." I grabbed my coat and as I was about to open the door he spoke again.
"I love you Ed." He almost whispered, looking at the floor beside my desk. It was the last straw.
"THAT IS IT!" I yelled so loudly that I'm surprised that the entire city didn't hear me. "I have had it with you! Do you think I spent the last couple of weeks completely ignoring your subtle and not so subtle hints for you to do this? What actually goes on in that insignificant brain cell of yours? Does it just sit in your head and think up new and exciting ways to mock me? Does the mighty wet match of an alchemist actually think that this is funny, because it's really really not! Just leave me alone you .. You wretched lump of impractical combustion!" Ignoring the fact that my last insult was just a jumble of words, I turned to storm out but he caught my arm. I swung around, "Don't touch me," I hissed. He pulled his hand away as if stung and managed to sit there looking like a kicked puppy. "You know you're really fucking pathetic. Just because you have went through all the girls in Central … twice doesn't mean you can just run around hitting on your colleagues with the same false words that you use on everyone else." I was shocked to feel tears begin to run down my face. "Just .. Just … No. I can't any more." and with that I ran.
Could this be the end
Am I standing on the edge
Of everything I wanted now
But I was afraid, I was afraid.
And that brought me to now. Curled up in a ball on my bed, pretending that those noises weren't actually coming from me. Trying to think it all over. When had I lost my temper and started to shout those things? And why? Anyone else on the planet who had ever seen Mustang would have been over the moon for an offer of a date so why had I freaked out and ran off?
Well maybe I'm just scared
To face the things I fear
Its easier to walk away from everything.
I stretched myself out on the bed feeling the cramp that had wormed itself into my muscles from being curled up and rubbed away the tear stains on my face. Why was I even crying anyway? Its not like he had turned me down, it was the other way around, so why did it feel this bad?
I just couldn't work out what had happened back there. I mean I know I'm not usually the most stable person but that response was out of character. And what did I mean anyway? Did I actually want Mustang to say those words and mean them? Nah, that's ludicrous. I couldn't, could I?
Separate my soul
With all the things we've shared
I'm falling to pieces now
So say a prayer for me
When you go to bed
I'm in need of your faith now
This was MUSTANG we were talking about! Come on, so what the guy was totally and completely hot that doesn't mean you want him to love you back. I mean at all. Not back. That would mean I love him. And I don't! Love him, I mean. I think. ………. Oh shit. Oh shit oh shit oh holy living f#£$!
Ok so stay calm. Love is good remember. Love will heal the world and shit like that. I mean I love Al don't I. But I don't tend to notice how the slight differences in what Al is wearing one day make him that much more difficult not to jump. …. I did not just think that.
Well maybe I'm just scared
To face the things I fear
Its easier to walk away from everything.
Ok so I may have come to the conclusion that I'm in love with Mustang. But then why the hell was I yelling at him. Ok maybe because he was talking out his arse when he said he loved me but was that really a reason to turn him down? And what if he wasn't making it up? I mean he could have been telling the truth, it would explain a few things.
One day I was talking to Hawkeye about the Leor mission where I got rid of their prophet (who was actually just some arse with a fake philosopher's stone) and put the town peacefully back under military rule again and she looked at me a bit funnily. Whenever I asked what was wrong she told me that the place had undergone a huge war because their prophet had returned and told them to fight. At the time I had yelled 'Why didn't that bastard Mustang tell me?!'
She had just looked at me and said 'If you had known you would have went back and gotten yourself blown up."
Personally I always wondered why Mustang didn't tell me. I mean it would be a good way to get me out of his hair for good.
But maybe that wasn't what he wanted. Maybe he wanted me in his life for good.
But I turned him down. And worse still I yelled at him. A lot. Please tell me I had a good reason for saying no. At the time I thought I had but now…
If we could just reset
And live in happiness
Instead of our regrets
We'd salvage everything
"Ed, are you alright? You've been in their almost an hour!" I heard Al call to me from behind the bedroom door. I pulled myself upright on the bed and wiped away the salt tracks on my face.
"I'm fine," I call back. 'Except that I'm a complete asshole.' I add to myself.
Right so now I need a plan. For something. I can't quite remember what. Oh wait, that's right, I was just going to burst into the office and profess my love to Mustang. And remind me why this had made sense again?
"Oni-san if you are going to go talk to Roy I suggest you do it now." I was stunned.
"How the hell do you know that's what I'm discussing with myself?!" I yell at him, then immediately wish I could take back just how insane that made me sound.
"Because he has been the only thing you've been writing in your diary about for months. I mean if I read 'and he was wearing his newest uniform that makes his eyes shine the shiniest' again, I swear I'm going to scream! Whenever you came in today I guessed something must have happened between the two of you."
"He said he loved me."
"Ah, and what did you do? Oh wait let me guess. You yelled at him and ran out of the place." I think he took me banging my head against the wall as an affirmative. "Typical. If Winry was here she would chuck a wrench at your head … but as its me …"
Pray for me now
I'm in need
Of faith
And so that's how I ended up walking back to HQ in the rain with a very rapidly swelling bloody nose. Al had decided the wrench was too overdone and had hit me with the frying pan he had been cleaning whenever he came up to talk to me. I would almost prefer the wrench except that it tended to give me concussion instead of blood.
I dragged my feet up the steps to HQ and moved so slowly towards the office a granny with a Zimmer frame could have overtaken me. As I got nearer the office I heard a banging noise and some low muttering voices.
"He hates me!" bang
"He does not hate you sir," came Hawkeye's calming voice.
"Yes he does," bang "He ran out of here crying" bang "because of me" bang "I made him cry" bang
"What did you do to make him cry, sir?"
"For once I told him the truth and it hurt him more than me lying to him ever did!"
And then the weirdest thing ever happened. I heard Mustang start to cry. I watched from the empty room next door as Hawkeye left, then moved quickly into the next room.
He was sitting on my chair with his head resting on my now slightly dented desk. I knew I had to say something but no words would come out.
Pray for me
I'm in need
Well maybe I'm just scared
To face the things I fear
Its easier to walk away from everything
I must have made some noise as he looked up from my desk and saw me.
"Ed?" His tear strewn face made my heart cry at what I had done to this man. And then I realized something. That uniform was the one that made his eyes shine the shiniest. I realized something else too. I wasn't going to be able to resist jumping him this time.
If we could just reset and live in happiness
Instead of our regrets
We'd salvage everything
We don't have to walk away
"I'm sorry." My newly returned voice said. " I didn't mean to make you cry. Or for you to dent my desk. Now I'll never get all your work done and we'll never get to go out." I moved a step close to him noticing that his eyes didn't even show a glimmer of hope. I understood I was going to have to get out the mental frying pan to make him understand. I leaned in closer. "I love you too." And then I kissed him. Just to make sure he got it.
---+++---
ok yes i know i swore i would never read a royXed but i couldn't help it. and yes i then thought ah well i doubt i'll ever write one but then this idea happened. and it wouldn't go away. so i had to write it. if its awful feel free to tell me but keep in mind its my first Fullmetal fic and ...i'm weird. so that should give me bonus points.
anyways
coletterby out
oh yeah. the song is by Good Charlotte (which if anyone i know reads this story i will deny). please don't mock me on the song. it just fit