Myths by fang_shinobi
Summary: ONESHOT. Naruto and friends are high school students sitting down to discuss roles in an upcoming Greek Mythology play. Greek Mythology at its worst! T
A/N: Greek Mythology and Naruto together? Lol… my mythology obsession speaks for itself…
Disclaimer: For the millionth time, I don't own Naruto! Do you? If you do, KISHIMOTO-SAMA, I LOVE YOU! And Greek mythology? I'll leave that to the Greeks… and my source? Edith Hamilton's Mythology… it's a great read…
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Phoebus Apollo, the God of Light and God of Truth… The Healer who "first taught men the healing art"… The far-shooting Archer-God whose name Phoebus means "brilliant" and "glorious"… The one who drives the sun across the sky… The god who cannot seem to do any wrong… (Hamilton, 1969)
"Say what?" Naruto exclaimed as he glared at the book in his hands, the entry taking him by surprise, and thus also doing the same to his friends, who up until that moment had also been reading their own copies of the book.
"Naruto, shut up," his bestfriend Sasuke said from the seat beside him, his book placed protectively over the closer ear.
"What's wrong?" inquired Sakura, their friend, who was sitting across from them.
Naruto read the line out loud. "Apollo is the god who cannot seem to do any wrong. Yeah right! He's raped more girls than I could count with my two hands."
"You're making that up," remarked Ino, Sakura's bestfriend, who was sitting beside her. The idea of the said Olympian god being a rapist was vaguely disturbing.
"Afraid not," Sai, another one of Naruto's bestfriends, said as he continued reading his book at the end of the table nearest them. "I've already read that about him…"
"From where?" Sakura challenged.
Naruto and Sai both looked at each other before answering her in a chorus. "The Internet."
"But he was…" Ino tried to defend the one they called the "most Greek of all Greek gods". As far as she knew, he was supposedly a figure of immense beauty and glory… in the sense of the word, perfect… so unlike Naruto… Otherwise, she didn't know much about him…
"Whatever," Sakura remarked, pushing the issue aside. "Zeus is way worse. God of all gods or not, he was way, way worse…"
"Definitely," added Sasuke, his eyes still glued to his book, seemingly engrossed with it. "The absolute worst."
She eyed him suspiciously before continuing. "He was supposed to be the King of Olympus, the Universal Father, but he had lots of affairs with even the most unwilling or unknowing maidens."
"Tricked most of them into it," he added.
"And worst of all, he already had a wife, whom he desperately tried to keep his dirty little secrets from."
"Wife? The only reason she was his wife was because he also raped her."
"Enough of that, Sasuke!" she snapped at him. She slammed her book on the table and said, "That's it! I don't want to play Sasuke's wife in the play!"
"You're not playing Sasuke's wife," Sai pointed out. "You're playing Hera, Zeus's wife and the patron goddess of married women."
"Still! Isn't that the same? I refuse to be associated with him!"
"With whom?" asked Naruto, rather amused. "Sasuke or Zeus?"
"Both! I mean, Sasuke!" She really didn't like Sasuke. In fact, she rather disliked him. He was always annoying her to no ends, and he didn't seem to lose any interest in doing it.
"Stop complaining, Sakura," Sasuke told her with a smirk, finally peeling his eyes away from the book to look her straight in the eyes. "Most girls would die for this role."
"Airhead!" she snapped at him. "For which role though? As Zeus's wife or yours?"
"Well, if you don't like your role, why don't you have it exchanged?" Ino suggested.
"Would you trade with me then?"
"No way!" Ino replied. "I happen to love my role! I'm perfect as Aphrodite, the goddess of love and beauty!"
Sakura rolled her eyes. Her bestfriend was stuck in her fantasies again.
"Well, I certainly don't like mine," said Sai. "I don't want to play Ares, the ruthless and blood-thirsty god of war. Is there a god of art I can play instead?"
"What are you talking about, Sai?" Ino shrieked. "You're perfect as Ares!"
Naruto snickered. He knew that Ino wanted Sai for that role because it was well known that Aphrodite and Ares had a love affair behind her husband Hephaestus's back. "Well, why don't you play Hephaestus, Sai? He's the god of fire, the forger and smith of gods and the husband of Aphrodite. He's also the patron god of craftsmen. Get it? Crafts? Arts and crafts?"
Nobody laughed at his joke.
"No way!" complained Ino. "He's ugly and lame! Gross!"
"Well, how'd you know that?" Sakura asked Naruto. "You seem to know a lot about mythology when you absolutely hate reading."
"I have a choice to like something, right?" he responded.
"In that case," started Sai, "I think I'll play Athena's part instead. She is the goddess of art, right?"
"But she's a goddess!" Ino wailed. "No way!"
"Better her than Ares," continued Sai, amused by her wild reactions.
"Stop joking!"
"Talking of being wrongly cast, Naruto's no Apollo," Sasuke said all of a sudden.
"Duh," replied Naruto. "I certainly ain't no rapist."
"Glorious and cultured…" added his bestfriend, looking at him intensely, as if examining him. "Nope!"
"Hey!"
"Hinata got miscast too," Ino pointed out, partly recovered from Sai's horrible joke. "She has Artemis's part."
The shy Hinata, sitting next to Sakura, suddenly blushed as all the attention was directed at her. "Huh? Me? I uh… I guess I was… Artemis was supposed to be free and strong-willed… I don't really fit that part…"
"Yeah, and she was a man-hater," added Sakura. "A virgin goddess who shunned the love of man and cared only for free and wild things…"
"A man-hater?" Hinata murmured to herself. "A virgin goddess?"
"Hestia would've fit you better," Ino said. "She was a virgin goddess too; the goddess of the hearth and home. Patron goddess of the family… she was more conservative and gentle."
"And boring," snorted Naruto. When he realized the way he had said that, he suddenly added, "No offense though, Hinata-chan!"
"It's okay," she replied, blushing harder.
"But that'll be okay," he added. "Artemis and Apollo are twins, so we'll be in scenes together a lot."
Hinata blushed even harder at the remark, as if all the blood in her body had drained into her face.
"Oi, Hinata-chan, you okay?" Naruto asked, rushing to her side. He sat beside her and placed a palm on her forehead. "You seem awfully hot."
Hinata shook her head, shrinking away at his touch.
"Okay! I've decided!" Sakura exclaimed. "I'm trading my role for Demeter!"
"The Goddess of the Harvest?" Sai asked. "Isn't that role Hana's?"
"So? She likes Sasuke, right?" Sakura stated victoriously. "She'd trade!"
"Demeter has a daughter Persephone, doesn't she?" Sasuke inquired out of the blue.
Sakura glared at him. "What are you up to?" she asked.
He shrugged. "It's just that Persephone happens to be Demeter's daughter with Zeus and-" He dodged a flying book and watched her march away furiously.
"Sasuke, if you like her, stop sending the wrong messages," Ino told him in exasperation.
"Says you," he replied. He gathered his things and picked up Sakura's book. "Gotta go. I have to go harass my wife." He left them in search of his Hera (which was quite uncharacteristic of the Olympian King).
"Sicko," remarked Ino.
"Dense," Sai added.
"Ditto," agreed Naruto, still holding a still seemingly 'sick' Hinata.
Ino was in the presence of those who happened to be the densest of the dense, the boys who apparently couldn't identify girl's affections for them. "May the ones who are not guilty cast the first stone," she said as she rolled her eyes, getting up to leave them to their own devices and uh… denseness (or was it density?)…
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A/N: This is sort of an omake of my fic Difference Between Boys and Girls, from which I based their characteristics off. Sasuke's annoying there, and Sakura's over the whole infatuation thing. They're sorta OOC, since it is AU after all. And yeah, I just wanted to make fun of 'em.
Also, I love Mythology so much… Ares is my favorite god… for the meantime anyway… it ranges from him to Hades and Hermes and back and forth and… well, I also just like to dish out dirt on Apollo. For the most perfect god, how many times did he have to get dumped by the ladies? And I didn't make it up when I said he'd raped a lot of them. You can look it up.
My obsession speaks for itself…