This is my first story and i believe some form of introduction is in order. I am ragged paperback a.k.a. Raggedy or if your feeling exceptionally lazy just Rag.

I wrote this because it would not get out of my head and i have no shame in saying that this will end up being eventual ZADR xenophelia MalexMale blah blah blah you get the gest of it. As for how far it will go, i have no idea so consider yourselves warned!

I appreciate feedback since i need to know whether or not i should continue with the story . That being said regardless of what people think ill post at least two or three chapters before i decide to scrap it. (Flamers, you can do whatever I really couldnt care less)

*DISCLAIMER* I DO NOT own Invader Zim or any of the characters Therein.

All that aside I really hope you enjoy it.

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"Excellent!"

I had been digging around in this FILTH for far too long, but it had finally paid off. Hard to believe such a pitiful example of human technology would be the key to the execution of my master plan. A pathetic Earthenoid transformer for one of their inferior television sets. This was what I had been digging around in this Irk forsaken junk yard every night for the past month to find.

I suppose it would have gone much faster if I had searched during the day as well, but one of the main advantages I had (besides being Irken and therefore superior) over these rotting meat bags was their pitiful need for sleep, particularly that Dib-stink. My lack of ingenious plans as of late must be making him even more suspicious than usual. In fact, he had followed me all the way to my base and probably would have followed me here if he understood that Zim had long since obtained this pitiful planets backdoor technology.

Grinning to myself I hopped off the pile of filth ridden scrap I had been standing knee deep in and made for the back end of the yard. Why bother with entrances when you could scale a ten foot fence like a step ladder. Ah, Irken technology, what a beautiful thing.

Despite my hatred for the filth of this place, I might have missed it. The smell of ruined metal reminded me of home, or rather, of home destroyed by my all powerful claws.

The humans had unknowingly created a name for me that I found quite fitting, Home wrecker. Shulkekkrek in Irken, though the damage i had done before i was banished was minor compared to the destruction I was about to unleash upon my race. For thier own good of course. Now though i was fast approaching the only home i had not yet purposley destroyed.

I went in through the back naturally since the Dib could still be pulling surveillance. A blur of green whizzed past me pulling me from my thoughts, and hitting the back door as I automatically side stepped.

"Masta!"

I sighed. Gir's unpredictability had become strangely, predictable, over the years.

"I couldn't find you masta! Where'd you go?" Gir cried completely unaffected by his earlier stunt. "Masta got taller while he was away!"

I gave him a confused look. It was likely that he was just being Gir, after all it wasn't like him to be observant…then again.

I didn't answer his question, I rarely did(unless I felt like ranting and I do so love ranting)Instead I found redirecting Gir's attention to other things to be less damaging and I never asked for his assistance in anything I didn't want destroyed.

That was exactly what I liked about Gir, he was more destructive then any doom device if one new how to make use of his talents. In fact I was about to make use of them right now.

"Gir! The large headed dirt child is playing hide and seeks outside. Go play with him."

Gir shrieked happily before being propelled by the power of his own stupidity through the living room and out the front door which had been left…open...again.

I growled in irritation and marched into the living room. It was a wonder my base wasn't been plagued yet again with those filthy earth Smeets every time I returned. I shuttered as a repressed memory of Noogums surfaced and turned to address the ceiling.

"Computer, run a perimeter check, and a height check while you're at it."

There was a non too enthusiastic sigh but he complied.

"Perimeter scan negative, no intruders." He drawled lazily. "Height scan concluded."

"And?" I asked impatiently. My height was something that interested me greatly both as a matter of pride and importance to myself-assigned mission.

"Height has increased in comparison to last scan as predicted. Estimated time to required height, six earthen months."

More good news, I was grinning more today than usual and I hadnt even destroyed anything recently.

A familiar yelp of surprise followed by several Earthian cuss words and Girs shrieks of laughter from somewhere outside told me at least that the wretched stink monger hadn't slipped inside despite the still open door. Gir had yet again succeeded in doing what he did best.

"Sir, the Tallest have scheduled a meeting with you in approximately fifteen minutes."

"What! And you didn't think to tell me this sooner?" I roared outraged that I had so little time to prepare.

"They only just arranged it." The computer replied simply, not at all affected by my anger.

"Gir!" I stomped over to the open door as the sir unit flew through it doing a perfect flip and addressing me with a salute.

"Sir."

I slammed the door shut and motioned for him to follow. Ordering the computer to relocate the transmission to an isolated part of the labs and to open the elevator beneath the couch. As we descended I tried to think of the best way to convince Gir to wreak havoc without completely destroying my base.

"Gir." I said choosing my words carefully. "There is a muffin down in this lab and you are not to have it for it is vital to my meeting with the tallest."

The little robot seemed to go completely dead for a moment and I knew I had said the right thing to set him off and hopefully convince the tallest to wait awhile before calling me to amuse themselves in the future.

Oh yes, I knew, I had known the ugly truth for several years. A miniscule amount of time for an Irken but plenty of time to plot.

Ironically it was my most hated enemy who led me to this discovery, though I doubted he was aware of what he had done, considering he was trying to kill me at the time.

I became aware of the lie I was living and other truths had been made clear. Having the world ripped out from under my feet might have proved fatal but I was not a pathetic human in the throes of depression. Invaders do not wallow in their own self pity they conquer, and that was what I was determined to do, even if it meant going against my leaders and probably the entire armada…eh, meaningless details.

The door to the lab opened and Gir went shrieking across the room denting the far wall. I grimaced at the thought of the mess I would have to clean up later.

"Computer, How long?"

"Not long."

The computer sounded worried and I understood why since Gir was preforming his job flawlessly, and while he hadn't yet today, he had caused some major damage to Computer in the past.

There was another loud crash and I tried to make myself look annoyed, it wasn't hard. These random transmissions from the Tallest had become more and more frequent. If they wanted to believe I was still a bumbling moron (not that I ever had been) then I would let them. It would make things easier and much more entertaining in the end.

I had a new mission now, earth no longer mattered. Though I would still much like to conquer it, if only to rub it in the face of that vile dirt child.

"MUFFIN!"

There was no dodging Gir this time and I was thrown out of my thoughts and into a console panel.

"Transmission incoming."

Perfect timing.

I could see the screen to my left come to life, and pretended not to notice. I made a scene out of throwing gir away from me. The Tallest had to think it was just another day for incompetent Zim.

Morons, Both of them.

"Gir!" I yelled furiously. "Cease your actions and explain your behavior!"

"B-but the muffin overlords Masta!"

"The muffin overloads?" Sometimes I truly wondered how something so mechanical could be so utterly insane. "Why do you speak utter dookie?"

"Uh, Zim?"

"My Tallest!" I turned towards them and tried to appear as flustered as I could. "It is an honor to be in your presence."

Liar, liar

"Zim, were checking in for a status report." Tallest red said looking surprisingly serious, if I hadn't heard tallest purple snickering in the background I might have been inclined to believe him. As it was I had never desired to throw the nearest lab table through the monitor screen more than I did now. Ah, but that wouldn't be what little zim would do, and thanks to a little bit of altercation Computer was doing to their transmission feed that's all they could see. Little incompetent zim.

They had made this call merely for their own amusement. I would have to entertain them with facts about this stupid planet for hours now.

What a pathetic waste of my time.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

And it had been, three infuriating hours plus another two to get the lab cleaned up again. But it was done and over with, and I could finally move on to more important things.

I side stepped into a separate wing off of the main lab and made my way down a hallway to the third unit on the left. It was a small room, a standard sub lab. What was inside wasn't so standard.

Against the far wall, attached to a multitude of wires was a Pak, my Pak, or rather my old one. Did I mention that the Irken armada keeps track of height in addition to any other noteworthy change an Irken undergoes? If, for instance, an Irken grows taller or suddenly has an increase in intelligence. All of that is tracked by the Control Brains whenever an Invader connects their Pak into their computers to charge. But the control brains wouldn't be the only ones to know. The Tallest would also know that I was groing taller and I couldn't have either of them knowing, not yet.

Thus I couldn't wear a registered Pak, but of course I couldn't go without one either. So I made like the good little ruthless invader I was and made a new Pak, with one major difference. It was better, a thousand times better.

When my Pak had been damaged that fateful day the effect it had on me had been earth shattering.

Heh, Earth. Shattering. Now there's an interesting thought.

Such damage would normally have been left to a repair unit and I would have been none the wiser, but my ego left me determined to fix such a minor blemish myself.

In any case the damage that stupid ape had done to my Pak had cracked an otherwise unreachable section. It wasn't mentioned in any of the Pak manuals invaders must memorize before their assigning and it was heavily encoded. Not that either of those things stopped me. I cracked the code after several days and found that the portion that had been damaged registered a number of codes I wasn't familiar with (All of which had been deactivated due to the damage). Among others, there were codes that enforced loyalty to both the Control Brains and the Tellest, as well as to the Irken race as a whole. Nothing surprising there, a good armada is a loyal armada

No, being programmed for loyalty was not unusual but the fact that loyalty to the Tallest was placed before loyalty to the control brains, even before loyalty to the Irken race, in matter of importance was enraging. The control brains were absolute, even the tallest had to answer to them. To think that someone had altered my Pak and probably all Irken Paks to swear loyalty to the Tallest above else was horridly wrong. It went against our laws and all Irken's must answer to the laws.

Such a code ment that all Irkens under it would destroy the control brains and even each other if the Tallest so wished it. It gave them supreme rule.

There were other codes as well. Codes that blocked the development of growth both mental and physical. (I suspected those were enforced by the control brains) I was offended by neither. It was the loyalty code that bothered me, the idea that Irkens could and would betray their race at the order of the Tallest left me feeling a kind of sickness not even Gir's waffles could have brought me.

It was the Tallest that made that code, of this I was sure, no one else would have been capable of something like this. Sneaking around the control brains was all but impossible. Had I not been banished I would have been discovered within seconds.

But I had been banished and thanks to that my Pak was often only given the barest of routine inspections and all other technology under my control was overlooked completely. So I was able to abandon my registered Pak and opt to make a new one. It hadn't been easy, often times I would have to alternate between the two Paks, while I worked out the bugs in the new one. I did away with the code for Tallest loyalty completely, with what I had planned I couldn't afford to have it. Not that I wanted anything to do with it now, or ever. But I did keep the other two. I felt my loyalty to the control brains and my race with or without my old Pak. But it wouldn't do to have any second thoughts.

I also did away with the restrictions on growth, both physical and mental. That was a given. I understood its importance of course, it wouldn't due to have the seat of power changing all the time because Irkens kept getting a little taller than their current leader. No I suspected the Control brains wisdom behind this. Still I couldn't over throw the tallest being as short as I had been. If I was to have any sway with my race I would have to be taller than them. So that code was scraped as well, I would suffer the consequences for it later.

Eventually the new Pak was built, but I was faced with another problem. What to do with the old pack, I couldn't destroy it. Doing so would alert the control brains and I would have Irkens here investigating my "Death". To have them find me here with an unregistered (and therefore illegal) Pak, and no good explanation it would mean certain termination. I shuddered at the idea. Though that was likely where I would end up anyway.

I finally decided to hook up the faulty Pak to Computer who-like Gir-swore loyalty to me alone. I expected him to be unenthusiastic about the whole thing since he had never had much interest in taking over the earth. I was surprised to find that he find the idea of going against the leaders of the most powerful empire in the universe amusing. Even more so when he found my plan was far more sound then any I had tried to develop in taking over earth. Amazing what a few years of mental development can do for an Irken. I hooked up the old Pak to Computer and he kept the control brains (and the Tallest) satisfied that I was no different than I had been four years ago.

So what exactly was my plan? That should be somewhat obvious by now. Just a few basic steps

First wait until I've surpassed the Tallest in hight, then fake my death and wait until the other Irkens had done thier investigation and found that my old Pak had indeed been disable. Finally meet the armada, kill the Tallest and either take their place or die. Whatever the Control brains decided was best. I would not deny either choice.

Well I didn't say it was a plan with a pathetic little happy ending did I? No it is an Irken plan and therefore will end in destruction and death, noble or otherwise. As long as the tallest died and the Control Brains realize and correct the faulty loyalty code the plan was a success, my survival wasn't a necessity.

But first I had to be taller than them and for that I had to wait for nature to take its course. No amount of Pak encoding was going to speed things up without causing unfortunate side effects.

So here I stood, ensureing that everything was running smoothley and that the Control Brains remained unaware of my default and feeling drained but not tired.

That was yet another thing I had changed with my new pak. In any standered Pak sleep wasn't necessary and therefore Irkens were locked in awake mode. Not that it had ever bothered me or any other Irken as far as I could tell. It simply hadn't been necessary. But I had been curious, the humans needed sleep. Was it a pleasant thing to undergo? So I made the wake mode in the new Pak an option that could be switched on and off at will.

The first time I had tried it I found that I had slept for two earth days. I panicked and Computer had to explain to me that it was likely because, without the assistance of my Pak, my body had resumed its natural sleep-wake cycle. And that since Irk days were much longer then Earth days I had slept longer. Despite this I did find sleep to be somewhat of a guilty pleasure. To slip away for a few hours into nothingness was a treat I indulged in occasionally. (After i installed a sleep timer to avoid going unconcious for too long in the future of course.)

Tonight was one of those occasions, I had only a few hours before Skool would begin and that was hardly enough time to start anything new so sleep it was. I made sure Gir was shut down for the night ( I didn't dare leave him active while I was so defenseless) And after ordering the computer to be on high alert for the evening, made way for one of the labs I had gutted. The only thing in it now was a large bed of my own design. I had to make it myself since I was the first Irken to have need of a bed in at least a few millennia if ever, and I refused to use an inferior human mattress.

It was a good bed too, almost as good as Vortian furniture but I'm not so egotistical as to think I could make a better bed then one of the most technilogically advanced races in the universe. Knowing I could destroy them with a flick of a finger was enough for me.

Still It was far superior then anything you were going to find on this forsaken ball of filth. I sank into it and thanked Irk and my computer that things had gone smoothly enough today. Tired of thinking I switched off the restriction and waited for sleep to find me.

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Wow I really have a tendancy to make Zim ramble. Actually he kind of does that anyway. It is a long chapter though, dont worry the others shouldn't be nearly this long its just because its the "Intro" chapter.

Oh well, tell me what you thought of it. Just a simple "Hey it was good" or "Boo it sucked" is enough.

Chapter 2 will be up withen the next day or so, promise.

BTW I wasnt sure about the Irken language so I just ran with what I figured it would sound like based on Zim's race being a war driven armada and all that.