A/N: The title has nothing to do with the fic, but StarFig came up with it and I liked it. These stories are based on the book "The Stinky Cheese man and other Fairly stupid tales" by Jon Scieszka & Lane smith. If you haven't read it, it is a book full of funny, messed up fairy tales. These are messed up Harry Potter Fairy tales. Enjoy J --KittyAngel
Wary Harry and the Sky
Once upon a time, Wary-Harry was wondering around the Hogwarts grounds when something fell on his head. Not being very bright, he ran around screaming "THE SKY IS FALLING! THE SKY IS FALLING! WE MUST TELL DUMBLEDORE-WUMBLEDORE!!!" He ran into his castle and found his friend Ronny-Pawny.
"Ronny-Pawny, Ronny-Pawny! The sky is falling! We must tell Dumbledore-Wumbledore!" So, they ran to the library and found their friend Hermy-Wormy, who was reading about the dhgfuyfvjhvfuygkujgthstytgoihnklgvjhfy curse.
"Hermy-Wormy, Hermy-Wormy! The sky is falling! We must tell Dumbledore-Wumbledore!" So, once again (this is getting old isn't it?) they ran and found another friend, this time Moldy-Voldie.
"Moldy-Voldie! Blah, blah, blah… tell Dumbledore-Wumbledore!" "Come on! I know where his office is!" said Moldy-Voldie. So they went to Dumbledore-Wumblewhatever's office and told him the problem. "Hmmm, he said, lets go outside and have a look…"
So they went out side and (GASP) found a bunch of broken blue things and some clouds lying on the ground. The sun had fallen into the lake, but it somehow was still shining. Where the sky should have been, there was only blackness. "Hmm," said Dumbledore-Whatever, "I guess the sky just fell. Lets all have tea!" And so they did. The End.
Little Black Riding Cape (That doesn't have a Hood)
Once upon a time there was a man named Sirius Black. Black was very lonely because he living in a cave with only a hippopotamoosagriff (a cross between a hippopotamus, a griffin, and a moose). So one day he put on his little black riding cape (that didn't have a hood) and got on his hippopotamoosgriff's back so he could fly to his godson's house. Actually, his godson living in a castle, which was a school, which was called Hogwarts.
So, anyways, he flew to Hogwarts, and said hi to Harry (his godson), but he was seen by Professor Snape. Snape started going crazy and said "Since there are no dementors around, I will have to kiss you for them!" Harry started laughing, and Snape realized what he just said. He was so grossed out, that he ran away and hid under his bed.
Sirius Black decided he better leave, so he got on his faithful steed (the hippopotamoosgriff) and said goodbye to Harry. He flew away into the sunset, except that the sun wasn't setting, so he just plain flew away. The End.
Voldie's Bean Problem
Hello! It is I, Voldemort the almighty GIANT Dark lord!!! MWAHAHAHAHA! And this is my daughter, Madame Maxine!! Welcome to MY Story! Here it goes: (clears throat)
Once upon a time there was a giant (me) who had a beautiful half-giant daughter (her). One day this guy named Hagrid climbed up my Bernie-Botts-Every-Flaver-Beanstalk and said "Maxine! Where oh where art thou Maxine?" no wait, Maxine is supposed to say that. Oh well. Anyways, I found Hagrid and took him inside
I said: Hey you! My daughter deserves better! Therefore I will Avada Kedavra your bones to make my bread! Fee Fi Foe Harry!! (Harry is my Foe you know)… Anyways, I then said: Well, actually, I will let you go. Then I can go Avada Kevdavera HIS bones to make my bread! MWAHAHA!
But when I was trying to climb down my every-flavor-beanstalk, I accidentally ate a bean that tasted like Harry, and it was really gross, so I decided any bread made out of his bones would taste really gross, so I decided to let that Hagrid fellow marry Maxine and that way they could live happily ever after or whatever. And I ground up all my every-flavor beans to make my bread!! The Every-flavor-end.
A/N: Well, waddya think?? Why don't you REVIEW and let me know? (hint hint)