Part 1 -- Conviction
They were doomed.
With luck, it would be quick. With favor of whatever 'god' ruled this place, it would be quick and relatively painless.
Fat chance of that, coming from these alien GhostBuster fans. They'd summarily convicted SG-1 of...something. No need to explain what, apparently. Much more fun to move on to the penalty phase of tonight's entertainment. SG-1 would choose one member, and the other three would be subjected to the worst thing the aliens could find in that one's mind. To be sporting, in the unlikely event that the three survived, all four would be freed.
oOo
Part 2 -- Sentence
Jack had initially chosen Daniel. Good, old, nice-guy Daniel. Before SG-1, which they all had in common, he had been your average, ordinary linguist-on-the-street. So they'd face nothing worse than the worst they'd already experienced -- and survived -- together.
Not necessarily. Forgot about the archaeologist thing for a moment there, Jack. Years spent cheerfully studying the creative ways humans used to kill each other. A few helpless-human-sacrifice examples and Daniel was off the list.
Teal'c? Don't even think about it.
Himself? Nope. Thanks for the memories, he bitterly thought to his past tormentors.
Which left Carter. Military training. Aerial combat on Earth. Her time with SG-1. A fondness for sci-fi and horror movies. And a periphrastic mind capable of rolling it all together into some new and exciting result.
A massive and malevolent marshmallow man was sounding pretty good right now.
Maybe he should have picked Daniel after all.
oOo
Part 3 -- Decision
They didn't take Carter away to do it. She managed one startled yelp, then stood, frozen in place, as they began to ravage her mind, looking for the thing she thought was the worst. Her eyes widened, and sweat beaded her forehead as she struggled vainly against the onslaught.
Jack wanted to reach out to her, but didn't dare distract her. He watched, helpless, as she trembled with effort. Listened as her breath caught, over and over again, each time some new horror came to mind. Boiled with futile rage as she was mentally assaulted before his very eyes.
The aliens shopped thoroughly before they chose.
oOo
Part 4 -- Preparations
A door opened, and their gear was tossed into the room by unseen hands. The men geared up automatically, checking weapons and ammo. All there. Even canteens and vests. Jack exchanged a worried look with Teal'c. A fair fight was hardly the worst thing Carter could think of.
Jack didn't hold out a lot of hope that their weapons would help much, but he'd do his best.
He warily watched Carter's hands as Daniel worked her protective vest over her unmoving form. Carter killing her own teammate just might be her idea of the worst thing.
Teal'c stood a few feet away, his back to them, turning slowly in an attempt to cover all sides. Carter being the distraction that got her teammates killed might be her idea of the worst thing.
oOo
Part 5 -- Execution
The colonel stared at his opponent, who waited patiently for him to make his move.
Jack didn't stand a chance.
We gave you time to prepare, an alien voice mocked. We gave you back all your tools.
With a start, he recognized his own voice. They were speaking to him in his mind. He glanced at the other men. They looked the way he felt. He wondered if they were hearing the same thing.
They are, his voice confirmed. We will even allow you to collaborate. The alien voice laughed -- his own laugh, for crying out loud! -- in his mind.
oOo
Part 6 -- Doing Time
One hour, the voice -- his own voice -- mocked, growing ever more derisive as it counted down the time.
Jack growled as he evaluated the enemy. Again. For all the good it would do.
Thirty minutes. He could hear the smirk.
He re-reconned, just in case a miracle had occurred while they weren't looking. No such luck.
Fifteen minutes.
Bullet, blade, bomb. All useless. Daniel's attempts at translation had failed miserably. They were screwed.
Five minutes.
Jack looked down at his weapon in frustration. The best hand-held killing machine the US military had to offer was just a friggin' paperweight here.
oOo
Part 7 -- Countdown
One minute.
"We're dead."
Soon, the voice concurred amiably
"It's not fair!" Jack barely restrained himself from stomping his feet angrily.
Who told you it would be? His own laughter ridiculed him.
"You said it was a test! A test is supposed to have a solution."
And so it does. Thirty seconds.
"A solution we can find!"
The voice just laughed louder.
"That's it, isn't it? There is an answer but we don't have what we need to get it."
With a loud roar, everything went black. Jack felt himself falling into the void where the world used to be.
oOo
Part 8 -- The Score
He found himself on the ground. In front of the Stargate. With the rest of SG-1. No aliens, no visible means of execution. They all picked themselves up. Daniel started dialing home.
"What was that?"
"Yang-Mills Quantum Theory, sir. It says that -- "
"Carter!" The last thing he needed, or ever wanted to see in any form ever again, was any description of the incomprehensible technical question the aliens had presented as their test. The past four hours of sweating over it was enough for this and every other lifetime.
"It's a physics problem without a solution."
"So why'd they let us go?"
"I think they accepted your answer."
"What answer?" They could barely read that damned thing, let alone answer it!
"That we don't have the means to get the answer."
Oiy. Time to change the subject. "That's the worst thing you can think of? A question without an answer?"
"Not stressful enough for you, sir?" she asked innocently.
He made a face at her.
"When they..." she trailed off, at a loss for words to describe what they had done to her mind. "I concentrated on my college days, sir. Before the military. The worst things." She laughed dryly. "High stress. Frustration. Time limits. Obnoxious professors laughing at you. 'Killer' problem weren't literally lethal then."
Trust Carter's periphrastic mind to formulate something to satisfy the alien 'worst thing' requirements without hurting her team. "Why college? Why not kindergarten?"
"You'd rather face the boogeyman, sir?"