Based on a true story, some details slightly altered. Post-college Brittana. PLEASE let me know what you think.
I "own" the story, not the characters.
She wasn't sure what this meeting was going to entail. She hadn't seen her since the day she moved out after graduation. She didn't want to tell her girlfriend what she was doing, but she knew she had to. Even if it meant adding more stress to their relationship and potentially fighting about this meeting.
"I'm meeting up with Santana tonight." Her voice barely above a whisper, pulling the phone from her ear, expecting a loud response. When nothing was said she felt even worse. "Babe, are you still there?"
"Why?" Brittany barely heard the question, her girlfriend's voice so soft and weak.
"Why what?"
"Why are you meeting up with her? I thought when you moved out that was it. Britt, we've been together for six months already with you living with her while I'm here, 1000 miles away. It's killing me and now you're telling me you're going to meet up and hang out with her tonight?"
"Look, we just need to talk. If I'm going to be serious about moving out there with you, then I'd like to have some chance to at least say good bye. She may be my ex but she's also one of my best friends."
"Well, she better not try anything." Brittany couldn't tell if it was fear or anger that filled her girlfriend's voice.
"She won't. It's not like that." Santana was dating someone else too, her girlfriend knew that so why was she acting like this?
"Well, just. I don't know..." her voice trailed off.
"I will call you as soon as I get home and be sure to give you every boring detail. I'm guessing it'll just be dinner and a movie or something."
"So it's a fucking date? That's just great!" There it was, the anger Brittany was expecting from the beginning. She sighed heavily trying to control her own anger.
"It's not a date. It's friends, hanging out. Where I live this is really our only option. She's driving two hours to do this, I'm not about to just spend ten minutes in a coffee shop and send her on her way. It wouldn't be right."
"Whatever, I have to get back to work. Just have fun on your date." With that her girlfriend hung up. Brittany set the phone next to her on the bed and leaned back onto her pillows.
Yes, Santana was her first girlfriend, first love and first well, everything. Truth is, if given the chance she probably would consider getting back together. She loved her girlfriend though. This was the first girl she'd been with that wasn't just to get over Santana. She wanted to try and make this work.
She and Santana lived together longer than they dated. After their break up they still fooled around despite the numerous people Santana "dated" after. Brittany tried dating two people but one didn't last much longer than a few weeks and the other girl was after Santana for the four months they dated so... none of them really counted.
For every girl and guy that Santana dated, (mostly girls) it always came back to her and Brittany, in bed, moaning each other's names as if nothing else ever mattered, as if they'd never broken up.
It only stopped when Brittany met her current girlfriend. Brittany and Santana made a deal when they moved into their last house, platonic friendship, no more fooling around or being "couple-y." They stuck to that, with the exception of nights when it was storming so bad Brittany couldn't sleep and crawled into Santana's bed, not feeling at all uncomfortable when Santana turned and draped her arm protectively around her, telling her it would be okay.
Santana was there when Brittany was upset about the long distance of her relationship, and how she felt terrible for having to be so far away. She hugged her, brushed the hair out of her eyes and told her it would be okay and that she'd get to see her girlfriend soon enough. She even offered to fly the girl out there or to pay for Brittany's ticket to go visit.
Brittany woke from her trip into her memories when her phone buzzed.
Look, I'm sorry I got upset. I just don't trust her and she treated you so badly yet you still stick around and it bothers me so much. Please just, call or text me to let me know what you're doing. I'm worried sick, something just doesn't feel right about this but I know there isn't anything I can do.
Brittany thought carefully before replying.
I know babe. Please trust me when I say you have nothing to worry about. I'll keep you updated I promise. She's still a good friend and I just don't want to lose her. I don't know how to cut ties with people and I just want to know I have her around as a friend. JUST a friend. Everything will be okay.
When her girlfriend replied with an OK and a smilie face she breathed a sigh of relief, happy to have dodged that potential disaster. She looked at the clock and realized Santana would be there soon to pick her up. She ran frantically around her room and bathroom trying to finish getting ready. Santana never minded how Brittany looked but for some reason Brittany always worried what Santana thought of her even when they were just friends.
"Britt? You here?" Santana's voice carried from the front door up the stairs to Brittany's room.
"Yeah I'm upstairs. Be down in a second!" Brittany grabbed her jacket off of her bed and ran downstairs nearly knocking Santana over when she'd reached the bottom. "Sorry." She smiled sheepishly. "Ready?"
"I am if you are. Are you hungry?" Santana followed Brittany out the door, closing it tightly behind her.
"Um... yeah I could probably eat. Where do you want to go? There are a few restaurants next to the theater we can just pick when we get over there if you want." Brittany drops into her seat, taking in the very Santana-esque scent that overwhelms her senses.
"You okay over there B?" Santana laughs, noticing the girls eyes have closed, her head resting against the seat, a faint smile spreading across her face.
"Yes. I'm good. Let's go." Brittany sits up straight, bouncing in her seat as Santana pulls out of the driveway.
\\
Santana pulls into the parking lot of a diner a few blocks away from the movie theater.
"This alright?"
"Yeah, I actually haven't been here since I was a kid." Brittany smiles as she gets out of the car and walks with Santana to the entry way.
During dinner they talk casually. Brittany's girlfriend texts a few times to see what's going on and to re-iterrate her dislike for this faux-date.
"Everything okay Britt?" Santana notices the pained expression and slight eye roll of her friend as her phone beeps again.
"Yeah... fine." Brittany shoves her phone back in her pocket.
"Girlfriend?" Brittany nods, picking at her food.
"She's worried huh? Doesn't trust me?" Santana smirks.
"Yeah, I told her not to worry about it. She can get over it, I'm honestly so sick of her being like this." Brittany sighs.
"Hey. Let's head out and go catch the movie then maybe we can get coffee afterwards yeah?"
"Yes, I'd like to talk more before we end up going in different directions." Santana shifts her eyes away, she didn't want to think about the possibility of not seeing Brittany again. Brittany feels the same and sees her feelings reflected on Santana's face. "Hey, it's movie time, not sad time!" Brittany smiles, nudging Santana as they walk to the front to pay. "How much?" She pulls out her wallet but Santana's already paying the bill and waving her off.
"I got it. This was my idea, so I'm paying." Santana winks as they walk out of the restaurant.
Santana ends up paying for the movies too and it starts feeling to Brittany like a date. The movie was good. A standard movie with happy moments, sad moments and a beautiful ending. There wasn't anything happening between the two girls, Brittany kept her arms in her lap resting on her legs that she kept alternating crossing through the movie. Santana doing much of the same.
"So, coffee before I drop you off?" Santana zips up her jacket, the night time setting in and cooling down the small town.
"Yeah. Sounds perfect."
When the girls sit down at the coffee shop the tension is suddenly palpable. Something shifted between them and neither girl is fighting it.
"I'm glad I came out here and got to hang out with you."
"Me too. It was really nice to see you again. I've only been gone for like a month but it seemed like forever. I missed you." Brittany smiles, taking a sip of her peppermint mocha.
"I missed you too B, it just isn't the same without you." Santana pauses for a moment, wanting to reach out and grab Brittany's hand but knowing she can't. Brittany is no longer hers and after everything she put Brittany through, it wouldn't be appropriate.
"What's wrong? You suddenly look really sad." Brittany pouts.
"I'm just really sorry for treating you so badly before. I don't know what my deal was and I just wish I hadn't screwed up so badly but I'm so happy we could still be friends. I'm happy that you found someone who seems to treat you well. She has every right to be upset with me. I just hope you're happy." Brittany thinks for a moment, mulling over everything Santana had just said. Sure Santana has apologized a few times for her actions but never has she sounded so... sincere yet broken. Brittany's heart swells, which confuses her even more.
"Don't worry Santana, I've never hated you for it. I think even if I wanted to, I could never hate you. Thank you for apologizing, I really appreciate it and I'm sorry it's making you sad. Don't be sad, as cute as you are when you're sad I like you much better when you're happy."
"Are you happy?" Santana asks, noticing the avoidance of her previous statement.
"Yeah. I feel happy. I'm happy right now, getting to hang out with you. I was worried I'd never get to hang out with you again that you would be too preoccupied with your new girlfriend and me with mine." Brittany shrugs but the smile on her face tells a different story. Santana knows that smile better than anything else, it's the smile reserved only for her. The smile that crinkles her nose and lights up her eyes. The smile that makes her lips twitch, wanting to be bigger but not having any space left to grow. It's the smile that Santana has been dreaming about for the past few nights, anxiously awaiting seeing it again.
"I'm happy I came here too. I was worried that maybe I'd lost you entirely."
"You couldn't lose me even if you wanted to. I told you, always always. I'm not going anywhere. You're one of my best friends, I'd be crazy if I let that go." This conversation was far from friendly, it was obvious in their voices, in the way their eyes locked then turned shyly away before locking again. Their legs bounced with the varying nerves shooting all over their bodies. Brittany couldn't tell if it was her coffee or the moment itself that was making it suddenly very warm.
"So what else?" Santana raises her eye brow, smirking as Brittany's cheeks flush. Brittany tried to rub the blush off of her face, she hated that every time Santana asked that question she blushed. It was a simple question but it always triggered something else inside of her that she could never quite figure out. "I feel like you aren't telling me something."
"I'm not sure what you're talking about? I don't know anything else." Brittany sipped her mocha, her eyes narrowing at the girl across from her.
"Well, alright."
"How are things with your girlfriend?" Brittany asked, trying to put the heat on Santana for a change.
"Good." She shrugged. Brittany laughed at the short response. "I don't know how I feel actually. I feel like I don't deserve to be in a relationship or be happy for that matter."
"Why? You're an amazing girl San." Brittany reached out to touch her hand.
"But I treated you terribly Britt and now you've found someone who seems to be treating you really well..." She trailed off, biting her lip to keep the emotions from spilling out. She was determined to stay strong to make sure Brittany didn't see the hurt she'd felt whenever they talked about their current girlfriends.
"Hey..." Brittany nudged her hand waiting until Santana's eyes looked back at her. "You're fine alright? I'm not mad. Yes, things were pretty crazy but you're better than that now. You've actually kept a job for longer than a few months, that's quite the accomplishment!" The girls laughed, Santana shaking her head sighing at the truth of Brittany's words. Commitment was never really her thing.
"I'm really sorry by the way." Santana could feel the tears working their way to her eyes, she needed to get out of this public setting. "Want to head back to the car?"
"Sure." Brittany could tell Santana was on the verge of tears, she knew the slight crack in the girls voice all too well and subtle fidgeting of her hands which was another tell tale sign of impending tears.
They didn't pull out of the parking lot, merely sat, facing each other.
"Can I tell you something?" Santana doesn't meet her eyes when she asks, her fingers tracing lightly over the steering wheel.
"You know you can tell me anything." Brittany says as if it's supposed to be common knowledge for them.
"I was thinking about my future the other day." Brittany wants to speak, to nudge her to keep talking but she knows this has to come out on Santana's terms in her own time so she sits, leaning against the door, her hands playing with the seam on her pants.
"I thought of what I want my life to be like and no matter what I thought of, the travelling I want to do, the nice house, the pets..." Santana took a deep breath, turning her head towards Brittany who waited patiently. "You were there. That's when I finally realized what you'd told me so long ago. It's you, it's always been you. I tried so hard to fight it probably because I hurt you so badly and knew you deserved better than me. I wanted to propose before we broke up but I just couldn't. I knew what I did to you, that I cheated and when I came back from those months away, I just couldn't bring myself to do it."
"Yeah, I know. It's probably good though I mean, look how better we are, individually." Brittany smiled, trying to reassure Santana. Despite being reminded of Santana's infidelity, she never wanted to see Santana sad.
"Brittany, I want to be with you. I want to have that nice house, I want to take vacations with you, to travel. I want to give you everything you've ever wanted but mostly just knowing I have you would be enough for me." Brittany's breath was coming out in short, gasps, her head was spinning.
Four days ago her girlfriend had said something similar. Cute house, with a yard and a puppy. Probably somewhere just outside a big city so we can have the best of both worlds. Now she really WAS faced with best of both worlds. On the one hand she had travelling and adventure. The other was comfortable and homey. Adventure and risks versus safe and cozy. She couldn't base it off of that, the future is never set in stone, she knows that. Futures change so easily sometimes, but feelings, that's another story. Feelings have a way of hiding out when you need them most and surfacing when you just want them to disappear. She thought she was over things with Santana until tonight. Everything she thought she'd gotten past was now sitting in the forefront of her mind screaming at her.
Santana sat, her eyes scanning Brittany, looking for some kind of sign to how she was feeling or what she was thinking.
"Britt?"
"I love that idea. I would love nothing more than to travel with you, to experience the country before settling down somewhere and making something of ourselves." Santana smiled slightly, waiting for the but she knew would be coming. "But, it worries me that you might leave again. I don't know if I could handle losing you again and having to start all over... again." Brittany watched Santana's face break from its smile. "I have to be honest, you're really messing with my mind right now." She laughed lightly.
"Why's that?"
"Because. I've been waiting for this day for longer than I can remember. Anxiously waiting for the day you realize what I mean to you and what I've been telling you all along." Hope filled Santana's eyes as Brittany spoke, taking her hands in hers. "I honestly don't think I've ever stopped loving you. I don't think I ever could." Santana took this as her signal and started to lean into Brittany, closing the gap between them. As quick as Santana moved, Brittany moved faster, in the other direction, her head nearly smashing into the passenger door. Santana sat back, shocked and hurt.
"I'm sorry. I just thought..."
"No no, I'm sorry. It's just... we're both dating someone. It's not fair to them." Santana thought for a moment she was right, it's not fair but isn't it more unfair to still be with them if they actually love each other? So that's exactly what she asked.
"What's more unfair, doing this to them now when it's still early in our relationships or forcing ourselves to ignore the obvious feelings we have and trying to stick it out with other people, knowing we aren't being truly fair to them." Brittany mulled this over in her mind.
"Try again." Brittany's voice was quiet, and it took Santana a moment to comprehend what she'd said but once she did it was as if she'd screamed it. She wasted no time in pulling Brittany's jacket towards her, slipping her hand around the girls' neck and crashing their lips together. Brittany's hands gripped at the back of Santana's jacket, moaning into the kiss, instantly feeling tingles shooting through her entire body as their lips slid against each other, tongues teasing and Santana's fingers wrapping themselves in her hair. She'd imagined this moment so many times, but never could she imagine how perfect it would feel.
Santana couldn't believe she'd actually worked up the nerve to tell Brittany how she felt. More specifically she couldn't believe she actually had the guts to KISS her... twice!
"I love you Brittany, more than anything and I'm so sorry for-"
"Shhh, stop apologizing. No need for that." She leaned forward, resting her forehead against Santana's. "I've always loved you. Always will. Always Always."