It was the last night before the start of the Christmas holiday, and despite the fact that Hogwarts looked like a perfect, icy wonderland, it felt like a prison to the students who were desperate to return home for break. Dumbledore, having anticipated this, decided that because the students needed something to distract them, a First Annual Hogwarts Winter Ball was in order.
Thus, instead of moping deliriously around the castle and repacking trunks, students were kept busy putting dress robes on and drenching themselves in pleasant scents. Even the staff got involved, hurrying about while casting spells to capture last minute fairies or to enlarge the odd pinecone.
Finally, around seven, everything was in place and all the students had gathered in the great hall, gasping with delight at the lovely frost-filled forest that had taken over the house tables. Snow was moseying down from the sky, filling the room with the perfume of winter, and everything was immaculate. Dumbledore was quite pleased, and after inviting all the students to the dance floor, he led the way by starting off a smart foxtrot with McGonagall.
The Marauders, who were in their seventh year, too, were quite pleased with the dance, although for different reasons. Both James and Sirius had grand plans for the evening – the former's involving finally getting Lily to fall for him, and the latter's involving the grand social downfall of Snape, as well as plenty of dancing – and Peter had plans too, although they were more humble, focusing mostly on the scrumptious food that was already appearing onto the golden plates. Remus was just happy to admire the scenery, and was content to be left alone composing poetry about it.
Eventually, though, he grew a little lonesome, and looked around the room for a friend. His eyes alighted on Sirius, and his heart gave a hopeful flutter, but then he saw the giggling girl that was hanging on to Sirius's arm. He looked away. Peter was over by the food table, and James was trying to inch closer to Lily, who looked annoyed. She was glancing around the hall too, and suddenly her green eyes met Remus's. She smiled and moved closer; both were relieved to find a companion.
She came and sat near next to him, her deep red hair mingling beautifully with her bottle green dress. They happily began to talk, content to spend the night this way.
As the night wore on it seemed that Peter, who had long sense passed out from overstuffing himself, and Remus, still talking to Lily (now about muggle novels), were the only content Marauders. James was annoyed that Lily wasn't paying him any heed, and Sirius was similarly disgruntled, partially because Snape had ditched the ball after mooning about for only half an hour, but mostly because of a different person altogether.
"He hasn't even noticed all the girls that I'm dancing with," complained Sirius to James as they drank some of the suspiciously snow-colored punch. "And even though I look bloody irresistible in this color, I don't think he's bothered look at me at all this evening."
"He's too busy talking with Lily," agreed James, equally as depressed. "So much for conquering the ball."
They took contemplative sips of their drinks, and then quickly spit them out. "Urg," said James, wincing. Sirius made a face and put his drink down somewhere, sneaking another look at Remus's table.
"No," decided Sirius suddenly, making James jump. "There's still time. Sirius Black will not be denied!"
James rolled his eyes, but he couldn't help grinning. "Oh, go on then. What are you going to do, dance with all the girls in Hufflepuff?"
"Why not?"
"Padfoot, mate, I think you're going about this the wrong way. Making Moony jealous isn't working."
"Like you'd know anything about getting someone to like you," sniffed Sirius, earning a punch from James.
"But really," continued James as Sirius rubbed his elbow, "Moony's too thoughtful to react in the way you want him to. Even if he is jealous, he's not going to do anything about it like you want him to. He'll just sit there and be miserable by himself in the hopes of keeping you happy."
Sirius humphed, but he looked over at Remus again, this time contemplatively. "Yeah, I s'pose."
"So..." James paused, drawing it out with a smirk, "you've got to go sweep him off his feet!"
"What?" said Sirius, his eyes flicking back over to James in panic, which he tried to smother by flicking his hair arrogantly away from his face. James wasn't fooled.
"Jealousy isn't working, so you need to make a romantic gesture..." he trailed off, eyeing Sirius doubtfully, and then continued, "er, well, at the very least you need to make your intentions clear. Stop playing games. It's been two years since you started liking him, Sirius. Just tell him already."
"But..." Sirius's voice dropped, and for once he was serious, letting his best friend see past the façade he wore. "Prongs, what if he doesn't like me back?"
James pushed Sirius again, but fondly this time. "Not possible," he said, smiling. "You're Sirius Black. And you look irresistible in that color."
Sirius managed to smirk at that, and the mask was back in place. "I do, don't I."
"Besides, if you steal Remus away, that leaves me with a clear opening for Operation Lily Flower."
Chuckling somewhat nervously, Sirius gave James a thumbs-up and then walked towards Remus, feeling as though someone had put a Jelly-legs jinx on him. He looked suspiciously over at James, but James had gone back to looking at Lily, and Sirius told himself to man up.
Remus looked up as Sirius loped over to his table, and he had to stop himself from staring at the perfect way Sirius's grey robes accented his eyes. He trailed off incoherently from what he was saying to Lily, which in turn made her look up. When she saw Sirius she had to fight off a look of annoyance, but then she smiled when she realized he was coming for Remus. She elbowed Remus excitedly and then stood up, hastily getting ready to excuse herself. Before she could leave, however, Sirius reached the table and insisted that she sat down.
"Don't bother, Evans, I'm, er, not staying long," Sirius said, cursing his sudden lack of eloquence.
Remus's face fell slightly and he looked away, telling himself off for getting hopeful. Sirius was probably just going off to dance with yet another girl, he decided, which was absolutely, perfectly fine.
Upon noticing Remus's expression, Sirius hurried on, "Er, that is, I wanted to know if you'd dance with me, Remus. I, uh..." he trailed off, his tongue still not working properly. Remus's close proximity was doing horrible things to his stomach, and he found himself unable to think straight. "I'd like to dance with you," he finished.
Startled, Remus looked up at Sirius. Brown eyes met grey ones, and Remus's stomach fluttered. He wasn't sure if he was more surprised at the request or at Sirius's use of his real name. Lily pushed him forward, and he stumbled awkwardly into Sirius. "Um," was all he could say as they started forward, Sirius pulling him along. And then: "Wait. Padfoot, hold on."
The elation that Sirius had been feeling stopped, and he toppled off his cloud, his heart landing somewhere in his stomach. Remus is going to say no, he's going to reject me...
"I..." Remus swallowed, wondering at the look of disappointment in Sirius's eyes. Surely Sirius was just having a laugh, and wanted to cause a stir by dancing with a boy. It didn't really mean anything, Remus told himself, pushing down his excitement. It was better to dismiss the joke while he could. "Pads, we can't. We're both boys."
Sirius froze up a little, but he managed to keep the cadence of his voice normal. "So?"
"People will think... things. They'll label us – me. They already think I'm weird." If Sirius was being sincere – but no, Remus told himself almost angrily, he was just having a laugh, and it wasn't worth ruining his reputation over, even if it meant he got to dance with Sirius for a night.
"No one will care, Moony. Look, those two girls are dancing over there together, and nobody's giving them bollocks about it."
"People won't care about you dancing with another boy. Everyone already says that you sleep around – they won't care if you've randomly decided to switch to boys, even if it's not true."
"Do they really?" asked Sirius, distracted, feeling pleased. Remus rolled his eyes, more sure than ever that this was all just a joke. He took a step back.
"C'mon, Padfoot. Just stop messing around."
"I'm – I'm not!" Sirius insisted, his heart now tightening around his stomach. Did Remus think this was all a joke? Perhaps James was right after all... perhaps trying to make Remus jealous hadn't been a good idea. "They'll just think you're dancing with your best mate, or trying to figure out your sexuality, or... just going along with one of my crazy schemes. Come on, Remus! Please?"
And Remus had to give in to Sirius's hangdog, desperate look. As Sirius pulled him out to dance his heart began to beat in time with the fast, upbeat song, and he had to keep reminding himself that this didn't mean anything, it was just Sirius being Sirius.
But the problem was, Remus desperately wanted it to mean something. He had always liked the handsome, irresistible Sirius Black, and no matter what he did he could never make his crush go away. When Remus realized how much of a womanizer Sirius was he tried to forget him, tried to get over his jealousy, but nothing had ever worked. And now... Remus was afraid that his secret was going to spill out tonight, which he knew would lose him the friendship of the most important person to him. He tried to clamp his lips together, but before he knew it he was having too much fun dancing and laughing with Sirius, surrounded by everyone else writhing on the dance floor, to keep himself in check.
As he watched Remus began to loosen up and enjoy himself, Sirius couldn't help but stare. He edged himself closer and closer to Remus, trying to keep himself from putting his hands all over him as he would have liked to. Don't freak him out, Sirius told himself. Just wait.
Sirius's chance came when the music slowed and the dance floor thinned out a little. Remus was panting slightly, his hair all messed up, and he had what Sirius deemed an adorable grin on his face. But this look quickly turned to panic as he registered the change in tempo, and he tried to slide off the dance floor. Before he could make a quick escape, however, Sirius caught him and slid one hand to his waist, and another to his shoulder, watching carefully to see what Remus's reaction would be. Remus let out a quiet, involuntary gasp, and then almost stopped breathing. He could feel the warm, solid weight of Sirius's hand on his waist, and suddenly knew that he wasn't going anywhere, not anymore. Without thinking Remus took a few steps closer to Sirius, and then put his hands on the aristocrat's body in a way that mirrored what Sirius was doing.
Sirius grinned ecstatically and pulled Remus even closer to him. For a few long, wonderful minutes, they swayed together to the beat of the song, Sirius leading Remus, who was an endearingly awkward dancer. The song began to swell to its bridge and Sirius opened his eyes, which he realized he had closed. He noticed that Remus was watching him, with a look that Sirius couldn't read. A little embarrassed, Sirius looked away, and for the first time he noticed that a few people were staring at them. It was mostly girls whom he had danced with earlier, staring jealously at him and Remus, so Sirius dismissed it. But Remus looked around a little edgily.
"They're staring at us," he said unnecessarily, wondering perhaps if this really wasn't worth it. True, it was almost magical dancing with Sirius under the soft fall of the snow, but if this night was just going to leave him with foolishly hopeful memories, not to mention a tarnished reputation, then perhaps it was time to leave.
"Let them," said Sirius lazily, idly wondering how much it would freak Remus out if he moved his hands further down. He decided it wouldn't be worth it if it made Remus run away. "It's Christmas."
Remus had to smile at this, and once more he let his misgivings drop. "It's almost Christmas," he corrected Sirius, who grinned crookedly back at him.
"Merry almost Christmas, Remus."
At this point Remus's arms were nearly draped around Sirius's neck. Sirius desperately hoped that Remus wouldn't notice and wouldn't make a move to correct this position. Remus let out a little sigh of contentment, and Sirius realized that it was now or never.
"You owe me a Christmas secret," decided Sirius, his heart beginning to beat faster as he looked at the tired, brunette wizard who he was so enamored with.
"Since when?"
"Since now. You always give rubbish presents, so tell me a secret instead."
Remus scowled slightly, but he wasn't really annoyed at the insult. It was true – he always just bought everyone chocolate. "I don't have any secrets," he lied. "You tell me your Christmas secret first."
"Alright," said Sirius, and there was a sick feeling in his stomach. He pushed his nerves away and made himself spit it out. He couldn't make himself confess all of it, though, and instead settled on a half-confession. "I don't like girls."
"What?" Remus stopped swaying to the music and pulled back a little, his heart quickening. "Sirius – "
There was a pause, and Sirius watched Remus carefully, still feeling nervous. Why wasn't he reacting? What was he thinking?
Instead of feeling excited, or even elated, as he might have, Remus felt sick to his stomach, and suddenly he thought he knew what was going on. All of this – the dancing, the flirting, the whole night, really – was just a stupid joke to Sirius, and this "secret" was the icing on top. Sirius must have found out about Remus's crush somehow, thought Remus dazedly, wondering if it was possible that Lily had told him – after all, she was the only one who knew. Maybe she had been trying to help, but everything was ruined now. How could Sirius be so mean about it? Remus's face crumpled and he had to stop himself from letting angry tears force themselves out of his eyes. He pulled away from Sirius and escaped into the garden, forcing himself to walk composedly away instead of running like he needed to.
Sirius stopped breathing for a minute, rejected. Was Remus that disgusted with him? So horrified that he couldn't even stand next to him anymore? He felt like going to sit down, crying even, a very un-Black-like idea, but he couldn't just let it be. He hadn't even admitted to his crush yet. Sirius tore off after Remus, catching up with him in the grounds.
"Moony – " he called out. "Remus!
At the sound of his name Remus turned around, impatiently wiping his face dry with his sleeve. He sagged slightly when he realized who it was, and he wondered with sudden breathless anger how far Sirius was going to go with this joke.
"Alright," he yelled fiercely. "Fine. Well done, Sirius, you figured it out. Great. Now you've had a laugh, so please just leave me alone!"
"I – what?" said Sirius, confused and feeling wretched. This wasn't what he had been expecting at all. What had he done to make Remus so upset? This evening really was turning out to be a disaster, he thought miserably. "What are you talking about?"
Was Sirius really going to make him say it? "My crush!" he all but spat out, looking away from Sirius. "Did Lily tell you? Or did you figure it out all on your own?"
"Your... crush? Crush on who?" Sirius was still utterly bewildered, and the fact that all he wanted to do was to kiss Remus and make him feel better wasn't helping him think straight.
"On you! You stupid... arse..."
His abuse was cut off as Sirius nearly ran him over in his eagerness to press his lips against Remus's. Remus was shocked still for a moment, but then he tentatively began to kiss him back, a part of him still wondering if this was the denouement of the joke, another part of him not caring.
"You stupid wolf," retorted Sirius softly when he finally broke his lips away from Remus's. "I wasn't making fun of you, I was confessing my love to you."
"You were?"
Sirius answered him by reaching down to kiss Remus again, and this time Remus responded with energy, passing a smile from his lips to Sirius's as he pulled the dog closer to him, marveling at the way Sirius was making him shiver and yet feel so alive and warm at the same time.
A little further off Lily stood in the doorway, biting her lip with happiness for Remus. She had been watching the two of them dancing, and had been concerned when she had seen Remus walk out into the grounds. After Sirius had gone after him she had followed, and was ecstatic to see that Remus was finally getting what he wanted, even if it was with the insufferable Sirius Black.
Well, she reflected as she turned away to go back inside in order to give the couple privacy, if Remus liked him, he couldn't be all that bad. To each his own.
James chose that moment to appear next to her, a charming grin on his face as he ruffled his hand annoyingly through his hair. Lily rolled her eyes and took a step forward, ready to march away. James saw the look in her eyes and he faltered, for once taking a step back and giving her room. This gave Lily pause, and when he turned away from her to look outside, she stopped and looked at him. She had never really given him a second thought before, but now she realized that he had grown taller and was – curse her hormones – actually becoming a little handsome, even if he was a toe rag.
"Are Sirius and Remus outside?" he asked, subdued.
"Yes," she said, alarmed, unsure how he would react at finding out that two of his best mates were kissing, "But – "
"Are they snogging yet?" as he spoke, he craned his neck to see out of the doorway.
"Er, yeah," Lily replied, nonplussed. Upon hearing this affirmative and catching proof of it outside, James did an odd quick jump forward and brought his elbow close to his chest, hissing, "Yesss!"
He then looked at Lily, a more honest and excited look in his eyes than she'd ever seen on him before, and her heart thumped a little. "Would you..." she started, suddenly not quite knowing what reality was and what was a hallucination from the snow anymore, "do you want to dance?"
James beamed at her, happiness lighting up his entire face. "Yeah," he said breathlessly. "I'd love to." He offered her his arm, and then swept her onto the dance floor.
Outside, Remus and Sirius broke apart, and then Remus found Sirius's hand. "Let's go back inside," he said, pulling Sirius forward. And Sirius, who would follow Remus anywhere, trailed after him. "I want to dance again."
"Even if everyone sees us?" teased Sirius as they walked through the doorway.
"I don't care anymore," decided Remus. "As long as I'm with you."
"Then let's go make them all jealous," grinned Sirius. He stole one more kiss from Remus, and then, with hands entwined, they walked back inside, not caring about anything at all anymore except for the nearness of the other and the happiness of being together on such a cold night.