Prompt from helym03 on tumblr: my favorite episode of the show is Probable Cause, and was wondering if you could write a fic where this episode happened after 47 seconds, when they weren't together and he was mad at her?
Kate leaned back onto the wall outside of the holding cells in the 12th Precinct. Where her partner was currently being held. For a homicide. Just the thought had her letting out another shaky breath, rubbing her eyes forcefully.
Sure, he had been acting strange lately, but he obviously didn't turn into a murderer overnight.
However, the evidence that was piling up against him was almost irrefutable. The fingerprints on the doorknob, the money withdrawal, the wires and hooks found in his bag that were identical to the ones used at the crime scene, the bloody shirt with the victim's DNA.
Castle had only been in holding for a couple of hours, but she was already exhausted from all the thoughts that had been whirring around in her brain since he was taken in.
Was the reason he started acting strange because he had started orchestrating this homicide? Was someone blackmailing him to do it? Where they holding something against him? Threatening his daughter or his mother?
She knew there was no way that he would've done this on his own volition. Sure, he'd been disconnected lately – angry, cold, bitter. But that did not make him a killer.
She just needed to prove it.
Taking one last deep inhale, she willed her wobbling legs to move forward and walked into the room of holding cells, Castle's being the only one that was occupied.
He sat on the cold, metal bench, elbows resting on his knees, head in his hands. He took in a sharp breath when he heard her heels against the hard flooring, but other than that didn't acknowledge her presence.
"Castle." She said plainly, unaware of how she should approach him.
Rick remained unmoving, prompting her to talk again.
"Rick, please."
He whipped his head upwards to look at her, his eyes filled with tears, yet still seeming detached.
"What, Beckett?" He spat out, his voice wavering.
"I'm sorry." She replied, knowing that it was insignificant.
He perked up, "For what?"
"For whatever I've done. Whatever made you hate me." She shrugged, trying to keep her emotions at bay.
"Doesn't matter now, does it?" He responded harshly.
"Castle," She started, "I have hope that I'm going to get you out of here. I'll prove you innocent and take you back to Alexis and Martha."
At this, his lower lip trembled, before he bit down on it.
"But in case I don't," She continued, pausing to let out a large exhale, "I need to know what I've done wrong."
He nodded slowly, as if he was considering her plea. Finally, he spoke up, albeit quietly.
"You lied."
The two words caused a wave of emotions for her – confusion, regret, sadness, anger.
"I lied?"
He simply nodded once more.
"About what?"
"Everything that's happened this past year, as I see it."
Kate's eyes widened as she tried to understand the implication of what he was saying.
"Castle, I don't understand." She said under her breath, and was met with a scoff from him as he turned away, now fixing his eyes on the other side of the cell.
"Please." She whispered, a stray tear cascading down her cheek.
The silence that surrounded them became deafening, and Kate cracked. After all the things that had been piled up on her – her partner's behaviour, the Captain's accusations, the homicide evidence, the trust from Alexis and Martha – a dam inside her burst.
She crumpled to her knees, tears of anger and hurt now freely falling as she tried to breathe, each breath feeling like it was trapped in her chest. She felt her whole body shake as her emotions coursed through her, making her tighten her hands into fists, her nails digging into her palms hard enough to draw blood.
"Beckett." She heard Castle say, but she couldn't look at him.
She only shook her head, her eyes squeezed shut as she attempted to regulate her breathing in the way that Dr Burke had taught her in order to calm herself down, but it was to no avail. Her heart was beating forcefully in her chest – too fast, too loud – as all her muscles tightened almost painfully.
"Kate, it's okay."
But it wasn't. Everything was the opposite of okay and according to her partner it was all her fault. Thoughts that she'd pushed to the back of her mind began to spring forward: embarrassment for her current mental state, guilt for Montgomery's death, regret for lying to Castle about the funeral.
Suddenly, a light flickered on in her brain.
She opened her eyes, seeing that Castle was crouching down in front of her, though the cell wall still separated them.
"The funeral."
Kate blearily focused her eyes on him, seeing that his angry façade was gone, and instead replaced with the caring look of the man she once knew.
"The funeral," She repeated, "Everything in the past year. That's what you mean, isn't it? That's the lie?"
His jaw visibly tightened as he nodded, "You could tell a stranger the truth, but not me." He said bluntly.
"Oh God, Castle," Beckett said as she bowed her head, resting it on her curled up knees, "Can you not see why I lied about that?" She looked up again, gesturing to herself, "I'm a fucking mess. I have been since that day. I haven't slept for more than three hours straight because I wake up with nightmares. I don't open the blinds in my apartment because I'm paranoid that there are snipers that are waiting to finish the job and kill me."
She registered his sharp intake of breath, but continued nonetheless.
"I have panic attacks. I drink too much. I hide away. And I don't want to drag you down with me."
"Beckett, I-" Rick interrupted.
"Yes, I heard you," She confessed, another two tears falling, "I see the looks you give me every day. When you give me coffee, when we build theory. I see that you care about me, but I'm not worth it."
"Kate-"
"I've been going to a therapist. To be able to talk about my feelings. To talk to you. Hiding has been my coping mechanism since my mother's death, but don't ever confuse that for not caring. Because I love you too. If this is the last time I ever see you, then you need to know. God, I love you."
Kate opened her eyes – unsure of when she had closed them – when she felt a poking on her arm. She glanced down to see that Castle had threaded his fingers through the holes in the wall, wiggling them in a way that she couldn't help upturning her lips at. She placed her fingers over his with one hand as she wiped away her tears with the other.
"Thank you," Rick finally said, "For being honest with me." And for the first time in days, a smile blossomed on his face.
"I'm going to get you out." Kate said with pure determination lacing the words, "Whatever it takes."
His eyebrows raised, "You believe me?"
"I never stopped."
He shook his head incredulously, "Even with me being an asshole?"
Despite the situation, Kate laughed, "Remember when we first met? You being an asshole isn't anything I'm not used to." She teased, but he remained solemn.
"I shouldn't have treated you like that. Given you the cold shoulder and paraded other women around. I should've just talked to you."
She rolled her eyes, "I feel like 'I should've just talked to you' is our tagline for the past year."
Rick let out a shaky laugh, nodding his head at the statement. The two stayed in silence for multiple minutes, their fingers still laced together. It may not have been the most comfortable, but it was the comfort that they both needed.
"If I get out of here," Castle began, "We'll give this a shot. Us. No more lies, no more secrets."
"When, Castle. When you get out of here." Kate rebutted, "I promise I'll get you out."
"When you do, I'm going to kiss you," He said with a grin, "Best kiss of your goddamn life."
Kate chuckled as she tightened her grip on his hand, "I'll hold you to that, Castle."
Didn't plan this story at all, just opened up a Word document and went for it, haha. Hope it's still okay!
Feedback is really appreciated! You guys don't even know how many times I check my phone after I've uploaded a fic. It's embarrassing really.
Thanks for reading!
Lou xo