You are Light, I am Darkness
Disclaimer: I do not own Dissidia.
A/N: This idea took form and would not leave me alone. I tried to ignore it but it kept calling me back like a siren's song. I took some of the dialogue directly from the game. Especially the scene where Garland tells Chaos that they are one and the same.
"Do you see us as we were?"
Her eyes do not meet the red dragon as she gazes out at the assembled warriors. It was such a long time ago and yet not a long time ago.
"It is strange that they believe time is linear while you and I know the truth. Time is a river that has many streams all flowing in different directions all at once. I can remember the fear and indecision I felt when I came here to fight. The strength given to me by others teaching me that I was not a weapon but a person."
She sees the comprehension and the memory fade from him. He is returning to the state of the unknowing and while it grieves her, she is also aware that the other part of him knows of the cycle but never does remember the details.
"Cosmos?"
"I have come to fight you Chaos. Let us decide for once and for all who is the victor and which will rule this universe," she says the practiced lines the bile rising in the back of her throat.
She must do this. There is no choice though all she longs for is to hold him in her arms and love him. That is all she ever asks for. But the fates, the gods who rule them do not grant them peace. No, she must play the part. She must pretend to be order personified even while her younger self watches in doubt. The battle must continue.
They stand the two sides of an unending war but to them in this moment this is the first time such a battle has occurred. They have never met before and their friendships are not established. Cosmos looks the memories never changing and firmly painted in her mind. It does that matter that she has watched each battle with the slight variations. It does not matter that she once again sees herself as the lost one. Deep in her soul Cosmos knows she is still Terra Bradford.
Terra was not afraid to be alone. Kefka while her demon and nightmare was something she could now face. Her esper cried for vengeance against the clown-general who had forced them into slavery. Terra heard the feral cry and she knew that soon she would allow the creature its right to extract justice.
Cloud had spoken of not knowing why to fight. He had been as lost as she was and Terra had found at long last a friend who understood. He had lived in a hell and had not spoken of the person who caused him so much sorrow.
The Onion Knight was trying to be brave. He had spoken of his need to face more enemies. The little boy would one day make a brave warrior. He already was halfway there.
She had expected that being alone would bother her. She loved to be surrounded by people. In the quietness of the solitude of loneliness she found peace.
At least alone I don't need to fear hurting anyone.
The esper inside her screamed in rage. It wanted out of the fragile cage she was binding in. She had felt terror at Kefka's revelation that she had hurt Onion. The little knight however had refused to leave. But now….now they had to go on alone. She needed to be alone to face the demons of Kefka.
She did not notice when she found herself surrounded by shades of the enemy. The world itself was rebelling. She could see one of Chaos's troops surrounded as well.
"What is happening?" she called out to him.
She had not faced him in a battle but she had seen him in the beginning. The horned helmet stretching into her memory firmly painted down. He is not the only masked man she has met.
"I know not."
She guards his flank. "Perhaps together we can take them down."
The man nods. "Together then.
"May he find his way back into the light," Firion whispered.
"Why do you pray for an enemy?" she asked confused.
The man had tried to kill them. He had almost succeeded if Firion hadn't mustered up the last of his strength to fight.
"There is darkness and light in us all. Perhaps we are not as different as they who we fight."
Together the two of them push back their enemies. They fight as one as they block and protect each other. The enemy presses on them from every corner and Terra realizes then that perhaps this is a great testing field for both sides.
When they finish it is long past dark and she is exhausted. She feels asleep on her feet only to have Garland scoop her up.
He has never seen a warrior such as she before. There is none that remind him of her. She had fought with him to the brink. She had aided him and the alliance formed by them could be broken in an instant and yet still she remained. She had multiple opportunities to attack him and she stood protecting his flank. He could honor that about her.
Terra sleeps knowing some form of safety in the fallen knight watching over her. She should not trust him. She has lost the Onion Knight and Cloud has long since parted company from her. She feels Garland's eyes watching her face but she ignores him. The tent is warm and his presence reminds her of Locke. Locke had always made her feel safe.
The dark knight watches the sleeping woman. Never has he felt this protective of another being not since his mother. His mother—she was a beautiful woman, the only person who had ever loved him. His adoptive father feared his powers. His king envied him. Only his mother had looked on him and seen a man.
Now in the darkness he looks at Terra and sees a beautiful creature. She stands between two worlds, esper and human. Yet she is of both and neither. His hands in heavy armor move to stroke her face. Beautiful.
She curves into the cool metal gauntlets. Trust.
In the morning he is still there. She finds the fact that the world has gone crazy slightly and that they are allies now refreshing.
"Who are you?"
She does not even know his name. It is strange to put one's trust in a stranger. But then again that was what she had done with Locke.
"Garland. And who are you warrior of Cosmos?"
She smiles at his attempt to make her uncomfortable. "Terra Bradford."
"Well, Terra Bradford we have met."
She smiles again.
They begin to talk. At first it's of small things like the landscape. She asks him who is enemy. It appears that each warrior of Chaos matches a warrior of Cosmos.
"The Warrior of Light."
She nods. "Kefka is mine."
"I pity you. That psychopathic clown is enough to draw on anyone's nerves."
She smiles slightly. It is good to know that Kefka is not well like among his own team members.
"You traveled with the child."
"Yes, though at the rate he is growing up the Onion Knight won't be a child much longer."
She frowns. It reminds her of her own childhood and senses that Garland grew up too fast as well.
The day lengthens and she never finds herself without something to say. She enjoys his company. Yet when he reaches for her hand she shatters the illusion that she is a normal girl. For the esper cries out with feelings Terra does not know. He is only trying to help her up the steep cliff there is nothing remotely improper. Yet still the esper screams.
She pulls away even though her heart is hammering. She wants him near her. She wants to hold his hand and know him. It is such an aching primal feeling and she doesn't know its source.
"What are you afraid of?"
How can she explain the esper? How does one mention the monster inside desiring to crawl its way out and leave the innocent person she was a shell? Celes hadn't understood why her childhood friend was unable to connect. Terra feared close contact with everyone. It had taken Locke weeks to break down her defenses. But it was hard not to like the "expert treasure hunter." Afterwards only Locke could have complete access to her. He was her best friend and the only person she solely trusted.
"There is a darkness inside of all us. But you are light."
Her eyes widen with hope.
"You don't give into it. You are not like me."
It is then that she knows that she would do anything for him.
Cosmos weeps as she gazes through the water. Here she can mourn their love and watch her child from a far. Kairi has become part of another world, a princess and the keeper of a keyblade wielder's heart. In time Kairi will find love for Riku. In time her daughter and the keyblade wielders will find their way here.
She knows what is about to happen. She relieves this moment each time. It is the one moment of happiness that they are allowed to keep unaltered. And to know that at the current moment Chaos does not remember hurts worse then anything. She longs for her lover to remember everything. To have his company for always. To never be alone.
Yet she knows. In her heart she knows that as her love is more powerful than anything else in existence so too is his.
It takes them three days to forge an unbreakable bond. In that time they have spoken often and slept in the same tent. He had shared dreams he had long forgotten. She had told him of the past she wanted to forget.
Yet all the while the question of what his face looks like bothers her. She stares out at him and fees the mask is a burden. It separates them from each other. It forces them apart.
On the third day he relents. "You may take it off. I have forgotten my own face."
Terra removes the mask. Her fingers caress the skin underneath. Her heart is in pain.
The time is ending for her and him. Soon they will return to their respective sides and begin the war again. She does not want to separate from him. In the last few days she has learned of trust and compassion. She has seen that even in darkness there is a glimmer of light.
She understands now why Firion prayed for Gabranth. There is redemption in these men. She can feel that deep down Garland does what he does because of fate. It is as if he is on a course that cannot be altered.
She gazes into the handsome face, for he is handsome. His hair is dark and his eyes a molten copper. She does not think he has ever smiled though. He has no laugh lines. Instead he is like a polished mask, cool perfection.
At once she wants to offer him a form of happiness. She wants to give him a life worth living. She has known loneliness and the fact he knows it so well makes her ache.
"I would make you happy," she whispers unknowingly. "I would want for nothing but your happiness."
Garland nods his head. All he longs for is to keep this woman near him. There is something strong in her fragileness. Love and faith coat her like armor. She has granted him a great gift in her trust and he wishes he was worthy enough to repay it. Yet he is destruction. From him cannot come creation. From him cannot come life or light.
Terra is one with the light. He sees in her soul a vision of a girl who will bare light into the world. A girl who break the darkness of her love's soul.
A child of Terra who bring the darkness out of a walker of worlds. He can see the boy as well. A boy so angry and jealous of a false love that he would risk his own destruction. Garland has been in that dark place. He had kidnapped the princess in order to prove his domination over her father. He had once been one of the bravest knights. Loyal to his king but he had been friendless. Feared because his power was so great.
He sees Terra's destiny. He feels his soul pull towards her but he is not light. He is darkness and hell incarnate. He is the evil that breaks creatures like Terra.
He does not notice that her lips meet his. He feels her pull him down towards her as she kisses hard. He looses himself in that instant. He cares not for fate or that in the morning they will return to their respective sides. Tonight is theirs.
As he kisses her into oblivion he lays her down in the tent. There will be regrets here. Lovers will meet. In the morning Enemies will conspire.
She breaks him when she cries out, "I love you."
In the morning he is gone. Gone to kneel in front of Chaos while the others combat their respective enemies. He does not care for the others. He can respect Golbez and Jetch. They do what they do for their kin. Maetus makes his skin crawl. The desire for absolute power coursing through the golden eyes of a mad emperor makes one with power cringe. There are too many destroyers among them. Too many who only care for the void.
He remembers her golden hair as she slept in his arms. She was so beautiful and it had broken him to leave her. But she had known he would leave.
"I wish to remember you always. In the morning you will gone and all I will have is this memory. A memory of what love felt like."
"You will find love in your own world."
She only shook her head. "Never will I love another like I love you."
He must not think of her. His beautiful esper with a soul as bright as his was dark.
He had come to see his future self. He needed the reminder of his purpose.
"I was having a long dream--in the midst of disorder…" Chaos said trailing off.
"So you are awake? What kind of dream was it?" Forever would he be the supplicant to this power, the Great Will and the one who started the cycle. There is no escaping destiny.
"Hmph…It was ridiculous. Cosmos and I were governing the world together."
Shock consumed him. "Uh…That's—"
"Laughable, is it not? In that world I was a god that suppressed disorder. But strangely, the images are still vivid in my eyes…"
His eyes sought his future self. To remember that Cosmos was someone dear…someone of great meaning—to know that—Terra.
"All the people smiling…the warmth of the days I spent with Cosmos...For one who has lost all memory, why did the dream have to be so cruel?"
His fate—this was his fate. There was no room for Terra or Cosmos or any to comfort him. There was no place for them to exist. He was doomed to become this creature before him.
"Chaos…if this is to be our final battle, there is something I must share with you. That this conflict, which has endlessly repeated itself, is according to the Great Will. And I am the one who has made this world the battleground for harmony and disorder. You had no memory, so I guided you in accordance to the Great Will's wish."
"It was just as I thought…You were the beginning."
No, he wanted to raise his voice. It was not I. It was the Great Will. It was the Great Will who condemned me to this. And it is he who will condemn Cosmos.
"No Chaos…For myself you are the beginning. Before the Great Will led me to this realm, when I was on the edge of death, it was you who sent me two thousand years into the past. You are me, and I....am you."
Chaos stared at him. "Then I shall…"
"Wait. You must give a moment. They life that we lead is unbearable. The past that you have with Cosmos—the dream—it is true."
"Then I have destroyed her. I have destroyed that only thing of value on this forsaken world!" Chaos shouted.
"No, Cosmos still lives. You must…you must let me have my time. Let me protect the only thing I value. The only one who has made my hell less of a burden."
"But we must repeat this cycle. I need to see Cosmos again."
Garland bowed again backing away from his future self. His destiny may be set but for what little time he was still himself he would enjoy his moments with Terra.
He cannot let her go. She alone—makes this hell bearable.
As she dissolves, Terra weeps. She knows not what she is returning home to.
"NO! I will not go back to a world that does not need me! I will not be regulated to being a world where magic has faded and the memory of evil is engraved onto the consciousness of the people."
She hears the demonic laughter. "Our world where the insane rule the populace. To defeat you billions of times over and to make you another toy."
In his clown face she sees evil. In him is the madness that pours out of her own veins. She has won her world's war and is still alone. The demon-nightmares of Kefka haunt her even as she loves her children. But the children are growing. They are finding other families. Soon they will not need her.
She has watched her friends find love and honor. Edgar has gained his crown. Locke has found his warrior-maiden. She is happy for them and envious. Does she not deserve to be loved as well?
Kefka laughs and he taunts her. He whispers of the darkness that consumed her childhood world. He talks of things best left forgotten. Terra feels fear. But she stays strong knowing that she may be locked forever in this combat but Kefka cannot win. She is one Firion's wild roses, an inspiration for the Warrior of Light, a princess to defend to the Onion Knight, a friend to Cloud, to Squall, to Tidus, and the others. She is amazing.
Her friends have taught her that.
Yet she doesn't wish to return to her world. She cannot go back and pretend that she feels needed. The love of the children is not enough.
Kefka reaches his dead hand out to stroke her check. She shudders internally fearing what will happen next. Cool metal hands pull her backwards. She pulled from the light and as Kefka disappears she feels the familiar feel of gauntlets.
"I cannot bear to be parted from you. My path may be irreversible and lonely but while I can I will keep you with me."
Terra smiles. At last she is home with her dark warrior.
The power of Shinryu fled from Chaos and Cosmos as the warriors returned to their respective worlds.
"It has been a long time."
Terra smiled the powers of Cosmos fleeing from her. "I have missed you as well, Garland."
"To be the avatars of such power and to know that nothing we do will end the cycle—"
"It is disheartening to watch ourselves fight the same conflict repeatedly and know that not only are we catalysts but also participants…" Terra wrapped her arms around herself.
For decades she had gathered the same warriors forever watching as they continued to battle the never ending struggle.
One day it would end. One day they would have peace. She would tell herself that for a thousand lifetimes if she must. She would not lose that one faint hope.
"A field of wild roses."
"Can I share in your dream?"
Firion had only nodded. "Dreams are meant to be shared."
Terra pushed back the memories of another lifetime. Back when she had first found herself free of a cruel empire. The children she had loved and looked after. Her friends who she had journeyed with her to defeat Kefka, who had once been the monster to dominate her life.
Garland knew her now and he knew her then. He saw the girl who had been broken by the empire, the caged esper, the fragile warrior and the now the goddess. He saw every piece of her and found himself loving her soul. She was his.
Terra smiled stroking back the dark hair. She knew Garland to be troubled. He was doomed to become a monster but still she loved her warrior. She loved that beneath the gruff exterior lay a heart. A heart that's beat matched hers in perfection.
Her lips met his in a silent declaration. There would be war and the cycle would continue but for now they were themselves not avatars of light and dark but mere mortals.
"I pray the cycle ends," she whispers. "For I am tired of fighting you."
"And I tire of it as well." His hands clutch her shoulders pulling her closer to him. It has been so long since he had discarded the helmet that he barely knows his own face. The fires consume him as Chaos but here as himself he wishes that for a moment he could escape destiny.
"Could we not have a happy ending?"
It was a question she had asked a thousand times in silence. It has gnawed at her mind and her dislike of being an avatar pulls at her a thousand ways for all she longs for is peace and him.
"Perhaps but we are together as allies and enemies. Forever adversaries in the constant struggle. We are never apart."
She longs to whisper that she hates being his enemy that she only wishes to love him for fate has been cruel to them both. For they have found and lost each other thousands of times only for the pattern to continue and she is so weary of it all. Can she not remain with this man who did not choose to be Chaos? She did not wish for her fate either. To be Cosmos had never been Terra Bradford's desire. She had wished for love, pure and true and she had found it. Her soul was tied to this man who darkness and fate tormented.
Again her lips seek his and for a moment she believes perhaps they will be allowed happiness but then she feels the powers of cosmos returning to her. The strength of the light pulls at her calling her back to her duty. The darkness to begins its siren's song and pulls Garland away from her. Once again she is the goddess and he is the dragon.
"It shall not always be this way. One day it will end," he says. "Until then my love, we will continue this war."
She smiles as the goddess for she believes him. One day the cycle will end and they will have their peace.
She turns to the Warrior of Light. "I have lost my battle with Chaos, god of discord…"
The End