"So, Bakura, do you want to hear my latest and most awesome and evil plan yet to defeat Yugi?"
Bakura hid his face in his hands. "It's late, Marik…"
"I've been emailing him links to Peachshipping angst fics where that girl he likes chooses the Pharaoh over him!"
"That's…" Bakura started, then took a moment to realize what Marik was saying. "That's not that bad, actually." It certainly involved less blood than Bakura would prefer, but as far as Marik's "evil" plans went, it was somewhat less ridiculous than usual.
"I know! I can't wait to see Yugi's face!"
Bakura watched Marik preening for a moment until he couldn't stand it anymore and then changed the subject. "Well, that's a good day's work. Want to watch a movie?"
"Ugh, I don't know," said Marik. "You always want to watch some frigging movie about flesh eating or murder or something."
"Movies where no one gets tortured to death are boring," Bakura declared.
"But Bakura, you know I prefer comedies!" Marik whined. "Besides, the last time you made me watch a horror movie, I got so scared I had nightmares, and I had to come sleep in bed with you! You wouldn't want that to happen again, would you?"
"Of course not, that was...horrible." Bakura gave a rueful shake of his head. "We certainly wouldn't want that."
"So, a comedy then…"
"How about we compromise? A horror-comedy?"
And that was how Marik and Bakura agreed to watch Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman.
They went to the living room and sat on the couch. At the beginning of the movie, there was a respectable foot of distance between them, but at the moment of the first kill in the film, Marik closed the distance between them and buried his face in Bakura's shoulder in fear, hiding from the sight of blood on the screen.
Bakura had to simultaneously resist the urge to throw Marik onto his back against the couch cushions and start molesting him, and bite his tongue to keep from saying, Bloody hell, Marik, you've seen worse than this…you've done worse than this.
But he knew saying that would only upset the dim blonde, so instead he awkwardly patted Marik's shoulder and said, "It's just a movie, Marik. And it's supposed to be funny. This is practically slapstick. There's nothing to be afraid of."
Marik drew away from him. "But, Bakura-" he started to whine.
"Shut up, Marik, I'm trying to watch the movie."
"You're no fun, Fluffy." Marik crossed his arms over his chest. "Do you ever do anything besides moan and complain?"
Bakura gritted his teeth to keep himself from responding. Then the two sat in silence. That was fine with Bakura. He just hoped Marik wouldn't jump onto him again. Though certain parts of him, especially a particular part, enjoyed it, it was just getting too frustrating. Every time Marik casually touched him, or hugged him, or gods forbid got into bed with him, he felt like he was going to explode from pent up lust.
That was the real reason he hadn't pushed harder to watch an actual horror movie- he truly didn't think he could take another night of Marik's body pressed up next to him in bed, with Marik's breath on his cheek, and Marik's fingers occasionally accidentally grazing his thigh, trying to tell himself that the ache of desire he felt was just in his crotch and not in his dead heart as well.
Marik's sudden exclamation brought him out of his thoughts. "Ha! That guy is so cool!"
"That character is supposed to be annoying, Marik."
"You only think that because you're a grumpy stick in the mud, just like the hotel guests. He's just trying to have fun! Fun, Bakura. Have you ever heard of it?"
"Ugh." Bakura chose not to respond further. He'd glanced over at Marik when he'd spoken, and now he ripped his eyes away from Marik's perfect abs and focused on the TV screen again.
It wasn't long before a scene in the movie, one that Bakura had forgotten about, came up and caught his interest. The killer snowman had turned himself into an ice cube, and a beautiful woman in a bikini rubbed the ice cube all over her body with a sultry look on her face.
Bakura glanced at Marik with interest. He wondered if he'd have any reaction. Somehow, he couldn't help hoping that Marik would get turned on, and then maybe, just maybe, he'd be more pliable to the kinds of things Bakura wanted him to do…
But it was a foolish thought. He looked at Marik and saw no interest reflected in his eyes. But, still, something compelled him to comment. "Hey, Marik? Do you find this scene...enjoyable?" When Marik gave him his usual blank look, he continued. "Don't you have an ice cube fetish?"
"Ye- I mean, no- I mean, that girl is alright, but I've had much hotter. I can have any woman I want, really. It takes a lot more than that to seduce me!"
"Tell me about it," Bakura muttered.
"What do you mean, Fluffy?"
"Never mind." Bakura narrowed his eyes. "And stop calling me Fluffy."
Marik sighed and, instead of bothering to argue, just rolled his eyes. Bakura would have wondered if he'd actually offended Marik, but it wasn't long before his shrill voice rang out again.
"Bananas? Seriously? His weakness is eating bananas?"
"I'd like to eat your banana," Bakura said under his breath before he could stop himself. He knew he really should quit saying these types of things in the vague hope that Marik would pick up on it, because it always ended in disappointment for him, but it was just such a habit at this point that it was hard to remember to censor himself.
Marik looked at him, wide-eyed and innocent. "What was that, Bakura?"
"I said, it's a comedy, Marik. It's supposed to be silly. I don't think you understand this movie."
"Well, that's just insulting," Marik huffed.
"Surprised you even caught that," Bakura grumbled, completely exasperated by now.
"Oh, I'm Bakura!" Marik exclaimed, imitating Bakura in the way he absolutely hated. "Apparently someone died and made me Judge of How People Are Allowed to Enjoy Horror Movies!"
"Whatever, Marik."
"And for my first ruling, I declare, NO FUN ALLOWED."
Bakura was about to retort, but then something onscreen distracted Marik again.
"They can't kill the babies! That's so sad!"
Bakura shook his head at the stupid comment, but he supposed he should be grateful. Their ridiculous arguments would go on much longer if Marik didn't so often act like a toddler with ADD.
And then, before he knew it, he had a lap full of Marik.
"What the hell!" yelled Bakura.
But Marik clung onto him, burying his head into his neck. "It's so sad! And scary!"
Bakura wanted to shove him off, to end this especially cruel brand of torment, but Marik sunk deeper into his lap and gripped him tighter, and Bakura instinctively placed his arms around Marik's waist.
"It's alright," Bakura found himself saying, and he couldn't stop himself from shivering as Marik's arms came up around his shoulders.
Bakura let himself breathe in the scent of Marik's hair, and his sweat, and he dropped his head as he got lost in the heady aroma, and felt Marik relax against him.
The movie was still playing in the background, but he couldn't hear it anymore, only focusing on the nearness and warmth of Marik's body. He sighed before he could stop himself, and all of his mind's weak protestations against indulging in this torture fell away. He started to think that even if he could never get Marik to bend him over a table, or go down on his knees in front of him, just being close like this would be enough.
He was too relaxed for the more rational part of his mind to counter this sentiment, and as he felt Marik's fingers thread through his hair, he began to drift off, wanting nothing more at that moment than to fall asleep in Marik's arms.
It was an unknown time later that he woke to the feeling of Marik shifting away from him, and in his daze of half-sleep he automatically tightened his arms around Marik to keep him there and sighed, "No, please, just a little longer…"
He felt Marik's body stiffen in his arms and was then instantly fully awake, realizing that he'd made a mistake, and his cheeks heated with embarrassment as he shoved Marik away from him.
"Get the bloody hell off of me!" Bakura yelled, pushing Marik back to his side of the couch.
Marik sat dazed. "Didn't you just say…"
"I was dreaming. Having a nightmare." Bakura shook his head to clear it. "I'm going to bed." With that he stomped off to his room, without a backwards glance at Marik.
Marik, thankfully, didn't try to argue, or follow him, and Bakura slammed the door to his room behind him. He refused to allow himself to think about the events of the night as he stripped down to his boxers and got into bed. He just hoped to the gods who had forsaken him that Marik wouldn't have nightmares from the movie and crawl into his bed that night, because he truly didn't think he could tolerate it.
He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to rest, just knowing that Marik would be bursting through his door any moment, as he always did every time they watched a movie that had disturbed him. But the minutes ticked by, and then the hours, and Marik didn't come, and Bakura couldn't sleep for thinking of how Marik might be scared and sleepless and unwilling to come to Bakura because of how he'd yelled at him and shoved him, and finally he cursed himself as he got up and made his way to Marik's room to check on him.
He shouldn't care, he told himself, as he opened Marik's door as quietly as possible and crept inside. But his feet kept moving and he saw that Marik was indeed tossing and turning, obviously not asleep.
He padded over to Marik's bed. "Marik, are you alri-"
He couldn't even get the sentence out before Marik leapt up and grabbed him, tackling him down to the bed and pinning him underneath him, and Bakura was already starting to regret this decision as his body warmed with proximity to Marik.
"What the frig are you playing at?" yelled Marik.
"I- what?" asked Bakura.
Marik grabbed his wrists and held them above his head, and Bakura realized this was more of an aggressive hold than an intimate one, but Marik was stronger and there wasn't much he could do about it.
"I can't stand this anymore!" Marik said, shaking Bakura a little to punctuate his statement. "Why are you doing this to me?"
Panic flared in Bakura's chest. "I was just checking on you, I didn't mean anything-"
"You didn't mean anything? Really?" Marik closed his eyes for a moment to get ahold of himself, and Bakura was briefly afraid that he would see Melvin appear in his place, but when Marik opened his eyes again he was sure that it was still his friend and partner...and at the moment he wasn't sure if that was less scary.
"Do you think this is alright?" asked Marik. "You're always all I'd like you to slam me and I'm like what do you mean and you're like oh, nothing-"
Bakura felt true panic bloom in his chest. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"
"I know you don't mean it!" yelled Marik. "You don't mean it, and you still say it, and I've told you! So many times! Like when I was playing Bloodlines, I literally screamed at you that I'm gay and I have a whole folder of Thiefshipping and you just pretty much said whatever and basically ignored it, and then the next day you were back to making your lame innuendos that you always deny right after you say them and I don't understand why you tease me this way!"
Bakura started laughing. He knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't help it. It was so hilarious, and amazing, and he was so stupid, maybe even stupider than Marik...definitely stupider than Marik.
"You think this is funny? It's not funny! Laugh all you want about me being gay, but it's not alright for you to torture me this way! I tattooed my perfect bottom for you!"
Bakura wanted to laugh more, but he managed to swallow his giggles by leaning up and capturing Marik's mouth with his own.
Marik let go of Bakura's wrists and let himself sink into the kiss, but after a moment he pulled away and said, "Does this mean…"
"I'm an idiot, Marik. We're both idiots."
For once Marik didn't argue and let Bakura pull him down into another kiss.
AN: I wrote this because this is my Abridged headcanon. Seriously Marik has flat out admitted he's gay and into Thiefshipping and Bakura is just like "Uhhh..." And Bakura makes these innuendos and Marik tries to call him out and Bakura is just like "lol never mind." Also in both of LK's Abridged fics, the moment Bakura actually makes it clear that he's interested in Marik, MARIK is the one who makes a move. Bakura is stupid and his frustration is his own fault.
Anyways even though Bakura is an idiot, they lived happily ever after ^_^
The title of this fic is a line from Abridged. I actually really like The Blair Witch Project. Also if you haven't seen the new Blair Witch movie yet, you totally should because it is great.