This really should be beta'd but I didn't want to wait.
...
Poe Dameron was no stranger to loss.
As an infant, he was left in the care of his grandfather as his parents fought the empire. He was two and a half before his parents permanently settled on his home planet of Yavin 4, close to the Force Tree gifted to his parents by Luke Skywalker himself.
Poe's puppy dog eyes, long black curls, and irresistible smile made him a hit among all of his parent's friends. He was surrounded by more aunts and uncles than he could keep straight, all of them being friends from Shara and Kes' war days, many of whom were still active in the Rebellion.
It wasn't uncommon for young Poe to ask about someone he'd come to know only to be met with his parents sad eyes and an explanation to a child about the permanence of death.
Poe was three the first time he flew an X-Wing.
His earliest memory had him sitting atop his mother's lap in the A-Wing from her rebellion days, she allowed him to play with the controls. Like a fish to water, Poe was a natural in the air, throwing the A-Wing into perfect barrel rolls around his home planet.
Poe was six when he learned to fly.
Once again in the safety on his mother's lap, she showed him how to control the ship with the precision of a surgeon. Those flying lessons would end with the sudden passing of his mother, Poe was eight years old.
Poe was thirteen when he began the youngest student to enter the Academy, applying under the name Poe Isaac to ensure his success would be due to his skill, not his parent's names. Names, he would learn, that held more weight than he could have ever imagined.
It wouldn't be until graduation day that his full name was revealed.
Poe was fourteen when he lost his first friend, a talented women, a few years his senior, named Brenna. Her X-Wing exploding on the runway as she was trying to demonstrate attempt new maneuver. He was unable to fly for the next two weeks due to injuries sustained trying to dig out her already lifeless corpse from the wreckage.
Over the years he witnessed many deaths in every manner, Poe was fifteen when he learned not to allow himself to get too close to anyone. Personal relationships were dangerous and ended in heartbreak.
Poe was offered a position in the New Republic Starfleet right out of the Academy, he did not hesitate to accept and quickly worked his way through the ranks, becoming one of the youngest Commanders the Republic had ever seen, and with that title came an impressive record that would have made his mother proud.
The life of an average pilot was short, with every mission came another loss, the hardest of which were those lost under his command. His last mission with the Republic came with the loss of his lover, Muran, the death securing his choice to join his hero Leia Organa and her crusade against the First Order.
His world was shattered in his first mission with the Rebellion, leading his handpicked squadron, Poe lost the man who helped raise him, his uncle L'ulo L'ampar, who sacrificed himself to save the innocent lives of others.
The funeral was a brief affair, but no less full of emotion, it seemed as though anyone who had so much looked at a ship was there to pay their respects to the fallen hero.
Poe stood at attention the entire service, eyes forward, his slightly quivering jaw going unnoticed to anyone who didn't know him.
It wasn't until he retired to his quarters, post service, that the tears came.
When the time came for his mission to Jakku, to Lor San Tekka, he was prepared for the worst. With the First Order was on their trail, it was a neck and neck race to the map to Luke Skywalker, and Poe had a feeling this mission may be his last. He'd made peace with that thought. He was the last of the Bey/Dameron legacy and he would do whatever it took to see this final tribute to his late parents and uncle, who had given everything they had to ensure the freedom of the galaxy and taught him everything he knew, through.
Nothing could have prepared him for a desperate Stormtrooper in need of a pilot.
Very few things took Poe Dameron by surprise, but nothing shocked him more than when he was taken to a broom closet, instead of his death, by Stormtrooper who couldn't wait to get his helmet off.
In that moment, Poe lived a thousand lives, their souls connecting in a way he could not explain, he heart beating in a way he had not experienced in years, if ever.
With fear in his eyes, the young man asked if he could fly a TIE fighter, to which Poe's response was automatic. The 'trooper had a look of determination beneath that fear, a strength, and an innocence he had not expected to see from someone who, he suspected, was raised to hate, fight, and kill. Yet, there it was staring him in the face. He suspected the hope in the 'troopers eyes mirrored his own as he spoke the words "we're gonna do this."
And they did, until it all fell apart.
The crash on Jakku separated him from his companion and the ship, he spared a moment to grieve for the young man, whose life had only just begun, before setting off in search of help. His thoughts still lingering on the lost soul he owed his life to.
It was after the Battle of Takodana that he was reunited with his beloved BB-8, who arrived carrying more than just the map to Skywalker. Poe had to repeat the name he was sure he'd never utter again, letting it roll off his tongue like a prayer, unsure where the droid heard the name, but surely it couldn't be… and then it was. Or there he was, standing on D'Qar, Poe's jacket enveloped around his broad shoulders.
In that moment nothing else mattered, no one else mattered, it was just him and Finn, the man he owed his life to. In that moment Poe Dameron knew there wasn't anything he wouldn't do for the man, there was nothing he wouldn't give him.
It wasn't as though Poe didn't believe in love, he saw it every day in the eyes of his parents when they looked at each other, stolen glances and kisses when they thought Poe wasn't watching.
Poe Dameron believed in love, he just never allowed himself to believe he'd find it, but in that moment, standing on the tarmac, surrounded by war and loss, Poe Dameron did something he swore he'd never do, he fell.