Wow...My first Touhou fanfic...Weird, short...Nothing much to say...
A word of warning…there will be blood…and the eventual character death...
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"Cure for the Common Cough"
By Azure Xuchilbara
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-Voile Library, Scarlet Devil Mansion-
"And so the theory of natural molecular-"
Cough Cough!
"Can thoroughly be explained in a quantum-"
Cough Cough!!
"By the phase in which there is little-"
Cough Cough-Bleurrghh!!
Patchouli dropped the book she was reading and clutched her chest in pain, as her body was wracked with painful spasms. She falls to the floor, knocking a pile of books on the process as she coughed blood out of her mouth. Soon, the attacks ceased as fast as it came.
"N-not again…", the bookworm lamented, wiping the blood off her mouth. "Ughh, I suppose it can't be helped. K-Koakuma! Come here!"
Not long, a girl with a pair of batwings on her head and back appeared carrying a set of books. Upon seeing her master on the floor, she quickly drops what she's carrying and runs to her side.
"Patchouli-sama! Are you okay!?"
"I-I'm fine, Koakuma…Just help me up on my chair."
This wasn't the first time this had happened to the keeper of the massive Voile Library. Oh yes, you could say it's ironic that a person with the last name 'knowledge' can't even find a cure for her deteriorating health.
Girls are now helping…
"These attacks have been increasing more and more, Patchouli-sama," Koakuma says as she picks up the scattered books. "You know, we really should find some remedy for that before it gets worse…"
"What!? You think I haven't tried!?" snapped Patchouli rather coldly to the little devil.
Koakuma cringed at the comment, but kept on picking up the books.
"I-I'm sorry Koakuma, I don't know what came over me…"
The assistant librarian smiled wryly, then beamed as an idea popped in her head.
"Patchouli-sama, I think I know some people that can help you!" she beamed as she took out a torn piece of newspaper from her pocket. "I was browsing the ad section yesterday on the Bunbunmaru Newspaper when I came upon this newly opened store."
The elementalist eyed the advertisement with interest:
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Ailing Intellectuals Daily Supplements (AIDS)
"Having a bad day because of a certain condition? Fits of coughing keeping you from reading a book on quantum theory? Violently vomiting blood? And just when you think there's no cure…Well look no more, usa! Here at AIDS, we have a wide variety of medicines and dietary supplements geared towards improving the health of intellectuals such as yourself, usa! Come visit us and get a free check-up, usa!"
1.) Vitamins, Salves, and Potions for any ailment, usa!
2.) Guaranteed to work, or it's free, usa!
3.) 'Happy-Ending' full-body massage by Reisen free on any purchase, usa!
So what are you waiting for!? Go out and get AIDS now, usa!!
-Tewi Inaba
Management and Founder
-Reisen Udongein Inaba
Assistant Manager and Supervisor
356 Forest Grove, Eintei
Tel. 1-800-GETAIDS
No Refunds, usa!
--
Patchouli raised a skeptical eyebrow at the sketchy ad, but her curiosity was peaked since she was willing to try anything to get rid of her condition. Pocketing the ad, she stands up with a look of hope in her weary eyes.
"Patchouli-sama? Are you going out to that store?"
"Koakuma, please tend to the library while I'm gone," instructed the bookworm as she straightened her hat. "And make sure to keep an extra eye out for intruders since our door guard is on sick leave right now."
With that said, she flies out a nearby window, towards the bamboo forest of Eintei…
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-AIDS Drugstore and Pharmacy, Eintei-
Chime chime chime
The door to the store opened, signaling the arrival of a valued customer…or in one Tewi Inaba's case, PROFIT.
"Hello! Hello! Welcome to our store, usa!" Tewi chirped to Patchouli as she walked up to the counter. Reisen, clad in a very revealing black lingerie, merely waved nervously as she arranged various bottles with odd colored liquid inside on the shelves.
"I'm here to get AIDS…cough cough"
"So you decided to get AIDS, usa? You've come to the right store, usa," Tewi responded rather casually as she took out a paper and pen. "There's nothing we can't cure, usa!"
Girls are now explaining…
"…And that's about it. Oh, the spasms tend to come and go from time to time."
"Hmm," Tewi thought as she furrowed her brows as though in deep thought (yeah right). Suddenly, she throws the pen away.
"I have just the cure for that, usa! Reisen, get me that bottle over there, and that, and that purple one, and wait…yeah! Why not, that too, usa!"
"B-but Tewi…These aren't test-UMMPH!" Reisen whimpered before Tewi covered her mouth and dragged her to the supply room.
Patchouli frowned, and crossed her hands.
"Listen Udonge, I don't care about your opinion! I say what purple customer-san doesn't know won't kill her," hissed the rabbit venomously. "Now stop being a fucking pussy and mix the damn thing…usa."
Reisen twitched, seeing yen signs where Tewi's eyes should be. At this point, it was pretty much useless to argue, so like a good peon, Reisein took out a large pot and started pouring the contents of the bottles inside.
Girls are now mixing…
"Here you go, usa! I call it 'UsaPT-141 Neo'. Drinking the entire contents of this will instantly cure you, usa!" the rabbit youkai assured as she gave Patchoulli a small bottle. "Now, about payment…"
Patchouli ignored her momentarily as she uncorked the bottle and sniffed it's contents. She was surprised it gave a somewhat nice aroma, despite the liquid looking sickeningly green.
"…How does 50,000 yen sound?"
"Hmm, it's a bit pricey, but I'll take it," the elementalist sighed as she took out a wad of cash from her pocket and gave it to the greedy rabbit, who quickly swiped it.
Ka-ching!
"It's a pleasure doing business with you, usa! And as a special bonus for being our only customer today, my assistant here will give you a full-body massage for free, usa!"
"E-EH!?" Reisen squealed as she looked at Tewi like she grew a pair of boobs. "B-But I never agreed to…"
"It's on the card, Udonge…Deal with it, usa."
Patchouli sweat-dropped as she walks out the door. "I-It's alright, I'm in a hurry anyway."
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-Voile Library, Scarlet Devil Mansion-
"Koakuma, I'm back."
"How was your trip to the pharmacy, Patchouli-sama?" Koakuma greeted with a polite bow. "Did you find what you were looking for?"
Patchouli nodded and held the small bottle in front of her.
"I'm having second thoughts about drinking this…But then again, I'm curious if this medicine will actually work."
Without giving it another thought, she uncorked the bottle and drank the entire content. At first she started coughing violently, then suddenly her vision dimmed…
"………..a?"
"…li-sama?"
"P..ouli-sama?"
"Patchouli-sama? Are you all right?"
The bookworm rubbed her eyes gingerly as she found herself on a bed, with a concerned Koakuma's face inches from her own. She lets out a surprised yelp.
"W-What happened?" She began, sitting up. "The last thing I recalled was we were at Voile…"
"You fainted after drinking that potion, Patchouli-sama," inquired her assistant wryly. "Oh, I knew that was too good to be true…"
Patchouli was about to answer when she noticed that she felt something odd. That feeling of weakness and fatigue that she usually feels wasn't there anymore…in fact she felt like going out and taking a jog. She heads towards the window.
"Patchouli-sama?"
"Just testing a theory," she assured, before jumping out the window.
She landed gracefully on her feet despite jumping from such a height and didn't feel a bit tired.
Then she waited.
Nothing happened.
"J-Just as I thought! I didn't cough!" Patchouli thought happily as it dawned upon her that the medicine actually worked, despite her earlier thoughts.
"I-I'm cured! Koakuma!? I'm cured!! I didn't think it was possible!!"
Koakuma flew out and landed beside her, finding a huge smile plastered on the usually gloomy bookworm's face. "I'm happy for you, Patchouli-sama!"
"But still, just to be sure…"
Girls are now testing…
"Whew! I haven't felt like that for ages now," Patchoulli says happily as Koakuma hands her a towel. "I haven't ran like that for a long, long time."
Koakuma just blushed as she starred at her now cheerful master. Patchouli was wearing a gym shirt and a plain, white t-shirt instead of her usual robe. Suffice to say, this made the little devil drool a bit at the sight.
"Well, let's go get something to eat, Koakuma. All that exercise made me quite hungry."
Without warning, Patchouli stops in her tracks as if she was held in place by something. She began to fan herself with the towel franticly.
"S-Suddenly it's hot all of a sudden," said Patchouli, fanning herself as beads of sweat rolled down the side of her face.
"But it's almost winter, Patchouli-sama. Surely it can't be that hot…besides, your wearing skimpy, er, light clothes," Koakuma assured, eyes glued on the former anemic's derriere. "Do you think it's a side effect?"
"M-Maybe…Listen, I-I'm going to go take a shower…I f-feel very strange all of a sudden…Body's so hot."
Koakuma's face lit up. "O-Oh! Do you want me to prepare it for you?"
"T-That's alright," Patchouli said between ragged breaths, before departing towards the mansion, not waiting for Koakuma to answer.
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-Patchouli's Private Bath, Scarlet Devil Mansion-
"S-So hot…B-Body burning up," moaned Patchouli as she literally ripped her clothes off and turned on the shower.
The cold water hit the elementalist, but barely had any effect on her rapidly rising temperature. That's when Patchouli, through ragged breaths, noticed that a new sensation was originating between her legs.
"W-What!? I-It can't be…But, I can't stop it…hot…strange," Patchouli moaned as her hand snaked down to her nether regions and massaged the aching, burning spot, while the other rubbed the sensitive, hardening nubs of her breast. A gasp escapes her lips as sensations she was not accustomed to wracked her fragile form.
"C-Can't stop m-myself…I can't! So hot…so good…k-k-aaahh," rasped the bookworm as a finger entered her. Slowly her breathing became labored as her vision dimmed in and out.
"B-brea…th…uuaahhkk c-can't…b-breath guuahhhkk…h-hahh…w-what…cough cough "
She falls to the floor, taking the shower curtain with her.
Despite her lungs giving out on her, she didn't stop touching herself…rationality and common sense replaced by pain and pleasure.
She knew she was dying…one part of her mind told her to cry for help, but as she did so, she found out her voice was gone…replaced by a choked gargle as bloody foam seeped out of her mouth.
"Huuau…llpph….K-Kuhh…cough M-mmma…"
Despite her dimminishing vision,
"H-help…someone help…me. B-but sooo good….c-can't…can't…M-mu…m-mumumumukyu..!"
Her sight completely darkened as her body convulsed in an intense orgasmic dance…The life finally leaving her eyes as the intoxicatingly deadly medicine snuffed what little life was left out of them.
…..
…..
With a soft, forced breath, Patchouli Knowledge was no more. The only sound that can be heard is the dismal echoing of the water hitting the body of the lifeless librarian…
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"Patchouli-sama? Are you alright in there? I-I'm coming in to check, alright?"
Ka-chik
"W-wha…Patchouli-sama…?"
"P-PATCHOULI-SAMA!!"
"N-NO..! NO! PLEASE NO!"
Koakuma starred at her master's fallen form, tears running down her cheecks in tiny rivulets. Gently, she touched her master's chest and craddled her softly...
…………..
...
"S-so warm…"
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Bunbunmaru Times:
"…one Tewi Inaba and her assistant(who's name she requested not be used) was arrested today on crimes of medical malpractice, misleading information and false pretenses, illegally running a business without a proper license and manslaughter.
…Miss Knowledge, who recieved some shady drugs from Miss Inaba, was thought to have died in the shower with blood flowing out of her mouth…
…no comments on part of the guilty party, however, the former owner of AIDS pleaded innocent and sued the Scarlet Devil Mansion of being rabbit haters…"
"…on related news, Koakuma, assistant librarian to the late Miss Knowledge was found performing hot, steamy, necrophiliac copulation with the body of the former head librarian atop a pile of books…"
"…body believed to have been moved from original position due to cadaver leaving a wet trail…"
"...In other news, another incident involving Miss Meirin and Miss Izayoi around…"
"…more in next issue about mistreated door guard gone mad…"
-Owari-